Ex Wife Moving In With Alcoholic

[abitbroken]

can you stipulate that you must meet the father first? He may be an ok guy whose sons are bums through no fault of his raising and he doesn't tolerate any crap and has the son live with him because he makes bad choices or he could be a drunk as well. No telling.

[ThatwasThen]

This situation feels like a repeat of three years ago when mom and her new heroin addict boyfriend rented a room together after just meeting. A few weeks later he was found dead of OD by the owner of the house. I’m not exactly confident that “THIS time things are really different...” lol

 

I thought this might be a good time to reread this snippet from earlier in the thread.

 

Yet, most of the responsibility for the daughters safety is now place on the boy who just turned 18 on paper a couple days ago? It certainly doesn't look like Mom has her children's best interest. And they are merely given talks by Dad how to handle emergency situations.

 

Sorry, I don't mean to bash Dad. I am cheering him on. He seems thoughtful, rational and decent.

We just have differing ideas about parenting . . . and I'm concerned for the kids.

No... the responsibility has not been put on the 18 year old son. You and I are having this debate... not the Op, he has not decided yet and will be speaking to his ex wife about his concerns over the holiday and see what she has to say about things.

 

To add, certainly this one situation wherein you are more concerned about things at-this-point than I am doesn't mean we have differing parenting ideas in general.

[reinventmyself]

he has not decided yet and will be speaking to his ex wife about his concerns over the holiday and see what she has to say about things.

.

He accounted for their talk about this situation on the 26th and came back with his final decision on the 28th

[ThatwasThen]

This is where it stands from what I read:

At this point if I obey the law, then they will be staying over every other weekend. That’s how the current judgement stands.

As wiseman observed my daughter has no idea how “unseemly” this is...she’s all pumped up with the infatuation phase of her mom’s new relationship and promises of getting a cat at the new place.

 

My son is vaguely aware of his mom’s shortcomings in the responsibility category, but loves her dearly and is fiercely loyal. Like I said, he’s a good kid with a great heart. For the time being he is saying he will stay over there too on my daughter’s nights there.

 

For now I have the option to 1. Take the pending court date off the calendar and leave custody as it is detailed above or 2. Go in there and push to remove her four nights per month of visitation. I’m sleeping on it but hearing is set for Jan 8 so time is limited.

[abitbroken]

y son is vaguely aware of his mom’s shortcomings in the responsibility category, but loves her dearly and is fiercely loyal.

 

The son is going to turn a blind eye. Unless the daughter is physically hit/needs to phyisically be defended, he is going to put his head in the sand and make excuses for mom or will not want to speak up. Inapprorpiate stares, innuendos, "brushes", and just seeing her mom accept being treated like dirt so she learns to accept low lifes as boyfriends to, he will do nothing about. The OP is the parent and the brother can't be expected to parent or take on the role of dad's eyes and ears.

 

Honestly, you want to trust your ex so much and i still am in the camp of no overnights with two strange men.

[ThatwasThen]

Well, there is this:

He’s always been a caring and protective big bro 💙

[Seraphim]

Not that I think kids should be sent to an alcoholic environment but I hardly think that makes the guy Chester the molester. For me the risk would be too high to send my child just based on the fact the environment leaves a lot to be desired but to make the guy into a physically abusive child molester seems extreme.

[boltnrun]

Not that I think kids should be sent to an alcoholic environment but I hardly think that makes the guy Chester the molester. For me the risk would be too high to send my child just based on the fact the environment leaves a lot to be desired but to make the guy into a physically abusive child molester seems extreme.

 

I agree. We can't say all alcoholics are child molesters! Like people who insist all gay men are pedophiles. We all know that's ridiculous.

 

However, my concerns would lie more with the physical safety of the daughter. For example, one of my friends is a single mother who almost never gets time to go out with friends and have fun. Our other friend was dating a man who had trouble with alcohol. As in, he can't just have one or two drinks. He gets so drunk he falls off his chair. Well, my friend was lamenting how she never gets to go out so she decided to send her child home with this man who had just fallen out of his chair due to being drunk. She actually put her child into the car with this man! She also drank to intoxication while her child was at home. What if the child needed to be driven to the ER? What if he had some other kind of emergency?

 

Another friend's ex husband has had 4 DUI's in the past two years. Her concern isn't that he'll molest their child but that he'll drive drunk with the child in the car. She asked her attorney to put a stipulation that he would vow to never drive the child when he's been drinking or he would forfeit all visitation rights.

 

People who have issues with alcohol use or addiction make poor choices. They drive drunk, they fall asleep with lit cigarettes in their hands, they give alcohol to children, they have alcohol-laden parties at home when the children are present, they leave children home alone to go to the bar or liquor store...and again, not all of them and not all the time. But for me, once would be one time too many.

[reinventmyself]

 

 

However, my concerns would lie more with the physical safety of the daughter.

And what matters here is he's the one that came here with the concerns.

That and mom's repeated history of making poor choices and putting her kids in the middle of it.

[boltnrun]

People are continuing to express concern because he wrote this:

"I think I’m going to get flamed but I’m going to be honest anyway:

 

I prayed and meditated and asked around and I decided I’m going to cancel the upcoming court date. I’m not going to increase her parenting time, but I’m not going to attempt to put limitations on her current weekends. "

 

He's decided that if something happens he will file for an emergency injunction. Of course I (and everyone else, I'm sure) hope it never comes to that.

[Skeptic76]

Ive talked with the ex wife. I’ve talked with the new boyfriend. I’ve talked with both of my kids.

 

It’s my opinion that my daughter will be safe if their mom moves in with this guy. If there is any indication that she will not, then I will remove her from the situation immediately.

 

I see the conversation between other enotaloners playing out much like the one in my head did, heh. But at some point a man has to make a decision. I respect if yours is different. I DO appreciate the input of the folks who feel I’m turning my back on my kids, I just don’t agree. That said, reading everyone’s comments truly helps me to clarify my own thoughts and helps me feel confident in my choices. You guys rule!

[Skeptic76]

*Update*

 

The mother of my children moved in with her boyfriend. He claims to be continuously sober since before they moved in together and I haven’t had any indications to the contrary. Both of my children like him and neither have complained of any problems with him or shown signs of stress/abuse.

 

Mom tells me that the boyfriend’s father is moving out by the end of this month, at which time her and her boyfriend will be the only adult occupants.

 

Parenting time remains unchanged from last post: mom has the kids every other weekend.