Am I too sensitive?

[goddess]

I agree with throwing it back at him. When he says your boots look like lesbian shoes, just say "Yeah, after being married to you, I'm thinking about playing for the other side."

 

Come on. His comments are stupid, not abusive and psychopathic.

 

Just tonight I put on a pair of printed tights to go out, and when I asked my husband how I looked he said, "They look like pajamas." I didn't rush into therapy over it. I figured he was right and changed.

 

"I agree with throwing it back at him. When he says your boots look like lesbian shoes, just say "Yeah, after being married to you, I'm thinking about playing for the other side." Sarah, this is perfect! Wish I had the guts to have said something like this to my idiotic ex.

[maew]

OP there is nothing wrong with being sensitive. For whatever reason I was always attracted to men that complained about me being sensitive so they could justify jokes and snarky comments at my expense... I would try to buck up and tolerate it but it wore me down little by little until I was a shadow of myself.

 

I decided I actually wanted to embrace my sensitive side instead... and discovered a whole new world of people that appreciate my sensitivity, including my current BF.

 

There is nothing wrong with being a sensitive human being that wants to be treated kindly, you just need to find people in your life with that value in common.

[bluecastle]

OP there is nothing wrong with being sensitive. For whatever reason I was always attracted to men that complained about me being sensitive so they could justify jokes and snarky comments at my expense... I would try to buck up and tolerate it but it wore me down little by little until I was a shadow of myself.

 

I decided I actually wanted to embrace my sensitive side instead... and discovered a whole new world of people that appreciate my sensitivity, including my current BF.

 

There is nothing wrong with being a sensitive human being that wants to be treated kindly, you just need to find people in your life with that value in common.

 

What great advice.

 

It's easy, here in the bleacher seats, to say that you're overly sensitive (and just need to say x next time) or that he's an overbearing creep (in which case you do y). But the brass tacks here are that you guys don't get along in a way that makes you feel cherished, comfortable.

 

I have friends in healthy relationships who snap at each other with sharp tongues. Seems to work: reptile skin and reptile skin, with things said that could cut me to the core being laughed about minutes later. I'm hardly a pushover and can easily knock someone off a high horse when needed, as I'm a tall man who has always been quick at turning language into a machete if the moment calls for it. But in matters of the heart, I just can't operate that way; I'm soft, tender, and need that kind of seen and appreciated as such. My default mode is to raise the white flag, which just doesn't work with people who need to fire off a few rounds here and there.

 

Not sure how old you are, if you have kids or how long you've been married—and I know that imagining ending a marriage is supremely difficult. But it might be worth asking yourself if you can really see yourself being happy living alongside him, reflecting on the answers that come for a bit, and then proceeding from there rather than looking for ways to train yourself for battles you don't even want to fight.

[Wiseman2]

Escalating this does not change things. Unfortunately, your husband has conditioned you to normalize rancor and disrespect so much so that you ran to respond to his insult. Not everyone wants to live in a war zone.

I agree with throwing it back at him. When he says your boots look like lesbian shoes, just say "Yeah, after being married to you, I'm thinking about playing for the other side." Just tonight I put on a pair of printed tights to go out, and when I asked my husband how I looked he said, "They look like pajamas." I didn't rush into therapy over it. I figured he was right and changed.

[Klara]

I agree but was curious -had he never before seen childhood pictures of you?

 

He has and never said anything until he seen the picture of me on my citizenship card.

[Wiseman2]

Are you a different nationality than he is? Are you tolerating this for fear of something?

He has and never said anything until he seen the picture of me on my citizenship card.

[Klara]

I am Polish. I came to Canada when I was 6. My real father left my mom as soon as he found out she was pregnant with me. My stepfather and uncle were abusive alcoholics. All of my previous boyfriends have cheated on me so all of this did quite a number on me. I do have a consultation with my lawyer today to start the divorce process. Once this is all over I am going to therapy to help me gain my self-esteem, self-worth back. At the end of the day I am done trying to fix him, make him stop, or put anymore effort or waste anymore time in this awful marriage. Thank you Wiseman2.

[Wiseman2]

If getting rid of abuse were that easy, there wouldn't be any. It's interesting how some people are in the suck-it-up-buttercup camp and siding with mentally wearing someone down. Escalating is foolish and futile. It's inane to stoop to that level. It makes one as bad if not worse and invites more hostility.. It's better to walk away.

The only way to let him see that his comments are rude, is turn it on him. That will snap him out of it....you could have said....

[Klara]

Yes my quality of life and the way I feel is beyond low. I am constantly on edge and riddled with anxiety, sadness and fear. The comments I posted about him weren't even the worst ones unfortunately. When we were on our honeymoon in a secluded cottage, I came outside wearing a baggy, thick t-shirt without a bra, he called me a for not wearing a bra and thought it was the funniest thing ever. The cottage also had a sauna. I was laying in it and all of a sudden he got up on the bench I was laying on and shook the sweat from his testicles and penis all over my face. He is beyond help and I am not wasting my time on him anymore. I am meeting with my lawyer today to start the separation/divorce process.

[Klara]

Thank you all SO much. Thank you for making me feel that being sensitive is OK and that he isn't right for me. Honestly this really helped me. I am seeing my lawyer today to start the separation/divorce process. I am also going to go to therapy for myself.

[Wiseman2]

Excellent. You'll do fine.

I do have a consultation with my lawyer today to start the divorce process. Once this is all over I am going to therapy to help me gain my self-esteem, self-worth back. Thank you Wiseman2.

[Seraphim]

Yes my quality of life and the way I feel is beyond low. I am constantly on edge and riddled with anxiety, sadness and fear. The comments I posted about him weren't even the worst ones unfortunately. When we were on our honeymoon in a secluded cottage, I came outside wearing a baggy, thick t-shirt without a bra, he called me a for not wearing a bra and thought it was the funniest thing ever. The cottage also had a sauna. I was laying in it and all of a sudden he got up on the bench I was laying on and shook the sweat from his testicles and penis all over my face. He is beyond help and I am not wasting my time on him anymore. I am meeting with my lawyer today to start the separation/divorce process.

 

He’s disgusting unfortunately. Depending on how long you’ve been married you can have part of his military pension and Canada pension. Look into that. I am married to a Canadian soldier as well but he is a gentleman.

[LaHermes]

Klara. May I wish you all the very best. You are showing courage by taking first steps to move towards a far better life for yourself. And, importantly, you didn't stoop to his level. As Wiseman says, you'll do fine. I, for one, would like to hear about your progress.

[Klara]

Hi Seraphim, we haven't been married for long at all, since June of this year. I'm glad to hear your soldier is a gentleman that's wonderful. I don't care about his pension he can keep it. I wouldn't go after it I just want out and to be happy again.

[Seraphim]

Hi Seraphim, we haven't been married for long at all, since June of this year. I'm glad to hear your soldier is a gentleman that's wonderful. I don't care about his pension he can keep it. I wouldn't go after it I just want out and to be happy again.

 

I wish you all the happiness in the world. ❤️

[Klara]

Hi LaHermes, thank you so much. I will definitely post my progress. Yes I definitely wouldn't stoop to his level it's just not in my nature. I was very foolish thinking that he would change and show some respect to me after we exchanged vows. I won't ever make that same mistake again.

[Klara]

I don't think it's you, nor do you need counseling.

 

Your husband needs to read a book on how to stop being an A$$HOLE! Let me guess, if you told him this he would want to fight me - right?

 

Totally agree with DancingF and Wiseman. OP please follow their advice. He knows exactly what he is doing.

 

"I agree with throwing it back at him. When he says your boots look like lesbian shoes, just say "Yeah, after being married to you, I'm thinking about playing for the other side." Sarah, this is perfect! Wish I had the guts to have said something like this to my idiotic ex.

 

I would love to be able to throw it back at him but I'm just not capable of doing that. I made vows to this man, he was/is still my husband but I honestly can't speak to him the way he speaks to me. It just feels so wrong. The best thing I can do is just leave respectfully and move on and let him move on too. He broke his vows to love, honour and respect me. I tried my best to love him for better or for worse but I simply can't anymore because my well being is just shot and he cannot comprehend or understanding what he's doing or he's doing it on purpose like some of the posters have said.

[Hollyj]

What you see, is what you get. Don't ever expect people to change. You should never have married him or dated him.

[Klara]

No kidding Hollyj. I always give people the benefit of doubt or try to help and "fix" them. I'm the one who needs fixing for even dating him let alone marrying him.

[Hollyj]

No kidding Hollyj. I always give people the benefit of doubt or try to help and "fix" them. I'm the one who needs fixing for even dating him let alone marrying him.

 

Please look into co dependency. You need the address your attraction to these projects (men).

[greendots]

Klara, wish you all the best!