Should I ask her out?

[qeensdale]

Hello folks. The most generic and most answered question in my opinion, so sorry for that. 
Long story short. I had a topic here about my coworker, who gave me some books as a gift and I wanted to know if it was okey to give her something back, just to make her happy as I had no intention to ask her out. 
After few weeks, I realised that I have a huge crush on her and actually want to date her ( or at least have one dinner to get to know her better ). The thing is, we work together and I have no idea how things may work out. I am certainly not afraid of being denied, but I am afraid of consequences. I know that unless I don’t try, I won’t know. We are just on a good terms. That’s what I want to know, if you had similar experience dealing coworker, how did it work out for you? Or is it even a good idea to ask your coworker out, with whom you baisically spend most of the day. Thanks in advance and sorry once again for just generic question

[smackie9]

I think we told you her giving books were not "gifts" that it's  just a coworker getting rid of some books that she thought you might like out of kindness.

The thing is, it's never a good idea to they and date people you work with. It can turn into an awkward situation, and her avoiding you. Just enjoy the friendship.

[SooSad33]

5 hours ago, qeensdale said:

I wanted to know if it was okey to give her something back, just to make her happy as I had no intention to ask her out. 

I'm sure you did, lol.

 

5 hours ago, qeensdale said:

After few weeks, I realised that I have a huge crush on her and actually want to date her ( or at least have one dinner to get to know her better ). The thing is, we work together and I have no idea how things may work out.

Exactly.

So, wanting to get involved with a co worker is never a good idea ... What if things don't end well.. then you're in a tough situation with a lot of awkwardness.

Is best to remain as you are... and give a little distance to 'get over' the crush thing.

There are sooo many other women out there.  Don't complicate the work place.  Should only be a place to work.

 

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, qeensdale said:

I have a huge crush on her and actually want to date her

Be low-key since she's a co-worker. Just go for a casual coffee. Dinner is too much and hard to back down from. Suggest coffee in a way where you're one-on-one and feel the situation out first.

[qeensdale]

Update. She’s leaving the work. Moves to other place. Should I take up on this opportunity or leave everything as it is? I know, childish thoughts I have but maybe I just need to give it a try? 

[Wiseman2]

27 minutes ago, qeensdale said:

Update. She’s leaving the work. Should I take up on this opportunity or leave everything as it is? 

Ask her out for coffee, it's that simple.

No grand gestures, no fancy dinners, no gifts, no jewelry, no confessions of crushes, etc. Just a low-key coffee

If you overdo it and overthink it you'll come off as creepy.

At this point you don't know if she's interested in anything more than bookclub-style chitchat or if she has a BF.

[qeensdale]

11 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Ask her out for coffee, it's that simple.

No grand gestures, no fancy dinners, no gifts, no jewelry, no confessions of crushes, etc. Just a low-key coffee

If you overdo it and overthink it you'll come off as creepy.

At this point you don't know if she's interested in anything more than bookclub-style chitchat or if she has a BF.

She does not as she told me that she’s looking for one ( in a funny way). I’ll try to ask her tomorrow as it’s her final day or message her later that I want to meet with her. 

[Cherylyn]

8 hours ago, qeensdale said:

Update. She’s leaving the work. Moves to other place. Should I take up on this opportunity or leave everything as it is? I know, childish thoughts I have but maybe I just need to give it a try? 

Start out slow and get to know her.  Meet for lunch, pay your own way and start out as casual acquaintances.  Then meet for coffee, lunch or dinner, however, again, keep it as friends.  Both of you don't know each other so be gradual when you get to know someone.  Over time, you both will observe each others personalities and characters.  Also, don't be overly enthusiastic and overzealous otherwise you'll be perceived as creepy and strange.  Don't give off a weird vibe.  Your impression counts and make sure she observes your character so be on your best behavior always.  Exercise discretion.

Don't bombard her by texting constantly.  Give people breathing room, lots of time and space.  If you hound her, she will feel bothered and back off.  Behave with decorum, be a classy gentleman and see where this type of honorable behavior will take you.  Don't rush and don't be in a hurry.  Haste makes waste. 

[abitbroken]

just say you enjoyed working with her and here is your email and number or book blog address if she ever wants to swap good book recommendations.  And the ball is then in her court whether its just about books or she is interested. Or has no interest.=

nothing is worse when someone asks if you have a boyfriend and you say no, but then the person acts all weird and tries to put themselves in the running when you have no interest

[Rose Mosse]

I remember your other thread and some of us told you to ask her out for coffee. Be bold with manners. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

[greendots]

As others have suggested (and I suggested this in your previous thread), ask her out for coffee. A simple get-together to suss her out and see if you're compatible. Obviously, pay for her coffee, dress casually but well, flirt a bit if appropriate, etc. What do you have to lose?

Since she's moving companies, there's no need to worry about dating a co-worker.

[qeensdale]

update:

I actually did ask her out, but we did not meet eventually. When I asked her, if she wanted to hang out, she actually said yes, but also said that her schedule on that day was very overwhelmed, so all we could do, grab some lunch together and that's it. The following day I was waiting for her message, she apologized that due to her schedule she could not meet that day and said that we could arrange the meeting  later this week. I replied "okey, if you have free time, just message me" and that was it. I am fairly positive ( even if I speak in the past tense, everything happened actually today) it was her way of saying no, but I can't be sure. If she does not message me during the week, it would be absolutely the worst idea to tell her to hang out again, right? 

Not, sure, if she's actually interested and will write me first 

[boltnrun]

Asking to "hang out" is so totally lame.

Ask her to something specific like lunch or coffee. Asking to "hang out" sounds like you want to look at your baseball card collection or watch TV or something. 

[qeensdale]

10 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Asking to "hang out" is so totally lame.

Ask her to something specific like lunch or coffee. Asking to "hang out" sounds like you want to look at your baseball card collection or watch TV or something. 

unfortunately I am not a native English speaking person, so I can't really translate our conversation word to word. but you know what,  you are absolutely right. Now that I think about it, my way of asking her out was  extremely vague 

[Kwothe28]

1 hour ago, qeensdale said:

If she does not message me during the week, it would be absolutely the worst idea to tell her to hang out again, right? 

No, dont do that. Rule of thumb is that you ask her out, she says yes/no and you offer a date. If she says yes but cant agree with date and doesnt provide an alternative one, its over. She said by the end of the week and you did good by saying that she should contact you if she is free. So if she wants she will do that by the end of the week. If she doesnt, count it as a loss and move on.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, qeensdale said:

If she does not message me during the week, it would be absolutely the worst idea to tell her to hang out again, right? 

You left the ball in her court, she knows you're interested and your contact info so you're right to let it be. Wait for her to contact you.

[qeensdale]

as my schedule for the week is now stuffed, should I appoint exact day for the next week as the date time and invite her to place of my choice? I could tell her that this week unfortunately can't meet with her and if she agrees maybe next week? good idea or not? ( I am actually really busy, even if she  initiates the date, I am not sure that I can this week) 

[lostandhurt]

Wait a week for her life to calm down from starting a new job and then message her and ask her to dinner. Think of a good day and a place so you are prepared.  Don't just ask her to dinner and not specify a day. 

If she is to busy and doesn't suggest an alternate time/day then she is not interested.

  Lost

[Rose Mosse]

Next week sounds better. Date, place, time and be flexible. If she declines or doesn't respond, then she's not interested.

[Wiseman2]

12 hours ago, qeensdale said:

 I am actually really busy, even if she  initiates the date, I am not sure that I can this week.

No. You are being too forceful and rude. Stop pestering her to do what's easiest for you.

This nonsense of specific time,day and place that suits you and only you makes no sense.

She doesn't need to hear excuses about how busy you are.

Stop. Relax. You ASK women for dates, you don't dictate to them how busy you are and when, where and how they should be there at your convenience.