LDR gone horribly wrong. Feel I could’ve done things different.

[saluk]

It’s not that they’re repulsive, I just know what I’ve seen (so far anyway). Everybody— well maybe not everybody, most people within my age range and even hers (which was never too big a deal to me; 95% of women I’ve been involved with have been in her range) here gossip, etc., and it’s very hypergamous here. Like I said you have to pretty much be a top dawg out here. I don’t know how to describe it....

 

Well you know what you don't want at least. Move on from people who are only looking for the top dog quickly, so you don't waste too much time with flakes.

 

And to be honest, after this and multiple bad experiences I want absolutely nothing to do with meeting women online. It ends in nothing but a show.

 

Well there are certainly other ways to meet women. Though most of my online dating experiences have been pleasant, if unfruitful. Just to check: which apps have you tried, how many versions of your profile have you tried, and have you varied your approach?

 

They’ve got other options, to be fair so do I, and I find from experience too much texting ruins everything.

 

So don't do too much texting then.

 

Real life becomes stale and we run out of things to say.

 

Are you doing anything in your life that is worth talking about with the people you date? If your life is boring your dates will be boring and one sided.

 

I dunno how I’m gonna communicate outside of dates, maybe phone calls but even that’ll get monotonous...

 

For early dating there is no need to communicate outside of dates. Set up the date, and get to know each other IN PERSON.

 

Thing is it sucks that there’s more work in approaching people but the hell with it, it’s either that or an endless cycle.

 

Yeah it's work. You have to find ways to make it fun. For a while I called myself the one-date king - went on a lot of first dates not expecting a second, just to get better at talking to strangers. I try to mix up the kinds of activities I suggest for dates so that even if it's not a good date, I get to try new things and do something I enjoy doing.

 

If you aren't able to handle it, take a break and work on yourself for a bit. I've been trying to improve my dating life over the last seven years (I never really dated before that). I have periods where I am really active in dating, and periods where I take a break and work on myself. Every time I go back into dating after working on myself I have a slightly better experience. I had to throw away my expectation of each new woman being my potential mate for life and take things less seriously. Dating is meeting strangers - you can't bring too many expectations into it.

[reinventmyself]

.

 

And to be honest, after this and multiple bad experiences I want absolutely nothing to do with meeting women online. It ends in nothing but a show. They’ve got other options, to be fair so do I, and I find from experience too much texting ruins everything. Real life becomes stale and we run out of things to say. I dunno how I’m gonna communicate outside of dates, maybe phone calls but even that’ll get monotonous... Thing is it sucks that there’s more work in approaching people but the hell with it, it’s either that or an endless cycle.

 

Maybe if you changed the way you went about online dating would help.

 

I agree with too much texting. Set up a coffee date, asap. Meet in person and from there decide IF you want to have a date. Have several dates, made up of a mixture of activities so you aren't having to do all the sit down inquisitions that do get stale and awkward. Dates don't have to cost money. Go on a bike ride, a hike, cook a dinner together.

 

Meet and date multiple women and don't plan serious things, like moving in, meeting children and save any future talk until which time you two have spent a considerable amount of time dating and getting to know one another - in person.

 

It's no wonder you want to bail from the whole think based on your last experience.

Take a break. Take a breather and rethink your part in all of this and how you could go about it differently in the future.

[katrina1980]

It’s not that they’re repulsive, I just know what I’ve seen (so far anyway). Everybody— well maybe not everybody, most people within my age range and even hers (which was never too big a deal to me; 95% of women I’ve been involved with have been in her range) here gossip, etc., and it’s very hypergamous here. Like I said you have to pretty much be a top dawg out here. I don’t know how to describe it....

 

 

Okay, but how can you be sure the girl you've been interacting on line with isn't the same way?

 

You've never spent any time with her in person, you have no idea who she really is, or what she's all about, except what you've been imagining her to be from a distance, via words on a screen.

 

I am not saying you can't form a connection with someone on line, you can, I have.

 

But nevertheless, it's still idealization and fantasy until you meet in person and spend real time together.

[katrina1980]

>>Real life becomes stale and we run out of things to say.

 

I need to comment on this cause this is absolutely NOT true.

 

When with the right person, that is.

 

When with the right person, it feels "right" even when there is NOTHING to say!

 

Sitting under a tree together at a park, at the beach watching a sunset. You don't always have to be "talking." Just "being" together is enough.

 

If you truly believe "real life" is boring and stale, and your fear is that you will run out of things to say, then dude me thinks you have some serious commitment fears/issues you may consider addressing.

 

As I said, I suspected one of the main reasons you were so into her was because she was "on line" which was mostly fantasy, and therefore not "real." Which according to your own words, you find boring and stale.

 

With this mindset, there is no "right" woman for you and never will be unless you address your issues with "real life" and commitment and take steps to resolve.

[Wiseman2]

Fantasy long distance cyber women are easier because a large percentage of the 'relationship' is your imagination. It also seems that you have a sour grapes view of local real-life women.

[NickOrtiz]

Yo yoooooo whaddup, gangstas?

 

Been a while so I thought I’d drop by to give you a little update. Sooo I mostly healed by now and I got some closure.

 

Homegirl on the other hand got into ANOTHER relationship a month right after we broke up only for that one to end a month later... I found out because some time after a strange number tried to FaceTime me at work, only for me to realize it was her son’s number. I didn’t realize who it was at first so I wrote “Who is this?” The number replied “Who is this?” Knowing her it was probably her from his number because she had a tendency to take his phone.... I didn’t reply because I knew it was a stupid little game. Later she posted a bunch of things about being single and spiritual stuff, one of which directly stealing a quote I wrote. (I mean I’m flattered and s**t, but come on; she pulled a Carlos Mencia.)

 

So I got my closure in that it wasn’t so much a me thing as it is her. Because I’m not gonna lie this dude was better looking than me and owned a gym. And this is probably herrr, including me, fifth relationship with somebody over the span of a year? Guess this is her way of “falling in love.” And they all ended in the same time frame as me.

 

I’ve been doing better. Back on track with diet, gym, chillin out, maxin’, relaxin’ all cool. Shootin’ some b-ball outside of the school. I’m about to post another forum with a similar topic asking about pretty much the bigger picture about why I keep going for these types of people. I’ll post the link here later.

[Wiseman2]

Excellent. She sounds kind of shallow, you dodged a bullet.

I’ve been doing better. Back on track with diet, gym, chillin out, maxin’, relaxin’ all cool. Shootin’ some b-ball outside of the school. I’m about to post another forum with a similar topic asking about pretty much the bigger picture about why I keep going for these types of people. I’ll post the link here later.

[Rose Mosse]

Good job on moving forwards. Delete her from social media also. I'm not sure why you're associating with these types of people. She's made a lot of inappropriate comments. Why put yourself through inappropriate event after inappropriate event? It's such a shock to the system and you keep conditioning your brain in a negative way. Using someone else's phone to prank call you or play tricks on you is disrespectful and such a waste of space and life. Move on and really move on.

 

As for why you may be doing this, I suspect you are trapped in this vortex (cyclical negativity) and may have known women like this all your life (don't know anything else). Open up and meet new people outside your comfort zone. If you find yourself dating in a certain pattern, now's a good time to ask why and break out of that cycle.

[MissCanuck]

I’ve been doing better. Back on track with diet, gym, chillin out, maxin’, relaxin’ all cool. Shootin’ some b-ball outside of the school. I’m about to post another forum with a similar topic asking about pretty much the bigger picture about why I keep going for these types of people. I’ll post the link here later.

 

And what is your plan if a couple guys who are up to no good start makin' trouble in your neighbourhood?

[boltnrun]

And what is your plan if a couple guys who are up to no good start makin' trouble in your neighbourhood?

 

He's moving to his auntie and uncle in Bel Air, of course!

[No43210]

He's moving to his auntie and uncle in Bel Air, of course!

 

I really hope people keep this going. All this misery on this site let’s get some humor going.

 

And my bad for the delay, this site decided it didn’t like my new account and I got locked out of it and couldn’t get it to send a reauthorization to my email so here I am with a third account. Third time’s a charm right?

 

And Rose she was shallow alright. In more ways than one.

[kamurj]

so here I am with a third account. Third time’s a charm right?

 

Not here for sure.

 

Multiple accounts are not allowed. Thread closed.