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Mixed signals (or lack of signals) - need help with making sense

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I have been seeing a man for about 7 months now. To me, he is everything I want in a prospective partner but I am having trouble figuring out if he feels the same about me. In my opinion, we suit each other perfectly. We text every day and he frequently initiates communication and dates. We see each other every weekend. He has introduced me to members of his family. He sometimes casually refers to plans he has for us in the future but we've made no concrete plans so far. So far it sounds kind of good right? However, I still can't tell whether he sees me as a potential long term partner or not.


My question is how long can the situation carry on like this before we have to sit down and have the "Define The Relationship" talk. I don't care much for labelling our relationship, but I don't handle uncertainty very well and I feel that after more than half a year of seeing each other, I am entitled to know where we stand with each other.


Is he perhaps just shy and insecure? Should I try harder to convince him of my feelings for him? We have not had sex yet, so he is not keeping me around just for that. Are these maybe signs that he's afraid of commitment or that "he's just not that into me"? Am I wasting time and energy by investing further in this potential relationship?


Any input will be appreciated.

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Are you seeing each other exclusively? Is there a mutual interest in a romantic relationship? Is he married, recently divorced or on the rebound from a recent relationship?

We are not seeing other people and we are not virgins. I am 26, he is 36.
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I'm pretty sure he's straight:p he is 36


Then he's a grown man with some life experience. If he is afraid to have a talk with you about what his intentions are as far as you are concerned, then you don't need to be dating such a shrinking violet. That man should be able to tell you exactly what he wants so that you're not wasting your youth behind some indecisive, scared little boy. Seven months is long enough for an emotionally healthy, grown man to ascertain if he wants to make a permanent go of things with you.


If he's that stunted from past relationships, then he needs a therapist more than he needs a girlfriend.

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7 months with a 36-year-old man is plenty of time to know whether it's going to go further.


You hang out all the time and yet you say you believe there is mutual interest in a romantic relationship. This tells me that you two are good friends but you don't know if he views you as dating material - is that correct? Are you two actually going on dates and being physically intimate in other ways, if you're not having sex yet?

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I would not "confront" him as you put it, as that will likely put him on the defensive.


Instead, in person, have an open talk. Tell him you have really enjoyed these past 7 months and are eager to see where this goes, that you feel there is potential for a relationship and that he is a good match for you. Ask him how he feels about that. Yes, it's scary to have these conversations but it's worse to stay in a situation when you're not on the same page. It would be better to know now if he's not looking to make you his girlfriend. Heck, maybe he's incredibly nervous about this himself and will be relieved when you initiate that talk. Never know unless you ask.

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My friend is in a similar situation and they have been dating since last March! So over a year. I've seen her lose her mind over it and trying to figure it all out. Honestly don't wait around like she is. She has never had the talk with him.


They haven't been intimate either and we worry he may be gay. So that's adding more fear to her asking him as they get on so well.


As you don't have that fear. And know there is a chance for it all to blossom. You deserve to know where you stand after this length of time.


So casually ask him. It's not fair on you to carry on and not know what's going on.

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That sounds like the obvious solution... but I do not know how to approach the subject! I don't want to spoil our existing relationship or make him feel pressurised. Any tips?


Have another look at my post up-thread. I suggested there how to approach it.


The truth is that if he feels pressured after 7 months, it's probably not going to go anywhere and it's better that you take the risk and hear what he has to say. If it spoils the existing relationship, then you know you weren't on solid ground with him to begin with and it's better to part ways.

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How is the 'existing relationship' different from what you have if you are 'dating exclusively' at 7 mos in? What is it you want to confront him about? What is it you want as opposed to what you have?


Does it feel like a waste of time or like he's not moving forward or stringing you along in a sort-of-vague-romantic-but-not-sexual-friends type of way?

I don't want to spoil our existing relationship or make him feel pressurised.
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That is correct - except it's clear that we are more than simply "friends". We have been on several dates and we cuddle, kiss and hold hands. We have performed sexual acts... although we have not had full sex (if that makes sense)?


Well....at 7 months it actually doesn't make sense at all. Sounds like you are friends with some kind of benefits....kind of..... If you want a relationship, you need to speak up. So what if it wrecks this thing...whatever this thing actually is? I mean, sorry but you really don't have anything going for you right now either way. Better to know if you can have something real with him or whether you need to move on and seek someone else who actually wants a relationship with you. You really don't have anything to lose here.

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If he's "scared off" by this conversation then he was never really "there" to begin with.


You have two options...continue as you are and drive yourself crazy wondering, or have the conversation.


And no, do not "confront" him. No one likes being "confronted". Just ask him..."are we heading toward a committed relationship?"

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Yes these are red flags. It depends on what you want out of this. After 7 mos you are seeing a lot of things that tell you more than any what are we? talk could.

He's never been married and his last serious relationship ended 8 years ago. He said we should wait till we are more comfortable with each other.... gentleman or scared of intimacy?
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