Decipher his words - I don't understand behaviour of men

[dias]

He got what he wanted which was to f*ck you.

Ts ts ts language!

[SherrySher]

Lol Dias.

 

justice girl, you're trying to make it sound all fancy, but all it is either a fwb situation or casual sex, but it's definitely not a relationship.

[itsallgrand]

It's just some people's style to make casual sex an overall enjoyable experience beyond the bedroom. It doesn't have to mean connection, just some ( enjoyable, in my opinion) seduction.

I remember my father telling me he learned to cook great breakfasts because women really enjoyed it. Not to look into charming words, being wined and dined, but take it for what it is.

So no need to look into it deeply. He's just the kind of lover atip enjoys.

[Rose Mosse]

atip

 

A tip!

I hope this was a pun. lol

[bluecastle]

The phrase I don’t like here is “obviously trying to get in my pants the whole time” paired with “this summer he finally managed.” The tone there is so passive, as if this was something that happened to you or that you finally “gave up,” as the old saying goes.

 

Another way of putting of putting it: you decided to have sex with a friend you’ve always suspected was attracted to, and you were also a bit attracted to, and it was nice. Fun! Two consenting adults doing their thing on an even playing field.

 

What happens next is up to both of you. As others said, I think your head is a bit cloudy right now. Just out of a toxic thing, and so forth. A vulnerable time. A dude who lives far from you is maybe not the dude for a relationship or the dude that, with a less cloudy head, you’d be thinking about in these terms so quickly—or, well, maybe it is. You can explore that, in your own head as the bbq heats up, and you can express thoughts and feelings to him at the right time. Or not. Maybe you think about it all and you realize, actually, that you don’t care all that much to need those answers right now. Maybe you think about it all and realize that casual sex is not for you, at least right now, if the expectation is that is turns men into boyfriends, or men who act like aspiring boyfriends afterwards. Not all will.

 

My gut says you kind of just want him to be really, really into you right now so you can decide if you’re really, really into him back. Or maybe just to enjoy that feeling on one burner while you work through your last breakup on another. Get it. Human. But still: kind of murky, and a lot of pressure to put on someone under the circumstances.

[itsallgrand]

A tip!

I hope this was a pun. lol

 

Whoops lol

[boltnrun]

Is he a drug dealer? Or corporate spy?

[Rose Mosse]

Whoops lol

 

Loved it!

[Cherylyn]

He just used you for sex. He's a great actor. Next time, don't give up the goods so easily. Build trust for a long, long, long, long time before you have a relationship with a man. Be a better read and judge of character. In fact, you did not even have a relationship with your "old friend."

 

Red flags should've been his flirtatious, pretentious behavior towards you. Also, remember that anytime a person whether male or female is overzealous with their attention towards you, it is suspicious meaning they want something from you. They have ulterior motives just as a sociopath would. They want to benefit from you whether it's sex, money, help, your time, labor, energy, your life even. There's no such thing as a free lunch. They're scheming types and very slick. Once you're under their spell, they have you fooled much to their delight. Beware. Live and learn.

 

The moral of this story here is make sure your radar is up. Observe people. Whenever their behavior is odd or "too nice," it is abnormal so make sure you're on your guard and listen to your gut instincts and intuition in the future. Don't be so naive because it's the naive ones who are easy prey. Don't make yourself a foolish, naive, vulnerable target. Sociopaths exhibit predatory, very worldly behavior while on the sly and they cast a spell over you. Their behavior is hypnotic and before you know it, they've used you up or they make you feel forever indebted, obliged and beholden to them. Google the word "sociopath." They're extremely manipulative unbeknownst to you you. Never fall victim to a sociopath. Develop street smarts.

 

Yes, freakin leave it. You should consider yourself lucky this time. He did you a favor by letting you go. Turn your thinking around and consider that you had fled or escaped his grip on you. It's better to let go and learn from this harsh experience. You should feel lucky that this fake fling didn't last longer than it did. Wake up. Never be fooled again. In the future, remain more cautious and be smart. Whirlwind sex is temporary. He used you, won his conquest, grew tired of you like yesterday's trash and discarded you. Don't sell yourself so cheap. Be more expensive and don't give yourself away. Remember, the forbidden fruit tastes sweeter.

 

Sociopaths don't use just sex to manipulate you. Google the word "sociopath" behavior and protect yourself in the future. Sociopaths despise intelligent people. They loosen their grip on intelligent people who are onto them and what they fear the most is discovery of their scheming ways. Once you catch wind of this, they'll threaten you if you reveal their MO (method of operation). Their fear is so real that often times they'll not only threaten you but make good on their threat so be careful. The best thing to do is to exit the relationship or friendship IMMEDIATELY. Run for your life and if you don't, they'll ruin your life. Avoid sociopaths at all costs.

[Qtip4free]

The phrase I don’t like here is “obviously trying to get in my pants the whole time” paired with “this summer he finally managed.” The tone there is so passive, as if this was something that happened to you or that you finally “gave up,” as the old saying goes.

 

Another way of putting of putting it: you decided to have sex with a friend you’ve always suspected was attracted to, and you were also a bit attracted to, and it was nice. Fun! Two consenting adults doing their thing on an even playing field.

 

What happens next is up to both of you. As others said, I think your head is a bit cloudy right now. Just out of a toxic thing, and so forth. A vulnerable time. A dude who lives far from you is maybe not the dude for a relationship or the dude that, with a less cloudy head, you’d be thinking about in these terms so quickly—or, well, maybe it is. You can explore that, in your own head as the bbq heats up, and you can express thoughts and feelings to him at the right time. Or not. Maybe you think about it all and you realize, actually, that you don’t care all that much to need those answers right now. Maybe you think about it all and realize that casual sex is not for you, at least right now, if the expectation is that is turns men into boyfriends, or men who act like aspiring boyfriends afterwards. Not all will.

 

My gut says you kind of just want him to be really, really into you right now so you can decide if you’re really, really into him back. Or maybe just to enjoy that feeling on one burner while you work through your last breakup on another. Get it. Human. But still: kind of murky, and a lot of pressure to put on someone under the circumstances.

 

You are amazing!!!!!!!!!! Thank you!!! Haha wow, you nailed it in so many ways, thank you :) every bit resonates..

[Qtip4free]

Cherylyn: No, you're wrong in this case. Now you describe my ex, and I assure you these two are totally different. With my ex I went against my instinct and gut knowingly from before we even spoke.. This guy is good, honest and sincere, no harm or foul play..

[maew]

Cherylyn: No, you're wrong in this case. Now you describe my ex, and I assure you these two are totally different. With my ex I went against my instinct and gut knowingly from before we even spoke.. This guy is good, honest and sincere, no harm or foul play..

 

Agree... I think the only part I agreed with in that post was that you may have been a little naive in assuming things would continue after you left... but that's mostly just because you didn't clarify that part up front.

 

What I observe is that two consenting adults had a wonderfully romantic fling that you will eventually be able to look back on with fondness... maybe you will carry on as FWB for a short time while searching for the love of your life... at any rate, it doesn't sound like this guy is "the one"; that's okay cause it was still fun no?

[Rose Mosse]

This guy uses you for banking purposes so that his travel business is not traceable to his accounts. I don't know if anyone else saw that on page 3. OP, please do yourself a favour and try to take the rose-coloured lenses off. He's not guileless. He's using you as his secretary and he's using you because he likely doesn't have the basic requirements to make a simple booking on his own (ie. legitimate bank accounts, credit cards etc). His business as you mentioned is barely legal or not legal. The money we were previously talking about regarding him transferring funds to you was actually for his shady business dealings and has nothing to do with you or him seeing each other again.

 

You seem to be in over your head and can't interpret his behaviours either. I don't know how old you are but it might be a good idea to limit contact with this person due to whatever dealings he has. If you have reservations about pursuing anything with him, I get it. He's off limits. If you want to go about sex only, you're a bit skittish about it which leads me to believe you're not hot about the idea. What you end up coming across as is someone who's very foolish (linking yourself as an accomplice to anything illegal), very inexperienced (not understanding him) and very vulnerable overall.

 

None of this transaction tells me that this is consensual or between equal partners in any way. He's taking advantage of you and you are plain old confused and easy to take advantage of.

[Cherylyn]

Cherylyn: No, you're wrong in this case. Now you describe my ex, and I assure you these two are totally different. With my ex I went against my instinct and gut knowingly from before we even spoke.. This guy is good, honest and sincere, no harm or foul play..

 

Well, obviously, once he got what he wanted which was sex, he grew tired of you quickly and he's moving onto someone else for his repeated pattern. You were just another notch on his belt. He dropped you off a cliff once he was done with you. I'm sorry. You were used for sex like an object. He demonstrated fake affection while he was with you and then when he was done with you, he ignored you. His lack of moral character speaks volumes as his actions speak louder than words nowadays. You can attest to this since he's completely ignoring you. In this regard, you are naive.

[Leah33]

And I know from previous conversations and what he has expressed throughout the years that he is a believer of "love without attachment"..

 

In the context of yours (and his) current dynamic this essentially sounds like, "I will come and go as I please". Why do you think there is anything more to "decipher" beyond that? I think (most) men are pretty straightforward, so, I wouldn't place any deeper meaning into his behavior and/or lack thereof.

[Qtip4free]

Actually Cherylyn, you couldn't be further away from the truth, I don't understand how it got this twisted.

And Rose Mosse, every part is consensual, even the 'shady' part which I see as no big deal. You don't have to fully comprehend. Mind you, on that account I will not be giving you the specific details outlining that situation. Obviously.

[Cherylyn]

Actually Cherylyn, you couldn't be further away from the truth, I don't understand how it got this twisted.

And Rose Mosse, every part is consensual, even the 'shady' part which I see as no big deal. You don't have to fully comprehend. Mind you, on that account I will not be giving you the specific details outlining that situation. Obviously.

 

I hope you will heal and recover, Qtip4free. Hang in there and stay strong. In the future, be smart, make sure your radar is up and remain cautious. You will be ok!

[boltnrun]

Actually Cherylyn, you couldn't be further away from the truth, I don't understand how it got this twisted.

And Rose Mosse, every part is consensual, even the 'shady' part which I see as no big deal. You don't have to fully comprehend. Mind you, on that account I will not be giving you the specific details outlining that situation. Obviously.

 

I presume one of the things I speculated is correct. Or he's hiding funds. He's attempting to hide behind you.

 

I'd stay far away. I don't fancy prison time.

[maew]

Actually Cherylyn, you couldn't be further away from the truth, I don't understand how it got this twisted.

And Rose Mosse, every part is consensual, even the 'shady' part which I see as no big deal. You don't have to fully comprehend. Mind you, on that account I will not be giving you the specific details outlining that situation. Obviously.

 

The fact that there are some other "twisted" points of view are simply a projection of those individuals based on their personal experiences. At the end of the day take it all with a grain of salt as they aren't wrong about their points of view and it's a good idea to remain objective.

 

But seriously? Don't be an accessory in this guys shady activities... money laundering will get you jail time (or worse) in most countries... I get how / why that kind of life can seem intriguing but I am here to tell you that underneath that shiny layer, there are lots of dark and dirty things that go on that you do not want to be associated with.

[Wiseman2]

Agree. The tin-foil hat thing is most likely not the case. If he were money-laundering that type of transfer is easy to trace. If he is, he's the stupidest crook on earth. It's more like a security deposit on future booty call.

I am not so sure about the 'he's hiding behind you' or 'using you as his bank account to hide money' argument. Since the money would be in her account, she could easily spend it as she wished and block him, never speak to him again.

[Qtip4free]

Haha sweet