I need a good reply to this..

[ConfusedBlondB]

Hey everyone! I’m actually speechless to what my ex sent me last night. To the point where I haven’t replied, and that’s not my style. I usually always have something to say! 😆 Here is a little run down before I get ahead of mysellf. My ex and I have been broken up for 6 mths now. We had a 5 yr relationship, more ups than downs. This is our 2nd breakup. We’re both in our thirties, but I have a child from a previous relationship. Long story short. Half of a year has passed, I’ve grown in many ways. I tried moving on, but no one has seemed to fill a void. I miss my ex. Never admitted it tho to him. So anyways, here we are to last night.. He messaged me again! (Always was contacting me but not to this degree!)

 

“Hey ******(Nickname he used to call me) I miss you so much I broke up w my gf because we always fight and she called me brain dead and I told her if she acted half as nice as my ex then I would stay w her...you really were the best gf I'm sorry I wish I could've been the person I am today. I've been in school for the past month and have 4 more months left to get my class A CDL I've already got prehired for a couple companies might work for ******* they pay 63k minimum for the 1st year with bonuses...anyway I hope your doing well I'm sure you are you should take me out on the town some night!”

 

What do I say back tho? I’m stubborn to give in so easily with any kind of remark. I’m like my father, as he is as well like his father. He is not very vocal with his feelings. But here I noticed he’s very vocal. The ending is a little joke, he brought me out on town our first night of meeting. 😌 I just would love if anyone can give me some input, advice, anything would be grateful!

[Wiseman2]

Maybe you were better off with him lock up after all?

He spiraled out of control after that, ended up in jail.So we got back together and I blew up over everything when he got out. I pushed him away, saying I did better when he was locked up.

 

This text sounds this lady got smart and dumped him so now he's lonely and horny and backtracking through his blackbook. Not only should you ignore this salacious text, you should block and delete him from your and your child's life.

“Hey ******(Nickname he used to call me) I miss you so much I broke up w my gf because we always fight and she called me brain dead and I told her if she acted half as nice as my ex then I would stay w her...you really were the best gf I'm sorry I wish I could've been the person I am today. I've been in school for the past month and have 4 more months left to get my class A CDL I've already got prehired for a couple companies might work for ******* they pay 63k minimum for the 1st year with bonuses...anyway I hope your doing well I'm sure you are you should take me out on the town some night!”

[Mikey383]

Clearly... The man cares about you a lot.

He is obviously super honest about it.

Seems that he still loves you.

 

And if you still love him, then reply and go be with him....

 

And from what I read, you still care for him...

 

So be honest to yourself and reply...

[DanZee]

No, Mikey doesn't know the whole story. Wiseman got it right. Don't write back and block him. This guy's a mess and he's just looking for a booty call.

[ConfusedBlondB]

A booty call? Yet I live over 100 miles away from him..

[ConfusedBlondB]

He went to jail for a week. Nothing crazy. Hence why I deleted that part.

[boltnrun]

People don't usually go to jail for a week over nothing.

 

He's feeling sorry for himself because that woman dumped him. He knows you still have feelings for him so he's trying to use those feelings for his own benefit.

 

And bragging about how much money he's going to be making? Is that supposed to entice you or something?

 

I would not reply, but I presume you want to?

[ConfusedBlondB]

People don't usually go to jail for a week over nothing.

 

He's feeling sorry for himself because that woman dumped him. He knows you still have feelings for him so he's trying to use those feelings for his own benefit.

 

And bragging about how much money he's going to be making? Is that supposed to entice you or something?

 

I would not reply, but I presume you want to?

 

Very true. Jail time is jail time regardless.

 

I don’t know his reasoning for the bragging part. I am not one to be with someone with money, he knows this.

 

I do want to reply, not to punish him any longer. I just don’t want to seem like a pushover.

[boltnrun]

So you don't want to seem like a pushover, but you want to go ahead and give in to his selfish desire to use your feelings for him to make himself feel better and soothe his ego over being dumped?

 

Interesting...

[mountaingirl]

I don't know the backstory on this. It sounds like you want to reply.

 

I feel like you're in a good position here so don't do anything rash. I imagine it's taken a lot of time and hurt to get here so take the time to get really clear on what it is you want from him and also, how the relationship actually was.

 

Now listen to what are your doubts are.

 

You can use this contact to your advantage to test him and see him for who he is, which will help you get over him and move on (if you even decide to message back. Do you want this in your future?). If he happens to have changed, then great — but that never seems likely.

 

Reply in a way that's assertive and kind of puts him on the spot. Don't just give into his request to see you — put your needs first. See how he responds. Does he lose the niceties the moment he doesn't get what he wants?

[SweetGirl28]

I'd leave it alone. He's bored and in between gf's.

Next one who agrees to be with him, he will be gone.

[ConfusedBlondB]

He doesn’t lose his cool easily. I was thinking of a simple “Of course cause you never know what you are missing until it's gone.” But then that’s pretty obvious of what he’s feeling..

[shessofly]

What was the reason for breakup number one and two?

[ConfusedBlondB]

What was the reason for breakup number one and two?

 

LDR and could only see each other every other weekend which led to arguements that I initially would start.

[shessofly]

LDR and could only see each other every other weekend which led to arguements that I initially would start.

 

It doesn't sound like that situation has changed?

[ConfusedBlondB]

It doesn't sound like that situation has changed?

 

 

His point of telling me where he might work is because it’s in the same town as me. I also didn’t have a vehicle at the time either.

[Capricorn3]

Speaking for myself only, I wouldn't reply. Ever. I'd be happy to be done with him and get on with my life.

[katrina1980]

I don't know the backstory on this. It sounds like you want to reply.

 

I feel like you're in a good position here so don't do anything rash. I imagine it's taken a lot of time and hurt to get here so take the time to get really clear on what it is you want from him and also, how the relationship actually was.

 

Now listen to what are your doubts are.

 

You can use this contact to your advantage to test him and see him for who he is, which will help you get over him and move on (if you even decide to message back. Do you want this in your future?). If he happens to have changed, then great — but that never seems likely.

 

Reply in a way that's assertive and kind of puts him on the spot. Don't just give into his request to see you — put your needs first. See how he responds. Does he lose the niceties the moment he doesn't get what he wants?

 

I agree with this, more or less. Especially the part about using this to "your" advantage to determine what he's really about.

 

Personally, I wouldn't ignore, cause when things like this happen, I like to play it out till the bitter end, which is usually what ends up happening. But you will never know for sure, till you play it out all the way.

 

For me, if I don't play it out, there would always be that "what if" and second guessing.

 

Ignoring is just avoiding.

 

Don't agree to see him, simply text back, nothing heavy, have fun with it.

 

If you remain light, non-committal, either he will step it up or drop off.

 

"Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on ME."

 

Be open, but stay aware! And take care of YOU.

[Starlight925]

He went to jail for a week. Nothing crazy. Hence why I deleted that part.

 

Jail for a week is not a big deal?

 

Him: His new GF figured out he's an easy-to-anger jerk, and he's lonely and horny. Figures he can just text you and you can give him "there there, you're wonderful" fuel, which will lead to a visit, which he knows will be easy sex. So much easier to get good lovin' from an ex than to try for someone new.

 

He figures you're lonely, and a little simple text from him is enough to get you all goose-bumpy.

 

His comment: You should take me out on the town.....wow, what a gentleman.

 

I say, don't respond, and block him. Do what his last girlfriend did, and leave him behind.

[Wiseman2]

So he can roll into town for a free b and b and then some, then go back to whichever lady he's stringing along locally? Do not respond,

it will suck you back in.

His point of telling me where he might work is because it’s in the same town as me.

[boltnrun]

Yeah, my ex used to contact me every time he fought with his girlfriend (the one he cheated on me with and left me for). He'd tell me how awesome I was, how much he missed me, how no one knew him the way I did, etc., etc. Then when they made up it was so long, boltnrun! Until the next fight.

 

Fortunately, #1, I don't want him back and don't love him anymore and #2, I'm on to him. So when he'd contact me I'd reply "so you and A are fighting again, huh?" And he'd exclaim no! I just miss you! Yeah, B.S., buddy.

 

If I were you I'd reply something like "So, if you really mean all this I guess that means you'll be taking me out to dinner this weekend so we can talk about getting back together for good? And BTW, no sex because I don't do casual ex sex". See what he says.

 

Of course, I see you posted this in the "Getting Back Together" forum, so I presume that means you're delighted he contacted you and you hope it "means" something significant.

[ConfusedBlondB]

Yeah, my ex used to contact me every time he fought with his girlfriend (the one he cheated on me with and left me for). He'd tell me how awesome I was, how much he missed me, how no one knew him the way I did, etc., etc. Then when they made up it was so long, boltnrun! Until the next fight.

 

Fortunately, #1, I don't want him back and don't love him anymore and #2, I'm on to him. So when he'd contact me I'd reply "so you and A are fighting again, huh?" And he'd exclaim no! I just miss you! Yeah, B.S., buddy.

 

If I were you I'd reply something like "So, if you really mean all this I guess that means you'll be taking me out to dinner this weekend so we can talk about getting back together for good? And BTW, no sex because I don't do casual ex sex". See what he says.

 

Of course, I see you posted this in the "Getting Back Together" forum, so I presume that means you're delighted he contacted you and you hope it "means" something significant.

 

 

 

Thank you so much for your response! I wish I was over him.. Just curious tho, how long were you two together?

[boltnrun]

Thank you so much for your response! I wish I was over him.. Just curious tho, how long were you two together?

 

Four years. And five years prior, we'd had a relationship for a bit over a year. He'd pursued me for the entire five years in between, claiming he loved me and just wanted a chance to prove it! So I took him back and the second go round lasted four years.

 

Immediately after the dumping I did want him back. At first when he contacted me I swooned, sure that he'd realized he'd made a huge mistake leaving me for that girl and that we'd have a blissful reunion. Barf.

 

It took some time, but I realized he was awful. Just awful. He lied for almost a year about the cheating (first emotional then physical. They'd had to keep their affair secret because she was engaged to and living with his nephew). Why the hell did I think I wanted to get back together with such a piece of garbage??

 

It made me angry that he only contacted me when they fought. It became clear that I was not his first choice; I was the one he used to boost his ego and/or to put a bandaid on his wounded feelings and his loneliness. He didn't love me.

 

If your ex truly wanted to get back together or if he felt he'd made a mistake, he wouldn't have waited until he got dumped by someone else to contact you. Don't settle for being the consolation prize.

[Jan2728]

Thank you so much for your response! I wish I was over him.. Just curious tho, how long were you two together?

Do you love him and want him back? If so I like this advice , however say it nicer and watch a pattern of actions to make sure he's sincere. (copied wrong thing) the "so you'd like to try to repair our relationship" post. Don't even mention sex. Let him visit, NOT stay with you and if he tries, then you tell him you don't sleep around casually. Good luck , let us know please what happens.

[ConfusedBlondB]

Do you love him and want him back? If so I like this advice , however say it nicer and watch a pattern of actions to make sure he's sincere. (copied wrong thing) the "so you'd like to try to repair our relationship" post. Don't even mention sex. Let him visit, NOT stay with you and if he tries, then you tell him you don't sleep around casually. Good luck , let us know please what happens.

 

I agree, I do love him and would like another shot at a relationship again. I just think I ruined my chances to reply now. He messaged me the next day with a birthday wish. So I just ended up replying “Thanks!”