Anxiety Help - Journal

[Seraphim]

Discuss that with the psychiatrist you probably need more than as needed.

[boltnrun]

Discuss that with the psychiatrist you probably need more than as needed.

 

I will. My regular doctor was concerned that I would become addicted (dependent, habit forming, etc.) That's why he wanted me on a daily maintenance anti-depressant. But we know how that turned out...

[Seraphim]

I will. My regular doctor was concerned that I would become addicted (dependent, habit forming, etc.) That's why he wanted me on a daily maintenance anti-depressant. But we know how that turned out...

 

As I said though if the dosage is very small it is pretty easy to come off of. I have done it a few times.

[boltnrun]

My area is talking about going back to a stay at home order. I personally think we need it. People are acting like irresponsible teenagers by not following the mask mandate. They refuse to see the connection between wearing masks and social distancing and being able to "re-open", so here we are, with one day after another of record positive tests and deaths. And the ages are getting younger and younger due to various factors. I've driven past the marina beach several times and the sand is absolutely packed.

 

Apparently a state government agency (not my state) is beginning an investigation of the company I work for. There have been so many cases and enough deaths that this state's leadership is finally getting concerned. Sad to say, the workers are most definitely at risk due to the environment they are required to work in. It's just not possible for the work to be done without putting them at risk.

 

I have to go grocery shopping today and put gas in my car. I'm getting these errands done today so for the rest of the week I won't have anymore outside errands to run. I'll go to my son's tomorrow or Wednesday to do laundry (so grateful for that...) Later this week I'd like to drive somewhere that's uncrowded and go for a walk since my neighborhood has a lot of foot traffic so I don't feel as comfortable.

[boltnrun]

First available psychiatrist appointment won't be for 2-4 weeks

[Wiseman2]

Listen to your doctor. They are required by law to give responsible advice.

 

Benzodiazapines are bad news in the long run.

https://americanaddictioncenters.org/withdrawal-timelines-treatments/clonazepam

My regular doctor was concerned that I would become addicted (dependent, habit forming, etc.) .

[Seraphim]

Listen to your doctor. They are required by law to give responsible advice.

 

Benzodiazapines are bad news in the long run.

https://americanaddictioncenters.org/withdrawal-timelines-treatments/clonazepam

 

The issues are what do you do for people who can not process SSRI’s. For Bolt a different SSRI might be useful. For me my liver can not whatsoever process these meds and I become toxic from the first dose.

[Wiseman2]

Physicians, particularly psychiatrists are trained to spot signs of malingering, which would include trying to steer a physician into prescribing a controlled substance. People need to take their doctors advice

[Seraphim]

Physicians, particularly psychiatrists are trained to spot signs of malingering, which would include trying to steer a physician into prescribing a controlled substance. People need to take their doctors advice

 

I realize but not all meds are good for all people . That is also a fact.

[boltnrun]

I got a call from the psychiatrist's office this morning. They had originally told me it would be a 4-6 week wait for an appointment, which would put it after my leave from work is over. However, they told me I can do a telehealth appointment tomorrow afternoon if I wanted. Of course I said yes! The sooner the better.

 

I feel like I am maintaining well on the lorazepam (I am not on clonazepam). It's an extremely low dose and I do not take it every day. In the past 6 days I have taken 3 pills, when the instructions are one pill daily. It gives me a bit of a headache and some low grade nausea if I take it during the day so I only have been taking it at night if I need it and I don't take it at all if I don't. I can't see myself trying to coerce my doctor into giving me more of this drug when I'm not a fan of the headache and nausea and don't even take it as often as I was told I could. In other words, I am not abusing it and don't really like it enough and don't get a "high" feeling to even be tempted to abuse it. I'm calmer even on an every other day dose so I feel it has been successful.

 

I will report back tomorrow afternoon. I have two appointments back to back, psychologist and new psychiatrist.

[Seraphim]

Sounds good! Glad you got an appointment!

[boltnrun]

I forgot to mention, I went to my son's home today to do laundry. They have a teeny tiny stackable washer/dryer set. The wash machine does OK but the dryer takes a LONG time to dry a load. I had a load with one bath towel, 3 hand towels, two pillow cases and a sheet set. Took so long to dry! I think I'll just wash my clothing at their home and wash sheets, towels and blankets at the laundromat. It's easy to wash them there and I don't have to worry about losing socks when they fall out of the dryer

 

It was nice spending time with my son. I stayed 6 feet or more away from him and kept my mask on to protect him and his spouse. But we talked and it did wonders for my wellbeing to be around someone else, especially since it was my own child.

[Seraphim]

Being with people REALLY helps.

[boltnrun]

Being with people REALLY helps.

 

As long as we are all being safe and socially distant and wearing our masks! I trust my kids to follow protocols but not everyone is as thoughtful and careful. Hence my anxiety.

 

Please God, please let people realize that being in a difficult place for a few more weeks can do wonders to end this crisis. And that "reopening" doesn't mean "the pandemic is over!!" and people realize it's prudent to continue safe practices.

[Wiseman2]

Excellent. You'll get sound advice from your doctors.

[Seraphim]

As long as we are all being safe and socially distant and wearing our masks! I trust my kids to follow protocols but not everyone is as thoughtful and careful. Hence my anxiety.

 

Please God, please let people realize that being in a difficult place for a few more weeks can do wonders to end this crisis. And that "reopening" doesn't mean "the pandemic is over!!" and people realize it's prudent to continue safe practices.

Our numbers rose by almost 100 in my province today because of stage III opening. In fact numbers in Canada are rising all over because we are opening more. Nothing astronomical but it’s a rise.

[boltnrun]

I had a telehealth appointment with the psychiatrist today. He spent most of the time getting a history and also finding out my more recent experiences. I will continue to see him every 2 weeks for now.

 

He is prescribing a very low dose of Trazedone. I know nothing about this medication, but he did tell me to stop taking it and report immediately if I have any of the bad side effects I had with the Celexa. I am not to try to power through like I did that time.

 

I feel like I have an entire team working on me lol.

[Seraphim]

I know nothing about that one .

[Batya33]

I had a telehealth appointment with the psychiatrist today. He spent most of the time getting a history and also finding out my more recent experiences. I will continue to see him every 2 weeks for now.

 

He is prescribing a very low dose of Trazedone. I know nothing about this medication, but he did tell me to stop taking it and report immediately if I have any of the bad side effects I had with the Celexa. I am not to try to power through like I did that time.

 

I feel like I have an entire team working on me lol.

 

Somehow I've heard of that med but know nothing about it.

 

Best of luck and glad you had the appointment. I'm so glad you did this.

[reinventmyself]

It could be a lot of trial and error, but hang in there! With some preservance you'll get there.

[boltnrun]

Wow, did I pick the wrong day and time to go to the laundromat. This place is packed to the brim with more people coming in every minute. I hardly had room to wipe down the table and machine and load my stuff. I can't imagine what it's going to be like when I have to go back in to put my stuff in the dryer and then come remove it.

 

What a mess...

[Batya33]

Wow, did I pick the wrong day and time to go to the laundromat. This place is packed to the brim with more people coming in every minute. I hardly had room to wipe down the table and machine and load my stuff. I can't imagine what it's going to be like when I have to go back in to put my stuff in the dryer and then come remove it.

 

What a mess...

 

Oh I'm so sorry to hear that -I know you can't just casually leave and come back!

Can I tell you a funny laundromat type story that might help you? About 5 years ago my son and I were in a laundry room of a high rise building we were living in for the summer. There was a woman doing laundry and we got to chatting a bit -turns out she was a nanny so she chatted with my son who was then around 6. Of course they talked about birthdays and my son said "my mommy set me on fire at my birthday party." Well it's kind of true - I had him lean over to blow out the candles on his 5th bday and he was wearing a thin tye dye tshirt, leaned too close and it singed the shirt........

 

(this was his one and only actual party at a place with a number of kids, etc).

 

So I've been scarred at laundromats too........luckily she didn't call child protective services on me....

[boltnrun]

That's funny, Batya. It's so funny how kids just come out and say stuff. One time when my son was a toddler I had to use the restroom at a department store and since he was only about 3 years old of course I brought him into the stall with me. As you know, kids always shout things at the top of their lungs. So my son saw fit to holler "Ooooh Mommy, are you doing a poopy?? Wow, Mommy, you did a BIG poopy!!" I wanted to hide in the stall for the rest of the day

 

My original plan today was to go at about 2:30 PM since I've driven by at that time many times and it seldom has more than one or two cars in the parking lot. So of course me being who I am, I decided for some reason to leave home just before noon. The parking lot had about 8 cars so I drove about 20 minutes away to my former city, cruised around for about 20 minutes, then drove back. Still only about 1:00 PM. I have no idea why I was so antsy to get going when I knew darned well the laundromat would be busy! I guess I just really wanted to get it done and out of the way. Lesson learned, hopefully.

 

At least I shouldn't have to go back to the laundromat for about 2 weeks. I am now only washing towels, sheets and blankets there and everything else I wash at my son's home.

[Batya33]

I am so glad you can use your son's washing machine -that will help a lot. I'm sorry about the stress.

My son when he was 4 was in a bathroom stall with me at a popular zoo. Crowded bathroom. I'd taught him that even when things aren't "perfect" they can still be "wonderful"

 

So he pointed to his private part and I said "well I'm perfect' and then pointed to mine and said "but you're still wonderful".

[boltnrun]

Someone posted on one of the Facebook pages for people who work for the company I work for. He was asking if anyone else was struggling with anxiety and depression related to work. He's still working but having a very hard time. So I messaged him just letting him know that I am going through the same thing and that he should always feel comfortable asking for help and support if he needs it.

 

So many people struggling with this...it's so hard. I mean, I'd love to be one of those people I see who are going about their lives like nothing has changed. People who say "well, I'm not going to let it stop me from living my life". I so envy those people! I would love to feel comfortable going to restaurants (outdoor dining, of course) and the beach and amusement places but I'm not comfortable. I don't even feel comfortable getting takeout! A few times I decided I would try it and then I find out places I used to frequent had to shut down because several of their employees tested positive. So I gave up and didn't even try. My kids are getting takeout and are totally fine with it but I'm just not.

 

I should receive my new medication early next week. It's also an SSRI but the psychiatrist seems determined to have me continue on SSRI medications. Please God, please don't let it affect me the way the other medication did...the only good thing is I still have the Ativan and the doctor said if I need to I can use them both. I'm hoping to not need to.