My boyfriend didn’t want me to ask for help changing my bad tire

[SherrySher]

14 hours ago, Batya33 said:

 You weren’t the most thoughtful in how you went about it. 

Absolutely agree.

[Jibralta]

16 hours ago, YummIumI said:

Well he was okay with my dad coming he just wanted my dad to bring a better jack so that he could change it 

For some reason, I think it meant a lot to your boyfriend to be the one to change the actual tire. It sounds like he doesn't have a lot of experience. The biggest challenge is often getting the lug nuts removed, and for that you don't want the car to be jacked up off the ground. Mechanics tighten the hell out of the lug nuts with their air ratchets and if you jack the tire off the ground before loosening the lugs, you'll have no traction using a regular lug wrench. The wheel will just spin around as you try to turn it and drive you crazy. Best thing is to set up the jack under the car (don't jack up it yet), and loosen the lugs while the car (and the tire) is still set firmly on the ground. Once they're loose, jack up the car, loosen the lugs the rest of the way, and remove/change the tire.

Don't forget to set the emergency brake or the car can roll forward. That happened to me once. I pulled the tire off and the car rolled forward onto the brake drum. I needed two jacks to get the car back up. I was lucky that it didn't get my arm or leg crushed. 

Another thing, if you plan to change your own tires, keep a pair of sneakers or boots that lace up firmly. Nothing worse than trying to change a tire in heels. A lot of times you need to kick, stand, or jump on the lug wrench to get the lug to move (cursed air ratchets *shakes fist*). Take it from me, jumping on a lug wrench doesn't work so well in heels or sandals. They go flying lol.

 

[YummIumI]

53 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

For some reason, I think it meant a lot to your boyfriend to be the one to change the actual tire. It sounds like he doesn't have a lot of experience. The biggest challenge is often getting the lug nuts removed, and for that you don't want the car to be jacked up off the ground. Mechanics tighten the hell out of the lug nuts with their air ratchets and if you jack the tire off the ground before loosening the lugs, you'll have no traction using a regular lug wrench. The wheel will just spin around as you try to turn it and drive you crazy. Best thing is to set up the jack under the car (don't jack up it yet), and loosen the lugs while the car (and the tire) is still set firmly on the ground. Once they're loose, jack up the car, loosen the lugs the rest of the way, and remove/change the tire.

Don't forget to set the emergency brake or the car can roll forward. That happened to me once. I pulled the tire off and the car rolled forward onto the brake drum. I needed two jacks to get the car back up. I was lucky that it didn't get my arm or leg crushed. 

Another thing, if you plan to change your own tires, keep a pair of sneakers or boots that lace up firmly. Nothing worse than trying to change a tire in heels. A lot of times you need to kick, stand, or jump on the lug wrench to get the lug to move (cursed air ratchets *shakes fist*). Take it from me, jumping on a lug wrench doesn't work so well in heels or sandals. They go flying lol.

 

I think you’re right about the first bit but why does it matter who changed it ?

[YummIumI]

2 hours ago, SherrySher said:

 

He made one mistake, (and in my opinion, a very minor one). He was frustrated and the tire was difficult to remove.

But if you're not happy with him then why not:

A.) End the relationship

B.) Learn how to change your own tire

 

I never stated in this post how i was unhappy with him some of y’all are reaching. I just asked what was the problem with reaching out for help

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, YummIumI said:

why does it matter who changed it ?

It doesn't. The best thing is to call roadside assistance or your father, which your BF unfortunately objected to. No one should change a tire who doesn't know how to or have the tools to. It's dangerous. It's that simple.

[tattoobunnie]

People who refused help never go far in life.  They are also the ones who never offer help.  And no, he's the lucky one!  If I were you, I would reconsider being in a relationship with him.

[mical]

21 hours ago, SherrySher said:

Completely agree.

I don't see his comment as harsh, or egotistical, or a reason to break up.

He was doing his best to change the tire, his girlfriend kept on about someone else doing it.

 

Also agree 

[Cherylyn]

You've only been dating him for a whole month and if he says this to you now, his snarky comments will only grow worse.  Just give it time. 

It's not a matter of self control with the mouth.  It's a reflection of his brain and a lack of sincerity to have the nerve to say something uncalled for.  

Pay attention to his temper because his mouth flies off when tested which is alarming.  Be wary of those who are courteous if life is good and then whenever life turns sour, here come the words of claws and daggers.  Either remain patient and tolerant with whatever disrespectful words are spewed in your direction or find a man who knows how to speak to you honorably and with tons of respect. 

It's only been a month.  Get to know him better and observe his behavior over the course of several months ~ if you can survive that long.  You will determine whether he's long term or short term.  Only time will tell.

[mical]

I think his comment was just a playful tease 😉 

[Jibralta]

9 hours ago, YummIumI said:

I think you’re right about the first bit but why does it matter who changed it ?

Practically speaking, it doesn't matter who changes the tire, as long as it gets changed. 

From your description I get the impression that your boyfriend was frustrated when he lost his chance to change the tire. Maybe he saw this as an opportunity to learn how to do it, or as an opportunity to be a hero for his girlfriend. In either case, he lost whatever opportunity he saw, felt some annoyance, and teased you about it. 

[Capricorn3]

On 8/31/2021 at 8:31 PM, YummIumI said:

And my boyfriend said “you’re lucky i love you”

OP, can you please clarify this for all of us as it will make a big difference in understanding exactly what is going on (with that statement).

* Did he say that in a playful teasing manner, with a smile on his face?

* Did he say it in a bad mood kinda way with an angry look on his face?

[YummIumI]

1 hour ago, Capricorn3 said:

OP, can you please clarify this for all of us as it will make a big difference in understanding exactly what is going on (with that statement).

* Did he say that in a playful teasing manner, with a smile on his face?

* Did he say it in a bad mood kinda way with an angry look on his face?

He looked mad honestly 

[boltnrun]

1 hour ago, YummIumI said:

He looked mad honestly 

Yeah, there are a lot of assumptions that he was just teasing.  But none of us were there and you were.

If you felt he said it because he was angry or upset with you we'll have to take your word for it.  You know him, we don't.