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How do I stop my depressive feelings about a romantic situation from affecting other parts of my life?


decibelx

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I've been depressed for years and then this year I met a uni classmate on Zoom who made me feel good for the first time in awhile. I haven't had friends in a long time ever since my depression hit. We became friends and I developed feelings for her after some months. She felt the same.  However, we're no longer in the same class in the new semester and I can feel her pulling away. I don't know if it's paranoia or just gut instinct but I also feel like she's falling for someone else in her new classes (recently came to know this person exists through an extra curricular group we happened to all be in), which hurts, even if I don't have concrete proof of it.

I feel myself sinking back into that depressive state and it's affecting my coursework. Couldn't even bring myself to attend classes this morning.

What do I do?

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Try finding out if there are on-campus or off-campus support services and counselling available for students. Do talk to someone if you feel it will help. Don't keep it bottled in. You're paying student fees so why shouldn't you make use of any student services? This is the perfect time to max out those perks and check out what is available to you as a student.

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You would really benefit from some professional help, OP.

When depression interferes with your daily life and your happiness depends on one person, it's time to seek out the support from a third party who is trained in these matters. 

Can you contact an on-campus doctor or counselling service? 

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Sorry but advice on the net won't help much. I think you already know what you need to be doing. Clinical depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain, but it also affects you physically as well. And yes it can be quite a struggle I have seen it with my mother...seeking professional help is your only answer.

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When I was in college there were counseling services available. It was covered by tuition. Please look into these services.

Also, confide in your parents if you feel comfortable doing so. They love you and want you to be healthy and happy.

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Even if you don't verbalize it, women are intuitive and can put two and two together: if you don't have a fulfilling life beside being in contact with her, she will feel smothered and know it's best to distance herself because it's too weighty to be someone's everything and that you'll fall apart without her.

You won't be ready to date until you get you get treatment that works for your depression. If you join one or more college clubs where you have a true interest in the activity or subject, you will make friends. I was in the ski club in community college and made friends there, and was invited to parties by some of the members. My daughter was the president of an Environmental club. The choices are endless. Your interests will make you a more interesting person to be with, and when you have friends and hobbies outside of having a romantic partner, it will be less devastating if a break up happens because you have other satisfying things going on in your life.

A woman wants to share in your happiness, but not be the sole source of it. And when you get a gf, keep up with your friends and hobbies. Don't let that part of your life fall by the wayside, which many mistakenly do. Good luck.

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