How does age factor into reconciliation?

[lemni]

Your online life was important. its valid and what you two shared cant be replaced. BUT its not long term, these things never are. You didnt have a LDR you had an ONLINE relationship and it may very well have simply reached its natural end.

 

Even if you two do end up getting back together you either have to accept that its an online relationship or let it go and do the emotional work needed to meet a woman in real life

 

I'm not sure which thread it was posted in, I think it was my previous one, but as I said, I no longer seek interest in that type of relationship, with or without her. Never. Again.

 

So yeah, basically the only hope I have is that her feelings were real and she some day wants to meet in person to give that a shot. If she loves me like she said she did, that's all I have to rely on.

 

In the mean time, how do you suppose I get over her? I can't stop myself from hoping even if it's the logical thing to do. Is it just time, or what?

[figureitout23]

I'm not sure which thread it was posted in, I think it was my previous one, but as I said, I no longer seek interest in that type of relationship, with or without her. Never. Again.

 

So yeah, basically the only hope I have is that her feelings were real and she some day wants to meet in person to give that a shot. If she loves me like she said she did, that's all I have to rely on.

 

In the mean time, how do you suppose I get over her? I can't stop myself from hoping even if it's the logical thing to do. Is it just time, or what?

 

Yes, time.

 

Its going to hurt, no ones found the cure for heartbreak., but you will be ok.

 

Time, distance, and I'm assuming real life interactions, to move you away from that mindset ya know?

[lemni]

Yes, time.

 

Its going to hurt, no ones found the cure for heartbreak., but you will be ok.

 

Time, distance, and I'm assuming real life interactions, to move you away from that mindset ya know?

 

Time needs to pass faster, then. >:(

 

By the way, how old are you? Since you said you used to have a similar lifestyle to me when you were my age.

[katrina1980]

Some good stuff figureitout, I am sure lemni appreciates someone chiming in who can relate.

 

I've read about these long term, long distance relationships wherein the couple were both in love and did all the things local couples do, except it was all done on line, but never had someone go into such depth and detail about it, so thanks fio and lemni. Fascinating truly.

 

lemni, not sure what I can say to make you feel better other than time heals! And I speak from experience when I say that.

[lemni]

Some good stuff figureitout, I am sure lemni appreciates someone chiming in who can relate.

 

I've read about these long term, long distance relationships wherein the couple were both in love and did all the things local couples do, except it was all done on line, but never had someone go into such depth and detail about it, so thanks fio and lemni. Fascinating truly.

 

lemni, not sure what I can say to make you feel better other than time heals! And I speak from experience when I say that.

 

Thank you, I hope I heal as well.

 

A lot of people that haven't done this type of relationship are skeptical, and I think it's justified. Hope I was able to satisfy your curiosity. I'll report back when I have a breakup from a long-term local relationship, haha! Then I can give actual insight and make a comparison.

[katrina1980]

lemni, have ever seen the movie "Her" with Joaquin Phoenix? If not, check it out.

 

Guy has a relationship and fell in love with a computer system personified in a female voice. Even brought his computer, um, "her," along on a double date!

 

Talk about not real; he however believed it to be very real.

 

Best of luck and hope you feel better soon!

[Capricorn3]

OP, I may have missed it, but how old are you?

[lemni]

OP, I may have missed it, but how old are you?

 

We're both 19, I was born in March.

[lemni]

lemni, have ever seen the movie "Her" with Joaquin Phoenix? If not, check it out.

 

Guy has a relationship and fell in love with a computer system personified in a female voice. Even brought his computer, um, "her," along on a double date!

 

Talk about not real; he however believed it to be very real.

 

Best of luck and hope you feel better soon!

 

Lol, I think I watched that movie around the time it came out. Interesting concept.

[Clio]

Suppose a relationship ends due to miscommunication/fighting, or perhaps an imbalance of prioritization; just something that isn't terrible like abuse, lying, or cheating.

 

People tend to change a lot early in their life, from their late-teenage years into their early/mid 20s. If a relationship ends when both people are, say, 18, are the chances for a successful reconciliation better than a couple that were 35 or 40? Not to mention a lot happens from 18-25 such as pursuing academic goals, landing your first real career, and further developing your own identity, whereas most of this has already occurred by the time you're 35-40.

 

Thoughts?

 

By skimming through the previous posts on this thread I understand that you are young and that this question is somewhat fueled by the break up of an online relationship. To me that means that your mind was in the bargaining stage when you wrote this post saying "we are broken up but maybe we can get back down the line".

 

It does happen in some cases but there is a catch. You have to completely have let go of all hope of that ever happening, completely let go, move on with your life, have other relationships and yes, sometimes it happens that a few people find themselves together again years down the line. But in the meantime they had lost all contact and carried on with their lives, having completely let go of any thoughts about that person. It entails letting go, moving on to other experiences and NEW people and living on their life for years and years without caring anymore about reconciliation/ wihout this person in their mind.

 

So the answer is letting go of all hope of reconciliation and moving on. That's why they say that it is like a new relationship. Because the people in it held nothing from the past. No expectations. No resentment. No grudges. No hope.

[MissCanuck]

You will move past this, OP.

 

But to do so, you are going to have to unplug and develop your social skills with girls offline. As I said in your other thread, your expectations of this were unrealistic. You were expecting her to behave and speak the way a real girlfriend would, which is too much for someone who has never met you in person. Wanting her to be mushy and tell you she loves you was your brain's way of signalling to you that this online relationship was not fulfilling your deepest needs and desires, and it was time to exit stage-left.

 

You will be much more satisfied when you can have a true relationship, with someone you can actually see, hold, share affection with, and go out on dates with. Someone who gets to you know on a deep level and is comfortable telling you she loves you, and means it sincerely. This online arrangement got boring for both you and her, for good reason. It just can't compete with offline dating. Not by a long shot.

[Chris12189]

OP, as a current gamer myself, what games besides Overwatch did you play? Was there a massive skill difference between you two? She could of been using you to boost her elo or her rank if you were far superior to her.

[katrina1980]

Lol, I think I watched that movie around the time it came out.

 

Interesting concept.

 

Indeed. Amazon Fire and Android 5.0+ have an app called "Alexa." When one has the app, they can verbally ask Alexa anything (which was Amazon's purpose for creating), even chat with "her." "She" has a pleasant warm voice, I've heard it.

 

One guy (single) called in and thanked Amazon for creating the app, he said Alexa has become like a friend, he talks to "her" all the time, about anything.

 

I can actually see some lonely men (and women) becoming quite emotionally attached to Alexa, just like Joaquin Phoenix did in the movie.

 

Or similar apps being created in the future for the sole purpose of dating and relationships, which was the premise of the movie "Her."

 

Joaquin Phoenix fell in love with "her" and from what I recall was devastated when "she" suddenly stopped communicating with him. She said she actually "felt" him becoming too attached, and since she was actually an "intelligent computer system" versus a "real" person, she was not attached and chose to stop the interaction.

 

It was a bizarre movie but interesting nevertheless.

[Wiseman2]

It's best, whatever age, to just move forward. Things end for a reason. You can't maneuver or manipulate anyone into liking you again. That is up to them.

 

Beware of the "get your ex back" sites and scams that give advice like this. They prey on people desperate to reconcile when it is over. Much of the advice ranges from creepy to stalking to total manure.

I hear people say that when you reconcile with an ex or speak to an ex after NC, that you're supposed to treat it like a "new" relationship and not speak about the old one.

[katrina1980]

It's best, whatever age, to just move forward. Things end for a reason. You can't maneuver or manipulate anyone into liking you again. That is up to them.

 

Beware of the "get your ex back" sites and scams that give advice like this. They prey on people desperate to reconcile when it is over. Much of the advice ranges from creepy to stalking to total manure.

 

Agree. This "relationship" simply ran its course lemni.

 

You *will* get past it, but the first step is acceptance that it's actually done (which it is). Once you accept, the rest gets easier. Much easier!

 

As long as you hold out hope she will someday return, you will remain STUCK.

 

It's your choice.

[abitbroken]

Agree. This "relationship" simply ran its course lemni.

 

You *will* get past it, but the first step is acceptance that it's actually done (which it is). Once you accept, the rest gets easier. Much easier!

 

As long as you hold out hope she will someday return, you will remain STUCK.

 

It's your choice.

 

And word to the wise -- shut off the games and go meet women in real life. being in groups around young women your age won't guarantee instant girlfriend, but it will let people get to know you and get you more comfortable talking to women in real life. An online relationship is not lasting - because its not real for the other person -- and they have a life outside of gaming or you will have to meet in real life eventually and if you can't make eye contact or manage an actual relationship it will crash and burn. So there is no time like the present to expand your interactions beyond games.

[lemni]

OP, as a current gamer myself, what games besides Overwatch did you play? Was there a massive skill difference between you two? She could of been using you to boost her elo or her rank if you were far superior to her.

 

She wasn't serious about the game at all and never played comp, that isn't the case. Just played casually.

[lemni]

And word to the wise -- shut off the games and go meet women in real life. being in groups around young women your age won't guarantee instant girlfriend, but it will let people get to know you and get you more comfortable talking to women in real life. An online relationship is not lasting - because its not real for the other person -- and they have a life outside of gaming or you will have to meet in real life eventually and if you can't make eye contact or manage an actual relationship it will crash and burn. So there is no time like the present to expand your interactions beyond games.

 

I'm not socially awkward to the point where I can't interact with girls in real life. I have a job and I do talk to and flirt with my female coworkers, but they're just not interesting to me in the slightest. I only do it because they're somewhat attractive physically.

[lemni]

It's best, whatever age, to just move forward. Things end for a reason. You can't maneuver or manipulate anyone into liking you again. That is up to them.

 

Beware of the "get your ex back" sites and scams that give advice like this. They prey on people desperate to reconcile when it is over. Much of the advice ranges from creepy to stalking to total manure.

 

So you're saying that particular advice isn't true, then? How should people reconcile?

[lemni]

Agree. This "relationship" simply ran its course lemni.

 

You *will* get past it, but the first step is acceptance that it's actually done (which it is). Once you accept, the rest gets easier. Much easier!

 

As long as you hold out hope she will someday return, you will remain STUCK.

 

It's your choice.

 

Like I said, I don't want to hope, but I can't control it no matter how much I want to. I'm aware that our relationship is over—I'm not longing for the online relationship with her, I already know how it would turn out. My hope lies in an actual one with her, that could potentially work properly and not disintegrate.

[Wiseman2]

It has to be mutual. She would contact you to discuss getting back together.

So you're saying that particular advice isn't true, then? How should people reconcile?

[lemni]

It has to be mutual. She would contact you to discuss getting back together.

 

Is the dumpee supposed to act indifferent in that case or? Trying to figure out which advice is terrible and which isn't.

[Wiseman2]

The dumpee needs to stay no contact to preserve dignity and reflect if after being dumped they would bother going back.

Is the dumpee supposed to act indifferent in that case or?

[abitbroken]

I'm not socially awkward to the point where I can't interact with girls in real life. I have a job and I do talk to and flirt with my female coworkers, but they're just not interesting to me in the slightest. I only do it because they're somewhat attractive physically.

 

Well....dating coworkers is a bad idea... and simply going to work is not putting yourself out there to meet women and make friends.

 

BTW, if you flirt with women who you are not interested in because it amuses you/passes the time - then that's not really good interaction with women.

[lemni]

Well....dating coworkers is a bad idea... and simply going to work is not putting yourself out there to meet women and make friends.

 

BTW, if you flirt with women who you are not interested in because it amuses you/passes the time - then that's not really good interaction with women.

 

Fair enough, though there's not much I can do right now because I'm not in school this semester. Come January I will be, though, so maybe then.