KittyCAT56

Many people go through heartbreaks during their life's, and get inspired to create something out their pain. My love language is writing, so there would be no better way to express my feelings, rather than writing them out. I miss his white socks, that I never saw. I miss his cute robe, he always said he wrote at home. I miss his emoji smile, as his response to my messages. I miss his cockiness, and his self-confidence when he would say he is the best guy out there. I miss his self control, always being polite. I miss his small *passive aggressive* texts which would make me tip toe, not to cross his boundaries. I guess It was love after all! A love that wasn't meant to ever come to life. A love which was meant to be experienced through internet. I miss the fact that I had to find out this late, that I tried to control him, rather than let him be. -To tell him, he is free to visit me, without me wanting to give him the best experience.- I raised standards too high, when all I had to do is let him be. All his passions, where like I had expanded to be more than just me, but have someone do what I cant do, what I wish with all my heart to be able to do. That is why I was so supportive! Because I saw him as a person that I also wanted to be, maybe if I had another life. Maybe being so young, didn't let me see what I was doing wrong! Maybe it was me who pushed him away, maybe it was him being scared to open up to me, maybe it was just what he said; that he just couldn't move past my anger, that the person I became when I got that jealous, that suffocated from feelings, made me the person he doesn't feel comfortable talking to anymore. Lesson Learned! I need to be more opened, I cant change the past, but I can change the future, and learn from this mistake, that when I meet another boy, online or in person, I let them flourish around me without suffocating them, even thought I don't regret nothing, because I know for a fact that I liked this guy and treated him nicely, showed him where my boundaries are, and if this was a fight; our first fight to show me that what I was offering wasn't what he truly really wanted, then it was a fight to set me free for someone who can be the love of my life!

Speaking to defend myself here, because obviously you other people have been saying some really interesting comments! As I said, I have come from a journey where I have rebuild myself completely, made peace with my conscience, living the life I have never dreamed off, because the reality is actually much beautiful than what I thought I deserved this time last year! So I don't lack any qualities to say I cant attract the right guy, he is just not appearing at this very moment, and I am self-aware and also self fulfilled to be happy living on my own. Is love important to me? Of course it is. But I have experienced love so many times, and now its not the point of just finding someone who can make me feel some type of way, now I see its a ***ing full time job to understand what love is, and how to maintain it. Am I feeling some type of a way for this cyber relationship which walked with me during this journey? YES, HELL YES I DO!!! I feel gratitude! This guy was kind and patient with me the whole time. He never made me feel bad about anything, showed interest in my every step to say YAAAYYY!! CONGRATS!! THATS SUPER NICEE! But now it has been a week since we parted ways, so when I look back at things, I remember small things I thought I was okay with because I had nothing going on with him, and now I feel like they were red flags that we would part ways! But I am not going to throw that on him, he likes what he likes, and at this moment he doesn't like me. But hope dies last, and I find myself going through whole conversations that I could have had with him if he didn't leave. And that is so sad, because I know that those conversations will never happen with him. He left me because He didn't like me, and now I feel like that could have happened a different way. Like if only he told that to my normally, and not like that! AFTER me exploding that way!!! :(((( also I also feel like a creep that I had to say those stuff to him. Like he is looking at them and saying, ***ing hell!! This GIRL IS INSANEEEEEEE

She lacks experience in love. Don't blame her, blame yourself for not being upfront with her!

How old is she? MAN, she is quite damaged!!! Ask her whats going on!

You should forget about the Facebook thing, I would for sure feel harassed if someone added or texted me out of nowhere, if I didn't give them permission. If she only said her name, its because that's the only thing she wanted you to have. ANYWAYS the damage is done, and while you are at it, you can go meet her in person and tell her that you find her fascinating and would like to take her out. She can either say yes or no. But if you cant do this, please forget about it and do not do anything else in that Facebook or you will look like a creep. The last thing you want is, the girl you like to think you are a creep!

Well you know already you will get hurt, so now that you know you can make your own decisions. Are you going to be another number in his list, or are you going to block contact with him and find someone who will truly adore you and respect you?

If I were you I would just live day by day. Stop thinking about the future, or having a boyfriend. Just wake up and go to sleep as normally as you can. And whoever wants to be in your life during that will be. But please get over your ex before you want to move to another relationship, because obviously you need time to get over your toxic relationships. I feel you, I have been where you are, and I struggle everyday to keep myself on track to not become again a victim of abusers. These guys you are talking to, you don't know them. Why would you want to date them if you don't know them? They can be cheaters, robbers, weirdos, or even worse dealing with some toxic demons in their head that don't need you to help them. Take care of yourself first, and once you know how to manage your feelings and needs, you will see that boys will be amazed by you and they will be in line to want to earn your love

LOL

ok.

I may meet them in person, I may connect online... The point is that I don't go on dates, unless I am really interested in the guy and they share the same interest in me. Also for me going on a date means initiating something called dating, so not everyone is ready to play that ball with me, or the ones that are, I am actually capable to spot right away if its genuine or not because I evaluate the connection carefully! So lets just say I am playing the field to find someone I can fall in love life long 🙂

Actually I`m really pretty and boys hit me up all the time! _I have no problem communicating with people, especially boys or men. I just want a guy whom I like, not someone who forces themselves on me! Which let me tell you this, many do!

WOW! Dont worry about it! She feels the same. Its impossible for a girl to talk to a boy like that and not have feelings. But you probably need to discover if you guys are a match for a relationship, which means sharing the dreams of the future, and see if she wants the same thing. My advice to you is to step back a little bit, dont be too responsive and too talkative, because thats probably why she is unsure! A girl wants a Man who thinks before they speak.

to me it sounds like a cute fling you had going on over there... but what's concerning is your self esteem level, that you are doubting yourself, probably because you are not Caucasian or some sort... My advice to you is book a ticket to a fun place, called P-town! Its in Cape Code, go there for some time, now with the covid you can work from home, and meet plenty of men who like men... have some casual sex, make some new friends, and learn to appreciate yourself! Maybe during the journey to entertain yourself you will meet some nice companion, maybe not. What's more important is self love, and learning to be happy alone!

But like why? You can share your opinion with me! That's why I'm here for anyways...

I see that the girl is getting a lot of ***, while she is only expressing openly how she is confused on how to be in a relationship. She told you already that her head is a mess, and while she is `dating` you, she is also trying to find herself. No matter exclusive or not exclusive, i think every couple goes through this type of friendships where men will try to go out with her, and say something, as long as she tells you this stuff, and you know that she is not sleeping or kissing anyone else, enjoy the connection. Thats what it means being with someone, knowing their ***, either you like it or not, if you dont like the ***, let her know kindly and if she likes you enough she will change for you, but dont suffocate her with jealousy... we all have those friends who joke around like they wanna sleep with us if he could, the point is to not sleep with them, not stopping the friendship!