Decision decisions....advice pls!

[DatingUgh]

Good you are going to meet. Have a fun weekend. Since she's married and in the throes of divorce, make sure you don't get sucked into being her therapist/shoulder to cry on, etc. Enjoy dating! Now's the time not to put all your eggs in one basket and enjoy some freedom and sampling what's out there for you until you find a good fit and want to pursue that.

 

OH her divorce has been final for a couple months at this point. We don't talk about our ex's. I'm just trying to get over woman-2....yea there were several things that weren't a perfect fit but she was perfect even with all her faults in every way. Best way to get over it is to get back out there!

[Amalia13]

I don't need to tell you how many things are wrong with your love life. You feel it yourself. I've been there too. On the surface it looks like you get to choose between two women. In reality, neither makes you happy. On the surface it looks like you don't want that person who is so not right for you anyway. In reality you still want him/her to give you the attention and to value you. So you haven't actually found anyone. Join the club.

This woman 1 does not know about woman 2, right? Will you tell her? I think you should, because it allows you to change the way you do things. Don't do it in a hurtful way, but just let her know that you've been dating others, which you are of course allowed to do. That might bring her down to reality, which will be a positive. And since you've got no real love from any of these "prospects" now anyway, you got nothing to lose.

Keep doing the right things, and look for someone who will appreciate you.

[sosavvy]

Neither sound like a match for you. The lovebombing thing, as another poster brought up, is totally a real and powerful thing. It’s very exciting at first, especially not having feelings like that in your previous relationship. It becomes a high. Been there done that and got baited by it after leaving a previously affection-less relationship... my now ex husband reeled me in and showered me with love and wanting marriage and I’m so great and bla bla bla. I fell for it. It felt good at the time. And who he actually ended up being was nothing I ever expected. The reality is he was a verbally abusive, lying, cheating sack of s*** .

 

I feel like it’s a tactic to reel you in. I would almost guarantee she is not who you think she is, whatever her personality flaws may be. She’s never seen you in person it’s just irrational to love someone you’ve never seen face to face.

 

I understand at your age wanting to find someone to have kids with. I totally see your point of view. But make sure your kids mother is someone that is actually compatible forever, not someone that seems like a good fit in the moment. You don’t want those kids a product of divorce going back and forth and from a broken home. You seem like you really want to be a dad. So pick a good mom.

 

My dad was 40 when I was born. And while I don’t recommend this...!! Lol my now husbands cousin is 26 and her dad is 85 (seriously).

 

While I understand there is a time limit to reasonably raise children, there shouldn’t be a rush. Something that is meant to be will happen genuinely. You sound like a really good, genuine, nice man, which is almost nonexistent anymore. You deserve a good woman in return so value yourself enough to wait for that right one, not one thats just good enough to settle for. I have a feeling you’ll find it.

[DatingUgh]

Thank you Amelia and Sosavvy. You both bring up 100% valid points.

 

No I have not told Woman 1 about Woman 2 (or vice versa). I'm not in a "serious relationship" with either. I haven't actually met woman 1 and woman 2 and I are still just dating...nothing serious.

 

I told woman 1 yesterday that I do not want to jump back into a relationship and it would not be a good idea for her to come up/stay with me. As other posters on here and friends have suggested, I'm taking time to just date and re-learn to be happy all by myself. I have so many positive things going for me (job, lake house, boat, truck, "stuff") yet I'm still unhappy, and experience bouts of loneliness and depression. Yes I understand fully that those possessions won't make a person happy. I HAVE to re-learn how to be happy all by myself before I can commit myself to someone else. I've taken up mountain biking, swim with the pup every morning in the lake, work out, eating well, found an awesome fishing spot, got the boat on the water, run every day, hike all the time..... yet I'm still unhappy. Getting into a relationship is NOT going to make me learn how to be happy all by myself. It will only mask my unhappiness by devoting my energy to someone else's happiness.

 

Woman 2 and I are still dating. She still doesn't have a lot of time for me although since shes working so close, we'll see each other a bit more often. I'm TRYING to understand she's a single mom and that takes up more time than I can actually fathom. I've done a lot of reading/web searches so I can understand her lack of time better. I'm actually NOT hopeful at all that it will work out longterm. But when we are together, she does genuinely make me happy. Not because I'm lonely or whatever. We are actually a really good match from a personality standpoint. It's all the other stuff that makes it difficult. She experienced bouts of loneliness/learning how to be happy all by herself after her divorce. We've talked about it a bit and she understands what I'm going through to a certain extent. It's nice to get advice from someone that's been through it and talk to them first hand. So in short, with woman 2, I'm just going with the flow, no pressure, and continue to work on myself. We both understand that.

[DatingUgh]

I actually think a lot of my fear of being alone has to do with my Dad. He spent the last several years of his life pretty much alone all the time, home by himself in front of the TV. He was obviously depressed as well and talked to me frequently about no one visiting him/wanting to see him.

 

So, of course, I don't want to end up like that....so I attach myself emotionally to the next cute girl that shows me attention. Rather than fearing I'll end up like my Dad, sad and alone all by myself, I'm trying to focus on becoming happy and alone...all by myself. It takes a half glass full approach and I'm trying to learn how to have that positive mindset. It's a work in progress.

[DancingFool]

I actually think a lot of my fear of being alone has to do with my Dad. He spent the last several years of his life pretty much alone all the time, home by himself in front of the TV. He was obviously depressed as well and talked to me frequently about no one visiting him/wanting to see him.

 

So, of course, I don't want to end up like that....so I attach myself emotionally to the next cute girl that shows me attention. Rather than fearing I'll end up like my Dad, sad and alone all by myself, I'm trying to focus on becoming happy and alone...all by myself. It takes a half glass full approach and I'm trying to learn how to have that positive mindset. It's a work in progress.

 

^This is a brilliant realization.

 

Also, be kind to yourself and be patient with yourself. You really are fresh out of a divorce and it takes time to find yourself and find your own happiness and sense of peace. It's important that you do though, because that helps you find that right relationship. If you don't take that time, then you just jump into whatever trying to plug a void and that always backfires. Keep doing all that you are doing and realize that it will take a little bit of time to start feeling genuinely good and content. That sense of contentment will really help you choose a good partner. Just allow for it to happen. You are doing everyone else right, so...breathe....and go fishing some more. It helps. :)

[DatingUgh]

^This is a brilliant realization.

 

Also, be kind to yourself and be patient with yourself. You really are fresh out of a divorce and it takes time to find yourself and find your own happiness and sense of peace. It's important that you do though, because that helps you find that right relationship. If you don't take that time, then you just jump into whatever trying to plug a void and that always backfires. Keep doing all that you are doing and realize that it will take a little bit of time to start feeling genuinely good and content. That sense of contentment will really help you choose a good partner. Just allow for it to happen. You are doing everyone else right, so...breathe....and go fishing some more. It helps. :)

 

Thank you....and you again bring up some things I should think of more. I'm incredibly hard on myself (in many aspects). I've always got to try harder, train harder, work harder, be smarter etc etc. I'm going to try to cut myself some slack in regards to being alone all by myself. You're right, it's not going to happen over night and it shouldn't! I'm in a big adjustment phase and it's ok to not be 100% content with being all alone right now. It's going to take time.

 

All easier said then done but all ya can do is try and keep trying.

[DatingUgh]

update with Woman 2-Posted also in the Post here instead of talking to your ex thread

 

We (not sure who really) called things off a couple weeks back, got back together, then after an awkward evening, we had been texting a day or 2 later and after some awkward texts (on both our parts) I broke things off with her after arguing. This was about 5 days ago. I've been doing really well for the most part being all "if you can't give me what I need then best of luck to ya!!!!". Also, since then, and I literally can't help this, I've been doing a bunch of reading to try to understand why she is the way she is, and understand why what happened, happened. This is just who I am. I'm a scientist, and very (overly) analytical. I need to know the "why". I've come to find out she is extremely emotionally unavailable. Bad childhood, bad relationship with father, 2 divorces with crappy men. She literally meets all the criteria about an emotionally unavailable woman to a T. And while reading about signs of an emotionally unavailable woman in my research of trying to understand things, I read this. http://www.newlovetimes.com/how-to-l...ailable-women/

 

Well crap....that just wants me to put my knight in shining armor suit on and bear the brunt of her emotionally unavailability and "stay" because that's what she needs me/someone to do in order to love her and for her to love me back. TOTALLY disregard my needs, which coming out of a divorce myself, is not easy. This is supposed to be MY TIME to be selfish for once!!!! Goddamn it! I don't know if I'm going to reach back out to her or not honestly. Why would I even bother subjecting myself to such torture? Am I really just a sucker and glutton for punishment? There is seriously something wrong with me. Or maybe, the words of Bruce Willis in Live Free or Die Hard, "That's What Makes You That Guy". That was fricken stupid. This woman drives me nuts to say the dumbest sh*t and we aren't even together anymore. God help me.

[LootieTootie]

It sounds like you are forcing things with woman 2. Seems desperate on your part and you need to step back and do some self-reflection. Not reflection about this woman, or your relationship with this woman. But some serious self-reflection... specifically if you are that desperate to accept having a woman who is inconsiderate, unstable and unavailable.

 

take care of you.

[figureitout23]

How about instead of trying to diagnose her, you stop dating until you heal.

 

You're ignoring red signs because you so desperately want to fill that void..

 

That's not what dating is for.

 

So right now you're two broken people fumbling your way around each other. I say this a lot: broken seeks broken and you found two of them! that's all the evidence you need you may want to actually do the work of getting back on your feet emotionally before you date.

[DatingUgh]

what makes you think I need to heal? I mean, I get what you are saying but I am good! I am happy! Since I called things off w/ woman #2, I feel great! I feel like I've stuck to my guns for what I need in a relationship....which is for someone to SHOW, via effort/actions, that they love me. What I have come to find out is Woman 2 is hurting inside, because of her past, and therefore has EXTREME trust issues. For someone I love, and I do really love her, who she is, how strong/beautiful on the inside she is, I've always told myself I'll do anything for them. However, I'm in a pickle because right now, as I've said, what I NEED is someone to show/give ME, rather than the other way around, that they love me. I want to stay, be there on a consistent basis to show her I do love her regardless of the walls she puts up, I'm not going anywhere. BUt I'm not sure I can do that at this point. I HATE being a pessimist and say "well it probably wouldn't work out anyway", because that makes me just as bad as her....putting up a wall.

 

IDFK. I didn't reach out to her this passed weekend. I wanted to. But for once, I'm doing the best I can to stick to my guns of what I need.

[DatingUgh]

It sounds like you are forcing things with woman 2. Seems desperate on your part and you need to step back and do some self-reflection. Not reflection about this woman, or your relationship with this woman. But some serious self-reflection... specifically if you are that desperate to accept having a woman who is inconsiderate, unstable and unavailable.

 

take care of you.

 

HOw am I forcing something? I left!!!! Self relfection?!?!?!?!?! That's ALL I have been doing. I am not desperate...again, I left. Yup, she was inconsiderate, unstable, and unavailable specifically when I tried to get close to her. It was very frustrating. And I needed answers WHY she was doing this. It wasn't because she was a bad person or being mean/selfish or whatever, it's because she is afraid of getting close to someone. Read my post above about being emotionally unavailable. SHE IS AFRAID!

[DissyLu]

OP, the woman sounded like she has issues from your very early posts

 

The writing was on the wall awhile ago

 

Yes, I'm talking about woman #2

 

She seemed, selfish, unable to give, she shut you down when you tried to talk about your feelings/needs etc etc

 

The alarm bells were going off for awhile. She sounded awful, really. It was a one sided relationship. You gave, she took.

 

Most healthy individuals would have seen the warning signs and bowed out long before you did

 

Listen to the other posters, the reason why you put up with her nonsense if because you're trying to fill a void, have a warm body to sleep next to at night

 

I don't think you're in a position to date now that I've been more thoroughly briefed on the choices you've made dating wise

 

Take some time to yourself. Enjoy your lake house and your friends! Forget about dating for awhile!

 

As always, best of luck!

[DatingUgh]

OP, the woman sounded like she has issues from your very early posts

 

The writing was on the wall awhile ago

 

Yes, I'm talking about woman #2

 

She seemed, selfish, unable to give, she shut you down when you tried to talk about your feelings/needs etc etc

 

The alarm bells were going off for awhile. She sounded awful, really. It was a one sided relationship. You gave, she took.

 

Most healthy individuals would have seen the warning signs and bowed out long before you did

 

Listen to the other posters, the reason why you put up with her nonsense if because you're trying to fill a void, have a warm body to sleep next to at night

 

I don't think you're in a position to date now that I've been more thoroughly briefed on the choices you've made dating wise

 

Take some time to yourself. Enjoy your lake house and your friends! Forget about dating for awhile!

 

As always, best of luck!

 

Thank you. Woman 2 and I are done...I broke it off. I did my best to be mature and communicate clearly in as a non-critical/critiquing way as possible what issues I was having in the relationship. I tried to start every sentence with "I feel ____ when this happens" and avoided the word "you" or "you make me feel" blah blah blah. As expected, she didn't get it. Took it as criticism and tried making me to be the bad guy. I really wanted it to work but it was impossible. I honestly really wish her the best and that she heals from whatever experience that has caused her to be the way she is...emotionally unavailable.

 

"Most healthy individuals would have seen the warning signs and bowed out long before you did"-maybe you're right. I definitely saw the warning signs. But before I left/leave, its important and a good practice for me to communicate properly how I am feeling. I'm not great at it and I want to be better at it for my future life-long partner. So while it didn't work out, I take away the lesson...not the failure, hurt, etc etc.

 

Although I certainly have my ups and downs mood wise in regards to being "happy", I really am in a good place and I am fully prepared/ready for a LTR as best as I think I can be. It's what I want. I know what it takes from me and my future partner. I am not afraid to seek it out, I'm not afraid to accept "love" and I certainly know how to give it in return....mutually. I'm also not afraid of rejection/getting hurt...it comes with the territory. I'm strong enough to bounce back from anything. And I won't stop trying to find it because I deserve it.

 

Possibly seeing woman 1 this weekend. Supposed to be beautiful and looking forward to getting to know her better one on one.

[figureitout23]

I thought woman one was also completely out of the question.

[DatingUgh]

I thought woman one was also completely out of the question.

 

nothing is out of the question until I decide. What I'm trying to work on is at what point to make that decision (if they're "the one"). I didn't get to see Woman 1 this weekend as she got in a car accident. She's ok but she needed to rest/take it easy. She's coming up Wednesday/my birthday. Yes she is all too willing to commit. She's the complete opposite of Woman 2 in that regard. Yes she's bit crazy about settling down and she definitely falls to quickly. But we do both ultimately want the same things and we do like each other. Spending some time with her is worth it to see if the 8+ months of talking and getting along is "real". I am not going to fall for the "love bombing" that will ultimately occur when she spend a significant amount of time together. I'm realistic about it all where she may not be (she definitely isn't).

[figureitout23]

What is there to decide?

 

It's been said you keep deluding yourself into thinking you have options.

 

I'm sorry I'm not trying to come off mean but you don't have options.

 

Neither of these women were options. It's literally 'do I enjoy the company of a woman who probably shouldn't be dating either.'

 

Dating means when you see the deal breaking flaws you walk away, but again you are desperately trying to find someone, so anyone will fit the bill. only problem is the only women willing to try out for a space filler position are those who are also desperate, case in point or commitmentphobes, again case in point.

 

If you want to date her then just date her.

 

Trying to make it seem like you're mulling over a good decision isn't something I'd personally do though.

 

ETA - to be fair, it's also possible deep down you probably don't really want to be in a committed relationship so soon after a divorce so you're subconsciously looking at dead ends.

[DatingUgh]

What is there to decide?

 

It's been said you keep deluding yourself into thinking you have options.

 

I'm sorry I'm not trying to come off mean but you don't have options.

 

Neither of these women were options. It's literally 'do I enjoy the company of a woman who probably shouldn't be dating either.'

 

Dating means when you see the deal breaking flaws you walk away, but again you are desperately trying to find someone, so anyone will fit the bill. only problem is the only women willing to try out for a space filler position are those who are also desperate, case in point or commitmentphobes, again case in point.

 

If you want to date her then just date her.

 

Trying to make it seem like you're mulling over a good decision isn't something I'd personally do though.

 

ETA - to be fair, it's also possible deep down you probably don't really want to be in a committed relationship so soon after a divorce so you're subconsciously looking at dead ends.

 

I DO have the option to date who ever I want. Which is a great feeling! I'm not crying over woman 2. I'm not putting all my eggs in 1 basket with Woman 1. I'm open to dating other people. I have options.

 

"do I enjoy the company of a woman who probably shouldn't be dating either.'-believe me...I know the warning signs don't look great from the outside. I'm not deluding myself. I get it.

 

"What is there to decide?-I have to decide if she is good for me for a LTR or not. That means dating to gain enough info to make a sound decision if there is the potential for a LTR. We've been talking for 8 months constantly. I have not seen any deal breaking flaws. Yea she's jumping the gun on things/wanting to move things too fast....I agree. And while that is a bit alarming, it is not a deal breaker FOR ME. Especially considering I have my eyes wide open going into dating her.

 

I feel like you and many others on this site have such strong biases, one way or another, when giving advice to people going through rough patches, or with partners they are, or should/not should be dating etc etc. If I waited for "the one" who fit all the boxes of people on this site, or I stayed or left when she said or did this or that, or if people only dated people who were such and such way, EVERYONE WOULD BE SINGLE! Remember, people and no relationship is perfect. No potential partner is going to be ideal, no potential partner isn't going to display ANY warning signs.

 

The bottom line when looking for a real LTR that won't fail is after the initial connection is made with a potential partner: Trust and Respect (the foundation)....and things such as intimacy, love, etc build from there...hopefully. If 2 people are attracted to each other, despite past relationship failures, recent break ups, what ever set of life conditions that people were in....it doesn't necessarily matter as long as there is a foundation there and love builds in a constructive way. I know what a "constructive way" is. And I hope to find that.

 

So, in one sentence you're saying I'm desperate and seeking out a woman who is a "space filler" and in the other sentence you're postulating that I don't really want to be in a relationship. I appreciate your opinions but you're all over the place.

 

I know what I want, I know what it takes, I know what I bring to the table, I know what a meaningful, long lasting relationship requires for me and generally speaking.

[figureitout23]

People are cautious and give cautious advice for a reason. Spend some time of the heartbreak forum I can think of two men off the top of my head currently posting because they jumped into a relationship right after divorcing and it ended and now they're dealing with double the heartache because they never properly healed from their divorce and now they have to deal with that and the subsequent break up from women they jumped into a relationship with that they had no business being with. Just because you're able to overlook the red flags doesn't mean they aren't there and it doesn't mean the risk isn't there, it just means you're choosing to overlook it even though quite a few people gave advice that said both are nonstarters.

 

 

You yourself admitted because of your dad you have a fear of being alone. My advice would be to solve that before dating, so it does not manifest itself in negative ways.

 

At the end of the day, your life is yours. You asked and I answered. I think the success rate of a relationship of this type isn't very high but I'm just some stranger on the internet.

 

ETA - you can absolutely want someone there a while not actually wanting a relationship. It manifests itself in many ways whether it's a woman who chases after a man who refuses to commit or a man who sabotages every new relationship he enters. Our emotions don't always manifest themselves in logical ways.

[DatingUgh]

I'm not dealing with any heartbreak from my divorce. We both wish each other the best...and we haven't talked in 5+ months. There is risk in EVERY relationship. There is vulnerability in EVERY relationship. I'm not afraid of heartache as a result of a failed relationship. I'm afraid of regret...regret for not trying to find love.

 

I'm not afraid of being alone...I'm afraid of being alone and unhappy. I am perfectly happy being alone, unlike my Dad. And unlike my Dad, I won't push people away bc they inevitably won't like up to my moral standards and standards for being a friend or a close/loved one.

 

Yea I know all about sabotaging relationships...Woman 2 did that because of her fear to trust people. Woman 1 will be here tomorrow for my bday. I've told her a number of times she wants to move too fast. I've made my stance known. I know the warning signs pre-dating her and will obviously keep an eye out for them while we are dating. And see how it goes. The goal is a long term healthy relationship. Again there is no recipe for how it starts.

[figureitout23]

 

I realize this all sounds crazy...but it is what it is. Thoughts, tips, advice, of the constructive variety, is much appreciated!

 

Thx

 

Might want to leave this out next time you want us to be your sounding board.

 

Nothing wrong with wanting a sounding board but if you say you want advice even though you had no plans to change anything, it's a bit insincere.

 

Please realize, I dont think you're currently heartbroken crying in a corner distraught never said that, needing to heal doesn't mean that, needing to heal means unloading baggage so when you're dating it doesn't cause unessesary issues. ( yes, many posters do frequent more than one board and we often check a posters history, hint hint nudge nudge, seems woman two got to you even though your time together was limited) I honestly don't think there's a way to be perfect, we all have our strengths and weaknesses and experience things in different ways, by healing first and walking before you run, because you are trying to run, you have better outcomes.

 

I realize my advice was solicited but not wanted so as you say, it is what it is, take it don't take it, at the very least it's out there for others reading.

[Sportster2005]

Hi,

 

So I'm a 37 yo guy. Relatively attractive, in shape, good job, educated, own my own home blah blah blah. Just finalizing my divorce (thank God) after 5+ years of marriage and 10+ years of being with the same woman. Divorce is going/went amicably. We're both much happier and wish each other nothing but happiness. I moved back home to Massachusetts and am living at our lake house (which is now my lake house as of the final divorce proceedings...which is awesome).

 

After we decided to go the divorce route, I started talking with a 30 y.o. woman (woman 1) via text local to me then in NJ, who was also in the midst of a divorce. Although we have not met, we've become good friends. We had planned to meet after her divorce was final but she decided to go on a cross country trip with her childhood friend (female) and tour the united states. We've had many intimate conversations. She is "in love" with me, wants to have my babies, is already talking wedding...etc etc. I understand this is a bit of over the top type of behavior. My position this entire time has been "while yes, we do seem like we'd get along magically, let's meet first and take it from there". She is coming back from her trip mid June (a ~3 weeks) and wants to stay at my place for a few days.

 

In the mean time, I've met a woman local to the lakehouse (woman 2). My primary thought before I began dating again was compatibility. MY ex wife and I were just so different. My next serious relationship, I thought, we HAVE to like to do the same things. I'm very active, VERY outdoorsy, and my partner NEEDS to like some of those things too. Woman 2 is exactly that.....she likes to hike, camp, "adventure" even more than I do. She is kind, sweet, and overall, an amazing person. Plus, she is absolutely stunning. The downsides: she has been divorced twice (not really a big deal for me), she has 2 kids (17 and 11) which is also not a big deal to me whatsoever but the time she has available to date is minimal (kids come first, I know). She also has some trust issues because of her 2 divorces and other life experiences which I wont get into. We have been dating for 2 months and things are progressing slowly...well much slower than I'm accustomed too...which is probably a good thing. She is a kind of go with the flow type of person. She just wants to have fun, do fun stuff together and while she isn't shying away from stating "i only want to be with you, no one else", she isn't exactly "committing" to something serious with me at this point. However, I want commitment, to get remarried. She also can not have kids any longer (hysterectomy) and I always thought I'd have kids one day.

 

I know I should probably just tell woman 2 that it won't work out because we want different things. But it is just that she is sooo amazing, compatibility is off the charts, and I think I may love her. She literally makes me melt, lose focus, forget what I'm going to say, mind goes blank.

 

Meanwhile, woman 1 is out there and is like ready to commit, wants babies, marriage, to move in, everything ASAP yet I haven't even met her yet. Assuming I end things with woman 2, I'll try to take things slow with woman 1 and see how things go. If they don't work out, oh well.

 

I realize this all sounds crazy...but it is what it is. Thoughts, tips, advice, of the constructive variety, is much appreciated!

 

Thx

 

Real simple. Find a woman that gives you both.

[DatingUgh]

Might want to leave this out next time you want us to be your sounding board.

 

Nothing wrong with wanting a sounding board but if you say you want advice even though you had no plans to change anything, it's a bit insincere.

 

Please realize, I dont think you're currently heartbroken crying in a corner distraught never said that, needing to heal doesn't mean that, needing to heal means unloading baggage so when you're dating it doesn't cause unessesary issues. ( yes, many posters do frequent more than one board and we often check a posters history, hint hint nudge nudge, seems woman two got to you even though your time together was limited) I honestly don't think there's a way to be perfect, we all have our strengths and weaknesses and experience things in different ways, by healing first and walking before you run, because you are trying to run, you have better outcomes.

 

I realize my advice was solicited but not wanted so as you say, it is what it is, take it don't take it, at the very least it's out there for others reading.

 

no, I appreciate your advice. That doesn't mean I necessarily agree. Again, I appreciate your advice. It's my decision what, of all the varying advice received, to do with it. And I sincerely have taken everyones advice into account.

 

I'm healed...from my divorce and from woman 2 (dated for ~3 months). Like all, I do have my moments (obviously after reading my previous posts) of internal conflict with healing/how to heal and moving forward with dating. There isn't a timeline for this...it's a mindset.

[DatingUgh]

Real simple. Find a woman that gives you both.

 

this is great advice! We'll see if the chemistry is real with Woman 1 as it was with woman 2. We shall see. But if the chemistry isn't there, it won't matter if we both want kids/have similar life goals. It has got to be both!

[figureitout23]

 

Like all, I do have my moments (obviously after reading my previous posts) of internal conflict with healing/how to heal and moving forward with dating. There isn't a timeline for this...it's a mindset.

 

No, not 'like all'. You keep trying to normalize what you're doing, which is your prerogative, it really is, but don't get mad when you get called out on it.

 

As we both pointed out at the end of the day you choosing to date this woman is completely your choice and you have to deal with the good and the bad.

 

All these extra steps, asking for advice, what's the point?

 

I don't think a single person has said either woman was a winner, but you have to expierience this, which I totally get, so go and do it, there's no use parading this as a well thought out venture.