Saddening ENA reviews

[Rose Mosse]

You're not going to gain many followers with vigilantism or force, aggression, misunderstandings and personal agenda. The two most active members in this thread are the OP and one other member and neither seem to have been very active in helping anyone in the past few months except to create and promote negative commentary on the site instead of elevating it and creating safe spaces for discussion. There seems to be irony in that. There are a few threads available currently as we speak waiting for help or ideas.

 

A person's opinion encompasses thought, expression, norms, culture, disposition and personality. I think if you make the effort to get to know people, you'll realize an inter-connectedness in the community here. If you have walls up and think that you're better than the majority or others on the forum, you won't get much from the forum. You will continue to live with the sense of vigilantism, self-entitlement and isolation. Unfortunately your views will be as negative throughout as they were to start. There is a mirroring effect and I tend to look at a person's overall posts to get a general idea of what he/she is about instead of targeting one specific post. If a person is argumentative and appears to have a personal agenda, it won't benefit the discussion as a whole.

[firelily]

It's odd that you would not volunteer in a cancer hospital, veteran's center, home for the aging, homeless shelter, children's hospital or some other one-on-one type of helping to gain "experience as a future psychologist", rather than starting a thread on "negative reviews" a website, no? Geez I hope my doctor's training wasn't googling for negative reviews of forums.

 

Jeez... I USED to use it for a some time when I was jobsearching I think in 2017? It was absolutely not my sole way of gaining experience. I've been gaining experience through different kinds of volunteering since 2012 I believe, I've been working with kids, with teenagers, with students, assisting adult people, with talking, doing homework, caretaking, cpsychology workshops, and at some point also cleaning and building houses for clay. Since the beginning of this year I'm working as a psychologist for money, but with kids. Your arrows of assumptions tend to miss a lot, Wiseman2 :)

[Camber 2019]

Your arrows of assumptions tend to miss a lot, Wiseman2 :)

 

Wiseman releases an array of arrows, knowing that one will hit the correct mark

[Seraphim]

Time for a PTSD retreat. ☹️

[firelily]

Be careful not to project your fear of “ evil” where it doesn’t exist.

 

That's why it was a kind of a question. I just want to see things with clarity.

[firelily]

Wiseman releases an array of arrows, knowing that one will hit the correct mark

 

Not concerning Wiseman, but concerning the technique - that's one of the ways of therapy/helping that I do not support :) Some people do benefit from provocative therapies, but overall I think there are better ways to approach it.

[Camber 2019]

Not concerning Wiseman, but concerning the technique - that's one of the ways of therapy/helping that I do not support :) Some people do benefit from provocative therapies, but overall I think there are better ways to approach it.

 

I'm a "spaghetti on the wall" kind of person!

[Wiseman2]

Wait...like cupid? 💘

Wiseman releases an array of arrows, knowing that one will hit the correct mark

[Camber 2019]

Wait...like cupid? 💘

 

Now that you mention it, that might be a good dating strategy!

[LaHermes]

Look. I don't think it is a big deal to look for reviews on anything, positive and negative.

 

A kind of mundane example:

 

I want to buy a garment online. I see the images, the product information, but, I also want to see the customer reviews. There will be a mixture of positive and negative. If all reviews are negative, then I should be wary.

 

I don't think anyone said the ENA reviews are all negative (in fact I posted above one positive review, from a newspaper.).

 

There are times when I am not on this forum for months on end, due to work commitments involving travel. I cannot remember when I first joined, but it was a long time ago. I do so hope that when I could that I contributed in some small way to helping some posters on here.

 

That said, I see a 95% of well-intentioned on here. The other 5% best to ignore.

[Batya33]

I don't have the expectation of getting to know people in any real sense by what they write in posts. Certainly over the years I've gotten to know certain members through private messaging in more of a real sense. So there's no way to actually feel better or worse than anyone who posts on here because the reality, the context is missing -you do not know each other as people and beliefs otherwise are mostly based on fantasy and without context. Having said that I don't think you have to know someone on a forum in order to provide helpful input as a layperson, just as a human. The person might have a lot of experience with a certain situation whether romantic, professional, whatever. Or the person can give all sorts of disclaimers and simply have the intention of providing "for what it is worth" input -and that can make the other person asking feel supported and connected - because we all get that we're human and much of what we provide is "for what it's worth".

 

I recently wrote a long rambling message to someone in one of my facebook groups. A complete stranger although we live near each other and who know we might meet someday and we have mutual acquaintances. Anyway, she is having terrible insomnia and was looking for non-medical tips/suggestions. I have many. I've spent years now amassing many ways of combating my now (thank goodness) rare insomnia. I had little time to edit what I wrote so I gave her a long laundry list of suggestions. It went to her junk folder on FB messenger so she just wrote back recently -she thanked me profusely, said she planned on printing out what I wrote to review and so appreciated it. It had nothing at all to do with my knowing her or her knowing me. We don't. I am not a professional. I have no idea if my personal suggestions will help her personal situation. She knows that too. But honestly I think in my long rambling list she felt supported, cared for, connected despite being strangers. It almost didn't matter exactly what I suggested. Insomnia feels so isolating so anyone who says "I get you -maybe this will help" is helpful. No need to feel interconnected or even connected on any personal level beyond that.

 

I think there are lots of issues like that- like insomnia -where just reading that someone (1) gives a darn; and (2) intends to help even if the actual suggestions don't help - can mean the world. And if it doesn't mean the world that could be (could be!!) because the person asking actually doesn't want help -the person wants to be told "you're right, it's a cruel cruel world (a favorite drama-king phrase of my son's) and you can't sleep/you can't get a date/you keep finding yourself being bullied by one boss after another because people are awful and you are a victim". That's another type of blockage -it's a blockage of the asker who really doesn't want advice, just validation of being "right" despite asking for advice. Certainly if the poster just wants to vent and says that it's advisable to sit on one's hands and not give advice (which can be hard, I admit!) but it's not quite fair to ask for advice if it's really meant to vent.

[firelily]

You're not going to gain many followers with vigilantism or force, aggression, misunderstandings and personal agenda. The two most active members in this thread are the OP and one other member and neither seem to have been very active in helping anyone in the past few months except to create and promote negative commentary on the site instead of elevating it and creating safe spaces for discussion. There seems to be irony in that. There are a few threads available currently as we speak waiting for help or ideas.

 

A person's opinion encompasses thought, expression, norms, culture, disposition and personality. I think if you make the effort to get to know people, you'll realize an inter-connectedness in the community here. If you have walls up and think that you're better than the majority or others on the forum, you won't get much from the forum. You will continue to live with the sense of vigilantism, self-entitlement and isolation. Unfortunately your views will be as negative throughout as they were to start. There is a mirroring effect and I tend to look at a person's overall posts to get a general idea of what he/she is about instead of targeting one specific post. If a person is argumentative and appears to have a personal agenda, it won't benefit the discussion as a whole.

 

1. I understand some of your arguments, but why on earth it is surprising that I'm the most active on my own thread?... Why on earth would it work as some kind of argument against my credibility?

2. So generally - not speaking about me here - you believe that a vigilante with a tendency to oppose the culture is more self-entitled and harming to safe culture than a person who is a conformist with a strong culture identity and dislike of that culture being attacked? Because I would believe the opposite - a vigilante will not do any harm to a well-functioning culture than just give some feedback and stir things for a day, a conformist who perceives negative thinking as a threat will contribute to some ill aspects of that culture for years.

 

The worse I can do here is be a pain in the * for a while. Responsibility for the advisors pain in the * and responsibility over the wellbeing of fragile people in crisis is something entirely different.

[SherrySher]

I googled and found less than 10 reviews. Maybe I didn't see them all? 10 bad reviews out of the hundreds that are on here every week. And people still keep coming.

 

I'd say that's pretty good.

[ThatwasThen]

And calling people names is not the only way of trying to make someone feel diminished. Well it's great ENA is not doing that, but it shouldn't be the sole goal of a help community.

You state that like the only thing going for this site is the fact we don't directly call posters names when that is certainly NOT the sole goal around here.

 

I think, as I've said earlier that you are taking the reviews far too seriously. In fact, I know of a poster on a forum that got trolled to death that actually did nothing but post bad reviews about the forum he trolled daily. Those review sites are not to be taken as gospel. If this was such a bad place as you are alluding that it is, it too would die just like the trolled out one I mentioned.

[Seraphim]

1. I understand some of your arguments, but why on earth it is surprising that I'm the most active on my own thread?... Why on earth would it work as some kind of argument against my credibility?

2. So generally - not speaking about me here - you believe that a vigilante with a tendency to oppose the culture is more self-entitled and harming to safe culture than a person who is a conformist with a strong culture identity and dislike of that culture being attacked? Because I would believe the opposite - a vigilante will not do any harm to a well-functioning culture than just give some feedback and stir things for a day, a conformist who perceives negative thinking as a threat will contribute to some ill aspects of that culture for years.

 

The worse I can do here is be a pain in the * for a while. Responsibility for the advisors pain in the * and responsibility over the wellbeing of fragile people in crisis is something entirely different.

 

We are NOT advisors or mental health professionals so why are we being held to that standard?

[Camber 2019]

Firelily... you have swatted the proverbial hornet's nest!

[LaHermes]

Now you're talking Camber!Touchy lot those hornets. Will sting even if no provocation.

[firelily]

We are NOT advisors or mental health professionals so why are we being held to that standard?

 

Everyone who tries to help a stranger on the internet should feel responsible for the effect of their words on that person. It should be obvious. There are sites where people post about suicidal thoughts and people commenting to them, while no professionals, seem to be aware of their responsibility to gently direct them to professionals or gently offer them comfort. It is obvious that you're supposed to either say something that doesn't affect that person for worse, or say nothing at all. If this is so, why the same rule shouldn't work here, with people sharing their private troubles of their personal lives? You know what I'm trying to say, right? But I have trouble putting that to words.

[figureitout23]

Now you're talking Camber!Touchy lot those hornets. Will sting even if no provocation.

 

I don’t think it’s being touchy.

 

It’s essentially calling out negativity by being negative, based on limited information, under the guise of concern when really, the poster has an agenda...

 

There have been a couple of times on this forum where I have came to defense of posters I feel we’re getting a lot of negativity thrown towards them. I don’t care for it, look at the OPera posts, she did not experience any of that. NO ONE came at her sideways.

 

So am I a poked bear now? Yeah, because it irks me that every time a random fly by poster comes to bash the members here you have a few come out the wood works to join in on the negativity, not cool.

 

Is this place perfect, far from it.

 

But as I said in another ‘this place sucks’ post, regular posters were here for me during an extremely rough time, I had therapy and a strong support system as well but this site played a role and I’m thankful for that and look at my original post, it was not sunshine and rainbows, I was combative as hell, but the truth was still there, I just wasn’t ready to see it.

 

I think the OPer has a flair for dramatics, sorry not sorry, that’s what I see, I also see posters indulging her, your prerogative. But that doesn’t mean this site is anything less than a safe haven for many people.

[firelily]

I don’t think it’s being touchy.

 

It’s essentially calling out negativity by being negative, based on limited information, under the guise of concern when really, the poster has an agenda...

 

There have been a couple of times on this forum where I have came to defense of posters I feel we’re getting a lot of negativity thrown towards them. I don’t care for it, look at the OPera posts, she did not experience any of that. NO ONE came at her sideways.

 

So am I a poked bear now? Yeah, because it irks me that every time a random fly by poster comes to bash the members here you have a few come out the wood works to join in on the negativity, not cool.

 

Is this place perfect, far from it.

 

But as I said in another ‘this place sucks’ post, regular posters were here for me during an extremely rough time, I had therapy and a strong support system as well but this site played a role and I’m thankful for that and look at my original post, it was not sunshine and rainbows, I was combative as hell, but the truth was still there, I just wasn’t ready to see it.

 

I think the OPer has a flair for dramatics, sorry not sorry, that’s what I see, I also see posters indulging her, your prerogative. But that doesn’t mean this site is anything less than a safe haven for many people.

 

Ok, Figureitout :) In this thread I'd appreciate if you told me exactly what you wrote by the end - that your long personal experience as an OP is the opposite of my fears/impressions and that summing up all that you know, this place is a safe haven for many people and is definitely something good. I'd really appreciate that, just as I've been hearing to every piece of reassurance and positive personal opinions and taking it into account. This is why I've started this thread, to hear some opinions on the topics and make my clear vision of this place before I leave. If this is what you want to contribute to this post, you'd be more effective without focusing on my person and my dramatics and negativity and what not, because I said to you the same day "your comment suck" under other thread.

[Seraphim]

Everyone who tries to help a stranger on the internet should feel responsible for the effect of their words on that person. It should be obvious. There are sites where people post about suicidal thoughts and people commenting to them, while no professionals, seem to be aware of their responsibility to gently direct them to professionals or gently offer them comfort. It is obvious that you're supposed to either say something that doesn't affect that person for worse, or say nothing at all. If this is so, why the same rule shouldn't work here, with people sharing their private troubles of their personal lives? You know what I'm trying to say, right? But I have trouble putting that to words.

 

I am pretty sure something is being lost in translation here, but I am done and out. My feeling weird about something feelers are tingling so I am out .

[firelily]

Man, it feels good to make a personal trip for once. Just like a few commenters here did to me - focusing on discrediting a poster rather than focusing on discussion.

[Camber 2019]

Everyone who tries to help a stranger on the internet should feel responsible for the effect of their words on that person. It should be obvious. There are sites where people post about suicidal thoughts and people commenting to them, while no professionals, seem to be aware of their responsibility to gently direct them to professionals or gently offer them comfort. It is obvious that you're supposed to either say something that doesn't affect that person for worse, or say nothing at all. If this is so, why the same rule shouldn't work here, with people sharing their private troubles of their personal lives? You know what I'm trying to say, right? But I have trouble putting that to words.

 

My candid, non sarcastic explanation is this...

 

There have been many threads on this site (recently too) that follow the same pattern. OP posts an issue, usually something quite bizarre. The members take the time to read the thread, and offer help. The OP refuses to listen to the advice yet continues to repeat the plea for help. The members get annoyed and offer advice without sugar coating. The OP either claims they are being ganged up on, or they insist they are NOT asking for advice. A day later (or sometimes the same day) the same OP creates another thread with the SAME story, usually under a different user name, in hopes of hearing what the want to....

 

So... for some of us, it gets old.

[firelily]

I am pretty sure something is being lost in translation here, but I am done and out. My feeling weird about something feelers are tingling so I am out .

 

Hm, that sounds hard to understand, maybe just like my words. Anyway, thank you for contributing to this thread, and all best.

[Rose Mosse]

I completely agree about accountability and responsibility. (re: post #118). I think I understand a little better where you're coming from, Firelily. You've repeated the concept about fragility several times in the thread here and that's where you and I differ. I don't see the majority of individuals partaking in the discussion as fragile - it doesn't cross my mind. There are instances where a person's posting style, thought process or material might suggest that there are mental health issues or some kind of emotional problems but the vast majority of members are fairly levelheaded and quite fair and open in their thoughts. I really haven't had a single bad experience with anyone here on ENA in this forum. Differences, yes. Some jousting and elbowing (similar to siblings poking each other in the backseat of a long drive), yes, but I can't say I have anything against anyone here and I respect those who give respect.

 

Most of all I'm very grateful that the forum is available for those who want to share thoughts or ideas or concepts. From you, I've learned that there is a predisposition in considering OPs as fragile (a premise). I see OPs as equals, as people just like me and if I came for answers I'd want to know the straight honest truth of how the situation appears. Of course not all the details are privy in a one-dimensional box or a wall of text but we take it for what it is.

 

The reason why I'm here is because I'm processing something in my personal life (loss of a loved one). I'd say the most difficult threads for me are those involving death and issues surrounding death or illness. If this is my fragile or weak spot, on any given day, I tend not to frequent threads that speak about those things. On the instances I have, I know I didn't react well. I'm still processing. But the fact that I tried and the forum challenged me and evoked that response out of me tells me that I'm not completely there. I know I'm not fragile in any sense of the word and that's why I keep trying to look at things from a different perspective. If it shakes me up, there's probably a reason. If it doesn't as your comments seem peculiar and different to me (you don't bother me, by the way), I'm still open to learn. I think bad often balances out with good if we're willing to look for it.