No Matchs after 8 Weeks

[Cope]

 

Should I be looking to complete a full bio in the profile or keep it short? Yeah I’m not an “inspirational quotes” type person, annoys me when people post them all the time on Facebook lol!

 

Haha could you imagine, I’d be dating someone almost the age of my Mum, seriously though 50 might be a bit of a stretch, I’ll try upping it a little but like I said previously I’m a young looking 32 so it’s already against me in that respect.

 

Superlike?

 

Nah, just keep it short. Wow you have a young mother! Matching doesn't necessarily mean you have to date them; doesn't even mean you have to go out even once, but you can chat and in general see how tinder works etc.

I don't mind dating a younger looking guy. Besides, let them decide about that!

 

There's a left swipe and there's a right swipe, but there is also an "up" swipe, This superlikes them, meaning that they will see your like without needing to swipe right on you. Free version gets you one a day. Also, I don't see paying for a month of tinder is bad, it has a lot of perks. Anyways, really don't forget your superlike,I always do and regret it lol

[Cope]

 

you should list your height. better for 6' women to swipe left on you than to find out when you meet and deciding to not date someone who lied.

 

I find the whole women asking for height thing superficial. Should we state are weight too?

Why is it considered a lie not to state your height?

[Hive]

I don't know 100% how these site work but essentially to get a 'match' you both have to swipe 'yes' right?

 

Ever considered maybe you're fishing outside of your pond?

 

Test things? Swipe right on everyone, I know it seems insincere but just see how many matches you get, if you get hits you have your answer.

 

Dating is brutal, we gotta be completely honest with and about ourselves. Like someone else said attracting someone online isn't all that different than in person, if you know you wouldn't have a chance in person, you probably won't online.

 

Potentially, I mean I don’t right swipe on girls who look like high maintenance or overly superficial (duck face pouting, lip filler touting, fake bake bathing types - you all know what I mean), and I doubt I would connect with any of them intellectually or line up in regards to hobbies and interests.

 

I’ll give the right swipe thing a test and see how it goes :)

 

If honest I’m an average looking guy, if we were talking a scale of 1-10 I’d most likely be sitting somewhere around a 4-5 (partly because of my height), if I’m reading a bio and they are 5’9”+ I left swipe straight away as I know I wouldn’t be what they are looking for.

[Hive]

clubs are where you go to meet people under 25. over 25 you meet them in different places. Professional networking events, volunteer opportunities.

 

 

 

you should list your height. better for 6' women to swipe left on you than to find out when you meet and deciding to not date someone who lied.

 

Never heard of professional networking events (I live in the countryside, for perspective we only got finer broadband last year, we are very much out of the way and behind from “mainstream” society lol!).

 

I wouldn’t say not stipulating my height is a lie, and I would always make it apparent to anyone I matched with before looking to meet. TBH I think it’s more of a lie for girls to use filters that alter and manipulate their physical appearance as they are deliberately making an effort to hide behind something that’s not real.

 

Nah, just keep it short. Wow you have a young mother! Matching doesn't necessarily mean you have to date them; doesn't even mean you have to go out even once, but you can chat and in general see how tinder works etc.

I don't mind dating a younger looking guy. Besides, let them decide about that!

 

There's a left swipe and there's a right swipe, but there is also an "up" swipe, This superlikes them, meaning that they will see your like without needing to swipe right on you. Free version gets you one a day. Also, I don't see paying for a month of tinder is bad, it has a lot of perks. Anyways, really don't forget your superlike,I always do and regret it lol

 

Haha I don’t think any decision is needed, I get constantly asked to prove my age when people find out how old I am as everyone expects me to only be in my early/mid 20’s (it’s good in some respects but not so much when it comes to dating).

 

Ah right, I had noticed that but everything I’d read/watched made it out like unless you want to seem like a super creep don’t use it lol!

[maew]

Been there... dry spells happen in these apps.

 

Try swiping right on everything for a day or two and see if you get any matches. If you do, you will know that you are being too picky. If you don’t, then you will know it’s probably your profile that’s the issue.

 

Likely your pictures just aren’t flattering for whatever reason... this is the most common thing I notice online. Good pictures are everything on Tinder.

[Josl]

Feedback about the pictures:

Except for the last picture (where it is not completely obvious who you are), the others don't look very enthusiastic/happy and thus might not be too appealing for the ladies. The one on the right top is the best in my opinion, but the ones on the left side give up a unhappy (top left) tp arrogant (bottom left) vibe. I personally find selfies not that great, so I'd recommend only having two where your head is visible, ideally with a bigger part of your body showing, and most important - where you are smiling (!).

 

The reason for the preference in full body shots is that they get a better overall picture, if there are none included, people assume you have an unappealing body (i.e., really short/skinny/overweight). Also if you only have selfies, you might seem arrogant or as if you have no friends or you don't partake in activities which are interesting/fun enough for somebody to take a photo of.

[Wiseman2]

In your 30s, the party animal pic isn't an asset. However do include at least one of you smiling in the mix and a full body/more distant shot. The others do depict the indie/alt art thing well, B&W, sepia, etc. Make sure none of them look like you're straining on the toilet.

[Cope]

I agree with Josl about the selfies.

My feedback:Although they are good pictures, they don't seem "real". These could easily go in a magazine, but you are not selling clothing or cologne. You are "selling" yourself. Women want to see how you are in a natural state, not when you're trying your best to look like a model. By the way, you are definitely not average looking.

Don't swipe left on taller women, of course if they have their height noted, it indeed might mean they are looking for someone taller but can't really know. They might find it necessary too as all men have their height on their profiles because of all the superficial women wanting to wear high heels(?!) I honestly don't get it and find it annoying, but ok. I'd delete someone who'd ask for my height immediately if we matched if I was a man, and I do delete men who ask for my weight immediately. I understand preferences, but leading with questions like that shows me they are people who I wouldn't like.

[Hive]

Feedback about the pictures:

Except for the last picture (where it is not completely obvious who you are), the others don't look very enthusiastic/happy and thus might not be too appealing for the ladies. The one on the right top is the best in my opinion, but the ones on the left side give up a unhappy (top left) tp arrogant (bottom left) vibe. I personally find selfies not that great, so I'd recommend only having two where your head is visible, ideally with a bigger part of your body showing, and most important - where you are smiling (!).

 

The reason for the preference in full body shots is that they get a better overall picture, if there are none included, people assume you have an unappealing body (i.e., really short/skinny/overweight). Also if you only have selfies, you might seem arrogant or as if you have no friends or you don't partake in activities which are interesting/fun enough for somebody to take a photo of.

 

I am smiling in one of the photos, although it’s only a little, I’m not a big “open mouth / teeth showing” type person as it just looks awkward imo.

 

Unfortunately I am really short lol! At 5’6” I get mistaken as a child or woman on a daily basis, it’s not really a positive attribute haha! I guess I’ve lost the part of my life where I do interesting/fun things, aside from work I don’t really do much else these days....

 

In your 30s, the party animal pic isn't an asset. However do include at least one of you smiling in the mix and a full body/more distant shot. The others do depict the indie/alt art thing well, B&W, sepia, etc. Make sure none of them look like you're straining on the toilet.

 

Haha “straining on the toilet” love it! The B&W one definitely has that vibe! Maybe I’d be better looking to scrap the existing photos and start again (maybe a new account so everyone who has already swiped left are back in the mix again).

 

I agree with Josl about the selfies.

My feedback:Although they are good pictures, they don't seem "real". These could easily go in a magazine, but you are not selling clothing or cologne. You are "selling" yourself. Women want to see how you are in a natural state, not when you're trying your best to look like a model. By the way, you are definitely not average looking.

Don't swipe left on taller women, of course if they have their height noted, it indeed might mean they are looking for someone taller but can't really know. They might find it necessary too as all men have their height on their profiles because of all the superficial women wanting to wear high heels(?!) I honestly don't get it and find it annoying, but ok. I'd delete someone who'd ask for my height immediately if we matched if I was a man, and I do delete men who ask for my weight immediately. I understand preferences, but leading with questions like that shows me they are people who I wouldn't like.

 

I guess capturing photos that look “real” is difficult when it’s just yourself taking them of yourself... unless it’s captured by a third party during an activity it’s always going to look staged to some extent (all professional photography I’ve done has been staged, even the types of photos that people would perceive as candid).

 

I would generally assume that if they have listed their height as 5’11” it’s a statement so people looking at their profile are aware of this and that they would be looking for someone of a similar stature. Personally I’ve always encouraged ex partners to be themselves and wear high heels etc if they want to and not think it would make me feel out of place.

 

I guess that my next step would be to rebuild / create a totally new account, take some better photos and review my bio to make it sound more appealing.

 

As someone who isn’t into sport, what type of photos would people recommend that show me being “active” lol!?

[Cope]

 

As someone who isn’t into sport, what type of photos would people recommend that show me being “active” lol!?

 

If you're not into sports, then I wouldn't recommend uploading a photo like that. Just like you swipe left on women who state their height, and have a valid reason too, even if you truly never know, chances are they do care about height, I swipe left on people who have more than one picture of them being active. I'm not into sports, so if a guy has pictures of him snowboarding, cycling, marathon running, hiking, I know we aren't a match. If there's only one of him let's say cycling, I swipe right; not because of the cycling, but the chances that he's super active would be lower than if he had all of the above. So if those pictures were false, then I missed out on a potential good match and so did he.

[figureitout23]

Dude you're fine as hell, go on with your bad self, good luck on your search, I'd put the 3rd pic first

[maew]

Awww you are a cutie! [emoji847] I do think some smiling pics would help but I bet it’s just that you are being super picky with your swipes... don’t treat Tinder matches like set in stone interactions... after you swipe and get matches, go back and look and decide which ones you want to follow up with.

[DancingFool]

Well the good news is that you are definitely very attractive. That said, I wouldn't respond to you based on pics. I want to see happy and natural, smiling, plus full body shot. Your pics do appear like you are trying way too hard and take yourself way too seriously...it almost comes across like it could be fake. As another posted pointed out, like it could have been cropped out of a magazine or something. Also, drop the "I look like a child" attitude - it's going to be annoying to women and no, you don't look like a child. You are being way too insecure about your physical appearance and that will make you unattractive even if you do end up going on dates.

 

Also, don't rule out taller women. Two of my best LTR's the guys were shorter than me, but they were confident and it was hot.

[katrina1980]

Agree you're nice looking! And many women go for the "serious" intense look (look at male models in magazines they always look "intense" lol), so disagree that you need photos smiling or that you look fake.

 

A pic is a pic, no need to over-analyze, you are an attractive guy and anyone can see that.

 

Agree with figureitout, the third one first not that it matters really, but that's my fav.

 

I hate to think your height is the stumbling block; I don't know anything about Tinder or Bumble but can you experiment and leave the height off or kick it up a few inches and see what happens ?

 

If you start receiving responses after that then you know it's your height which is so ridiculously shallow but par for the course I suppose with OLD where they can't feel your vibe in person.

[wolflovesmoon]

On bumble particularly, you need to be a paid member to see who likes you, then you can like them back and see what happens, don’t be too serious while writing your Bio, see if you really have good pictures, especially the main one.

I match with people on daily basis, sometimes they talk sometimes they don’t.

Just don’t give up.

[abitbroken]

I find the whole women asking for height thing superficial. Should we state are weight too?

Why is it considered a lie not to state your height?

 

Because people are allowed to have preferences and it avoids him from assuming a woman doesn't want a second date because of his height even if it was for another reason.

 

If he was 6'10" it would be the same answer --- If i am 4'11" - being honest with myself, I wouldn't be comfortable dating a guy who is 6'5" (ie, if we fell in love and married, the bedroom stuff would be really awkward). If i was 6'2", well, i am used to being the tallest person in the room so it wouldn't bother me if the guy was shorter than me, but i don't think i'd want to date a guy who was 5'0" - 5'9" and above would be more reasonable.

[abitbroken]

Dude you're fine as hell, go on with your bad self, good luck on your search, I'd put the 3rd pic first

 

Don't swipe left if they are 5'9" and above! You never know -- some women are okay with a man a couple inches shorter if everything else is a match. You just never know. But you need to state your height as well.

 

You need a picture of you smiling. Maybe they think you are moody?

[sky09]

The odds of getting a "high quality" person on these hookup apps are already slim to begin with. You're definitely at a height disadvantage, but you don't want to be messing with shallow people, anyway, so who cares. It's easier said for me, as I don't have that "problem." As long as you have sufficient inches elsewhere, you're golden lol Don't feel like (fake)smiling in pics? Then don't. I'd address any insecurities you might be having about your own self first, though. As those female posters had said, you're a good looking dude. Saying it as one myself.

[katrina1980]

Yes people do have preferences and yeah I think for some women, given the choice when viewing pics and profiles on line, they will reject the shorter guy and go for the taller guy.

 

There was a long discussion about this on another forum and many women admitted they associate tall with strong, protective, masculine.

 

Forget his personality/vibe (which they know nothing about just from reading a profile) when they view a profile of a tall guy, their first thought is he going be those things!

 

Which is so NOT true, as I've known supremely tall guys who were absolute wimps!

 

And shorter men who were protective, strong, masculine!

 

So I wish women (some not all) would get this pre-conceived image of taller guys out of their heads, but it is what it is I suppose, I can't change the world, as much as I wish I could!! lol

 

I was in the elevator this morning and in walked in a guy, VERY good looking, and I would guess his height to be around 5'6-7".

 

My first thought was (based on his look/vibe), hell I could date this guy (had he talked to me which he didn't! LOL), and I would bet even those women who would reject him on line would go out with him too if they met him in real life!

 

Yes it's about looks, but it's also about "vibe" and personality which you cannot sense from looking at a picture and reading a damn profile!!!!

[reinventmyself]

The height issue has been debated here a few times.

There seems to be some negative talk about women having the preference as if to be shallow or superficial.

As a tall woman height does matter to me. Of course it's more comfortable to be well matched height wise and it's not all about my comfort.

Nothing more awkward then to get dressed for a meet and greet and have my date look up at my chin

(Yes, I've had that happen) I feel his discomfort more than my own in these moments.

I'd rather spare us both that awkward moment or at least be prepared.

 

I have no issue dating shorter men either, but it's the package in its entirety that comes into consideration.

 

I don't doubt that I get passed by by men who are under 5'8", so it swings both way depending how you choose to view it. So that eliminates over a third of the men for me. Height is not always a virtue, it's just a number.

 

Just put it all out there.

The goal is to find the right fit afterall. You may as well go for it instead of holding back.

 

I'm 5'8" (used to be almost 5'9") and with heels I can easily push 6 feet. Pretty sure I might not be your preference and I'm ok with that.

 

Be ok with yourself. Whatever that might be. . Because that kinda confidence is attractive.

 

I think your pictures are very attractive. Add in vitals and a full body shot and you're good to go.

 

Like I mentioned in the beginning, without either I'll think you're withholding something.

Fight it all you want, but it's just the way it seems to play out with on line dating.

[dias]

I honestly believe online dating is not meant for some people. I am one of them. I get a match once in a blue moon. I prefer meeting girls in real life though so I don't get discouraged by these apps.

 

I vote for improving real life approach and dating.

[OhGreat]

I think your problem is less about pics and more about location. With swipe apps, women have the advantage. Even unattractive women get tons of matches.

 

As a result, the women in the city have no need to extend their radius to include you. What that means is they will never see you at all. I have a similar issue. When I’m home in the burbs (30 miles from NYC) I get almost no hits. Now that I work in the city I get more (but not as much as if I lived there as who wants to date a guy a train ride away?).

 

Bumble will at least show you how many women have swiped right on you in your queue for free. Paid allows you to see who they are immediately.

 

For an experiment try this - go to the city one night and see if you have any matches. I remember going on a Friday night and got 5 when I usually might get that in a month. So now I tend to get more (working in NYC) but a lot never reach out and expire. Could be they read my profile that I live in the burbs.

 

As far as photofeeler you have to rate others photos to build up points unless you pay. I’m surprised no one rated yours if you got points.

 

As far as your photos, I agree you are a handsome guy. But they scream starving artist. If that’s you cool but women in their 30s want stability and fun (I.e: $$$$). Unless you are of the top 10% in looks. Also, the lack of a body shot sans covered by a costume looks like you are hiding something.

[DissyLu]

Hey Hive!

 

First off, you are very handsome! You're pics are great! I would add one with a genuine smile and a full body shot. Full body shots are an unspoken requirement on OLD (online dating). It lets women know if you're slim, average, few extra pounds, etc etc. People tend to hide their body type on OLD so providing a full body shot will let a woman know if she's attracted to our build AND your face. When I was using OLD I would pass on guys who didn't have a full body shot. A lot of women do so get one up there asap. Pls no shirtless selfies..I get the feeling you're not that type so that gives you a leg up right there! :)

 

2nd, get off tinder right away. Its for people under 21 and people just looking for hookups. Good things rarely come from tinder. Widen your net and create accounts on POF and okcupid. Those sites aren't bad at all compared to others, I thought they were the best. I met my bf on POF.

 

3rd, if a site allows for a place to state your height like on POF and okcupid, do that. The unfortunate fact is, some women prefer taller guys so don't waste your time talking to women that would pass if they knew your height.

 

OLD is a very tough game, thicken up your skin, and buckle up. Have hope above all else though, anything is possible with determination and perseverance! :)

 

Good luck! :)

[Wiseman2]

Agree. If "rural" places are less populated then of course there are less women near you. What you can do is chose a postal code closer to a more populous or urban area as your home base and see if that helps. Otherwise you won't show up in searches from women whose parameters don't include your particular area.

I think your problem is less about pics and more about location.

[OhGreat]

Agree. If "rural" places are less populated then of course there are less women near you. What you can do is chose a postal code closer to a more populous or urban area as your home base and see if that helps. Otherwise you won't show up in searches from women whose parameters don't include your particular area.

 

The problem is multifaceted. First, swipe apps like bumble and tinder allow you to set a search radius for how far YOU are willing to go. However, women also have to do the same. So OP may be willing to go up to 30 miles/km, but if the women in the city are only willing to go 2 miles (often the case in NYC), they will never see him.

 

Second, suburbs tend to be more for people who have settled down or are young living at home. Ok if you’re young, but most of the older women will be married.

 

Third, MANY people who live in a city have no desire to date someone outside of the city as there are too many people closer. Therefore you are left with unattractive people or those who are jaded by not finding what they want on OLD.

 

It’s not for me, but I would recommend the OP move to the city, date many women, then move out when he’s ready to settle down. I would rather have my house and cars and limit my women selection than live in an overpriced shoe box though.