I always pursue damaged goods

[Yarmer]

My last three girlfriends I have had there was always some underlying craziness that I chose not to consider when dating them until it was too late.

 

Why do you think people pursue damaged people?

 

The chase?

 

They subconsciously can never be invested in you so you find that attractive?

[DanZee]

Well, there's some truth in the fact that people pursue people who remind them of their mother or father. It's possible you seek out a particular type of girl and then they become emotionally dependent on you and start acting jealous or controlling. If you want to give a particular example, folks can tell you what to do.

[Hollyj]

It's familiar.

 

Get some therapy and get off of the hamster wheel.

[cherubrock]

I guess it is the "chase". Or "playing hard to get"

We complain that people aren't emotionally available but then don't consider that we aren't either.

 

We always don't consider the red flags until its too late.. It's too weird and strange for people to be open...not just doing a relationship consisting of a power-play.

[Clio]

Most often it is damaged goods that pursue damaged goods. Maybe something inside of you is broken and needs fixing. The common denominator is you. Therapy would probably help you answer your question.

[Wiseman2]

Because of their own damage and wanting to have the upper hand/ feel superior/more "normal" relatively. Fear of relationships, so always looking for an exit loophole. It's more that you can't be invested in them so it keeps you at arms length.

Why do you think people pursue damaged people? They subconsciously can never be invested in you so you find that attractive?

[quirky]

They subconsciously can never be invested in you so you find that attractive?

Due to your own fears of

commitment intimacy and the possible abandonment/betrayal that accompanies true bonding

 

By choosing partners that we cannot reach long term commitment with we are also likely not going to reach the ultimate abandonment and betrayal with so we choose them because on some level we know it won't last the long haul.

 

This ties with Cleo's post of

Most often it is damaged goods that pursue damaged goods. Maybe something inside of you is broken and needs fixing.

 

alongside family patterns you may have experienced as an archetype and own low self esteem.

 

On a more simple note sometimes we are drawn to edgy people because they feel more alive - it's like wanting the edginess without the dysfunction.

[Cope]

The reasons vary from person to person as the meaning of the word damage. "One's trash is another's treasure". Start therapy and you will find out.

 

It might have something to do with your parents for example. How did they treat you etc. I'm not expecting an answer to this, it's just what you'll do in therapy.

[Dixi]

There's also the possibility that you want to fix/rescue them. A bit like being their knight in shinning armour. Although the fixing element is more common in women.

[thorough]

There's also the possibility that you want to fix/rescue them. A bit like being their knight in shinning armour. Although the fixing element is more common in women.

 

I agree w/this. I dated a damaged guy (had bi polar and a dark past) and I thought I could turn him around or I commended him for wanting to change his life. After a month I saw I was digging myself a deep hole, so I left. No more damaged people for me, I'm not equipped to handle someone like that nor am I their psychiatrist.

[catfeeder]

there was always some underlying craziness that I chose not to consider when dating [...]

 

Why do you think people pursue damaged people?

 

Given millions of people in the world, each with their own private problems and drivers, I'd be less concerned with the irrelevancies of what 'people' might do, and I'd focus instead on why ~I~ would choose to ignore red flags when dating.

 

Since you know this about your own history, you also know the answers as to why you've done this.

 

You can also change your mind about that choice at any time. It's a decision.

 

Head high.