My boyfriend didn’t want me to ask for help changing my bad tire

[YummIumI]

Yesterday while on the interstate my car tire just about exploded. My boyfriend asked did i have a spare tire (which i did) and he started to take the bad tire off. 

My boyfriend was struggling trying to get the car jack to lift the car up. As well as trying to get the tire nuts off. So i offered to call my dad. 

And he said “does your dad have a better jack?” I can get the tire off if he can bring it. And i said “i think so but hell more than likely change it if he comes”

So a few minutes later he says “you can go sit in the car” i said “no i want to watch” 

Then a car pulls up and it’s a random man who ask do we need help. And my boyfriend mumbles “tell him we’re fine and we don’t need help” and instead of telling him that i say “ we could use help the nuts aren’t budging”

The guy helped my boyfriend take the bad tire off and put a new one on

And my boyfriend said “you’re lucky i love you” 

 

[MissCanuck]

7 minutes ago, YummIumI said:

And my boyfriend said “you’re lucky i love you” 

What the hell. 

That is the bigger issue than being too insecure about his masculinity to accept help changing a tire. 

That said, what is your question for us?

[YummIumI]

3 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

What the hell. 

That is the bigger issue than being too insecure about his masculinity to accept help changing a tire. 

That said, what is your question for us?

What do you mean

[MissCanuck]

1 minute ago, YummIumI said:

What do you mean

Does he normally make threats like "You're lucky I love you" over such minor issues?

Also, you didn't ask us any questions. This is an advice forum, so what is your question for us? 

[Wiseman2]

21 minutes ago, YummIumI said:

And my boyfriend said “you’re lucky i love you” 

How long have you been dating? How old is he?

Is the car insured and registered to you or your parents? 

Speak with your insurance and parents about getting AAA or a roadside assistance program on your insurance.

Your BF is and egotistical selfish jerk. It's dangerous to allow someone to put a tire on a car when they don't know what they are doing. You should never allow that.

[Kwothe28]

He wanted to be "the man" and do it himself. Which doesnt justify his reaction at the end. It is a minor issue so really there is no need for him to be that mad at you. 

[YummIumI]

1 hour ago, MissCanuck said:

Does he normally make threats like "You're lucky I love you" over such minor issues?

Also, you didn't ask us any questions. This is an advice forum, so what is your question for us? 

Umm no he doesn’t 

[YummIumI]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

How long have you been dating? How old is he?

Is the car insured and registered to you or your parents? 

Speak with your insurance and parents about getting AAA or a roadside assistance program on your insurance.

Your BF is and egotistical selfish jerk. It's dangerous to allow someone to put a tire on a car when they don't know what they are doing. You should never allow that.

I’m 25 he’s 21. It’s my car i lay the note and maintenance on it 

[Batya33]

I get the sense you don't want advice you just wanted to vent and get reactions to what your boyfriend said.  It sounds like he overreacted in the heat of the moment so tell him -using I statements "I felt hurt when you reacted the way you did. I was trying to help and get the tire changed ASAP and I understand you preferred to do it your way but I felt you weren't being flexible in that situation"

[Lambert]

I would ask him what he meant by that. 

It's very passive aggressive.  If you did something, how you would know from that? 

And it's rather a snarky, mean comment said unprovoked. So I'd see this as a red flag and observe how he's talking to you. 

If it continues, dump him. You want someone that not only treats you with kindness but also can clearly communicate a problem.  

He did neither in this situation. 

[SherrySher]

I'm confused, you told a story, but not really asking any kind of advice or any questions.

Did I miss the point?

Also, if he got grouchy over changing a tire, I don't see the issue. It's not a nice situation to be in.

It's stressful and add into it, it sounded much harder than expected.

I'd just suggest he put some WD40 in the trunk of his car as it will help loosen the nuts up should this happen again.

Other than that...no biggie. 

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, YummIumI said:

I’m 25 he’s 21. It’s my car i lay the note and maintenance on it 

Ok. Then get roadside assistance through your insurance or on your father's plan.

To answer your question, yes he was a jerk for his remarks and gigantic ego.

[itsallgrand]

It just seems like you didn't trust your bf to get the tire changed? 

[Carnatic]

Is he like this a lot when it comes to demonstrations of masculinity?

I kind of get it, especially if he's unsure whether he might be judged on the basis of not being able to change a car tyre without assistance. I don't know what your Dad is like or whether your boyfriend has a good relationship with him but some men would try and undermine their daughter's relationship if her boyfriend needed help changing a car tyre, viewing the task as some sort of ritualised demonstration of dependability (and to be fair, some women too, it's not exclusively men who perpetuate toxic masculinity). Some men bask in this sort of attitude, others rail against it, the majority just kind of knuckle under in the face of it... dislike it but assume they have to acknowledge it to some extent or else society will turn on them.

[dias]

3 hours ago, YummIumI said:

he’s 21

He is still a kid, it is expected to react like this. I don't think it's a big deal.

[melancholy123]

I think the bf didnt like that he was having trouble changing the tires and that he wanted to be the Big Man and do this job for his gf.  Having Daddy come along would make him feel like a jerk for not knowing how to change a tire.  Most of the problem is this guy is just 21.

[Cherylyn]

Your boyfriend felt emasculated, his ego was bruised and he is emotionally immature.  It's still no excuse.  His comment was uncalled for, intolerable and very unacceptable.  He lacks emotional intelligence.  Google "emotional intelligence."  (He lacks empathy.)

Either accept the way he disrespects you or get a new boyfriend who knows how to treat you with respect. 

[itsallgrand]

I might have the unpopular opinion on this, as I think it's bad form to ask or accept someone's assistance for something and then not really give them a chance to get it done without interference. If you don't trust him to do it, just let him know at the beginning you will be taking care of it yourself.

Second thing is if you are driving, why not have your dad teach you to change a tire or buy yourself some roadside assistance rather than depend on others to get you out of something that's easy to prepare for.

 

[YummIumI]

13 minutes ago, itsallgrand said:

I might have the unpopular opinion on this, as I think it's bad form to ask or accept someone's assistance for something and then not really give them a chance to get it done without interference. If you don't trust him to do it, just let him know at the beginning you will be taking care of it yourself.

Second thing is if you are driving, why not have your dad teach you to change a tire or buy yourself some roadside assistance rather than depend on others to get you out of something that's easy to prepare for.

 

I have road side assistance he just offered to change it as soon as we realized it was a flat

[itsallgrand]

2 minutes ago, YummIumI said:

I have road side assistance he just offered to change it as soon as we realized it was a flat

Why would you call your dad or get a random to help you then?

 

[YummIumI]

9 minutes ago, itsallgrand said:

Why would you call your dad or get a random to help you then?

 

Because he even asked to get my dad to bring tools so he could change it so obviously he know he needed help 

[MissCanuck]

What is it you want advice about, OP?

[itsallgrand]

3 minutes ago, YummIumI said:

Because he even asked to get my dad to bring tools so he could change it so obviously he know he needed help 

Just take care of your own car, problem solved.

 

[melancholy123]

31 minutes ago, itsallgrand said:

 

Second thing is if you are driving, why not have your dad teach you to change a tire or buy yourself some roadside assistance rather than depend on others to get you out of something that's easy to prepare for.

 

Absolutely!  Every driver should know how to change a tire.  I learned before I got my license.  I have CAA which is like the US AAA.  Everyone should have that too or something similar.

[Wiseman2]

29 minutes ago, YummIumI said:

Because he even asked to get my dad to bring tools so he could change it so obviously he know he needed help 

Ok. he's immature and was acting macho and stupid. You need to end things  after this stunt and his remark about "lucky I love you".

Talk to your parents about this. His attitude of refusing your father's help when he couldn't manage was all about his ego along with his pompous remark.

 It's your car. And your father. It's completely acceptable to wait for roadside assistance or your father to come with appropriate tools.

Your idiot BF put both of you at risk by insisting he proceed without tools etc. Putting a tire on improperly and driving on it is dangerous. Dump this whiny baby.