Saddening ENA reviews

[LaHermes]

If people want therapy or therapeutic input/assessments they will have to do so locally through groups, hospitals, community resources, libraries, helplines, private therapy, etc.

 

Precisely, Wiseman.

 

And as I may have remarked earlier, posters here can, and do, signpost sufferers so that they can find out where to seek those services. It is to be hoped (and here I am not so optimistic) that troubled people can IRL access those services, and are in a financial position to pay for therapy and/or other treatment.

 

Some posters may be ashamed to disclose that they come from a grim social milieu or a deprived area.

 

Well-meant input, even if not always diplomatic, is entirely different from ganging up on someone who is in a bad place. This very minute I am seeing it on a thread. The "advisors" who do that should be ashamed of themselves.

[figureitout23]

I find it quite amazing the level of passive aggression it takes to create a thread to indirectly say ‘a poster said something to me that hit a nerve’

 

To take it a bit further, why not explore WHY the comment got to you so deeply? Could it be because maybe there’s some truth to it you aren’t quite ready to own?

 

Look I’m not afraid to call a spade a spade, I’m almost positive this is all in reaction to me stating I think your oversharing is an attempt at manipulation.

 

I truly do believe that, I think this subsequent post is as well, it’s how you get your way, how you soothe your ego, that’s my opinion.

 

Is my opinion a fact? Of course not, but that doesn’t mean I or anyone else aren’t allowed to give it.

 

To me, your looking up reviews of this site is essentially an extension of you showing your boyfriend this site. It’s kinda like looking for reinforcements, like see! I’m right other people said it too!

 

It would be different if people were calling you names or making fun of your situation. Which I have actually seen on other forums, but no ones doing that to you, your simply being given opinions that you asked for and look at your reaction...

 

Food for thought.

[bluecastle]

Just want to say that I hear you, LaHermes, particularly on the kindness business. That said, even kindness is relative in a forum like this. Am I "kind" in my approach? It is an intention—I swear!—but I suspect I've ruffled feathers, in regular guests and new ones.

 

There is a bittersweet contraction to a lot of this—the pro vs. amateur therapy stuff. Putting aside socioeconomics, a lot of people, I think, stumble onto this site for the same reasons people stumble into therapist's offices. Is anything more beautiful and empowering than vulnerable humans grasping for some answers? I say no. And yet the suggestion to see a therapist is often met with a rebuttal, or metabolized as a judgement, even when placed on the forum with the most velvet of gloves.

 

Think that has a lot to do with the fact that vulnerability is still not quite a thing that, across cultural spectrums, we've learned how to celebrate. Can this site be seen, from one angle, as a celebration of vulnerability, a big ol' party where the confetti of vulnerability fills the air? I'd like to think so. Of course, like any good party, there are some off moments, some very good people who do not get along so well.

[LaHermes]

Glad to read that you hear me, Bluecastle.

 

I am here, on an Autumn evening, disentangling what you are saying.

 

There are more than some "off moments" on here, and certainly more than "ruffled feathers" scenarios.

 

I will say it plain and straight. I have good eyesight, and I see unkindness, showboating at the expense of others, and not to put too fine a point on it, plain cyber-bullying in the form of snide remarks. Most certainly, there are excellent people on this site. But so many wonderful posters have left here, not because they didn't need the forum any more, but for the reasons I have just described. I just wish they would return.

 

The OP here is perfectly entitled to have started this thread. Or any number of threads, without being harried for so doing.

 

Anyhow, no debate.

 

 

 

.

[firelily]

I find it quite amazing the level of passive aggression it takes to create a thread to indirectly say ‘a poster said something to me that hit a nerve’

 

To take it a bit further, why not explore WHY the comment got to you so deeply? Could it be because maybe there’s some truth to it you aren’t quite ready to own?

 

Look I’m not afraid to call a spade a spade, I’m almost positive this is all in reaction to me stating I think your oversharing is an attempt at manipulation.

 

I truly do believe that, I think this subsequent post is as well, it’s how you get your way, how you soothe your ego, that’s my opinion.

 

Is my opinion a fact? Of course not, but that doesn’t mean I or anyone else aren’t allowed to give it.

 

To me, your looking up reviews of this site is essentially an extension of you showing your boyfriend this site. It’s kinda like looking for reinforcements, like see! I’m right other people said it too!

 

It would be different if people were calling you names or making fun of your situation. Which I have actually seen on other forums, but no ones doing that to you, your simply being given opinions that you asked for and look at your reaction...

 

Food for thought.

 

Ok, if we have to dig in my life personally.

 

Figureitout, I have no issue with any single comment - issues like that are issues that can be cleared out with the commenting person. At least it's my way of solving problems - speaking directly to someone I have a problem with.

 

I've been on this website since 2017, I started many threads and participated in many threads of others some time ago. I've participated in the culture of this site. I've had my observations, I know how I worked as an adviser and I'm not 100% proud of that, I know how I feel after discussions, I know how I feel reading threads of others.

 

I was once a member of another forum, after months of participation there I googled opinions of them and found out horrifying articles. The forum doesn't exist anymore. It was all a bit twisted.

 

Whatever I was trying to reinforce, I wasn't expecting at all to find out that so many % of people who left reviews feel worse off after visiting ENA, due to moderation and culture that allows or promotes a certain way of speaking. You will hold your own opinion I'm sure, but I know you my issue is a broader issue than some single comment or thread, so the food for thought you gave here is something I'm not hungry for. Also, something you don't know about me as you don't know me, I'm _extremely_ sensitive to ethics in psychology and helping.

 

And calling people names is not the only way of trying to make someone feel diminished. Well it's great ENA is not doing that, but it shouldn't be the sole goal of a help community.

 

*I don't know where to start, but, let's say I graduated psychology 2 years ago and I've had trouble finding projects to join, projects I trust to be completely reliable as a help form because I'm extremely sensitive to the issue about "people wanting to help but due to their own narcissism not really helping" due to having studied with people with dark personality disorders. I studied ethics in my studies like no other subject, I wrote a long essay on ethics of marketing mental health services... I'm extremely sensitive about the subject, because I believe help should be always be about the patient/client and not the helper's ego, as humanly possible.

[Camber 2019]

Firelily...

 

Of the reviews you read... did you actually see what those folks posted on eNA? It was quite obvious who they were and what their threads were. I must admit... they were not acting like adults. I'm not saying that deserves berating, just pointing out that it was a few people on the fringe that didn't seem very mature IMHO.

[firelily]

Glad to read that you hear me, Bluecastle.

 

I am here, on an Autumn evening, disentangling what you are saying.

 

There are more than some "off moments" on here, and certainly more than "ruffled feathers" scenarios.

 

I will say it plain and straight. I have good eyesight, and I see unkindness, showboating at the expense of others, and not to put too fine a point on it, plain cyber-bullying in the form of snide remarks. Most certainly, there are excellent people on this site. But so many wonderful posters have left here, not because they didn't need the forum any more, but for the reasons I have just described. I just wish they would return.

 

The OP here is perfectly entitled to have started this thread. Or any number of threads, without being harried for so doing.

 

Anyhow, no debate.

 

 

 

.

 

You do have a particularly good eyesight, LaHermes. If everyone in the helping profession or helping communities had the same courageous-no bs-authenticity razor as you have, we wouldn't have problems that tend to bother me in all the help world.

[firelily]

Firelily...

 

Of the reviews you read... did you actually see what those folks posted on eNA? It was quite obvious who they were and what their threads were. I must admit... they were not acting like adults. I'm not saying that deserves berating, just pointing out that it was a few people on the fringe that didn't seem very mature IMHO.

 

I didn't expect the reviewers to use their ENA names, I'm also not a regular on forum. So you checked the reviews and compared them to threads? You calmed me down a bit, cause I wondered about that, but some comments sounded more genuinely wronged than just pissed off, you know.

[Camber 2019]

I didn't expect the reviewers to use their ENA names, I'm also not a regular on forum. So you checked the reviews and compared them to threads? You calmed me down a bit, cause I wondered about that, but some comments sounded more genuinely wronged than just pissed off, you know.

 

They didn't use their names, but they described their threads and it was obvious!!! They did, however, drop names of the eNA folks that they thought were nasty!!!!

 

Anyhow, I just thought I would provide my observation. I've had things said to me on here that have stuck in my craw, and I've also said some harsh things. But you know what... if things get "nasty" I usually IM that person to apologize/explain, and we end up becoming comrades on here!!

[Seraphim]

I didn't expect the reviewers to use their ENA names, I'm also not a regular on forum. So you checked the reviews and compared them to threads? You calmed me down a bit, cause I wondered about that, but some comments sounded more genuinely wronged than just pissed off, you know.

 

Ok, don’t take this other than a serious question if you think it is god awful why be here? Does that make sense? I also don’t put stalk in a lot of reviews because revenge reviews are big business with many people .

 

I also don’t understand why people don’t create what they DO want. Someone here long ago made their own forum because they wanted something different. In the end it only lasted 2 years because there was too much fighting , topics that caused people to hate each other and they had no more time to devote to the running of it. If people want change make it and devote to it .

[Seraphim]

They didn't use their names, but they described their threads and it was obvious!!! They did, however, drop names of the eNA folks that they thought were nasty!!!!

 

Anyhow, I just thought I would provide my observation. I've had things said to me on here that have stuck in my craw, and I've also said some harsh things. But you know what... if things get "nasty" I usually IM that person to apologize/explain, and we end up becoming comrades on here!!

 

Just read them. All people who didn’t want to follow rules and expect exemptions because they are them.

[LaHermes]

Thank you Lily. You read me right.

 

I remember being told on here several times a very long time ago, that I was "Occam's Razor".

I took it as a compliment (not sure lol).

 

There are people here IRL who tell me I am the only sane person they know. Not sure what that says about the rest of the world. But anyway.

 

I see and come upon people IRL in awful situations, similar to those posted on these forums. Sometimes in the course of my work.

I can only point them in the direction of practical help, be it legal, therapeutic or general. I simply do not have the expertise to sit with them for hours philosophising and debating and banging on about the ins and outs of their problem. Anyhow, I've discovered that many problems do have quite simple solutions.

 

As I said, everyone is entitled to make a point, even express dissatisfaction, and it is no harm for any organisation, IRL or online, to take on board a bit of criticism from time to time.

[Wiseman2]

It is extremely important to remember that various anonymously posting screen names is not a professional relationship nor professional organization. This site does not pretend to be doctors-on-demand nor imply in any way that anyone offers psychological advice. You as well should not be dispensing "psychology advice" as if you are a professional. That is a misrepresentation. There is no practitioner-client relationship established here any more than someone watching Dr Phil on TV. No one here is a client. No one here is a practitioner.

I'm _extremely_ sensitive to ethics in psychology and helping. I believe help should be always be about the patient/client and not the helper's ego, as humanly possible.

[Seraphim]

It is extremely important to remember that various anonymously posting screen names is not a professional relationship nor professional organization. This site does not pretend to be doctors-on-demand nor imply in any way that anyone offers psychological advice. You as well should not be dispensing "psychology advice" as if you are a professional. That is a misrepresentation. There is no practitioner-client relationship established here any more than someone watching Dr Phil on TV. No one here is a client. No one here is a practitioner.

 

Precisely. It is reg people with opinions and experience.

[Camber 2019]

Firelily...

 

Of the reviews you read... did you actually see what those folks posted on eNA? It was quite obvious who they were and what their threads were. I must admit... they were not acting like adults. I'm not saying that deserves berating, just pointing out that it was a few people on the fringe that didn't seem very mature IMHO.

 

Just to clarify...

 

The people who wrote the reviews were not acting like adults on here....

 

Sometimes I don't 'splain very well!

[LaHermes]

Would I be correct in saying, Lily, that you are speaking of professional assistance and work IRL? Not on here?

 

Where are these "reviews" that you mention, Camber.

 

Gosh, once again with feeling.

 

The fact of finding fault with some aspect of a site (and likewise with a premises IRL, or a book, or a play, or a film) does not mean that one must leave. There is plenty that is excellent on this site, and much valuable information. Not to mention some very readable and articulate posters who are a joy to read. The fact that I might say I don't like this or that about the forum does NOT mean I must be told to "push off". Not a chance lol.

 

Just seen your post Camber. I'll take your word for it re the reviews.

 

But again, opinions, opinions.

 

Still no reason to harry an OP who asks a question.

[Camber 2019]

Where are these "reviews" that you mention, Camber.

 

 

Just Goggle enotalone reviews.

 

I google everything, if it's on the internet, it MUST be true!

[LaHermes]

Well, well well.

 

Now this is a lovely review. From The Guardian newspaper.

 

"Why I love...

Enotalone

 

True. In times of crisis, one cannot dismiss the importance of introspection. But sometimes you just want someone to entertain your self-indulgence, and enotalone understands this. It's the virtual online forum where the heartbroken, confused and disillusioned join hands and guide each other through the turbulent storms of their own personal dramas.

 

The site is updated every minute by another soul somewhere in the world who has found their dreams crushed, husband cheating or girlfriend wanting out. It covers every form of misery; reminding you that whatever wall you've hit in life, you are indeed not the only one.

 

So hold tight. A recently divorced 58-year-old in Milwaukee will preach lessons of love to a recently dumped teen in Croydon. The 15-step formula of finding happiness will be debated from Antigua to Australia, while the more discerning explain how to win the love of your life back via the "push-pull method".

 

The best thing about enotalone is its staunch belief that the irrationality of love, life and human behaviour can be explained through the bitter experiences of others and a dose of good, old- fashioned American therapy. While the world's disillusioned seek advice from each other, the professional therapists lurk on the sidelines monitoring the most prominent sectors of discussion which are used in wider social research.

 

Enotalone is a personal agony aunt, without the shrink's fees or the pain of deeper introspection. In today's fast-paced world, sometimes we just can't bore our friends with any more of our own melodrama. So thank goodness there's someone out there who can't wait to listen.

 

True. In times of crisis, one cannot dismiss the importance of introspection. But sometimes you just want someone to entertain your self-indulgence, and enotalone understands this. It's the virtual online forum where the heartbroken, confused and disillusioned join hands and guide each other through the turbulent storms of their own personal dramas.

 

The site is updated every minute by another soul somewhere in the world who has found their dreams crushed, husband cheating or girlfriend wanting out. It covers every form of misery; reminding you that whatever wall you've hit in life, you are indeed not the only one.

 

So hold tight. A recently divorced 58-year-old in Milwaukee will preach lessons of love to a recently dumped teen in Croydon. The 15-step formula of finding happiness will be debated from Antigua to Australia, while the more discerning explain how to win the love of your life back via the "push-pull method".

 

The best thing about enotalone is its staunch belief that the irrationality of love, life and human behaviour can be explained through the bitter experiences of others and a dose of good, old- fashioned American therapy. While the world's disillusioned seek advice from each other, the professional therapists lurk on the sidelines monitoring the most prominent sectors of discussion which are used in wider social research.

 

Enotalone is a personal agony aunt, without the shrink's fees or the pain of deeper introspection. In today's fast-paced world, sometimes we just can't bore our friends with any more of our own melodrama. So thank goodness there's someone out there who can't wait to listen."

 

Made me smile.

[firelily]

Ok, don’t take this other than a serious question if you think it is god awful why be here? Does that make sense? I also don’t put stalk in a lot of reviews because revenge reviews are big business with many people .

 

I also don’t understand why people don’t create what they DO want. Someone here long ago made their own forum because they wanted something different. In the end it only lasted 2 years because there was too much fighting , topics that caused people to hate each other and they had no more time to devote to the running of it. If people want change make it and devote to it .

 

Since a few years I'm very harsh to myself and others about being ethical in helping. I also suck at helping when I try... I really don't like myself for sucking and I like noticing what I do wrong.

 

As for me, I'm focusing my time on gaining psychological experience IRL, so I'm not creating another forum, because it's not my preferred way of helping or the one I feel the strongest about. But I am building something positive, while my boat is swimming through a long sea of criticism of helping profession and self-criticism of myself in it to eventually be able to become a psychologist that does more good than harm. It's not for sole sake of criticism - I just want to be very aware. Bad deeds and bad people scare me everywhere, but nothing scares me as much as the concept of "evil" in helping, or the idea of evil in myself while helping others.

 

As for others - I'm kind of a warrior that would like to immobilize every single helper in the world who does more harm than good by their help in general. It's weird I know but I feel it's much needed. I don't walk away. I investigate with attention and eventually leave places that let me down, but not until I've made my opinion of them. In future I'm able to recommend the places or warn people away.

 

Right now I'm making my opinion of ENA. I used to use it as a part of my psychology experience. I saw it helped me to gain humility as a future psychologist by seeing how easy it is for me to slip in the "go seek therapy! you're a mess!" way of talking, one instance when I didn't like an OP... Two forums where I've spent some time, I noticed myself taking some parts of its culture. I don't think I will ever be a regular on ENA, I don't regret spending my time here either. My question was to users who are here a long time. If they feel really ok here, if they are aware of issues like that with the portal culture, if they feel ok with providing help if maybe it's not help.

[Seraphim]

My question wasn’t to drive anyone off. I am thinking of it as someone who probably has 30 years left of life and why would I spend it on things that annoy me??? I wish I had got a clue that time moves fast when I was younger and spent more time on things I actually enjoy. That is my angle.

[firelily]

It is extremely important to remember that various anonymously posting screen names is not a professional relationship nor professional organization. This site does not pretend to be doctors-on-demand nor imply in any way that anyone offers psychological advice. You as well should not be dispensing "psychology advice" as if you are a professional. That is a misrepresentation. There is no practitioner-client relationship established here any more than someone watching Dr Phil on TV. No one here is a client. No one here is a practitioner.

 

It doesn't matter. For OPs point of view the dynamics is most likely like that.

[Seraphim]

Since a few years I'm very harsh to myself and others about being ethical in helping. I also suck at helping when I try... I really don't like myself for sucking and I like noticing what I do wrong.

 

As for me, I'm focusing my time on gaining psychological experience IRL, so I'm not creating another forum, because it's not my preferred way of helping or the one I feel the strongest about. But I am building something positive, while my boat is swimming through a long sea of criticism of helping profession and self-criticism of myself in it to eventually be able to become a psychologist that does more good than harm. It's not for sole sake of criticism - I just want to be very aware. Bad deeds and bad people scare me everywhere, but nothing scares me as much as the concept of "evil" in helping, or the idea of evil in myself while helping others.

 

As for others - I'm kind of a warrior that would like to immobilize every single helper in the world who does more harm than good by their help in general. It's weird I know but I feel it's much needed. I don't walk away. I investigate with attention and eventually leave places that let me down, but not until I've made my opinion of them. In future I'm able to recommend the places or warn people away.

 

Right now I'm making my opinion of ENA. I used to use it as a part of my psychology experience. I saw it helped me to gain humility as a future psychologist by seeing how easy it is for me to slip in the "go seek therapy! you're a mess!" way of talking, one instance when I didn't like an OP... Two forums where I've spent some time, I noticed myself taking some parts of its culture. I don't think I will ever be a regular on ENA, I don't regret spending my time here either. My question was to users who are here a long time. If they feel really ok here, if they are aware of issues like that with the portal culture, if they feel ok with providing help if maybe it's not help.

 

We were a psychology experiment? 😕

 

I would hate for my severe debilitating life experiences and the years and years I spent helping to be thought of as that . Wow, sad.

[Wiseman2]

It's odd that you would not volunteer in a cancer hospital, veteran's center, home for the aging, homeless shelter, children's hospital or some other one-on-one type of helping to gain "experience as a future psychologist", rather than starting a thread on "negative reviews" a website, no? Geez I hope my doctor's training wasn't googling for negative reviews of general advice forums.

I'm making my opinion of ENA. I used to use it as a part of my psychology experience. I saw it helped me to gain humility as a future psychologist by seeing how easy it is for me to slip in the "go seek therapy! you're a mess!"

[firelily]

We were a psychology experiment? 😕

 

I would hate for my severe debilitating life experiences and the years and years I spent helping to be thought of as that . Wow, sad.

 

Psychology experiment? I just think I need years and years of talking to people to learn how to talk to people.

[Seraphim]

Psychology experiment? I just think I need years and years of talking to people to learn how to talk to people.

Be careful not to project your fear of “ evil” where it doesn’t exist.