A guy likes me but I like his best friend more

[anon987654321]

So I'm a girl and I have a situation with 2 other guys going on right now. The nasty thing is that they are very close friends (probably best friends) and they've known each other for a long time now.

Their fake names will be Josh and Leo. So we are all online-friends and we all talk on discord everyday, as well as with other friends of ours too. I only met both Josh and Leo in real life once. Josh had a crush on me. He lives in another city than me and Leo, and he came to visit his friend a few months ago and I decided to go meet both of them (because he said he also came to see me, so he asked me to come). I knew (or rather felt) that Josh is really into me and it felt nice at first, but then I really started liking Leo more and more and clicking with him better. The only thing is that Josh have probably already told Leo that he's into me, so Leo, being a loyal friend, probably decided to not even think of me that way cuz he knew it will hurt Josh. So he kinda let him "have me" or smth.. so that night when we were all together, we had an amazing time and when it was time for me to leave, Josh decided to be the one to walk me home, not Leo (which again, he probably did it for him). Leo went home alone. Josh walked with me and started to hold my hand on the way (when it was just the 2 of us) and we also kissed when we arrived at my place, and then he went back to Leo's home (although he wasn't from my city and he got lost on the way back lol). The next day I met Josh again, and it was just the 2 of us, and we also kissed a bit, but it was kinda cringe for me (especially now that we were completely sober). Then we said goodbye cuz he was supposed to go back home (to his home-town). And ever since then, Josh has been texting me everyday and he is kinda spamming me, and he also said at one point that he is in love with me (which is crazy because we only met twice in real life basically) and I told him that this is crazy and he said he knows it. The thing is now I really just like Leo more and idk what to tell Josh because I don't want to hurt him, and he is fun, but I will never be with him. He is way more immature than me and Leo, and also is living in another city, and he is just overall more weird. Still, he is simping so hard for me, like all our friends on discord know it at this point and they are all kinda laughing about him being a simp, and he doesn't even care, he knows it and he keeps spamming me, which I'm not necessarily enjoying. I am even answering very dry sometimes or even leave him with seen but he never stops texting me, he just keeps telling me everything he does... at this point I'm just being polite with him because I don't want things to get weird on the discord server. Because I think I need to have all of these friends right now more than I need to have a boyfriend. So I don't want to spoil the mood with all of them just because of this. But at the same time, I kinda really want to ask Leo out, but I'm afraid of him rejecting me for so many reasons, like not wanting to hurt his friend's feelings, or not liking me or anything.. pls help me, idk what to do!

I was also thinking about asking another one of our friends on discord what should I do, to choose like a 3rd, impartial guy to tell me what he thinks I should do and if I'll ruin this for me if I talk to any of them about it. But I am honestly afraid because damn all these guys gossip each other so much lmao... so if I ask for an impartial opinion, everyone else might found out, cuz I don't really know who I can trust, since I'm the newest to the group and they all know each other irl and have known each other for a long time. I have only met Leo and Josh irl. So yeah, what should I do?

[Wiseman2]

5 minutes ago, anon987654321 said:

I only met both Josh and Leo in real life once.

Ok, stay discord pals but date real-life local guys.

[anon987654321]

2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Ok, stay discord pals but date real-life local guys.

Well that's the thing, Leo is now a `real-life local guy` for me, but I'm afraid to ask him out 😳

[Rose Mosse]

4 minutes ago, anon987654321 said:

Well that's the thing, Leo is now a `real-life local guy` for me, but I'm afraid to ask him out 😳

Let the dust settle and stay away from these online boys. Leo is part of that if he's mingling mostly online. You said yourself that you are more interested in friends than a boyfriend at this time. Set the record straight with Josh and tell him you see him only as a friend and then block or mute his contact so you don't get irritated seeing him pop up all the time. No need to bully or make fun of someone else. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[anon987654321]

5 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:

Let the dust settle and stay away from these online boys. Leo is part of that if he's mingling mostly online. You said yourself that you are more interested in friends than a boyfriend at this time. Set the record straight with Josh and tell him you see him only as a friend and then block or mute his contact so you don't get irritated seeing him pop up all the time. No need to bully or make fun of someone else. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We are not bullying or making fun of Josh, if that's what you mean. He started this thing with `being a simp` himself. He called himself that first and he doesn't mind when the rest of the guys are laughing about this because he is aware that it's the truth. Thank you for answering! 🤗

[Wiseman2]

15 minutes ago, anon987654321 said:

 Leo is now a `real-life local guy` for me, but I'm afraid to ask him out 😳

You don't have to. If he's interested in more than pals, he'll ask you out.

[Kwothe28]

Leo seems like a good friend. He will never be with you after you destroy his friends heart. Which you will considering you willingly hold hands and kiss a guy and now bothered when he "simps"(not what simping means btw) for you. I mean i know a few guys who wouldnt be bothered(even a brothers who "shared" a girlfriend, she was with one for a little and then after a while dated other seriously) but good friends wont do that. So you made your own mess. Do a good thing and break up with Josh, he doesnt deserve to get stringed along. Other then that, again, you made your own bed. That discord buddies thing will never be the same, you cant expect that. Josh will hate you, Leo might too, others as well depending what their relationship is. But you need to the right thing and learn to live with consequences. You are probably young so this will be a good lesson for later.

[HeartGoesOn]

1 hour ago, anon987654321 said:

He started this thing with `being a simp` himself.

What is a "simp"?

[Kwothe28]

21 minutes ago, HeartGoesOn said:

What is a "simp"?

Quote

Simp is an Internet slang term describing someone who performs excessive sympathy and attention toward another person, typically someone who doesn't reciprocate the same feelings.

Usually used to describe those who send money and gifts to those half naked girls on Twitch while they have boyfriends at home

[SooSad33]

2 hours ago, anon987654321 said:

Josh because I don't want to hurt him, and he is fun, but I will never be with him. He is way more immature than me and Leo, and also is living in another city, and he is just overall more weird.

You kinda can't 'not' hurt him.  Just dont lead him on anymore. Knowing he's not for you.

 

I suggest you steer clear of BOTH of them in order to 'clear the air' and be sure things with you and Josh are done.

Also, be careful risking the friendship you & Leo have.. Often when you 'cross that line' it can cause friction between you's and the friendship may not be the same after.. so consider IF it's even worth it.

 

 

[HeartGoesOn]

25 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

Quote

Simp is an Internet slang term describing someone who performs excessive sympathy and attention toward another person, typically someone who doesn't reciprocate the same feelings.

Usually used to describe those who send money and gifts to those half naked girls on Twitch while they have boyfriends at home

Thank you!  I guess I'm out of the loop.

[Capricorn3]

2 hours ago, HeartGoesOn said:

Thank you!  I guess I'm out of the loop.

Trust me, you're not the only one, lol.

[Tinydance]

6 hours ago, Capricorn3 said:

Trust me, you're not the only one, lol.

I guess OP is young. I'm 36 so I'm like what lol

[Tinydance]

Well step number one, stop engaging with Josh! He does sound very full-on and very unlikely he's really truly in love with you after meeting you in person only once. But it is possible that he can actually like you for real. Coz you like Leo and you met him only once. If you really want Leo I think you need a slow game plan.

Step one is you need to actually say to Josh in a nice way that you are not interested. You know, the usual: "You're a nice guy and I liked meeting you and wanted to know you more. But I realised I felt no chemistry and I don't want to date you". Something along those lines. You need to be very clear though that you are NOT interested. After that don't message him privately or reply anymore. If you're playing group games on Discord then continue to play but don't have anything going with Josh one-on-one. Leave Josh alone for a good while. Maybe one to two months. In hopes that he will move on or talk to other girls and so on.

Step two, you ask out Leo. BUT be prepared that maybe Leo is actually not into you and he might say no. I mean, you met him only once and there is no guarantee he's actually interested in you romantically. He might just want to be friends.

[smackie9]

Kool it with Josh...I mean start to ghost on him, total fade. Step up your attention to Leo and see how it pans out. If nothing does, go chase after someone else.

[catfeeder]

I would just back off of the online stuff, and I'd find a more constructive focus for my time.

I'd kindly tell the guy who bugs you that this isn't going to work out.

Then if the other guy is local and a decent friend, I'd hang out with him on occasion, but I wouldn't try to shoot for more with him. I'd let him use his own discretion about whether he wants to date you at any, point. If not, for my own head I'd just chalk him off as loyal to the other guy.

[1a1a]

Don’t ghost Josh, tell him you aren’t feeling the romantic feelings and it’s over. Then you can vanish but do him the courtesy of ending it first! 

[SherrySher]

Stay away from both of them

You don't want Josh, therefore if you keep on, you will break his heart. 

That's not okay.

As for his friend, that's a no go zone. That's HIS friend, and you will make things very awkward, and very upsetting and just messed up.

It won't work.

Had you not went on any dates with Josh and had you not kissed him, then maybe..but you've already gone down that path, so his friend is off limits to you now.

The only decent choice you have now is to let these two guys be, don't ruin their friendship.

Move on and find someone else.

[SherrySher]

No...do not ask Leo out, unless you want to:

1.) Make a fool out of yourself when he tells you he's not okay with it being as you were already with his friend.

and

2.) Want to potentially start a war between him and Josh, (which is pretty underhanded and to be honest, just crappy).

[Tanzi]

Okay, so without wanting to offend you, this sounds like a lot of teenage stuff going on here.  If you want to do the mature thing, then you need to tell Josh that you don't want things to go further than they already have. Then you give discord a miss for a while until things settle down.  You do not do anything about Leo.  They are friends.  Leave them be.  There are plenty of other guys out there.