Her love letters weren't hers...

[MaybeThen]

Is there any direct communication with her or just interpretation of social media posts and pages?

 

Text. FaceTime. Phone.

 

The reason I put a lot of emphasis on social media was because I wasn’t being hidden so I thought how could someone be lying but show me off in front of everyone if it were “fake”

 

But now I’ve read about lovebombing and I think this all was a form of it. And I did it to her as well. Liking all posts on social media. The talk of I love you and you’re my soulmate within the first week. You’re wonderful. Magical. Everything I wanted. Let’s escape together. Let’s spend our lives together. You’re beautiful. You’re handsome. You’re perfect. The universe brought us together. Etc. Dumping this all on one another without any actual foundation. She made me feel like I was perfect in everything I did and was, like I was the missing piece of her life. But I was the first one to say I loved her and we’re soulmates. So we both fed off of it and into it.

[boltnrun]

I'm a bit confused. Are the pics of you two together and the declarations of love (to YOU, naming you by name) on her Facebook page or on yours? And your page isn't visible to her friends and family?

[MaybeThen]

I'm a bit confused. Are the pics of you two together and the declarations of love (to YOU, naming you by name) on her Facebook page or on yours? And your page isn't visible to her friends and family?

 

This is all taking place over a couple social media platforms we use. We are both posting pictures of her and I together as a couple. Couple photos doing couple things. And tagging one another, so yes, naming me by name. Her account is full of photos of the two of us.

 

For example: I’ll post a photo of her and I together as a couple on my public page (so yes her friends and family can see this and her relative I met the first time I met her often responds as well) and say “I love this woman. I love our time together” and she responds, from her account, saying a reply like “everything was so magical. Thank you! You’re perfect”.

 

However, on another social media platform we use, my account is completely private with barely anyone on it and THAT is where the extreme love talk happens. That is where she tells me I’m her soulmate and our souls are connected and I’m everything she wants in a man and she’s so lucky she found me. That is also where I say those things to her.

 

On HER page which is public, she posts our couple photos, but it’s not over the top lovey. It’s toned down. Like “I love you. I miss you” and “thanks for loving me!” But it’s not the over the top romantic soulmate talk we do on my private page.

 

I don’t know if you’re trying to determine if she’s a real person or a scam employee. She’s real and I met her family the first time she came to the country. She’s real and she has a real job and a real life.

[boltnrun]

I know she's a real person. You said you met her on vacation and you paid to fly her out and gave her free stuff from your family shop.

 

But in order for this to proceed further one of you must move to the other. You can't conduct a relationship (or a marriage) over electronic devices.

[MaybeThen]

 

But in order for this to proceed further one of you must move to the other. You can't conduct a relationship (or a marriage) over electronic devices.

Many people have long distance relationships in this day and age. You start by visiting each other back and forth and in between those times, it does take place over electronic devices because that’s all you have to communicate. Then eventually you move to be together. It’s not an unusual concept

 

I know that wasn’t on her mind or my advances wouldn’t have been rejected. But I did think it was headed there

[boltnrun]

I can see you won't be dissuaded.

 

Hopefully it will work out the way you want.

[MaybeThen]

No I’ve already said a few times I see this isn’t going to happen how I thought

 

I said “I did think it was headed there,” not that I do think that is. In other words, I realize this was all just a fantasy

[Wiseman2]

Is she currently saying this directly to you and only you or are these the posts for her current local bf? Sadly it seems your imagination is running wild. Have you had a checkup from a doctor recently or considered therapy? have you ever had a real life real time relationship?

 

Your posts seem to omit timing and whether these things are real or from the 11 day fling or even meant for you or if these are ruminations about your communication to her and rehashing what she said to get you to pay for her vacation. It sounds like you are elaborating on this fantasy and stretching it out in lieu of real life real time real women.

But now I’ve read about lovebombing and I think this all was a form of it. And I did it to her as well.

[boltnrun]

You wrote on someone else's thread that you found out she's been sleeping with her ex this whole time. You didn't mention that on your thread. When and how did you find this out?

 

However, this knowledge frees you to move on and meet someone who really is into you.

[MaybeThen]

Is she currently saying this directly to you and only you or are these the posts for her current local bf? Sadly it seems your imagination is running wild.

 

You have a lot of trouble following story lines

 

Of course all of this is happening directly to me. Did you miss the entire core of my posts that specifically state she is posting these things in response to ... um.. ME. The same way you are responding directly to me, and interacting directly with me, on a public social media platform. Same concept man. Follow along!

[MaybeThen]

You wrote on someone else's thread that you found out she's been sleeping with her ex this whole time. You didn't mention that on your thread. When and how did you find this out?

 

However, this knowledge frees you to move on and meet someone who really is into you.

 

Yeas, I found that out very recently by clicking on one of her friend's social media pages and going back through that persons photos. I found photos of my "gf" and her ex that were all taken during the time we were together, and the comments made it very obvious. But as of 2 months ago she had move out of his locale, and the photos also confirmed that.

[MaybeThen]

One of the things that I struggle with as I let this whole situation go, is the fact that if her ex was the one who posted here, and not me, I feel everyone would have told him, "If she wanted you, she'd be with you. She flew to see another man who is treating her better, clearly she doesn't want to be with you. Sounds like she left you for him. Move on!" But for my side of the story, I was told the opposite, that it's not me she wants, and it sounded like she was using me for attention while she waited for him; and I see it clearly now, it does sound like that. But I just can't imagine a scenario where he posts his side of the story, and the advice is, "she's using that guy while she waits for you to get your together." I know he would be told she moved on with me and he needs to forget her. It seems all advice is always negative and contradictory depending on who told the story.

 

Granted, I assure you all, I do not think she loves me and is planning on being with me. I have stacked up all the evidence, and it mounts against me. Especially now that I found the plagiarized letter, and the photos of her being intimate with her ex. I am completely convinced it was a vacation fling, a whirlwind romance that felt good.

 

I haven't cut it off yet, though. I am still processing and I still think I will let this die out on it's own. Let people sort of forget about it instead of having to explain it to every one.

[RayRay63]

The common denominator is the not particularly trustworthy lady in the middle of this.

 

The advice to him would be pretty much the same as to you.

 

Cut off contact with her, get busy improving yourself, move on.

[ninjabib]

Agree with Ray. She's just a bad egg. Advice to both of you would be she's being dishonest with both of you so cut her off. Nothing more, nothing less.

[Wiseman2]

Excellent. Enjoy the memories and then you can move on.

I found the plagiarized letter, and the photos of her being intimate with her ex. I am completely convinced it was a vacation fling, a whirlwind romance that felt good.

[MaybeThen]

Agree with Ray. She's just a bad egg. Advice to both of you would be she's being dishonest with both of you so cut her off. Nothing more, nothing less.

 

Being dishonest with him about what? He appeared to have known about me based on the conversation I saw. The conversation where she says she can not be with him until he changed.

 

My point is, the original thread I had where I was clearly not in my right state of mind, a big pull everyone used was "She obviously wants to go back to her ex" and so that's where my focus went, and the evidence seemed to point to that, including the new evidence I found wherein she was with him physically. But now it's changed to: "She's being dishonest with him too" -- In regards to what? Wanting to go back to him? Because if that's the case, you can understand why I picked and prodded at these "theories" being used to dissuade me. Because now in hindsight it's suddenly, "She was probably lying to him too," then why use a desire for her to go back with him as a debate tactic? My primary foundation for being convinced was not that she was dishonest, but that she seemed to be making strides to get back with him. So I used that to convince myself that, "Ok she doesn't want me." Unless by "dishonest with him," you just mean she's dishonest in general by having the lucidity to tell him, and other people, that I was just a filler for her, but never leading me to know that, and those traits in a partner are reason enough to jump ship.

 

This post isn't in any way me backpedaling and thinking I will be with her, by the way. It's more-so my interest in the way people debate and understanding how to actually arrive at truth.

[ninjabib]

I imagine she was telling him that she was spending time with you with a view to you and her being together. This was never in her plans. She used you to make him jealous. That is dishonest.

[MaybeThen]

I imagine she was telling him that she was spending time with you with a view to you and her being together. This was never in her plans. She used you to make him jealous. That is dishonest.

 

Makes sense, I suppose I am beginning to realize even more the type of person she is, and I can't believe I got swept up in something like this. I've spent some time reading through threads on this board, and you guys seem to be pretty spot on with your advice, too many people that come back living the exact scenario this board warned them of. I'm glad I pulled away before it really happened to me too.

 

Also I had mentioned I found some photos of her and her ex, there was more conversation had and someone commented surprised about them being together because of "the new guy she was with" (me). And she literally goes on to say that she just wanted a break from the drama with her ex, and it was nice to post photos and feel loved, but that she "didn't want those things with him (me!), it was just nice to do them" So, you guys were right after all in any event. I would say I feel like a fool but I guess this reflects more of who she is, than who I am. I can't imagine what it would have been like for me if I didn't have the idea to post here and investigate, and if she didn't have somewhat of a moral compass to actually tell me "I can't promise you anything" in response to my wanting to "spend my life with her"

[RayRay63]

I found some photos of her and her ex, there was more conversation...

 

You will heal faster if you block all social media links to her/her friends and get no information.

 

You might feel curious, weaken and have a look at her instagram or something occasionally, but it will pass.

[ninjabib]

OP you have had a lucky escape. She's not a keeper. Block and delete buddy and move on with your life! Never unblock her, chalk this one off as a bad experience.

[MaybeThen]

Received Christmas and birthday gift from her in the mail

 

How can something so real be so fake? I feel like I am back to square 1 again. I know she was in contact with her ex the entire duration of our relationship. But now it's back to seeming like she has forgotten about him and is moving forward with me.

 

I know what I saw in the conversation she had with a friend on social media, and there was more of it, and it really seemed like she was using me as a placeholder. But why go deeper and deeper if i'm just a fantasy?

 

 

 

Editing this to put in what the conversation said that I saw between her and an older woman. I have not looked at this social media account since, I stopped doing it because I noticed it was becoming obsessive for me and I was trying to distance myself in preparation for the end: "He thinks I'm just going to get back with him at his beck and call because he's ready, I'm so sorry life doesn't work that way. I am not ready yet, I told him what I need to see in order to rebuild with him because I will not go back to a relationship like that. What am I supposed to do, just wait? That isn't fair. I told him if he wouldn't love me, someone else will. It will end with him (OP), but not because he (ex) forced me to do it. I don't respond well to pressure. Even if I end it tomorrow with him (OP), I still need time. It was my fault for agreeing to see him (ex) before he could prove to me he had changed, and myself as well. He needs to heal on his own, and I will do the same. OP has been great to me. He (ex) knows about it and understands why I am doing this. If he wants to think I left him and ran away with someone else, I don't want to hear it. "

 

That sounds to me like I am a placeholder. But this conversation was right before she told me she can't "promise anything" and cut ties with the ex. So now she continues, and sends me gifts. I don't know if my loneliness is just so desperate, or if it could be that now that she's cut ties she is actually letting the ex go and moving forward with me?

 

I am back in the damn rabbit hole!

[MaybeThen]

I can't edit the above post, but what I am trying to say is, I understand she cut contact with him, and I know she didn't say, "I can't talk to you because I am moving on with OP." In fact, it was, "I am cutting contact because I am angry, when I am not angry I would like to see if we work out again." But if actions speak louder than words, how is it all false on my end. Christmas/bday gifts? Coming to see me? Still continuing to send me photos, these are all actions vs words that she spouts to him. So how the hell do I determine which one is real? To me it's probable she is saying those things to/about him because she hasn't grieved the loss of him yet, and that is just equally a fantasy.

[RayRay63]

They are large breadcrumbs. Or she feels a bit guilty. Or both. Or she hasn't heard from you and is seeking a validation fix from you. They are about her, not you.

 

Mark them "return to sender, not resident at this address" and put them back in the mail.

[MaybeThen]

I never cut contact with her. I just know that’s something I need to be considering or at the least preparing for when she does it to me. I haven’t even told her I saw these messages. So on her end, things are the same between she and I.

[ninjabib]

Yeah it's all about her and her ex. You will remain stuck until you cut all contact.