Picking up my kid

[pippy longstocking]

Yeah we split up when my kid was 1,5 years old. He never saw me and his mom together.

 

Well I think he will have his best Christmas ever .

[RicBoy]

Anyways, back to the original question.

If she unblocks me, texts directly to plan a time to pick up the kid, I'll gladly come downstairs be polite, say hi to her and give the kid to her.

 

If she arranges a time to pick up the kid, through my kids phone and says o thing directly to me, I will tell my kid to come downstairs and wait for her, I will not show up at all. I still have some dignity and self respect even tho i made many mistakes by chasing her desperately.

 

Maybe that will spite her some curiosity and why my change of behaviour. Because I think she think I may be using my kid as a ploy to see her.

[RicBoy]

So are you seeing if you can get back together with both women?

To be honest I'm confused. I love my ex still. But the mother of my kid was the love of my life, 7 years together, a child and she is beautiful to die for. She is the kind of woman, u speak with her for 30 min. And u are already so involved with her. She is very positive about everything, always smiling etc..

[pippy longstocking]

Anyways, back to the original question.

If she unblocks me, texts directly to plan a time to pick up the kid, I'll gladly come downstairs be polite, say hi to her and give the kid to her.

 

If she arranges a time to pick up the kid, through my kids phone and says o thing directly to me, I will tell my kid to come downstairs and wait for her, I will not show up at all. I still have some dignity and self respect even tho i made many mistakes by chasing her desperately.

 

Maybe that will spite her some curiosity and why my change of behaviour. Because I think she think I may be using my kid as a ploy to see her.

 

So after all that...you are still letting her take your child ! And even worse ...game playing

 

I am done !

[Seraphim]

So you are willing to use your kid as a pawn?

[RicBoy]

I'm really trying to actually learn from this past relationship, put on the work. I truly believe my chasing, insecure, smothering, needy behaviour, at least according to my therapist comes from not having a centered solid life I like.

 

I have gotten a job, I got a car from my work. I'm moving to a new flat (I currently live with a roomate). I'm back in the gym. And for the first time in my life I started to read books. I started with "atomic attraction" and "how to win friends and influence people".

 

I'm really trying to live a life I enjoy and fix my issues.

[pippy longstocking]

So you are willing to use your kid as a pawn?

 

we are wasting our concern vic ...I will put the kettle on !

[melancholy123]

Wow, the squirrels didnt get all the nuts.

[Seraphim]

we are wasting our concern vic ...I will put the kettle on !

 

Save a cuppa for me hun.

[pippy longstocking]

Save a cuppa for me hun.

 

done ....

[RicBoy]

When I told her she couldn't see the kid a few weeks back. She told me something like "so to hurt me, u hurt your kid to punish me? How f ucked is that? Put your kid in first place. Be a good parent to him"

[pippy longstocking]

When I told her she couldn't see the kid a few weeks back. She told me something like "so to hurt me, u hurt your kid to punish me? How f ucked is that? Put your kid in first place. Be a good parent to him"

 

She is a manipulator ...the worst kind ...the ones who use children , but buddy you are joining in though , you are not considering saying no chance , you are considering what after shave to wear ( you know what I mean by that )

[RicBoy]

She is a manipulator ...the worst kind ...the ones who use children , but buddy you are joining in though , you are not considering saying no chance , you are considering what after shave to wear ( you know what I mean by that )

That was funny actually. acqua di gio profumo 😆

[bluecastle]

I'm going to be frank here.

 

You've got to take a few thousand deep breaths and commit to straightening your spine and getting your head screwed on. It will take some time—a year, say—but it will be worth it. It means 365 days straight without worrying too much about the head between your legs.

 

When I read you saying certain things, about showing off your "dignity" and "respect" by letting a nine year old make his own plans with an adult—well, it's just very hard to read. It makes me very, very sad for your child. He is a human being. A very small one, at that. An actual child, not a pawn in a childish game.

 

There are mature adults out there who could allow a friendship between their children to continue after their relationship fizzled. You, I'm sorry, are not such an adult, as you wouldn't be posting here otherwise. You'd be having a cordial exchange with your ex, rather than leaving your child—a child!—to arrange playdates with an adult. Except, actually, you wouldn't even be doing that because you wouldn't have fast-tracked things into a mock blended family with someone you'd only known a few months, which is to say you'd never have gotten involved with this woman in the first place, as she's missing a few key chips in the operating system herself...

 

I mean, do you see how loopy all this is?

 

Here's the thing: it's so easy to stop too, if you really want to grow up. Looks like this: after you read this post you text your ex and cancel this playdate. Non-dramatic, straightforward: "After some thought I've decided it's not a good idea for our children to spend more time together. Thanks for understanding, and happy holidays." And then you block her number—and that is that, the end of this and the first tiny, belated step toward adulthood, not flipping through "Atomic Attraction" during a lull in romantic drama.

 

From there you focus on your kid, and on letting this nonsense go. It'll pass if you let it, like a kidney stone: painful, but totally within the capacity of all humans. Enjoy holidays with your child and his mother. Try—please, please try—not to use them to respark things. You are not ready. You need 350 more days or so, and they'd be much better spent establishing a mature, adult relationship with her than a fraught romantic one to replace the fraught romance you're currently with-drawling from.

 

Sounds like climbing Everest, I know, but it's really not. You will thank yourself next Christmas for the man you've become, and your son will thank you for life, and throughout life.

[Rose Mosse]

duplicated

[Rose Mosse]

I'd be more concerned for your son's safety. That would be the only thing going through my mind if it's my kid. You should be protecting him as a father (or parent) does from any emotional or psychological damage too in the aftermath of a break up. Your son will remember this one day and remember when his father let him do x, y, z and he won't be able to understand why you didn't control the situation or why there aren't better boundaries in place when it comes to relationships or break ups. You're setting an example for him in everything you do.

 

If you're proud of all your actions and can safely answer to all of them at the end of the day, what does it matter what we think on whether you go downstairs or not? It seems very petty in the big picture, if you don't mind me saying. Take care of your kid and be a good dad. Beyond that everything else is just small stuff.

[Seraphim]

Ask your therapist what they think of an adult ex making plans with a nine-year-old behind your back to stay overnight. I’ll be delighted to hear what they say.

[boltnrun]

You aren't even considering saying "no" to this arrangement, are you?

[Batya33]

Your child does not need to be at her house or in her care to see her friend. Many alternatives so the two children can spend time together other than this train wreck of a plan.

[Wiseman2]

Why are you allowing this? Step up and stop letting this woman control your child. Only you and the mother should be making decision about your child, not some ex you are chasing around to try to get back together. Never use kids as pawns or bait in your romantic affairs.

she blocked ne everywhere.

 

She has been texting my kid to plan with him when to pick him up from my place, and she hasn't texted or told me anything about it.

[RicBoy]

I'm going to be frank here.

 

You've got to take a few thousand deep breaths and commit to straightening your spine and getting your head screwed on. It will take some time—a year, say—but it will be worth it. It means 365 days straight without worrying too much about the head between your legs.

 

When I read you saying certain things, about showing off your "dignity" and "respect" by letting a nine year old make his own plans with an adult—well, it's just very hard to read. It makes me very, very sad for your child. He is a human being. A very small one, at that. An actual child, not a pawn in a childish game.

 

There are mature adults out there who could allow a friendship between their children to continue after their relationship fizzled. You, I'm sorry, are not such an adult, as you wouldn't be posting here otherwise. You'd be having a cordial exchange with your ex, rather than leaving your child—a child!—to arrange playdates with an adult. Except, actually, you wouldn't even be doing that because you wouldn't have fast-tracked things into a mock blended family with someone you'd only known a few months, which is to say you'd never have gotten involved with this woman in the first place, as she's missing a few key chips in the operating system herself...

 

I mean, do you see how loopy all this is?

 

Here's the thing: it's so easy to stop too, if you really want to grow up. Looks like this: after you read this post you text your ex and cancel this playdate. Non-dramatic, straightforward: "After some thought I've decided it's not a good idea for our children to spend more time together. Thanks for understanding, and happy holidays." And then you block her number—and that is that, the end of this and the first tiny, belated step toward adulthood, not flipping through "Atomic Attraction" during a lull in romantic drama.

 

From there you focus on your kid, and on letting this nonsense go. It'll pass if you let it, like a kidney stone: painful, but totally within the capacity of all humans. Enjoy holidays with your child and his mother. Try—please, please try—not to use them to respark things. You are not ready. You need 350 more days or so, and they'd be much better spent establishing a mature, adult relationship with her than a fraught romantic one to replace the fraught romance you're currently with-drawling from.

 

Sounds like climbing Everest, I know, but it's really not. You will thank yourself next Christmas for the man you've become, and your son will thank you for life, and throughout life.

 

Bro, I'm blocked everywhere. Unless I get a new sim card, there's no way to contact her

[Seraphim]

Bro, I'm blocked everywhere. Unless I get a new sim card, there's no way to contact her

 

The point is all this crap needs to stop. This other kid can’t be your kid’s only friend. He will get over it. You are the parent not a pawn.

[pippy longstocking]

The crux of it is ....you want us to give you advice on what to do when your ex turns up to pick your child up because she wants to and can clearly do what the hell she wants even though she is apparantly scared of you and we are giving you advice on how wrong it is that you are letting this woman have your child , call the shots and dare to contact an innocent 9 yr old boy to arrange all this .

 

No one here will encourage this .

[pippy longstocking]

Bro, I'm blocked everywhere. Unless I get a new sim card, there's no way to contact her

 

I keep trying to walk away from this ...but hey ho

 

Ask any parent here

 

* would you let your child go with someone you cannot contact *

 

just another in the 101 reasons why this is a bad idea ....

[boltnrun]

You aren't even considering saying "no" to this arrangement, are you?

 

Quoting myself because you didn't respond.