How long should I wait for her?

[RetroSun]

I have this internet friend who lives on the whole other side of the world. And I'm madly in love with her.

 

I finally got the courage to confess to her and she told me that she doesn't think she feels the same. She said she loves me so much as a friend. But she isn't sure what else she feels. She DID say that she is really attracted to me but she just never thought about us in that way so I caught her off guard. She also isn't sure how the long distance would work. But I already have plans to fly to go see her in about half a year. 

She said she wants to think about ur more because she isn't sure how she feels about me. I told her I could wait but it's KILLING ME! Its been a month, and we talk EVERY day on Snapchat. (We have kept the streak the whole time) We have so many deep conversations. I've fallen even harder for her than I was before, and it feels almost impossible to keep waiting! I am constantly worried that I'm just gonna keep falling till I can't live without her. Then she is FINALLY gonna make her decision and its just going to be that she doesn't feel the same for me. How long should I wait for her? If she ends up rejecting me I don't know how I can stay close friend with her. Because I don't think my feelings will ever go away if we are still talking all the time. 

Just for clarification, we are both in our 20s. this isn't some dumb high school crush. Also, I'm a girl lol if that matters.

[Rose Mosse]

51 minutes ago, RetroSun said:

we talk EVERY day on Snapchat. (We have kept the streak the whole time) We have so many deep conversations.

It's fine to chat with pen pals over long distance. Just make sure you recognize it for what it is. Stop talking with her so often if you feel yourself becoming obsessed and can't think straight. Don't make any plans to see her as you're jumping too far ahead of yourself if she doesn't feel the same way about you. 

Divert your energy elsewhere once you limit speaking with her. It's important you do things differently if you've acknowledged this pattern or method not working for you. 

[Wiseman2]

53 minutes ago, RetroSun said:

I have this internet friend who lives on the whole other side of the world. And I'm madly in love with her.

I finally got the courage to confess to her and she told me that she doesn't think she feels the same. I'm a girl.

Ok slow down. She sees you as a penpal.

Is she lesbian? If not your romantic interests are misplaced.

Are you in the closet? Is there a reason you can't date local women?

[SooSad33]

1 hour ago, RetroSun said:

If she ends up rejecting me I don't know how I can stay close friend with her. Because I don't think my feelings will ever go away if we are still talking all the time. 

She sounds really unsure about all of this and you are stuck on her.. Is maybe best to ease off on all of the constant talk.

That will help some, should she totally pull away.  Is sad with the distance and when one side doesn't feel the same 😕 .

Not sure how long you 2 have been talking?  But you do need to get yourself under control.

At this rate, you will be lost & hurting big time, as she isn't feeling the same.. and she may never be.

 

 

[DancingFool]

You need to step back and give yourself some breathing room....and her too. The constant contact can literally become addictive, but it is not an indication that this situation is in any way a good idea to get stuck in. Especially when you two are half a world apart and she already told you that she is not into you like that.

Unfortunately, I suspect that your confession put her on the spot and left her very uncomfortable in how to respond without totally hurting your feelings or putting you off completely. So she rejected your advance but also softened the blow with the idea that she needs to think about it. The net result is that you are back to being pen pals and chatting away as normal.

So don't wait, but do start to give yourself some mental distance and breathing room so you stop being so fixated and addicted to the constant contact with her. Once you do that, your head will clear up.

Btw, it's easy to say that you are so in love and yes, it feels like you are. Problem is that relationships only happen in real life face to face. What you have online is 50% fantasy where your brain is literally filling in the gaps that are missing because the person is not in front of you and you both only show to each other the parts that you wish to share. It seems great and romantic and special, because it's not marred by the mundane life stuff like who will take the trash out and why did you leave the dirty dishes in the sink for the umpteenth time and other annoying habits you have to deal with in real life.

[Kwothe28]

You are infatuated. For love I really think that its early to tell because you havent even seen that person yet in person. Like this its based on a fantasy about that person. You havent even seen her face, you dont know what she is like in person or even if you could function together. But you have a strong feelings for her now which is OK. Just saying that its not very realistic when you dont know if you can even spend time together, let alone if its possible to make life together as it would require very big relocation of one of you. I am not saying that it couldnt work, there is a whole TV show dedicated to couples like that and some of them do make it, just that you should lower your expectations for now. 

Also her feelings are questionable. Meaning that she just maybe see you as a penpal, somebody to pass the time with. Sometimes people just need attention. Or just distraction from everyday life. If she see you in another way, she would show. Meaning, for example, flirted with you. What I am trying to say is, that if she feels the same way you would know by now, you wouldnt need to question it that much. Like this, she is probably afraid to lose a friend so she put you on the back hoping your feelings would be gone down the line. So, just be careful. Also, yes, you cant be just friends, it would be detrimental for you because you like her that much. So, if she doesnt want you in that way, move away. 

[waffle]

1 hour ago, RetroSun said:

How long should I wait for her?

I always advise waiting 0 minutes.  Don't wait for people, period.  Even more so if it's a pen pal situation rather than in-person. They're either in or they're not.  She's not.  

[MissCanuck]

Don't wait at all, OP. 

She doesn't feel the way you do, and flying around the world to see her is almost surely going to result in a lot of disappointment and heartache for you. 

[dias]

At least 10 years if not 20.

[Capricorn3]

You come across as very intense and almost suffocating. And she is definitely not feeling it. This is one-sided.  She told you where she stands and now it's time for you to accept that she's not that into you and time for you to move on.  No point in waiting for someone who isn't even on the same page as you are.

[RetroSun]

8 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Ok slow down. She sees you as a penpal.

Is she lesbian? If not your romantic interests are misplaced.

Are you in the closet? Is there a reason you can't date local women?

Well first of all, yes, she is bi. And we don't just write to each other. I mean we call each other all the time. Plus she asked me to come see her in her country. 

[Tinydance]

Well, first of all I think if you're asking if you should wait, you should only be considering to wait for someone who actually feels the same way about you. She basically told you she doesn't think she feels the same, she loves you as a good friend but she's really just not sure. I think that's a sugar coated way of saying "no" to you. If you talk a lot every day she should know if she has any romantic feelings for you. 

Secondly. Yes you are in your 20's and not in high school but no offence but it does in a sense sound like a "dumb high school crush". The reason being is that you've never even actually met this girl in real life. You've never dated her in any capacity and you haven't even had a friendship in real life. Even in real life you still need time to get to know people. For example, I was friends with this girl for about 2.5 years and as time went on I was finding out all these bad things about her and I ended the friendship. When you only speak to someone online, I guarantee that there is a lot you don't know about this girl. I'm not saying she's a cat fish but what I'm saying is how can you love someone you don't really know?

I don't think you really understand what real love is. You're using these really grandiose statements like "I'm madly in love with her", "I'm falling for her so hard that maybe I won't be able to live without her". You wouldn't be able to live without someone you've never actually met and who hasn't really been part of your life or you part of her life? Yes you have great conversations but apart from that everything else is lacking in your friendship. You've never had any experiences together like going to the movies, going to cafes, walking together, going on a road trip. And in regards to dating even less because you've never kissed or held hands, nothing. 

I think if anything your friend is actually being realistic in saying she's attracted to you but she's really just not sure how she feels. Yes, she can be attracted to how you look but how can she really know how she feels when you've never met in real life? She could have a crush or physical attraction but it can't be real love. Real love can only be in person.

I think if you want to visit her in her country, you could do that and see how it goes. But you also need to respect if she says she only likes you as a friend and don't push anything. If someone tells you they're not interested, you need to accept it.

[Wise Wally]

So she's bi? You are really setting yourself up for problems. For starters, she's thousands of miles away.  Second, she's attracted to 50% more of the population than you are.  Even if it initially worked out, it's only a matter of time before she's in the mood for some ding dong.  

[KittyCAT56]

WOW! 

Dont worry about it! She feels the same. Its impossible for a girl to talk to a boy like that and not have feelings. 

But you probably need to discover if you guys are a match for a relationship, which means sharing the dreams of the future, and see if she wants the same thing. My advice to you is to step back a little bit, dont be too responsive and too talkative, because thats probably why she is unsure! 

A girl wants a Man who thinks before they speak.

[boltnrun]

21 minutes ago, KittyCAT56 said:

WOW! 

 Its impossible for a girl to talk to a boy like that and not have feelings. 

A girl wants a Man who thinks before they speak.

I guess you didn't read the entire OP lol. The OP is a female. She wrote this:

"Also, I'm a girl lol if that matters."

[KittyCAT56]

1 hour ago, boltnrun said:

I guess you didn't read the entire OP lol. The OP is a female. She wrote this:

"Also, I'm a girl lol if that matters."

ok.