I'm not sure what is going on

[Creamybutter]

So i met this guy at a drama club and i found him really cute, i guess it may have been mutual

We exchanged numbers (to keep in touch for the drama club ofcourse because hes kind of an organizer there) and then i find out hes a lot younger than me, like a good 6 years apart....oh no.

 

The next day, he texted and asked me out for coffee and i was genuinely busy so had to decline. Then after a few weeks, he mentioned he was going for a movie and asked me to join - again i had a flight that evening so couldnt make it.

 

Since then, he keeps texting me every few weeks...... with very short texts - hey arent you coming to the club anymore? and then OK.

or Hey we have an event today - or a program. but nothing more than that. He doesnt really keep the conversation going.

 

Yesterday he was like I hope I'm not disturbing you, if i am please let me know. I was like why would you be? and then just talked a bit.

 

I'm a bit perplexed, i dont think he knows how old i am? or cares? not sure which one. Also is he interested or just staying in touch?

 

I'm overall very confused because i do have a crush on him, but i know the age will be an issue.

[arjumand]

Clearly it’s an issue for you, doesn’t mean it’s an issue for him. Maybe you need to just move forward and see what happens. FYI, the majority of my friends are married to guys younger than they are.

[Wiseman2]

He keeps asking you out and you keep turning him down. Are you interested?

He doesnt really keep the conversation going.

[bluecastle]

What ages are we talking about here?

 

This guy sounds pretty cool. He's cute, into drama (the good kind), into you, and confident/aware enough to ask for clarity about he should still be in touch, since he's gotten some mixed messages from you.

 

Why not indulge in the crush a bit, see where it goes, then start doing the big picture thinking?

[IAmFCA]

6 years - who cares

[Andrina]

If you're going to have anxiety over the age issue, it's best not to start something with him. If he's in his late teens or early twenties, I agree with your decision not to date someone whose brain isn't fully formed yet, which happens at age 25. If he's over age 25, then 6 years isn't so major and something you might consider. If that's the case, he's asked you out twice and it's up to you to do the asking now. If you do that, I'd mention your age to him before you do the asking, because it's something he might not be comfortable with. If you don't want to date, let him know that you found out about the age difference and you're not comfortable with going out.

[leighanna23]

Go for it! Like everyone else said for the most part. In my opinion, if they can legally drink with me then I'm good lol.

 

:)

[IAmFCA]

If you're going to have anxiety over the age issue, it's best not to start something with him. If he's in his late teens or early twenties, I agree with your decision not to date someone whose brain isn't fully formed yet, which happens at age 25. If he's over age 25, then 6 years isn't so major and something you might consider. If that's the case, he's asked you out twice and it's up to you to do the asking now. If you do that, I'd mention your age to him before you do the asking, because it's something he might not be comfortable with. If you don't want to date, let him know that you found out about the age difference and you're not comfortable with going out.

 

This is a thoughtful take on the age difference. Thank you for contributing it.

 

OP it struck me and others how you said he doesn't continue the conversation, yet it seems he has initiated contact and lobbed ideas your way, and that you have been friendly at best, or perhaps merely polite, and certainly, have not responded in kind with initiative and ideas of your own. Also, you have stopped participating in the drama group.

 

Soon, he will stop contacting you altogether, out of respect to himself and to you. You say you still have a crush. You have mixed feelings - what's the big deal about the 6 years?

[Creamybutter]

ok...its just that even if i try making conversation, he replies in very short answers....i guess ill need to go to the club and meet him there..

my logical mind thinks itll never work (he is above 25 years old) but still not in his thirties (like i am). I am told i look very young so i dont think he knows.

I'm not sure how to just put my age out there. its just awkward & funny without any context. And I have no idea what his reaction will be.

[DanZee]

It's obvious, the guy doesn't want a text romance. He wants to talk to you in person. Why don't you go out on a date with him and see if you like each other?

 

So he's 28 and you're 34? That's not too bad of an age difference. Why are you so hung up about your age? Go out and enjoy yourself! It's not like he's asking you to marry him (yet).

[boltnrun]

My last two boyfriends were 7 years and 8 years younger than me respectively. It wasn't an issue.

 

Do you not like that he's younger? Or do you fear he won't like you anymore if he finds out you're older?

[Andrina]

You clearly seem interested. It seems like you're more worried about what he thinks about the age difference, but if he's okay with it, maybe you'll relax. I think he keeps his answers short because he thinks you're not interested because you never gave him any alternative date when he asked you to do something, and he doesn't want to seem overeager.

 

If I were you, I'd say: Now that I have more time, I'd love to do that coffee date with you, how about (day and time). Then when you're at your meet up, find a way to bring up your age or some context to it, like what year you graduated from high school. If you can't organically find some way to bring it up, ask him his age and then say something like: A lot of people think I'm that age too, but I'm . . .

 

After he knows, since you asked him out this time, the ball will be in his court to ask you out the next time. And if you're truly busy and interested, always give him an alternate date so he's not left wondering if you're into him or not.

[Wiseman2]

If you want to date him, stop the texting convos and finally accept one of his dates or propose one. He wants a date not a text buddy, that's why he kept asking you out.

ok...its just that even if i try making conversation, he replies in very short answers.

[Batya33]

I am baffled. He asks you out twice and you are legitimately busy but like him. How many times did you suggest an alternative time, or express interest in rescheduling? Why in the world should he keep asking you -yes, you're busy but you have yet to even suggest an alternative as to when you are not busy.

 

I don't think the 6 year age difference matters unless it turns out he has an issue about wanting to have a family and wanting to wait more than a couple of years. My friend got married when she was 40 and her husband -her dance instructor, so, a similar situation -was 30. No need to tell this guy how old you are -it's only 6 years, not a big deal.

 

But please stop being so passive if you actually want to go on a date with him. Schedule a date.

[IAmFCA]

ok...its just that even if i try making conversation, he replies in very short answers....i guess ill need to go to the club and meet him there..

my logical mind thinks itll never work (he is above 25 years old) but still not in his thirties (like i am). I am told i look very young so i dont think he knows.

I'm not sure how to just put my age out there. its just awkward & funny without any context. And I have no idea what his reaction will be.

 

I am 52. My bf is 42. I have kids, more responsibilities than I care to have, and a complicated schedule. He has the life of a single, no kids, 30 year old. I can't even have kids at my age.

 

Sometimes, lots of times, I feel older. So? Its really about how we are different people, no matter the age how we appreciate each other, whether we have a healthy dynamic together.

 

I think your - I am going to call it an insecurity - is causing you to presume defeat/failure.

 

If you go on a date or 30 dates and it doesn't work, that's the same as any other dating situation. The benefit is, when you try, you learn.

 

Go learn something. Maybe it will be a good thing.

 

OP: Take it day by day, then, one life stage at a time. Let go of any future visions and commit yourself to your present situation. This is true for any endeavor: make sure you are headed in the right direction, then live today to its best.

[katrina1980]

I am baffled. He asks you out twice and you are legitimately busy but like him. How many times did you suggest an alternative time, or express interest in rescheduling? Why in the world should he keep asking you -yes, you're busy but you have yet to even suggest an alternative as to when you are not busy.

 

I don't think the 6 year age difference matters unless it turns out he has an issue about wanting to have a family and wanting to wait more than a couple of years. My friend got married when she was 40 and her husband -her dance instructor, so, a similar situation -was 30. No need to tell this guy how old you are -it's only 6 years, not a big deal.

 

But please stop being so passive if you actually want to go on a date with him. Schedule a date.

 

I was just gonna post the same, but Batya beat me to it!

 

But yeah, not sure what you're confused about OP, he has asked you out twice, both times you've turned him down. So not quite sure what you're expecting to happen at this point.

 

Naturally he's gonna pull back a bit, not being sure of YOUR feelings.

 

28/34 - that is NOTHING. Age is just a number anyway, I never judge a person by their age, it's how they express themselves, carry themselves, how we interact and how they get on in the world that is important to me.

 

Heck I've know men in their 40s/50s who act like teenagers, and men in late 20's/early 30's who behave and interact like they're much older.

 

If you're interested, have you considered countering his offer to get together by suggesting something yourself?

 

After shooting him down twice (albeit legit excuses) perhaps you should consider doing that.

 

I would!!

[leighanna23]

Agreed! I am assuming you're a woman. Men date younger women all day err day and no one even blinks (usually).

 

Why does the age difference bother you if I may ask?

[Jibralta]

So i met this guy at a drama club and i found him really cute, i guess it may have been mutual

We exchanged numbers (to keep in touch for the drama club ofcourse because hes kind of an organizer there) and then i find out hes a lot younger than me, like a good 6 years apart....oh no.

 

The next day, he texted and asked me out for coffee and i was genuinely busy so had to decline. Then after a few weeks, he mentioned he was going for a movie and asked me to join - again i had a flight that evening so couldnt make it.

 

Since then, he keeps texting me every few weeks...... with very short texts - hey arent you coming to the club anymore? and then OK.

or Hey we have an event today - or a program. but nothing more than that. He doesnt really keep the conversation going.

 

Yesterday he was like I hope I'm not disturbing you, if i am please let me know. I was like why would you be? and then just talked a bit.

 

I'm a bit perplexed, i dont think he knows how old i am? or cares? not sure which one. Also is he interested or just staying in touch?

 

I'm overall very confused because i do have a crush on him, but i know the age will be an issue.

 

I am not sure what is going on, either. Do you want to go out with him or not?

[Creamybutter]

So I finally went to the drama club after a few weeks for a show.

When I walked in, I saw him glance at me from the front of the stage (where he's usually fixing the lighting or audio).

 

I stayed till the end and then when I was leaving, it felt like he came looking for me near the exit where I was waiting for my cab.

He just smiled at me coz I was on the phone, and then i said hi..he asked me if i liked the show..i told him I really enjoyed it. He said please do keep coming. He made eye contact and I felt him glance quickly at the rest of me. There were a lot of peopLe he knew around so he made it very abrupt and said bye.

 

I hardly got to say much in that conversation.

[Batya33]

Sounds like he wants to make sure you'll keep coming to the show. It wasn't really a conversation as much as he wanted to make sure he saw you to say hi and give another plug for the show since he works with these people. I wouldn't read into it.

[Wiseman2]

Enjoy the shows as a fan and your crush but don't enter groupie territory.

it felt like he came looking for me near the exit where I was waiting for my cab.

I felt him glance quickly at the rest of me.

[Creamybutter]

Enjoy the shows as a fan and your crush but don't enter groupie territory.

 

What? Sorry I didn't follow this

[Creamybutter]

This show isn't a paid thing or anything, it's a free event like a community thing

[Batya33]

This show isn't a paid thing or anything, it's a free event like a community thing

 

Yes. Doesn't matter. If they don't have enough people going then the community won't sponsor it and people won't spend their time to put on the show - time is money.

 

Wiseman meant that you shouldn't read into his friendly attitude and telling you to come to the show as anything more than him wanting you to keep coming to the show -and that you shouldn't hang around him and become one of his "groupies".

[Creamybutter]

Yes. Doesn't matter. If they don't have enough people going then the community won't sponsor it and people won't spend their time to put on the show - time is money.

 

Wiseman meant that you shouldn't read into his friendly attitude and telling you to come to the show as anything more than him wanting you to keep coming to the show -and that you shouldn't hang around him and become one of his "groupies".

 

I'm not hanging around him at all. I just go for these shows because I enjoy them. I don't even talk to anybody or him. He approaches me so I talk back. That's all.