What type of personality disorder is this:

[DKA]

All communication should be through your lawyer at this point. What is missing in YOU that you would not have blocked and deleted her after deferring her to your lawyer?

 

Can you tell us a good reason why you haven't blocked her so she can't get through to you?

 

There is one final remaining financial item to resolve outside of lawyers. Other than that, there is no contact. She's blocked on my phone.

[boltnrun]

There is one final remaining financial item to resolve outside of lawyers. Other than that, there is no contact. She's blocked on my phone.

 

So how is she able to "hoover" you?

[DKA]

So how is she able to "hoover" you?

 

I don't know, maybe I'm using the term incorrectly.

[boltnrun]

I don't know, maybe I'm using the term incorrectly.

 

"Hoover" means she has done or communicated something that has you engaging with her again. Something that gets you re-involved in the relationship.

[DKA]

"Hoover" means she has done or communicated something that has you engaging with her again. Something that gets you re-involved in the relationship.

 

Then yes, that's the correct term. It's hard to explain, but there is a financial item that needs to be finalized requiring me to reply to her. It's complicated, but near completion.

[abitbroken]

Then yes, that's the correct term. It's hard to explain, but there is a financial item that needs to be finalized requiring me to reply to her. It's complicated, but near completion.

 

Speak through attorneys or courts or certified letters. you don't need to call her

[DKA]

Speak through attorneys or courts or certified letters. you don't need to call her

 

I don't call her at all. Attorney's are not involved and shouldn't be with this transaction.

[ThatwasThen]

Then yes, that's the correct term. It's hard to explain, but there is a financial item that needs to be finalized requiring me to reply to her. It's complicated, but near completion.

During the discussion about this financial item that needs finalizing does she tell you she misses you, does she flirt with you, does she as to see you in person, does she initiate sexual talk of any kind? Or: Is the conversation strictly on topic of the financial situation?

[boltnrun]

During the discussion about this financial item that needs finalizing does she tell you she misses you, does she flirt with you, does she as to see you in person, does she initiate sexual talk of any kind? Or: Is the conversation strictly on topic of the financial situation?

 

OR...does any communication from her "trigger" thoughts of the relationship, thoughts of longing for her, ruminating over what went wrong, etc.?

[DKA]

During the discussion about this financial item that needs finalizing does she tell you she misses you, does she flirt with you, does she as to see you in person, does she initiate sexual talk of any kind? Or: Is the conversation strictly on topic of the financial situation?

 

Strictly business, but with twisted logic and/or leading statements in an attempt to get me engaged. I do not. One word replies.

[ThatwasThen]

Strictly business, but with twisted logic and/or leading statements in an attempt to get me engaged. I do not. One word replies.

 

Then just keep up the one word answers until its resolved and if you feel yourself weakening then speak to your lawyer about taking over this financial item. Hopefully you'll finalize quickly so you can be done with her.

[DancingFool]

What you are dealing with is a bit like a cat toying with a mouse and you are the mouse. Except that in your mind, you are trying to connect her cold, callous, calculated toying with you as "oh she cares" because you've spent 20 years desperately trying to convince someone who isn't capable of caring to care about you. Please stop trying to project yourself, your feelings, your needs to someone who doesn't have it in them. She literally cares about you as much as a cat cares about the mouse - it's entertaining, but in the end, it's just lunch or not even that much, just slowly killing the mouse because it's fun like that for the cat.

 

There is another term for what you are feeling - trauma bonding and/or Stockholm Syndrome. If you want out of this nightmare, please find a therapist/psychiatrist who specifically specializes in this. Not everyone will do here. Fortunately, the road to recovery exists and you are not alone. Just get some help and you'll move along so much faster.

[DKA]

What you are dealing with is a bit like a cat toying with a mouse and you are the mouse. Except that in your mind, you are trying to connect her cold, callous, calculated toying with you as "oh she cares" because you've spent 20 years desperately trying to convince someone who isn't capable of caring to care about you. Please stop trying to project yourself, your feelings, your needs to someone who doesn't have it in them. She literally cares about you as much as a cat cares about the mouse - it's entertaining, but in the end, it's just lunch or not even that much, just slowly killing the mouse because it's fun like that for the cat.

 

There is another term for what you are feeling - trauma bonding and/or Stockholm Syndrome. If you want out of this nightmare, please find a therapist/psychiatrist who specifically specializes in this. Not everyone will do here. Fortunately, the road to recovery exists and you are not alone. Just get some help and you'll move along so much faster.

 

I’m working with a strong therapist that I actually found by accident and not word of mouth. She has completely gone into narc rage (yes I know I shouldn’t diagnose) and has decided to go scorched earth maliciously with fiancés. I’ll be decimated financially but don’t have much recourse due to the way our assets had accumulated.

I’ve blocked her forever and turned it all over to an attorney.

[Wiseman2]

A very good attorney is your best friend right now. Be much less emotional. Now is the time to be as pragmatic as possible. You'll make the most errors possible when rancor, hate, hurt, contempt, accusations, panic, revenge, etc take over your brain like this.

 

Think as clearly and dispassionately as possible, or risk making mistakes every step of the way.

I’ll be decimated financially but don’t have much recourse due to the way our assets had accumulated. turned it all over to an attorney.

[boltnrun]

She can't take everything. I'm not sure what kind of "financial transaction " would result in her getting absolutely everything.

[DKA]

She can't take everything. I'm not sure what kind of "financial transaction " would result in her getting absolutely everything.

 

Not everything, just decimated.

[maew]

Not everything, just decimated.

 

This happened to me in my divorce, I walked away with almost nothing due to inheritance laws in my country and the fact that my ex loved spending money like there was no tomorrow, literally.

 

At the end of the day I am still behind financially but it was worth the price to be free from that relationship.

 

There are always opportunities to make more money if you want them.

[smJackson]

Thatwasthen, I am back on the forum and I may say something about my experience soon in a new thread.

[DKA]

This happened to me in my divorce, I walked away with almost nothing due to inheritance laws in my country and the fact that my ex loved spending money like there was no tomorrow, literally.

At the end of the day I am still behind financially but it was worth the price to be free from that relationship. There are always opportunities to make more money if you want them.

 

You can't put a price tag on freedom and peace of mind.

[HeartGoesOn]

Thread has run its course...Closed.