Can no longer see nieces friends on FB

[LoreliFinn]

Reconnected with my niece after a long time.  We went hiking, swimming, movies, lunches, and had lots of fun!  There's quite an age gap (30 yrs) but we had fun and talked alot.  I was quite open and am always interested in her life.

On FB we added each other as friends.  I saw all her friends and posts, as she mine.

I logged in today and see I'm still her friend but her friends list is blocked from me.

I'm wondering if this is an indication that something has changed in the way she feels about me in her life. 

I also noticed the last time I invited her out, she wrote back a vague reply, not committing to anything.  I suggested a day the following week, no reply until a week later.  Saying something came up.

Is this over with her now?  Should I assume she's no longer interested in hanging out? I try to look at subtle signs.  The FB thing and not committing to an activity.  I have an eerie feeling.

She also said in a FB post she is asking anyone if they know of a place to rent, which is closer to where her BF lives.  It's about a 2 he drive from here.

I'm a bit heartbroken 😟.  Does anyone have any feedback?  Thank you!

 

 

 

 

 

 

[MissCanuck]

I think you are reading too much into it. 

I have my Friends list blocked on FB as well. All of my contacts can only see which mutual friends we share, and that's it. It's unlikely that's it's only you who cannot see her Friends list anymore, and unlikely that it was because of you that she hid it. 

I wouldn't stress it. 

[LaHermes]

29 minutes ago, LoreliFinn said:

Does anyone have any feedback?  Thank you!

 

 

29 minutes ago, LoreliFinn said:

Is this over with her now?  Should I assume she's no longer interested in hanging out? I try to look at subtle signs. 

In brief, I think so, OP. She is a young woman who no doubt mainly wants to be with her BF and her own age group. I don't think there is anything personal.

She no doubt enjoyed the meetups with you.

I know you once said you dislike being put aside.  But life is like this. People come and go. I honestly don't think there is anything personal here. 

You remarked:

"I have an eerie feeling."

In what sense do you mean?

 

[Seraphim]

I don’t think it is an indication of anything. If she is planning on moving she might not want to commit to anything local . I am a week from moving and I don’t want to commit to anything. I am too busy getting my head around everything and throwing things away and packing things I don’t want the packers and movers to touch. All my head space is taken up. 

[melancholy123]

Why don't you phone her and talk to her about it?

[Kwothe28]

36 minutes ago, LoreliFinn said:

I logged in today and see I'm still her friend but her friends list is blocked from me.

 

There is an option on Facebook for that, its probably for all her friends and means you can just see mutuals(which you maybe dont have any) or you cant see it at all. It doesnt mean anything.

Also, I am sorry but there is 30 year difference between you. You cant really expect her to hang around you like you are besties.

[LoreliFinn]

Thanks folks.  You're right,there is quite an age difference.  It makes sense she would prefer people her own age.  BF especially.  I will put my feelings aside and gear towards not taking this personal at all.

I admit it's a bit disappointing and sad as I really, really enjoyed her company.  What can you do though?  

She's probably focusing on other things like finding a place to live, the BF etc.

I'm always sad when people leave my life who I felt a spec connection with.  I'll do what I've always done.  Grieve and wish them well.

 

 

 

 

[Batya33]

I wouldn’t read into it.  My cousin’s daughter who is in her mid 20s texted me recently to wish me happy birthday.  Haven’t heard from her in over a year.  I’m 55. She’s moving to the opposite coast for a great job and she’s excited and I’m thrilled for her. She said she would like fo connect with people I may know in that city (meaning my friend’s kids mostly) - but I have no expectation we’re now going to start texting regularly or talking.  She’s a really fine person and goven the age difference I’m sure I seem old to her.  Because I am lol.  Please don’t take it personally. 

[Cherylyn]

I agree with Batya33.  Don't take her aloof behavior personally. 

I agree with others regarding the 30 year age difference.  With all due respect, you're more in a "parent" type generation than someone within her age bracket.  There is a generation gap.

Don't take issue regarding her blocking you from her friends list.  Many people prefer their privacy.  I know I do.  A lot of people don't like others prying into their private life such as their friends, their names, inquisitive snoopy type behavior and the like. 

Whenever people try to distance themselves from others, they're cool, engage in infrequent correspondence, blunt, abrupt and often times perceived as rude.  There's nothing you can do.  You can't force the relationship into your favor.  Simply back off and follow her cue. 

She'll come around or your relationship had already run its course and she's drifting apart from you.  That's life and it happens. 

She has a boyfriend.  Many times, a boyfriend takes priority with her focus.  

Go your own way.  Don't be consumed nor obsessed about her and why she acted the way she did.  Accept her stance and concentrate on your own life.  It's happened to me in the past and you just have to move on. 

[Tinydance]

6 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

I think you are reading too much into it. 

I have my Friends list blocked on FB as well. All of my contacts can only see which mutual friends we share, and that's it. It's unlikely that's it's only you who cannot see her Friends list anymore, and unlikely that it was because of you that she hid it. 

I wouldn't stress it. 

I actually have the same thing. I blocked my friends list because I had some guys I knew try to add my female friends on Facebook and my friends didn't like it, so I hid my friends list. A nosey friend of my Mum's also added me and she was always spying on everything I do, but I couldn't delete her because she's my Mum's very close friend. So I just thought it was easier to hide my friends list for that reason. I think you really read too much into it to be honest.

I wouldn't straight away assume that your niece wants nothing at all to do with you anymore. Maybe she does want to keep in touch but she just wants it to be an occasional thing. Maybe she actually was busy that time you asked to catch up. It sounds like she's busy with her own life and her boyfriend and friends. If you really enjoyed having her in your life them maybe just message her from time to time to see how she's doing. When she's available she might catch up with you.

[SherrySher]

8 hours ago, LoreliFinn said:

Reconnected with my niece after a long time.  We went hiking, swimming, movies, lunches, and had lots of fun!  There's quite an age gap (30 yrs) but we had fun and talked alot.  I was quite open and am always interested in her life.

On FB we added each other as friends.  I saw all her friends and posts, as she mine.

I logged in today and see I'm still her friend but her friends list is blocked from me.

I'm wondering if this is an indication that something has changed in the way she feels about me in her life. 

I also noticed the last time I invited her out, she wrote back a vague reply, not committing to anything.  I suggested a day the following week, no reply until a week later.  Saying something came up.

Is this over with her now?  Should I assume she's no longer interested in hanging out? I try to look at subtle signs.  The FB thing and not committing to an activity.  I have an eerie feeling.

She also said in a FB post she is asking anyone if they know of a place to rent, which is closer to where her BF lives.  It's about a 2 he drive from here.

I'm a bit heartbroken 😟.  Does anyone have any feedback?  Thank you!

 

 

 

 

 

 

When she hides her friends list, it's hidden from everyone, not just you.

It might not have anything to do with you, but someone else on her FB that she doesn't want to share her friends list with. Or it may not be anyone at all, and she just prefers to be more private and not directed at anyone.

As for her being vague on making plans, that too may not be personal.

She may be caught up with her boyfriend or different things going on in her life and it's again not personal to you at all.

If you got on well before, then there's a  good chance you will again when you get together.

But with the age gap, try not to expect that you will be hanging out a lot, or much at all.

She will probably be busy with her life and her friends and boyfriend.

It doesn't say anything about you at all, it's just her being young and caught up in her own life.

That's all.

[LoreliFinn]

It makes perfect sense she has her own life and friends.  The age gap I understand totally.  I did form a rather parent relationship with her. She broke up with BF for awhile and she felt lost and upset.  I supported and listened, gave encouragement, etc. I think she appreciated it.  They got back together so - this is where it's at.  She's moving closer him.  I feel quite a fondness for her.  Hopefully we can get together once in awhile or catch up by phone.

I'm glad the FB friends thing was probably nothing to do with me. I was concerned because none of my other 52 FB friends have done this. I have always been able to see their friends lists.

I suppose anything can happen with privacy issues these days.  So I can understand.

 

 

 

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[Rose Mosse]

9 minutes ago, LoreliFinn said:

It makes perfect sense she has her own life and friends.  The age gap I understand totally.  I did form a rather parent relationship with her. She broke up with BF for awhile and she felt lost and upset.  I supported and listened, gave encouragement, etc. I think she appreciated it.  They got back together so - this is where it's at.  She's moving closer him.  I feel quite a fondness for her.  Hopefully we can get together once in awhile or catch up by phone.

I'm glad the FB friends thing was probably nothing to do with me. I was concerned because none of my other 52 FB friends have done this. I have always been able to see their friends lists.

I suppose anything can happen with privacy issues these days.  So I can understand.

I think you’re a kind and supportive aunt. Think of her not needing your help anymore as a compliment and testament to her strength or endurance (she’s recovering or recovered and going about life). It’s a good thing.

[MissCanuck]

1 hour ago, LoreliFinn said:

I'm glad the FB friends thing was probably nothing to do with me. I was concerned because none of my other 52 FB friends have done this. I have always been able to see their friends lists.

It's becoming more common, actually. I know several of my friends have done the same. 

I hid mine a few years back when a guy I was dating started going through my Friends list and asking about the guys on there he deemed attractive (ie. whether or not I had dated them) Got rid of that guy quick, but hid my Friends list in the process. People deserve their privacy, as do I. 

I doubt it has anything to do with you. 

[Batya33]

9 hours ago, LoreliFinn said:

I did form a rather parent relationship with her. She broke up with BF for awhile and she felt lost and upset.  I supported and listened, gave encouragement, etc. I think she appreciated it. 

Yes so it is more of a parent relationship -has she been there for you in any comparable ways? 

[LoreliFinn]

No she hasn't.  I haven't brought up anything that would require her support.  Like problems, etc.  

[Batya33]

11 hours ago, LoreliFinn said:

No she hasn't.  I haven't brought up anything that would require her support.  Like problems, etc.  

Yes so it's not a real friendship -it's a parenting role and typically women her age-ish don't friend the older generation -she did but she has boundaries. My nieces and I are FB connected (ages 25-34) but I never would try to friend my friend's kids in their 20s even though I actually know some of them - it would be awkward.  Maybe your niece feels this way.

[LoreliFinn]

I totally understand the age difference coming into play and her preferring those her own age.

She did get back to me saying sorry for late replies, she's stressed.  She still wants to do a sports activity with me on the weekend.

Your comments have really put all this into perspective!!