He left me after 6 years together

[Wiseman2]

He may have felt differently in the beginning and enjoyed living together. Unfortunately, his decision to end things may have come much later when you talked about a future, kids, etc. and his heart was not in it. It's understandable that you are hurt and angry.

 

Instead of convincing yourself everything was so perfect, how it was a shock to you and his family, etc. try to relax and reflect on the truth about how things really were. Talking about kids, house, future, etc when he has trouble finding/keeping a job is very stressful. You also started to try to cheer him up too much.

 

Women often mistake living together as some sort of commitment or next step or indication of a future. Men often see it as a test drive and a convenience both economically and sexually. When things don't work out, it's easier to walk away. That's why he "talked about" buying a house together, but never did. Moving in too soon and too young can lead to this, unfortunately.

I just wish he would have told me the truth years before and not wait 6 years to tell me.

[smJackson]

I'm so sorry that he hurt you in such a cruel manner. I totally agree with Healinglight. To add, if he feels comfortable enough to tell you he never loved you, then the relationship had gone way beyond the expiration date. I know the pain and shock of this is devastating to you. He did you a favor in ways that you dont even realize now. You deserve someone that truly loves and values you just as much now as they did from the beginning. Dont except anything less than a man that makes sure that you KNOW you are loved, everyday- each day of your life. A wise, older woman married for 40 years made me understand that. This type of love is real and it's out there, waiting for you.

 

It doesnt matter if he DID once love you, what matter is what he is saying NOW. When my ex bf planned and calculated an argument with me so that he could intentionally inflict heartbreak and pain, those were the exact words he said to me, but he added b***h to it. And I knew that he meant it. So I removed myself from his life instantly. I removed the gift of myself. Best decision I ever made. I have NO regrets. For as isolated, needy and clingy as I can be at times, I'm better off alone than to have cruel, fake people in my circle. I have so much love to give, but only to those who reciprocate it.

 

You should be grateful that this cruel individual has removed himself from your life. Your light will shine so brightly now --that you are away from his negativity and lack of love. Just you wait and see!

 

It WILL take time to heal and recover, so be patient with yourself. Dont ever forget these days that he left you hurting--without a care in the world, should he ever try to reenter your life later. He is not worth missing or hurting over. He is no prize. He will hurt the next woman the same way that he has hurt you. When she leaves him and he returns to you, turn him away with your indifference. Let him be another woman's headache with his selfish, evil heartless ways. Good luck to you!!

[Frkbrodersen]

I'm so sorry that he hurt you in such a cruel manner. I totally agree with Healinglight. To add, if he feels comfortable enough to tell you he never loved you, then the relationship had gone way beyond the expiration date. I know the pain and shock of this is devastating to you. He did you a favor in ways that you dont even realize now. You deserve someone that truly loves and values you just as much now as they did from the beginning. Dont except anything less than a man that makes sure that you KNOW you are loved, everyday- each day of your life. A wise, older woman married for 40 years made me understand that. This type of love is real and it's out there, waiting for you.

 

It doesnt matter if he DID once love you, what matter is what he is saying NOW. When my ex bf planned and calculated an argument with me so that he could intentionally inflict heartbreak and pain, those were the exact words he said to me, but he added b***h to it. And I knew that he meant it. So I removed myself from his life instantly. I removed the gift of myself. Best decision I ever made. I have NO regrets. For as isolated, needy and clingy as I can be at times, I'm better off alone than to have cruel, fake people in my circle. I have so much love to give, but only to those who reciprocate it.

 

You should be grateful that this cruel individual has removed himself from your life. Your light will shine so brightly now --that you are away from his negativity and lack of love. Just you wait and see!

 

It WILL take time to heal and recover, so be patient with yourself. Dont ever forget these days that he left you hurting--without a care in the world, should he ever try to reenter your life later. He is not worth missing or hurting over. He is no prize. He will hurt the next woman the same way that he has hurt you. When she leaves him and he returns to you, turn him away with your indifference. Let him be another woman's headache with his selfish, evil heartless ways. Good luck to you!!

 

Thank you for your kind word to me :-)

I Know your right, but is still hurts cause I want so bad to be the One for him as he is for me :-(

But I Know from tur button of my heart that he will not return og regret - he is just not the kind og guy who regret things..

Therefor I'll try the NC for me to move on

[MissCanuck]

Thank you for your kind word to me :-)

I Know your right, but is still hurts cause I want so bad to be the One for him as he is for me :-(

But I Know from tur button of my heart that he will not return og regret - he is just not the kind og guy who regret things..

Therefor I'll try the NC for me to move on

 

The one for you would not do this to you, OP. Not like this.

 

I realize that until the break-up you thought he was the one. But as it turns out, he is not.

[DanZee]

I think you'll eventually find out what it was. I'm betting it's either a girl somewhere or another guy. He would have stayed with you otherwise, even if he wasn't in love. He's not worth your emotion. Forget him and move on.

[goddess]

It just hurts so bad cause I love Him, and I Really saw a furture with him :-( im so confused :'(

 

I understand completely that you love him but if it's not reciprocated, the relationship does not work, dear girl. Both partners have to be on the same page, and he clearly is not, for whatever reason/reasons. I was married to my STBX for close to 29 years and he said he wanted a divorce in May. I, like you, loved him unconditionally but, with time, I am realising that he isn't worthy of my love. You will also come to this realisation one day. In the meantime, it's a terrible time in our lives, I agree, but there's not much we can do to ease that nagging pain. Sure, we can keep busy but we cannot shield ourselves from thinking about it 24/7. You have lots of company here on ENA. We just have to go through it and one day, we will see the light at the end of the tunnel. You'll see! You deserve better - remember that. Someone worthy of your love and vice versa.

[catfeeder]

Hi guys

When I ask him if he regrets his decision, he says no. He says he will not give us a chance. ... Why do he not miss me?

 

Because you're still speaking with him. Skip that and fly off of his radar. It makes no sense to continue contact after someone shuts down to you. It makes it worse.

 

First long-time loves don't usually last past mid-20's because both people have locked down and isolated the most important growth periods of their youth in their ties to one another. One or the other grows restless and feels suffocated, and that state can 'feel like' it's 'always' been the case.

 

You don't need to strong-arm yourself into letting go when a much gentler approach can be to relax into trust that if the two of you were ever a meant-to-be couple, you'll both meet on higher ground someday. BUT, that outcome will depend on the self development work you've both done separately in order to reach that higher ground on your own.

 

Such a mindset can liberate your focus away from trying to convince the guy to return, and instead it redirects you into a goal of surprising everyone, including yourself, with your resilience and ability to bounce back from this to create a fabulous future for yourself. As you begin to focus on cultivating your own interests and friends and bonds with family, your ex grows less and less relevant as YOU become more and more important.

 

There's nothing appealing to an ex about returning to the same person who's focused on nothing more than manipulating him to return. If you want your ex to miss you--and to wonder what you've been up to--stay out of contact, focus on becoming the best and most successful person you can become, and allow the time and distance to work its magic by either reviving his interest to learn who you've become OR by satisfying your goals and interests to the degree that you may no longer even want him back.

 

Head high, you can do this.

[Frkbrodersen]

Because you're still speaking with him. Skip that and fly off of his radar. It makes no sense to continue contact after someone shuts down to you. It makes it worse.

 

First long-time loves don't usually last past mid-20's because both people have locked down and isolated the most important growth periods of their youth in their ties to one another. One or the other grows restless and feels suffocated, and that state can 'feel like' it's 'always' been the case.

 

You don't need to strong-arm yourself into letting go when a much gentler approach can be to relax into trust that if the two of you were ever a meant-to-be couple, you'll both meet on higher ground someday. BUT, that outcome will depend on the self development work you've both done separately in order to reach that higher ground on your own.

 

Such a mindset can liberate your focus away from trying to convince the guy to return, and instead it redirects you into a goal of surprising everyone, including yourself, with your resilience and ability to bounce back from this to create a fabulous future for yourself. As you begin to focus on cultivating your own interests and friends and bonds with family, your ex grows less and less relevant as YOU become more and more important.

 

There's nothing appealing to an ex about returning to the same person who's focused on nothing more than manipulating him to return. If you want your ex to miss you--and to wonder what you've been up to--stay out of contact, focus on becoming the best and most successful person you can become, and allow the time and distance to work its magic by either reviving his interest to learn who you've become OR by satisfying your goals and interests to the degree that you may no longer even want him back.

 

Head high, you can do this.

 

I just miss him so much and want him back and I dont no why when he told me this things :'(

[Frkbrodersen]

We'll, i haven't contacted him in some days now, and now he is sending me snap chats and tagging me in things on facebook - confused

[Jhain]

Babe MOVE ON!!