To reach out or not to reach out pt 2.

[Gary Snyder]

I take that back. I contacted her yesterday. She responded back today, which communicates her level of interest is low....

 

 

 

You are right, her interest is low, because she was ready for you to ask her out for date two when she texted you after date one, "did you make it home?" You did not but this girl waited a week for you to text her back! But she's still interested, you can ask her on another date (she was ready right after your first date).

 

Playing hard to get is about not moving too fast. You don't know the rules. If they want a date, you are not moving too fast, you can do no wrong.

 

If you wanna play the game boys, you'd better know the rules.

[katrina1980]

how old are you?

 

Okay you wanna play that ridiculous game, lol I just turned 39 last month.

 

Anyway, no need to answer. It's clear you've got issues about it, so sorry I asked, didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable.

 

I was just curious. But if I had to venture a guess, it would be around 25 or maybe a bit younger.

 

In any event, best of luck I hope things work out for ya the way you want.

[loyal]

reaching out vs responding are two different things.... who cares if i waited 5 days.. i reached out didn't I?

 

Good luck with that. Hopefully you can find someone who will feed you grapes while you lay on the chaise doing.....absolutely nothing.

[Sixersfan234]

Good luck with that. Hopefully you can find someone who will feed you grapes while you lay on the chaise doing.....absolutely nothing.

I already have. thanks a lot, and i know the game

[Sixersfan234]

Okay you wanna play that ridiculous game, lol I just turned 39 last month.

 

Anyway, no need to answer. It's clear you've got issues about it, so sorry I asked, didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable.

 

I was just curious. But if I had to venture a guess, it would be around 25 or maybe a bit younger.

 

In any event, best of luck I hope things work out for ya the way you want.

im 28.. are you single?

[katrina1980]

im 28.. are you single?

 

You flirting with me? Send me a PM, flirting not allowed on the open forum. lol

[bluecastle]

“I know the game.”

 

Had to laugh at that one. You’re pushing 30, clearly think you’re the bee’s knees, but if a woman isn’t texting you in tsunamis of thirst you’re turning to Internet strangers to hold your hand.

 

You’re posing as Mr Chill, but none of this is chill. It’s anxious, angry, entitled, and thirsty, which is how you’re describing a lot of these women and, by extension, women in general. The good ones are going to smell that coming off you in seconds—and, yeah, they’re not going to be super into playing your game.

 

No text back in an hour an you’re here updating. She texts you back and, because it took X amount of time, it means she’s not feeling you. Exhale, brother. It’s not all about you.

 

The game you seem to know best is the one where you’re gaming yourself.

[Sixersfan234]

“I know the game.”

 

Had to laugh at that one. You’re pushing 30, clearly think you’re the bee’s knees, but if a woman isn’t texting you in tsunamis of thirst you’re turning to Internet strangers to hold your hand.

 

You’re posing as Mr Chill, but none of this is chill. It’s anxious, angry, entitled, and thirsty, which is how you’re describing a lot of these women and, by extension, women in general. The good ones are going to smell that coming off you in seconds—and, yeah, they’re not going to be super into playing your game.

 

No text back in an hour an you’re here updating. She texts you back and, because it took X amount of time, it means she’s not feeling you. Exhale, brother. It’s not all about you.

 

The game you seem to know best is the one where you’re gaming yourself.

Who says I was angry?... I was just curious on what others had to say... I said she took a day to respond, not an hour... all I took from that is that maybe she had a little bit of low interest... at the end of today I will be fine.. and I'm not playing any " game".. you have it all wrong

[MissCanuck]

You may think there's nothing wrong with your attitude or approach, OP.

 

And yet?

 

You're still single.

[Sixersfan234]

You may think there's nothing wrong with your attitude or approach, OP.

 

And yet?

 

You're still single.

I'm single because I want to be. Thank you very much... my attitude is fine...

[MissCanuck]

I'm single because I want to be. Thank you very much... my attitude is fine...

 

Sure thing, man.

 

That must be why you made this thread.

 

Take the advice or leave it, but at least you won't be left wondering why you keep striking out with women.

[Sixersfan234]

Sure thing, man.

 

That must be why you made this thread.

making this thread has nothing to do with wanting to be in a relationship..that's why I posted in the DATING thread..

[tattoobunnie]

I liked the first girl.. she was cool..it was more than just sex... after a couple days went by i decided to reach out to her

Wait!! You had sex, then waited a whole week to reach out to her??? Eek! Kiss of death. Any woman would feel so used if you wait a whole week after doing the horizontal mambo to contact her again.

[boltnrun]

Wait!! You had sex, then waited a whole week to reach out to her??? Eek! Kiss of death. Any woman would feel so used if you wait a whole week after doing the horizontal mambo to contact her again.

 

But he says if a woman is into him she shouldn't mind waiting a week to hear from him. However a woman waiting until the next day to respond to a message from him is interpreted as "low interest".

[Sixersfan234]

Wait!! You had sex, then waited a whole week to reach out to her??? Eek! Kiss of death. Any woman would feel so used if you wait a whole week after doing the horizontal mambo to contact her again.

when did i say i had sex then waited a week?..... I said the relationship was more than just sex...

[Sixersfan234]

for the ladies.... if you went out with a guy you liked....would u rather never hear from him again after the date, or hear from him in a week?....... I know that i would rather hear from a girl after a date, then not hear from her at all... thats just me...

[akrngrl]

for the ladies.... if you went out with a guy you liked....would u rather never hear from him again after the date, or hear from him in a week?....... I know that i would rather hear from a girl after a date, then not hear from her at all... thats just me...

 

Personal preference is hearing from someone every few days or so, unless the next date is already planned (then cool, see you then). When a guy waits a week or more to reach out (unless it’s a vacation he talked about on the date or a busy time at work, etc), I’m guessing he had other, more promising dates in between. Those did not work out for whatever reason so he’s circling back.

[purplepaisley]

for the ladies.... if you went out with a guy you liked....would u rather never hear from him again after the date, or hear from him in a week?....... I know that i would rather hear from a girl after a date, then not hear from her at all... thats just me...

 

Neither. I'm going to go with the majority and state that if you are interested in a second date and any future with this woman, you don't wait a week before reaching out. Reach out when you get home or the next day. You can lob some texts. Ask her out again sooner over later.

 

Waiting a week (or five days) before reaching out is a sure sign of non-interest, and your recent posts suggest you're not really interested in pursuing a serious relationship, so something more casual is what you have in mind. If a woman is okay with some casual encounters, and you decide to reach out every once in awhile, if there's nothing else going on for her, sure, why not? I have been involved in this sort of relationship. After reaching out first more than once, it was very clear he did not want the same relationship...so I stopped. Now if he contacts me, and I'm not involved, sure, let's get together if I'm up for it. I won't chase anymore. I have no issues reaching out first, but when this is not reciprocated, the answer is clear...not interested...move on.

 

The only thing I can fall back on is that if he was genuinely interested in me, he would be making an effort. Your effort is aloof and lazy and you don't want to put any work or effort into growing the relationship, but rather wait on her to do it. What's worse is you feel it is fully okay to blow her off for a week, but then get all butt-hurt she doesn't respond to your text for several hours. What's good for the goose is good for the gander, dear.

 

How about this? Treat people the way you want to be treated? If you contact a woman of interest more often, instead of retreating back into this passive role, perhaps you would see this woman respond in kind. Women want providers and protectors, not soggy blankets. Step up to the plate.

 

If I had a great date and got nothing but crickets after a week, I will have written him if he gets around to contacting me. I mean, this woman is responding to your IGs and expressing an interested, but you're too busy expecting her to adhere to your arbitrary rules while doing absolutely nothing and not making much of an effort to show your interest in her. Ask her out again, and don't blow her off for a week before doing so.

[Sixersfan234]

Neither. I'm going to go with the majority and state that if you are interested in a second date and any future with this woman, you don't wait a week before reaching out. Reach out when you get home or the next day. You can lob some texts. Ask her out again sooner over later.

 

Waiting a week (or five days) before reaching out is a sure sign of non-interest, and your recent posts suggest you're not really interested in pursuing a serious relationship, so something more casual is what you have in mind. If a woman is okay with some casual encounters, and you decide to reach out every once in awhile, if there's nothing else going on for her, sure, why not? I have been involved in this sort of relationship. After reaching out first more than once, it was very clear he did not want the same relationship...so I stopped. Now if he contacts me, and I'm not involved, sure, let's get together if I'm up for it. I won't chase anymore. I have no issues reaching out first, but when this is not reciprocated, the answer is clear...not interested...move on.

 

The only thing I can fall back on is that if he was genuinely interested in me, he would be making an effort. Your effort is aloof and lazy and you don't want to put any work or effort into growing the relationship, but rather wait on her to do it. What's worse is you feel it is fully okay to blow her off for a week, but then get all butt-hurt she doesn't respond to your text for several hours. What's good for the goose is good for the gander, dear.

 

How about this? Treat people the way you want to be treated? If you contact a woman of interest more often, instead of retreating back into this passive role, perhaps you would see this woman respond in kind. Women want providers and protectors, not soggy blankets. Step up to the plate.

 

If I had a great date and got nothing but crickets after a week, I will have written him if he gets around to contacting me. I mean, this woman is responding to your IGs and expressing an interested, but you're too busy expecting her to adhere to your arbitrary rules while doing absolutely nothing and not making much of an effort to show your interest in her. Ask her out again, and don't blow her off for a week before doing so.

Your not answering the question.... You have TWO choices.... if your into a guy after the first date.. would you rather him not reach out to you AT ALL... or have him reach out to you 5 days later... my effort is lazy because i reached out to her a week later? lol thats to funny

[katrina1980]

Your not answering the question.... You have TWO choices.... if your into a guy after the first date.. would you rather him not reach out to you AT ALL... or have him reach out to you 5 days later... my effort is lazy because i reached out to her a week later? lol thats to funny

 

Hey sixers, I think what's in bold is quite relevant at least for me.

 

Assuming we really clicked on that first date, and I felt a mutual attraction, while I may be wondering why I had not heard from him sooner, I would be thrilled to hear from him after five days, I certainly would not reject him for it.

 

Often times we need to let things marinate a bit after a first date before making our next move and that goes for both men and women. And there is nothing wrong with that Imo.

 

I also understand nuance and am extremely flexible and resilient, which is so important in the precarious early stages of dating.

 

In any event, I simply cannot imagine that any women especially if she is really into a man would actually prefer to be ghosted versus having him wait a few days for whatever reason, that makes zero sense to me.

 

I also think it's presumptuous to just assume he's not interested if he waits a few days.

 

She just met him for goodness sakes, she has no idea what he has going on in his life prior to meeting her.

[Sixersfan234]

Hey sixers, I think what's in bold is quite relevant at least for me.

 

Assuming we really clicked on that first date, and I felt a mutual attraction, while I may be wondering why I had not heard from him sooner, I would be thrilled to hear from him after five days, I certainly would not reject him for it.

 

Often times we need to let things marinate a bit after a first date before making our next move and that goes for both men and women. And there is nothing wrong with that Imo.

 

I also understand nuance and am extremely flexible and resilient, which is so important in the precarios early stages of dating.

 

In any event, I simply cannot imagine that any women especially if she is really into a man would actually prefer to be ghosted versus having him wait a few days for whatever reason, that makes zero sense to me.

 

I also think it's presumptuous to just assume he's not interested if he waits a few days.

 

She just met him for goodness sakes, she has no idea what he has going on in his life prior to meeting her.

THANK YOU!.... that's all I was trying to say... its funny to see comments on here when people say.."you took that long?!?!..omg.. I would hate that"..... see those are the type of women I would avoid and don't have time for... you said it best Katrina...

[katrina1980]

To add, this has not happened to me, but I know couples in happy long term relationships where the man waited three weeks to a month to call his now girlfriend back after their first date.

 

In talking to one such guy (guy was in my support group for a couple of weeks) he really REALLY liked her and was nervous about moving forward, and knowing where that second date would most likely lead, so he waited.

 

When I last saw him, him and his girlfriend had been together two years, this was around two years ago.

[bluecastle]

I'm still confused here about what seems like a double standard.

 

Correct me if I'm wrong, Sixers, but you're basically saying you wish some women could just chill? That you "don't have time for" women who will get all sorts of judgmental and immediately rule a man out if he's not blowing up her phone an hour later, the next day, and so on?

 

Yet, on the flip side, you recently went on a date, processed it a bit, reached out a few days later, and when she didn't reply right away you wrote her off as "never" responding to you. Then, less than a day later, she responds. Which to you signaled "low interest." You wrote her off because she wasn't super responsive, yet if the roles were reversed you'd want her response to be something along the lines of "cool—he's interested, let's hang."

 

In other words, the kind of woman that you "don't have time for" is the kind of man you are, no?

 

That's the part I don't get. Look, I'm with you in not fretting too much about all this and not going into defcon mode when some sizzle is followed by some silence. I've reached out to women I matched with on an app weeks, even months, after brief chats that died out or that I let fizzle because I ended up exploring something else. But I'm also totally cool with a woman doing the same. I don't put a whole lot of stock in early sizzle, nor silences, which I think keeps me open to a wider spectrum for fun and connection.

[boltnrun]

I agree, Blue.

 

OP, you respond in a week and it's no big deal. She responds the next day and it's "low interest".

 

Which is it???

[katrina1980]

Good questions by blue and bolt, but wanted to add, five days does not a week make....

 

And course I am not sixers, but the most likely answer to your question, is ego.

 

Also, and perhaps more importantly, he's been conditioned to expect women to respond quickly, quicker than 24 hours (assumimg she is interested), just like women have been conditioned to expect men who are interested to contact them very soon after a first date and not wait.

 

No difference really. It's ego in both cases imo.