MirrorKnight Posted December 9, 2019 Share Posted December 9, 2019 Background In 2019 I ended two relationships. Jane and Kathy, whom I wrote about on this forum... With Jane, essentially my heart wanted to love her and be with her, but my logical head told me that it would not work. With Kathy, my head told that me she was perfect (or as good as I'll get), but my heart refused to settle for a transactional relationship. Lily Last Friday, I went on a "pseudo-date" with a girl (let’s call her Lily) that both my head and heart are excited about... And now I'm really scared of screwing it up. I thought this horrible nervousness was a thing of the past! I've not felt this way about anyone since 2012. Ugh.. In short, Lily’s values align with mine much more closely than Kathy ever did, she seems to have a much more compatible personality and she is just as beautiful, if not more. I thought it was impossible to meet somebody who embodied the best parts of both Jane and Kathy, and ticks all the boxes, but potentially, Lily does just that. Yikes. How we met I met her at a friend’s birthday party (she is one of his flatmates) two Fridays ago. We got talking about some events near me and she expressed an interest in coming to the Friday night and Sunday afternoon ones. (I planned to go to the Friday night one only). Of course I was delighted. We ended up having dinner before the event (a networking thing) last Friday night and then going for drinks at a beer bar afterwards. We had a great time, and afterwards she said, “it’s been a long time since I relaxed and enjoyed myself like that”. I probably got a bit eager at that point and said that we should grab dinner and see a movie after she finishes the Sunday afternoon event (a language class that I do not go to). She said she already had plans with a friend, but could maybe cancel to meet me instead. The day after however, she asked to rearrange Sunday evening for the next Friday evening (so, this Friday, as of now) instead. Of course, I agreed... So what's the problem? Tell me to calm down As I said, I've not been so excited about meeting somebody since 2012... and although I think I did alright last Friday, now that we are more edging towards more obvious dating territory, I feel that my nerves are starting to cause me to make bad decisions, like being too eager about the "second date" (I know the first date was not technically a date) and maybe scaring her off. Getting closer with Kathy was surprisingly easy (is that a sign that I was not so thrilled with her even from the start?) But Lily is even more out of my league, (she is just as pretty and actually richer than me... lol) so feeling quite insecure and inadequate, and hesitating about every message, every decision now... For example, I wanted to see a movie with her, but if it's a Friday night, we got less time than a weekend day. So, if I had to pick between a movie or dinner, I'd pick dinner (more time to talk)... but she mentioned a movie in her last message, so I am hesitating about whether I should suggest dinner on Friday and a movie on Sunday instead... or is that too eager again? Or just go watch a movie on Friday night as a safe option? You see what I mean? I don't remember worrying over small details like this with Jane or Kathy, what is wrong with me?! Tell me to calm down, tell me she might not be as great as she appears from just two meetings, tell me that if I focus on myself, there will be more Lily's out there even if this one falls through. If you put her on a pedestal, then she will smell the fear and inadequacy and you will have zero chance with her! etc etc... Link to comment
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