Crazy about her....but she has herpes

[Yarmer]

I've been crazy about this girl for a month but something threw me for a loop the other night.

 

We spent all night together on the town and then went back to my place. Things get heated pretty quickly and she starts telling me this story about how some guy gave her something back in the day. So I guessed herpes and she said yes. Things definitely died down but we still kissed and fell asleep together.

 

At a crossroads. We have not had a follow up conversation about it which will definitely happen soon but...is this worth it? Is it possible to have a relationship with someone who has it? I defitely would like to work through it but advice would be appreciated.

 

Where can I learn more about the virus?

 

Thank you

[Seraphim]

There are STD clinics at most health departments you can go in and ask for info. Your doctor will have info. Absolutely people with herpes have relationships.

[Clio]

You can also learn more about genital herpes at http://www.cdc.gov

[ThatwasThen]

Google "Herpes" and read everything you can about being safe. Is she on anti-virals ? How many outbreaks does she usually have?

Know about "shedding" which can transfer the virus to you even if she's not showing any symptoms.

 

Talk to your doctor as well or at a rep at a planned parenthood clinic. Be educated about it all before you make a decision.

[thealchemist]

Well there are a lot of variables with herpes.

 

Do your research and decide for yourself.

 

I will say that it is a pretty common one that rarely has huge health issues linked to it.

 

Two biggest questions if I were in your situation would be if she is on antivirals and how often are outbreaks.

 

Her viral load can also be informative.

 

You can also have type 1 and 2 genitally too.

 

My friend has been with his wife for a decade and she has herpes and he doesn't. They do monitor it a lot too.

[dias]

You should also take into consideration that she informed you beforehand. Shows honesty and integrity.

[reinventmyself]

I have a friend who has genital herpes. She has had two marriages of long duration and has never passed it on to anyone.

I also have a friend who gets cold sores.

I think the difference here is when your partner has a cold sore, you get to make a conscious choice in what to do.

 

Genital herpes means you may not see it, therefore you need to have a very trusting relationship with your partner and trust that they will communicate with you whether it's a safe time or not.

 

Seeing that she was forthcoming about it is a very good sign.

The rest is up to you.

[Jibralta]

I also have a friend who was diagnosed with herpes. She contracted it when she was a teenager. It was a big struggle for her, but she was open about it with her boyfriends. It actually didn't hamper her dating life much. She is now married with two kids. She's been married for about 10 years, I think.

 

I have another friend who contracted herpes, and she stopped dating altogether. But she also has a couple of other issues with her self esteem, so in her case the diagnosis was just another nail in the coffin.

 

Apparently, herpes has become very common. A couple of years ago, I went for a full panel of STD tests and the doctor actually told me that she wasn't going to test me for herpes because most people have it! I would have still liked to have gotten the test.

[Grinch2017]

I may be bias as I have got this! All I can say is I think I've had one outbreak since May.. I don't take meds I have HSV2 and I am hoping to maybe get married one day and have kids. All I will say is it can happen to anyone... remember the people you sleep with have slept with x amount of people so the chances are obviously there! It is common I know 3 people with it. Please don't judge her or let this put you off dating. I honestly would do anything to protect a partner (more scared if anything). There are some people that will not tell you! You may have been exposed already. Honesty and integrity are not always on the forefront of a mans mind when he wants you in his life! I know I'm a bit bias but I've never been judgemental it's life!!! Use condoms until you are comfortable/both certain when you can't (however you should be using these anyway there are much worst things people won't tell you they have!!). It is also your choice not to see her! Think about your decision this is just my opinion

[rosephase]

You should start by being tested. Because unless you’ve asked for it by name and fought for the test, you haven’t been tested for herpes. They only test if there is an active break out. So you might already have herpes and not know it. I test positive for hsv1 and 2 and have never seen an outbreak.

[figureitout23]

I also have a friend who was diagnosed with herpes. She contracted it when she was a teenager. It was a big struggle for her, but she was open about it with her boyfriends. It actually didn't hamper her dating life much. She is now married with two kids. She's been married for about 10 years, I think.

 

I have another friend who contracted herpes, and she stopped dating altogether. But she also has a couple of other issues with her self esteem, so in her case the diagnosis was just another nail in the coffin.

 

Apparently, herpes has become very common. A couple of years ago, I went for a full panel of STD tests and the doctor actually told me that she wasn't going to test me for herpes because most people have it! I would have still liked to have gotten the test.

 

 

I was told most people test positive, but they don't necessarily have it, just that you've been exposed to the virus at some point in your life and your body produced antibodies which is what the test detects. So they look at the test and symptoms etc to make a determination. At least that's what my doctor said when I got tested. I don't think actual genital herpes is something everyone is walking around with.

 

ETA: To avoid putting my foot in my mouth I googled it and mostly see 1 out of 6 have genital herpes which is less than 20% if I'm reading it right. Cold sores or HSV 1 is like 90% though.

[musicman777]

I've been crazy about this girl for a month but something threw me for a loop the other night.

 

We spent all night together on the town and then went back to my place. Things get heated pretty quickly and she starts telling me this story about how some guy gave her something back in the day. So I guessed herpes and she said yes. Things definitely died down but we still kissed and fell asleep together.

 

At a crossroads. We have not had a follow up conversation about it which will definitely happen soon but...is this worth it? Is it possible to have a relationship with someone who has it? I defitely would like to work through it but advice would be appreciated.

 

Where can I learn more about the virus?

 

Thank you

 

Yes, you can have a relationship with someone with herpes. You can even have sex with her, if she's not on an outbreak and you use protection, you have a relatively low risk of getting the disease (although you can still absolutely catch it and you do put yourself at risk every time you do the deed). It's not quite as bad as HIV, but it's also NOT something to be taken lightly.

 

I will say this; the woman definitely has some respect for you and humility to tell you this. I've read on here about people that have had sex with people without telling them they had an STD, and it makes me sick. Simply based off that, I think it is worth giving her a chance if you really like her. I wouldn't discriminate against someone just because they have herpes. Just know what you are getting into. She's capable of having a healthy and normal life with the virus.

 

I would just take things slow and see where it goes, avoiding sex for now. If enough time goes by and you start to fall in love with this person, then maybe you wouldn't mind taking the risk.

[aroud]

Just reading this. Crazy about someone with herpes. Still working my way through it. I had 3 dates with a woman who told me only once we were in the middle of protected sex. I am disappointed with that, and will be getting tested.

 

But part of me is devestated not just because of herpes and the threat to my health, but because I thought I'd found someone incredibly special and rare, and had it taken away from me. Part of me being upset was basically grieving.