Baby makes me upset...

[Mr.Mister]

I love my wife with all my heart, and I wanted to start a family with her. So, she gave birth to our daughter in November of last year. Now, our baby is 4 months old, and she makes me madder than anything ever.

 

I'm usually a very kind and gentle person, and people introduce me as such. Even so, my baby girl pisses me off more than I've ever experienced; I've never been so mad.

 

How long until she gets old enough that she doesn't piss me off and annoy the out of me all the time? I mean she is super cute and I love her, but sometimes she drives me up the wall. Of course, I will keep her safe and be as kind to her as possible, but, inside, I am exploding with anger. Everyone says it'll get better, so how long until that happens?

[boltnrun]

What can a 4 month old baby possibly do to piss you off?

 

Have you never been told that babies cry, mess their diapers and spit up? What were you expecting?

[Blue Dreamer]

I don't want to confuse you yet I surely hope it's not actually the baby making you angry at end of day. There must be something more internal amplifying the internal stress levels my friend. She is being human in the growing process and you're ultimately ticked off due to a whole slew of other personal reasons/concerns/etc. Would you agree or do you insist your life is perfect outside the baby crying?

[ButterflyWrists]

Men can get post natal depression, and I think it might be worth seeking help for this.

[thealchemist]

Don't feel bad. I am sorry that other posters don't seem to understand.

 

I am a 30 yo male with two kids.

 

My son was born this September so he is just a bit older than your kid, my daughter is 3 yo now.

 

I am a very cool temperament guy. I don't easily get mad or angry.

 

But I would get so pissed off at everything when she was little.

 

Both my wife AND I were diagnosed with PPD. Guys get it too. Actually like 20% of people that get it our guys.

 

My wife would get depressed with her post partum depression.

 

I would get angry with mine, both moods swings were totally uncharacteristic for us.

 

Now there are a lot of variables to look at here.

 

Does the baby have colic?

 

Breastfeeding?

 

How old are you?

 

If you and your partner have PPD (or just you) you should try to get help if you can.

 

I watched my daughter a LOT because my wife had eclampsia and was on bedrest at the hospital while I was trying to raise her solo with no idea how to.

 

4 months was probably the hardest time. You have both large growth spurts with the big sleep regression phase.

 

So she was fussy all the time, woke up every 2 hours, and cried uncontrollably.

 

If that doesn't get under your skin as a guy (or person) then good for you.

 

I am not a saint though. So it pissed me off.

 

And honestly, I would say F off to anyone who tries to tell you it is wrong to get pissed. It is the way you feel and you are being honest.

 

BUT

 

After 6 month it got a LOT better. After 12 months it was great.

 

When my daughter was turned 1 we became inseparable. I can't even tell you have #ucking crazy I am about both my kids.

 

She is so much fun and makes my life that much more amazing. My son is getting there but it is hard to have the same connection yet when he is pure breastfeeding (so I cant even feed him) and just now starting to play.

 

I will tell you at 3 months it was ROUGH with her. At 6 it was so much better. At 12 it was great. But my daughter helped break me into parenthood so with my son at 5 months it is actually pretty great now.

 

Sorry for the novel but I feel for you.

 

Make sure to help out your wife a lot, because if you are having issues I bet she is too. My wife was bad about internalizing whereas I externalized. So I had to really help her through PPD.

 

Sorry for the novel.

[katrina1980]

When your baby cries, makes a fuss, step away from youself and think about how *she* must be feeling.

 

She's uncomfortable! She may need diapers changed (think how you would feel wearing dirty spoiled diapers), tired, hungry, and she has no way of letting you know other than crying.

 

When you feed her and she spits food out, she's telling you she doesn't like it! How would you feel having someone shove food in your mouth you didn't like?

 

Try feeding her something else. Experiment.

 

I can't even imagine, poor thing.

 

And then her daddy comes in, and instead of comforting her, you're pissed off!. And she knows it too, even though she obviously can't t say it.

 

I'm not trying to guilt trip you or anything, but come on.

 

I've cared for infants before, I was a live-in nanny during the summers for a family when I was 19 and 20.

 

Baby would cry in the middle of the night and I would pick her up, change her dirty diaper, give her her bottle and rock her and she would quickly fall asleep again.

 

Perhaps you do suffer from PPD, don't know enough about it (in men) but in any event, next time she cries or makes a fuss, think about how crappy she must be feeling, and try and comfort her instead of getting so pissed off.

 

I know it's tough, I would say by one year, it will be much better. Her little personality will start to shine through, learning to walk and talk, etc which makes it all worth it!!

[Batya33]

I would read the book scream-free parenting (which doesn't apply to parents who scream -it's more of an expression!!) -she is way too young to communicate with of course in the way the book suggests but it has great ways/approaches to calm yourself down. Also read Janet Lansbury's articles on line -haven't read her books but she's great. And yes talk to a counselor about the intensity of your feelings -and this is why -because if you are changing a diaper and she does something to piss you off you might not be able to control your anger at that very moment especially if it involves her kicking her dirty diaper so it lands on some part of your body or clothing,etc. You don't want her to feel your negative energy/stress either when you're close to her.

 

Also I suggest low/calm singing when you are near her and holding her and making sure you are getting plenty of cardio exercise, drinking a ton of water and avoiding caffeine to the extent you can -and sugar to the extent you can. Good luck!

[thealchemist]

When your baby cries, makes a fuss, step away from youself and think about how *she* must be feeling.

 

She's uncomfortable! She may need diapers changed (think how you would feel wearing dirty spoiled diapers), tired, hungry, and she has no way of letting you know other than crying.

 

When you feed her and she spits food out, she's telling you she doesn't like it! How would you feel having someone shove food in your mouth you didn't like?

 

Try feeding her something else. Experiment.

 

I can't even imagine, poor thing.

 

And then her daddy comes in, and instead of comforting her, you're pissed off!. And she knows it too, even though she obviously can't t say it.

 

I'm not trying to guilt trip you or anything, but come on.

 

I've cared for infants before, I was a live-in nanny during the summers for a family when I was 19 and 20.

 

Baby would cry in the middle of the night and I would pick her up, change her dirty diaper, give her her bottle and rock her and she would quickly fall asleep again.

 

Perhaps you do suffer from PPD, don't know enough about it (in men) but in any event, next time she cries or makes a fuss, think about how crappy she must be feeling, and try and comfort her instead of getting so pissed off.

 

I know it's tough, I would say by one year, it will be much better. Her little personality will start to shine through, learning to walk and talk, etc which makes it all worth it!!

If his kid is only 4 months old he doesn't have much in the way of food choices.

 

Please don't experiment with food on a 4 month old.

[itsallgrand]

What is it that is happening when you get pissed off with her?

Do you have much experience caring for babies?

 

I'm pretty sure children always have the ability to get under their parents skin! At this point, she's an infant, and none of her choices are deliberate . Are you mistaking frustration and exhaustion on your part for anger? Anger would mean you are interpreting the situation as her doing something wrong. Rationally you know she is not, right? She is simply being a baby.

So you could remind yourself of that when you are frustrated , so that you can manage the emotion so it does not turn to anger by watching your thought process .

 

Congrats on becoming a daddy!

[Snny]

Thank you for posting this thread OP. And thank you for the advice Alchemist. I am in my second trimester and am extremely disappointed about feeling very resentful of carrying my child rather than feeling "a bond" that most women would have by now. I had a very rough pregnancy... First Round it was a miscarriage, Round 2 is Hyperemis (HG). I had to be taken to the hospital multiple times and almost had to get a feeding tube a few weeks ago because my nausea was so bad. I had to be off from work for a whole month which stressed me out (I am so happy they are being very supportive, but I don't want them to feel I can't perform my job). Never in my life have I been this sick, I still can't eat certain food without throwing it up, am not as active as I used to be (I love excerising at the gym, but am too lethargic with the excessive, unpredictable vomiting) and it has caused some resentment. I am NOT going through pregnancy again after this and will be doing adoption. Everyone keeps telling me "It's going to get better once you see and hold your child" ... NOW would be great!! I want to eat a grilled chicken sandwich (with a tomato slice, lettuce and a light spread of Mayo) than a piece of toast, dammit.

 

I am so nervous that once the baby is out, I am going to have a very difficult time adjusting since my husband and I have never cared for an infant before. People in our support group who know how to raise an infant are hours away- so we have to figure this out on our own. My husband has the patience of a saint, I do not (except when I am working with teenagers). I know I am going to mess up, but it's post like these that give me hope I am not a terrible person because someone else is going through a similar thing, and a perspective on what to expect and how to prepare without losing it... especially when I can see myself potentially react in the same way.

[Batya33]

Of course you're not a terrible person! Check out the Seleni INstitute - great resources there for what you're feeling/experiencing. Please remind yourself that it's all normal -huge changes to you and your body and your life. Apples and oranges compared to other pregnant women - because we all experience pregnancy and post-pregnancy differently enough that comparisons aren't that helpful.

(by the way I didn't do my typical exercise after week 5 of my pregnancy and until about 4-6 weeks post-birth - and by the time I was pregnant I'd been exercising regularly for 25 years -it all worked out, with some challenges because of the exercise deficits).

 

I'm sorry it's been so rough for you.

[katrina1980]

If his kid is only 4 months old he doesn't have much in the way of food choices.

 

Please don't experiment with food on a 4 month old.

 

Yeah I read that after I posted but it was too late to modify my post.

 

At four months, she may not even be eating solids yet.

 

That said, there are lots of various choices of baby food when a few months older.

 

You can buy them at specialty stores mostly.

 

Good luck OP and hang it, it does get easer and better!

[Seraphim]

I am opposite. I adore infants , preteens and teenagers irritate me to no end sometimes, even when I was one. I was lucky to be blessed with the easiest teen ever when he was one.

[itsallgrand]

Snny, I hope things go easier for you soon. Your feelings are so understandable with all you and your body has and is going through. Just really pulling for you.

[Mr.Mister]

Don't feel bad. I am sorry that other posters don't seem to understand.

 

A lot of posters have no idea and seem to just want to make me feel like a bad person, rather than answering a simple question. So, thank you for your understanding and actually responding to the question I asked.

 

Does the baby have colic?

 

No, she doesn't. And, I can't imagine if she did. OMG.

 

Breastfeeding?

 

Yes, my wife is breastfeeding and only allows breastfeeding, because her doctor told her bottles will create nipple confusion. So, when my baby is hungry, I have no options but to rock her and wait for my wife to get ready to feed her.

 

How old are you?

 

I'm 34, as it says under my username on here (if you are on PC).

 

After 6 month it got a LOT better. After 12 months it was great.

 

Good to know. That's exactly what I was hoping to hear! Thanks for your response.

[Batya33]

I would not rock the baby before a feeding if you are feeling angry. Babies absorb negative energy if they're held by If you can do something else helpful at that time -some cleaning kind of thing -that makes for a happier mama which makes for a happier baby/family.

 

You received a lot of positive input here. Please focus on it for the good of your family - too easy to play the victim "no one understands me and I'm being attacked for my valid feelings!!!". I know of many nursing moms who prioritize breast only even though then the dad can't do the actual feeding. It's a valid choice (not one I made because I could not nurse).

 

Find other ways to bond with your baby once you do the work in calming yourself down. I gave some suggestions in my post. Good luck.

[Sweet Sue]

Exactly what is the child doing that pisses you off so much? This is a very stressful time for both you and your wife as you adjust to a newborn in your life.

I am guessing you are sleep deprived, the crying keeps you awake most nights, fussy and colic, as well as learning to identify what each cry means! If you didn't

already know by now, there is a specific cry for specific needs.

Just know that in about a month or so, things should settle down as your baby matures. As trying and difficult as it may be, "this too shall pass", and

when you find yourself at the end of your wits, take a walk or take a drive (if you have someone to watch your child, of course). Babies are very smart

and can sense your stress and anger, so be careful here. Be sure you spend time with her....cuddling, singing, playing etc...and hopefully things will begin

to be much more calmer for you and you can enjoy this wonderful gift you have been given. Good luck! Keep us posted.

[Batya33]

If you didn't

already know by now, there is a specific cry for specific needs.

 

 

Yes- true for some and certainly not for all. Not true in our case -and with all respect, I wouldn't advise a parent in his situation to take on the added burden of trying to decipher cries which is certainly not scientific or proven or implying that on top of everything else he "should" know this. I do think the general goal is a great one -knowing your child, knowing the things it "could be" and knowing if the cry sounds unusual that something else might be going on. I think this would be great advice for a parent who was already pretty much doing ok and wanted to do even more to potentially help her baby -meaning not what's essential but trying a sort of experiment to decipher cries above and beyond what she/he already was doing and was capable of doing.

 

Love the rest of the input -as I wrote above too babies can easily sense stress/anger and of course even more so when there's physical contact.

[Seraphim]

I will say though if babies pee you off teenagers are going to rocket you into outer space .

[Batya33]

I will say though if babies pee you off teenagers are going to rocket you into outer space .

 

LOL yes! Although I find differing levels of patience among people with children at different stages.

[abitbroken]

so...this is why you want to go back to being a "gamer" so bad - you want to avoid your daughter. I mean. Boohoo, you are hardly with you daughter - your wife takes care of her 24/7 and because she cries when you come home, you don't like her?

 

When your daughter hits 6 months old, an occasional bottle with pumped milk will not cause confusion and make her stop breastfeeding if that is what is going to keep the peace. Maybe talk to your wife about it to see if your daughter can transition to one bottle a day and the rest breast. What do you do when your wife runs errands on the weekends without the baby? she just screams until she comes home?