Casual break ups matter too!

[Cope]

Another break up.

I don't really have a lot of questions, I know what to do thanks to everyone in here and my last break up. I guess I just need to vent. Thought about starting a journal but isn't that compelling.

 

So, I was seeing this guy for about 4 months, LD (again :moody:). It was something casual and open. He seemed into me but not "in love", I was in love I guess, but he had qualities that I would never want in a person I would want to spend my life with, yet at the same times qualities that I would love for them to have (or did he have them? hmm) I am so glad Im writing this down. I knew this since the start, but it's different when you see it in writing.In general, it was fun.

 

You should be wondering what the big deal is. Well, It hurts. Ego? Dunno, maybe. I did have feelings for him and I do feel that I deserve to mourn for whatever that was even if it wasn't something long term. Also it just happened. I think Im on here just to get a "hey, everything's gonna be alright" reply and not a "you shouldn't have done this or that" which I'm getting from one of my dearest friends. I mean, yeah, we should learn from our mistakes, but I need time to grieve right? It just happened!

 

It's funny how I am sad but at the same time relieved. Has anyone ever had this? I was considering breaking up with him tbh, but was just waiting it out, because I knew something was wrong (he fell for another woman) and I helped him confront me. Weird I know. That was one of his characteristics I didn't like, he had a hard time communicating, waaaaaay less than other men I've dated, but still.

 

I've learned a lot from this experience and I haven't regretted it, but darn does it hurt!

 

Oh I do have a question, which my first instinct is a big "don't bother" , then again, I've never done it before. Closure. Should I seek it out in a couple of weeks when I'm feeling better? I think I probably won't need it then either, but there are somethings I want to know. Well writing this made me realise I don't need it now either. Anyways, there's a general question for us to ponder. Closure: How much do we really need it? (casual relationships edition)

[SweetGirl28]

No, love. Make your own closure. He fell for someone else, there's nothing you need to hear from him anymore.

You wanted to break up anyway, so remind yourself of the reasons why. Those reasons still remain, even though

you miss him. I think you'll realize it's the idea of him you are grieving, not actually him. It's good to write your

feelings and thoughts out to understand them better. Post here and let it all out. You'll be able to move on

quicker by doing so.

[DanZee]

Stop having online romances and meet people in real life. You are retarding your emotional development. Just go up to any guy you like and start talking to him. You'll be surprised what happens. You can make a lot of friends and maybe find someone to date for real rather than calling an online pen pal a "boyfriend."

[wgmitch]

No, love. Make your own closure. He fell for someone else, there's nothing you need to hear from him anymore.

You wanted to break up anyway, so remind yourself of the reasons why. Those reasons still remain, even though

you miss him. I think you'll realize it's the idea of him you are grieving, not actually him. It's good to write your

feelings and thoughts out to understand them better. Post here and let it all out. You'll be able to move on

quicker by doing so.

 

 

"I think you'll realize it's the idea of him you are grieving, not actually him."

 

Truth!

 

This happens a lot after a break up. You get rose colored glasses, but in actuality you can look back on a relationship and see that there were plenty of issues. It's may be best to go over those issues to remind ourselves daily. I do it every day.

 

Mitch

[Babbsi]

It sucks to open yourself up to someone only to realize it wasn’t what you hoped for. It hurts to have a string of miniature relationships that in the end didn’t amount to anything but heartbreak. I’m right there with you it’s exhausting and I e had several in the past few years that have left me with nothing left to give. For now I’m taking a break from dating

[DancingFool]

Closure is something you give yourself....as you have just done it seems.

 

I do think it's important to recognize pain because of hurt ego as opposed to other feelings. Sounds to me like a case of ego here. I don't care who you are, when someone you are involved with chooses to be with someone else, it's going to hurt big time. That's what happened here. The lesson from all this it would seem, is that you need to listen to your instincts sooner. You had problems with him and incompatibilities long before it all blew up in your face. In fact, you were planning to dump him. Next time, just do it. Don't wait around until he drifts of his own accord. It almost sounds like the interest was very lukewarm mutually.

 

Better be single and open to right person than with someone who isn't right for you. Keep that in mind.

[MissCanuck]

Define "closure."

 

People understandably want answers after being dumped, but what doubts or questions do you have for him that haven't already been addressed? I think "closure" is more often than not an attempt to see if the dumper has possibly had a change of heart. These "closure" talks rarely bring the internal peace the dumpee is seeking.

[Cope]

I think you'll realize it's the idea of him you are grieving, not actually him.

 

Exactly!

 

Stop having online romances and meet people in real life.

 

I do have real life romances too. I was actually never going to have an LD again and this didn't start out this way of course, but happens. I also click better with foreigners which is unfortunate.

 

It sucks to open yourself up to someone only to realize it wasn’t what you hoped for. It hurts to have a string of miniature relationships that in the end didn’t amount to anything but heartbreak. I’m right there with you it’s exhausting and I e had several in the past few years that have left me with nothing left to give. For now I’m taking a break from dating

 

Yeah!! This is one of the things that hurt the most. As I said, I saw that this wasn't very serious, so I was keeping my guard up but I did let it a bit down and I already had trust issues. I am working on it though, so I do know that each case is different and at least I knew where this one was going.

I do want to continue dating, but tbh , and this is another reason I wanted out too, I am working on myself in various ways and even an LD at this point was too demanding for me, so I will take a break for now too. Another reason I gave in to LD was that sometimes it's convenient.

 

Closure is something you give yourself....as you have just done it seems.

 

I do think it's important to recognize pain because of hurt ego as opposed to other feelings. Sounds to me like a case of ego here. I don't care who you are, when someone you are involved with chooses to be with someone else, it's going to hurt big time. That's what happened here. The lesson from all this it would seem, is that you need to listen to your instincts sooner. You had problems with him and incompatibilities long before it all blew up in your face. In fact, you were planning to dump him. Next time, just do it. Don't wait around until he drifts of his own accord. It almost sounds like the interest was very lukewarm mutually.

 

Better be single and open to right person than with someone who isn't right for you. Keep that in mind.

 

And I think this is exactly what's going on here. It hurts like hell even if I saw it coming, even if it was an open relationship to begin with, it still hurts. Good thing is I haven't gone down the comparison road yet and honestly I don't think I ever will, because I know things like this just happen. It has nothing to do with me or her, it's just how people click.

 

I am allowing myself to grieve first and then I'm going to learn my lessons, but yes, one of it is to learn how to leave earlier and in general listen to my instincts exactly as you state.

 

Define "closure."

 

People understandably want answers after being dumped, but what doubts or questions do you have for him that haven't already been addressed? I think "closure" is more often than not an attempt to see if the dumper has possibly had a change of heart. These "closure" talks rarely bring the internal peace the dumpee is seeking.

 

 

Good question. Of course I don't need closure as to why he dumped me, obviously. I was thinking about talking about the relationship and basically, what he was expecting from it, because in our last phonecall I talked about some of my views and he acted surprised in a good way. But truth is, just like you said and as I'm writing this, I don't really need closure and I also don't want to get back together.

 

 

It was fun, I don't regret our time spent together. He did act a bit dishonest in the end and hurtful. I mean, dude, let me know first and then post a picture about it, ? They say you really get to know a person when you break up with them, there ya go. He's nice but avoids the truth because he's afraid he'll hurt people and of course because he's most likely immature. Oh well. I know he'll be texting me in a couple of months or 4. It will be fun to see where he's at. I do really hope he finds happiness in this one though, honestly.

 

 

Thank you everyone for all the answers!! Very helpful!! I will vent more probably, thanks a bunch!

[Cope]

So I found out from a mutual friend that they are actually exclusive with the new girl. I really didn't want to talk to the friend but I couldn't ignore her. No Contact includes mutual friends. I really didn't need to know this information. I know that he will probably fail on the exclusive part(and this is not me being jealous) but on the other hand I'm pretty sure some people can change right? It's just hard for me because it's the first time I tried an open relationship and either I'm still in the transitioning phase or I just can't do it. I won't judge from this one just yet though.

 

So even though I honestly couldn't bare an exclusive relationship with him (even if there wasn't a distance) he is so sexually active that I would never be able to trust him and again that's one of the qualities I didn't like about him. Even though I couldn't bare it, it bothered me that he has one with her because of things he said about being exclusive that now seem like total lies. Of course I can't know for sure what kind of deal they have or if that's something he just told our mutual friend. Anyway, too much thought into something that I shouldn't be thinking of.

 

So day, hm, lemme check, day 2? WAAAAAY better. Hardly cried, can stop thinking of him, but he does pop in my head many times. Oh well, what will be, will be.

 

edit to add: I also do know that it doesn't matter. I know there's nothing I could've done differently that would make him want to be exclusive with me and let's not forget that I'm pretty sure I really didn't want one. It's just how people click and of course He Just Wasn't That Into me.

[SweetGirl28]

Give it time, you'll be okay. The thing with LDR's where you don't have the physical connection, is that

even though you might not be engaging in sex with anyone, they may be, or decide that they need that

physical connection in their life. Try meeting guys that are local to you, and that you can trust because

they are in close proximity to you. Don't cheat yourself out of a real relationship. Take a break for now and

keep working on your trust issues. When you are in a good place mentally within yourself, you can open

up to the possibility of a real romance that doesn't solely involve the use of technology to sustain. Good luck :)

[Cope]

Give it time, you'll be okay. The thing with LDR's where you don't have the physical connection, is that

even though you might not be engaging in sex with anyone, they may be, or decide that they need that

physical connection in their life. Try meeting guys that are local to you, and that you can trust because

they are in close proximity to you. Don't cheat yourself out of a real relationship. Take a break for now and

keep working on your trust issues. When you are in a good place mentally within yourself, you can open

up to the possibility of a real romance that doesn't solely involve the use of technology to sustain. Good luck :)

 

Thanks, I need this. I wasn't looking for anything serious, especially an LD one, it just happened ya know? Now I think I do want something more steady, but that's probably because it's too fresh and I just miss the connection we had, however strong or weak it was. He reminded me how it was like to be in a relationship, well sort of.

 

So yeah, I don't really know if I want something steadier. I don't think I can handle a local guy and dates, sleepovers etc. Once I deal with my issues, maybe I can. Or maybe I just forgot how it is completely. Maybe I'm used to going " all in" in relationships and I never ad a balanced relationship. I don't know. Right now I just miss him and am a bit annoyed. Mostly I miss him. I'm even having thoughts of "wil he ever come back?" even if I know that in a couple of weeks I will feel completely relieved that it's over. weird things

[Batya33]

Define "closure."

 

People understandably want answers after being dumped, but what doubts or questions do you have for him that haven't already been addressed? I think "closure" is more often than not an attempt to see if the dumper has possibly had a change of heart. These "closure" talks rarely bring the internal peace the dumpee is seeking.

 

Yes, this. You really do have to give yourself closure. I was devastated at times after break ups of short relationships especially when I was younger but I had a 4 month dating relationship where I was just over the moon about him. The good thing was that in month 3 I realized he was still logging on to the dating site where we met and was closer to a decision about us but not quite there. I decided to give it one more month and then discovered a scary disorder (mood related) he had -and I discovered it because I think he wanted me to see it in action and end things with him. So yes it was hard to get through that and hard to get over. The difference is when it's only 4 months chances are you don't have the fall out of mutual friends, property at each other's places, vacations planned and things that really can drag it out and open the wounds. And, yes, in other contexts I choose carefully how much to vent to friends about life's ups and downs so be sensitive to that too - you might feel very hurt despite how short/casual it was but be mindful and thoughtful about the situations others have.

[Cope]

So yes it was hard to get through that and hard to get over. The difference is when it's only 4 months chances are you don't have the fall out of mutual friends, property at each other's places, vacations planned and things that really can drag it out and open the wounds. And, yes, in other contexts I choose carefully how much to vent to friends about life's ups and downs so be sensitive to that too - you might feel very hurt despite how short/casual it was but be mindful and thoughtful about the situations others have.

 

Yes it is easier of course!! I've been through harder breakups and as you say , tons of other things involved. I actually chose this title in a sort of funny mood, l really hope no one is offended. Of course the truth is in the middle, all break ups hurt and we shouldn't dismiss anyone's pain even if we consider it minor. But yes, I hope I didn't offend anyone. Apologies if I did!

[Batya33]

Yes it is easier of course!! I've been through harder breakups and as you say , tons of other things involved. I actually chose this title in a sort of funny mood, l really hope no one is offended. Of course the truth is in the middle, all break ups hurt and we shouldn't dismiss anyone's pain even if we consider it minor. But yes, I hope I didn't offend anyone. Apologies if I did!

 

Not at all -I've just become particularly sensitive about venting to friends when things are overwhelming in this juggling act of life because most of my friends have it much harder than me! But yes it can hurt just as much - I remember a friend going through that kind of thing years ago -took him months to get over it - he was so crazy about this woman -and then shortly after he started dating his future wife.

[Cope]

Darn this is so frustrating!! I am doing very well in general, but today I feel so lonely and I miss him. I do understand that it's normal to feel this way, maybe I am just too harsh on myself.

So as I usually do and advise others to do is to think about the negatives of the other person and oh boy does he have a bad side. I will write them down here to get them out of my system and Im sure you will be compelled to reply with a what?! at least.

 

He's a pothead, I don't think there has been a day in his adult life that he isn't high (he's 40+). As much as I don't really consider it a drug, the need to get high EVERY day is a red flag. He is most likely a sex addict. He really can't go for 3 days without having sex with a woman and it doesn't matter who it is. Again, I like sex too and have a sort of high sex drive, but it's different when it's getting in the way of your everyday life. Why did I fall for him? Well he's a sweet guy, I have to give him that. Both of the above can coexist in a nice guy. That doesn't mean he was good for me. it's just that it was confusing me and I couldn't let go, he was so nice! I don't think he realises he's probably a sex addict, he just says he loves sex. Even if he isn't though, his sex drive is way too high for me, and most importantly his need to be with so many other women, let's not even get in the STD talk. I'm ok with an open relationship, but this was like the extreme version of it.

 

So this helped. I will keep doing this. Also one thing I was thinking about lately, is , since I was already thinking about breaking up with him, why not pretend for a bit that I actually did? I think it helps my hurt ego a bit? I can't explain it better, Does anyone understand? I don't want to lie to myself, but I think it's like trying to picture yourself already healed. Pretending that you broke up will basically make you focus as to the why this wasn't working and help you understand that it doesn't really matter who ended it. No?

[MissCanuck]

I wouldn't go the route of lying to yourself that you dumped him, though I understand the temptation to re-write history like that. It does nothing to change reality and instead prevents you from making true progress by confronting the internal issues that led you to stay with a guy like this.

 

Instead, I would take the time and reflect on why you didn't leave earlier. Really think about it: are you afraid to be alone? Do you have low self-esteem and not feel you could have done better? How many of your own standards did you sacrifice by remaining, and why?

 

That is where you make real steps towards healing. Otherwise, you will likely find yourself drawn into a similar situation in the future. Yes, the ego hurts when it's bruised this way. But you can turn it around into a teachable moment for yourself and still come out on top in the end.

[Cope]

I wouldn't go the route of lying to yourself that you dumped him, though I understand the temptation to re-write history like that. It does nothing to change reality and instead prevents you from making true progress by confronting the internal issues that led you to stay with a guy like this.

 

Instead, I would take the time and reflect on why you didn't leave earlier. Really think about it: are you afraid to be alone? Do you have low self-esteem and not feel you could have done better? How many of your own standards did you sacrifice by remaining, and why?

 

That is where you make real steps towards healing. Otherwise, you will likely find yourself drawn into a similar situation in the future. Yes, the ego hurts when it's bruised this way. But you can turn it around into a teachable moment for yourself and still come out on top in the end.

 

 

Ah! I did not think about it that way! You're right, I have to find out why I didn't end it earlier. Well I do know why I got into it in the first place and it's something I can't really share , let's just leave it to "it's sexual". Very good questions. I'm not afraid of being alone, I do have low self esteem and apparently I do think I don't deserve better. I am in therapy and we're working on these, well the origins of these feelings so far. I did sacrifice a lot of my own standards. To be honest I was exploring things with this relationship. I wanted to try different things and I can say I did. So maybe that's why I stayed. For example, come to think of it , I don't know if I sacrificed my values as I was really redefining them. That was my "Quest" for this relationship, to figure me out and to look at some other options relationship wise. Maybe it's a small price to pay, the sadness I'm feeling now, compared to what I learned.

 

I do have to work on the self esteem thing definitely. And again, you're right on the "pretending I broke up", I think my ego is worth sacrificing in order to get my self confidence and all the other things back in sync! Thank you so much!

[Batya33]

I don't think you have to touch a hot stove as an adult to know that you'll get burned. You can assess harmful situations from a distance and learn in that way. I've never done certain dangerous things that many others have done and am glad I didn't harm myself for some notion of "now I can say I did for the learning experience". I'd cut out the rationalizing, etc - I had a 5 month relationship with a self-described reformed player. He dumped me, he was never in love with me, he's the only person I regret sleeping with because he didn't meet my standards of being in love with strong potential for marriage. (And no, I didn't think it would be dangerous to sleep with him). When he ended things I made myself stick to the assumption that he just wasn't that into me -not a commitmentphobe issue, or "player" - and it helped when he wanted to keep hooking up. It especially helped when I ran into him about 6 months later and he told me he was seeing someone and it seemed serious. He married her a few years later. Interestingly, he did try to keep in touch with me in somewhat inappropriate ways during the engagement and when he was married but I assume he's happy in his marriage.

 

Anyway, it helped me heal a lot faster to be honest with myself about his ending things with me and to be honest that I'd been over the moon about him for awhile.

[Cope]

I don't think you have to touch a hot stove as an adult to know that you'll get burned. You can assess harmful situations from a distance and learn in that way. I've never done certain dangerous things that many others have done and am glad I didn't harm myself for some notion of "now I can say I did for the learning experience". I'd cut out the rationalizing, etc - I had a 5 month relationship with a self-described reformed player. He dumped me, he was never in love with me, he's the only person I regret sleeping with because he didn't meet my standards of being in love with strong potential for marriage. (And no, I didn't think it would be dangerous to sleep with him). When he ended things I made myself stick to the assumption that he just wasn't that into me -not a commitmentphobe issue, or "player" - and it helped when he wanted to keep hooking up. It especially helped when I ran into him about 6 months later and he told me he was seeing someone and it seemed serious. He married her a few years later. Interestingly, he did try to keep in touch with me in somewhat inappropriate ways during the engagement and when he was married but I assume he's happy in his marriage.

 

Anyway, it helped me heal a lot faster to be honest with myself about his ending things with me and to be honest that I'd been over the moon about him for awhile.

 

I wasn't "Testing" him. I was, and still am, exploring other forms of relationships like open ones. I never quite considered it a hot stove. I actually wished they were the norm because of all the infidelity I see around. I don't believe in monogamy anymore because of my experiences and others around me. I really do not have an example of a couple that has never cheated on their partner. Cheating= What the couple defines as cheating.

 

So I am still exploring that. I didn't expect to fall for him to be honest and once I did, I was like, oh well, let's make the best of it. I tested my limits, that's for sure. So anyway,yeah I wasn't testing him. I never thought I could change him or anything. He is the type of person who is looking for that though and I never let me fall in that trap. I definitely know he wasn't that into me, almost from the get go. As I mentioned above I thought I stayed for the sexual thing. This is where I need to do the deep digging. I always put myself second and I thought I was over that and just because I was doing it willingly, not caring that he wasn't as into me as I was, I thought that it didn't count. I'm assuming it does count. At this point I finally know where I should've ended it, it would've been by the End of December. Why I didn't end it then is another question. I think I'm just used to other people making decisions for me. Wow that sucks. But it's progress I guess. Hm.

 

I am sure he will be back in 3-4 months tops and just like your guy Batya, inappropriately. I don't really care if he does. Ok I do care a little now, but if it's a little now, I'm sure it will be 0 then. Even if he contacts me now, all I wold want to talk about is to confirm some lies I'm sure he told me, which usually you never ask a liar for the truth, but as I said he's a weird combination of a human being and he'd probably be honest. I'd only ask to see if my intuition was right, no other reason. I struggle with that quite a lot.

[Batya33]

I never meant you were testing him. You wrote in your post you dated him because you were testing yourself -because you thought that by getting involved with him despite it being potentially harmful to you you would do it for the learning experience. That is what I was responding to.

 

I think it's really sad that you don't believe in monogamy just based on individual experiences. Want an example? I dated my husband for 2 years in the 1990s. This time around we've been together for almost 13 years. No cheating and we define it very traditionally. No desire to cheat either. People in open relationships from what I understand also don't condone cheating -they just define boundaries differently. In a marriage cheating does have a specific definition -if you take traditional marriage vows you promise not to have sex outside of the marriage.

 

I'm glad you are moving on and that you believe you learned from this experience.

[Cope]

I never meant you were testing him. You wrote in your post you dated him because you were testing yourself -because you thought that by getting involved with him despite it being potentially harmful to you you would do it for the learning experience. That is what I was responding to.

 

I think it's really sad that you don't believe in monogamy just based on individual experiences. Want an example? I dated my husband for 2 years in the 1990s. This time around we've been together for almost 13 years. No cheating and we define it very traditionally. No desire to cheat either. People in open relationships from what I understand also don't condone cheating -they just define boundaries differently. In a marriage cheating does have a specific definition -if you take traditional marriage vows you promise not to have sex outside of the marriage.

 

I'm glad you are moving on and that you believe you learned from this experience.

 

Ah, makes sense, I was wondering if I misunderstood your post!

It is kind of sad right? What can I say, I am surrounded by cheaters, seriously! And yeah, you're right, open relationships or polyamorous ones, don'tallow cheating, there are just different rules. I just want to embrace the need of humans to be polygamous. Honesty. Why can't we have that? I haven't lost hope..I hope! I do believe that there must be someone out there whom I can share an honest relationship with, with whatever form or label. Thanks for the food for thought!

[Batya33]

Ah, makes sense, I was wondering if I misunderstood your post!

It is kind of sad right? What can I say, I am surrounded by cheaters, seriously! And yeah, you're right, open relationships or polyamorous ones, don'tallow cheating, there are just different rules. I just want to embrace the need of humans to be polygamous. Honesty. Why can't we have that? I haven't lost hope..I hope! I do believe that there must be someone out there whom I can share an honest relationship with, with whatever form or label. Thanks for the food for thought!

 

I don't think humans "need" to be polygamous. Some humans choose that and some don't. No "need" IMO. I never needed to. And I don't need to embrace any global needs in my personal relationship with my husband -I'm not there to send any kind of message -it's just the two of us and what we choose.

[thealchemist]

Ah, makes sense, I was wondering if I misunderstood your post!

It is kind of sad right? What can I say, I am surrounded by cheaters, seriously! And yeah, you're right, open relationships or polyamorous ones, don'tallow cheating, there are just different rules. I just want to embrace the need of humans to be polygamous. Honesty. Why can't we have that? I haven't lost hope..I hope! I do believe that there must be someone out there whom I can share an honest relationship with, with whatever form or label. Thanks for the food for thought!

I have read a bit and just wanted to chime in.

 

I am quite the monogomist. It is fairly compulsive.

 

I have been with my wife for 13 years and haven't in anyway cheated on her. Or her on me, to the best of my knowledge, and I have no doubts.

 

I laughed at your description of your ex because I am also a bit of a stoner and if wanting sex every few days makes him a sex addict I am much worse...

[Cope]

I have read a bit and just wanted to chime in.

 

I am quite the monogomist. It is fairly compulsive.

 

I have been with my wife for 13 years and haven't in anyway cheated on her. Or her on me, to the best of my knowledge, and I have no doubts.

 

I laughed at your description of your ex because I am also a bit of a stoner and if wanting sex every few days makes him a sex addict I am much worse...

 

I enjoy my fair share of weed. I would love sex every day more than once, I told you , I have a high sex drive too, but he not only wanted sex, he found a new girl every 3 days to engage in the act, in between those days he'd have phone sex or he'd just be sexting with other random girls (don't know how many times day) and watch porn almost all the rest of the day. He rarely even talked about anything other than that. And ok, scratch the last part of him talking only about sex because some might say it's just with me and it's normal. Is this a closer description of a sex addict candidate or am I exaggerating? I'm honestly asking.

 

I'm happy for you and your wife! I wish more people were like that! Thank you for your chime in!!

[thealchemist]

Well the only difference between someone who is a sex addict and someone who likes a lot of sex is how much it negatively affects their life.

 

It does sound like he is a bit of a sex addict though.

 

I do get fixated on sex sometimes though.

I watch porn if I can't have it with my wife, but anything else isn't even in the realm of my possibilities. If you have it with a lot of people in unsafe ways then you most likely are an addict.

 

I have two children and have a very busy life with my family. My wife and I typically find time to have it 4 to 7 times a week.

 

If we have a week of low responsibilities and have a lot of time together we might get 10 to 12 times.

 

But I just want to have sex with my wife a lot. Not other people...lol.

 

I also like to smoke when I get home from work, before my family get home, and I start dinner. Then I smoke before I go to bed.

 

But I run out a lot and I don't have issues if I don't have any. My budget for it is very structured.

 

People's libido in relationships are very interesting to me.

 

I like sex 7+ times a week. My wife is more like a 3-5 times a week. I have never had any desire to "supplement" that with anyone besides my wife.

 

Whereas I have friends who wouldn't want sex more than 3 times a week yet seek outside martial relations.

 

It is all just vastly interesting.