Ideas to meet guys?

[mustlovedogs]

Hey all.

 

This has probably been posted a bunch of times, but I'm looking for ways to meet guys. I recently moved halfway across the country and have gotten settled in to my new city and job. I think I feel ready to try and date.

 

Objectively I feel dateable. I'm likeable, funny, charismatic, smart, and successful.

 

I'm a bit torn because I'm plus sized and a bit picky. When I say picky, I don't mean I'm going for super hot dudes. I'm in to successful guys who are perhaps a bit quirky or dorky. But I definitely want to be physically attracted to them.

 

Anyway. That objectively feels like where I should be. I don't feel like an ugly mess or anything, but I'm just not having much luck dating. I don't know if it's a combo of my appearance and me being picky. I don't know.

 

Up to this point my efforts have mostly been with OLD. However, I know for sure that my personality is my strongest feature. That sounds maybe cocky but I've gotten "in" with so many people since I've moved here. I can just tell I'm likeable. That makes me think

I should target dating IRL since that would play to my strengths (whereas OLD is more superficial and plays to my weaknesses).

 

Problem is... I'm terrible at that.

 

Where should I go? What should I do? How do people decide who to approach? I know I'm overthinking it. I get super uncomfortable if guys hit on me without knowing at least a *little* bit about me. I'm fine if we chat for a couple minutes and it turns flirty, but if it starts flirty I basically turn on RBF and push them away.

 

Ramble. Anyway. Advice?

[Pleasedonot5]

Hmm, I'll tell you that you definitely aren't alone in this struggle. Dating is a beast these days.

 

What are some of your hobbies? Are you into running, ballroom dance, yoga, etc? I tend to find the most interest generated when I'm in an environment doing something I enjoy with a group of people (I.e. running, ballroom dance, and gaming for me haha). Might be worth checking meetup.com, or even better, finding a club/organization naturally through which you can have fun and meet new people.

[mustlovedogs]

I like golfing, traveling, photography, dogs, trying new things, restaurants, breweries, stuff like that.

 

I also just generally like trying things.

 

But my struggle is when I do those things most people seem paired off.

[Birdie]

Speed dating?

 

It sounds corny but I do know people who have had success! And hey it's an in-person experience and could be kind of fun.

[mustlovedogs]

@Birdie that could be a good idea. I've done it twice and it was weird weird weird weird but new city, why not!

[Birdie]

Least you might come out of it with a few stories!

[milly007]

Mustlovedogs, I recently posted on here about moving to a new city and not knowing many people. I asked for suggestions on how to meet new people and someone recommended meetup.com. Have you ever tried it? I haven't, but was checking it out today. There are tons of groups you can join, including groups for singles. I might give it a go.

[mustlovedogs]

I have tried it but not the singles focused groups so much. I'll check it out!

[dias]

First of all congrats for finding a good job that fast after graduation

 

Golfing, travelling, photography are not the best hobbies for meeting people.

 

Meetup sounds promising. There are groups who like trying new restaurants, breweries etc.

 

But meeting strangers, hmm, only in a restaurant/bar. Generally speaking, people expect to meet people in bars/pubs.

 

When you get more familiar with your new colleagues, you can go out with them.

 

Meeting people is not as easy as it seems.

[ASmash]

I've dated girls who I met online, at a bar, a work conference, at work, at school, at party, through friends... I guess, you meet people by getting out there and putting yourself out there. My current relationship with my girlfriend is someone I met online dating (a first for me), but I have to say that I made it a point to get the to know someone genuinely and give them a chance. My girlfriend is almost 2 years older than me and wasn't someone I'd go for (I'm. Not talking physically because I think my girl has an amazing body) but didn't really run in the same circles. But when you give them a chance, you might find something you never noticed before. If you ever read Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari, I think sometimes we get paralyzed by all the options and choices out there, we get too picky. I'm just an average guy, no Brad Pitt, but I've learned being too picky does more harm than good as I realized I let some really awesome girls get away. Hindsight is 20/20. But hey, loving the journey.

[Starlight925]

If you ever read Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari, I think sometimes we get paralyzed by all the options and choices out there, we get too picky.

 

Love me some Aziz, and love this book. I downloaded it & read it in one sitting! And it's so true, the paralyzing that occurs due to all the choices.

 

MLD, there are a ton of Meetups in our area that are just....meetups. Some are not focused on singles, or couples, but just....meetups. I went on a Saturday night sail once, with both couples and singles. For a while, I was in an indie film group, again, just people, some were couples. It was focused on the activity, not the fact that people were or were not coupled up. If you are into bike-riding, there's a very active bike-riding group that meets on weekends very close to where you live.

 

Have you made many friends in the area? I know it's very hard, moving to a gigantic city like this, not knowing anyone. That can be a first step....finding other gals to hang with.

 

Can I ask your age?

[mustlovedogs]

LHGirl, I keep forgetting we're practically neighbors!

 

I'm 27. Luckily I've done well with making friends. I don't know if it's weird to be friends with coworkers, but I have a group of about 10 I hang out with fairly frequently. I have another friend who moved here shortly after me (we had lost contact) so that's been great. And then a handful of others that I hang out with less often.

 

dias, I agree my hobbies aren't great for meeting people. I think I developed them because I had been single awhile before meeting my ex

 

It's funny, I met my ex right when I had given up. It would be super cool if that happened again.

[Batya33]

Volunteer backstage at community theater. Know of several marriages/LTRs resulting from that.

[mustlovedogs]

Volunteer backstage at community theater. Know of several marriages/LTRs resulting from that.

 

That is such an interesting idea! I never would've thought of it but it sounds really fun. Thank you!

[Batya33]

That is such an interesting idea! I never would've thought of it but it sounds really fun. Thank you!

 

It works so well that when my then boyfriend was involved I worried about him meeting other women lol. And when we were broken up, he did. And it made it messy when we got back together.

[mustlovedogs]

It works so well that when my then boyfriend was involved I worried about him meeting other women lol. And when we were broken up, he did. And it made it messy when we got back together.

 

I've always heard there's lots of sexual tension in the theater. I'm going to check it out today!

[Starlight925]

With our recent flooding, there are tons of volunteer opportunities, going into communities to help rebuild, provide support, etc. I bet there are a lot of great guys doing that.

[mustlovedogs]

That's a good point too! The volunteering has been intimidating to me though. I don't have the right PPE and there's so many reports of illnesses from doing drywall tear down... it makes me nervous

[Starlight925]

That's a good point too! The volunteering has been intimidating to me though. I don't have the right PPE and there's so many reports of illnesses from doing drywall tear down... it makes me nervous

 

What's PPE? And no, I realized after I wrote that.....you do not want to get involved in drywall tear-down if you can avoid it. Maybe there are other things that volunteers can do, like helping to sort clothes, or bringing water, etc.?

 

I do know of several people now who have reported bad illnesses from the drywall and the standing water.

[mustlovedogs]

What's PPE? And no, I realized after I wrote that.....you do not want to get involved in drywall tear-down if you can avoid it. Maybe there are other things that volunteers can do, like helping to sort clothes, or bringing water, etc.?

 

I do know of several people now who have reported bad illnesses from the drywall and the standing water.

 

Personal protective equipment I've heard of food prep and stuff which I could do!

[Sportster2005]

Meet people, not guys. Grow your social circles. Don't be afraid to hang out with couples. They have friends. I've lost count of home many women I've met through a couple that knew someone.

[mustlovedogs]

Meet people, not guys. Grow your social circles. Don't be afraid to hang out with couples. They have friends. I've lost count of home many women I've met through a couple that knew someone.

 

That's a good point too! I've never been set up through friends (or met anyone through friends) so I forget about that

[Pleasedonot5]

The previous poster makes a great point. Both of my satisfying long-term serious relationships started from a friend's setting us up.

[Batya33]

That's a good point too! I've never been set up through friends (or met anyone through friends) so I forget about that

 

I set people up all the time and was set up many times. I had long term relationships through set ups. Tell everyone you know you are looking.

[Fudgie]

I'm your age and have met all of my past (And current) partner(s) through OLD. I would cast a wide net: try out speed-dating, go to meetups, meet new friends (even couples) and see if you can get set up with someone. But I wouldn't write off OLD either.

 

I'm still kinda overweight and I don't dress that well or in a flattering manner. My personality is my best asset and even then, there are many people who don't like it. But I found that OLD doesn't have to be superficial if you use something like Match or OKCupid because you can write a well-thought-out profile. It's not like it's just 1-2 pics and a sentence or two. And yes, you'll get smut who message you without reading anything (grrr) but I'm sure you'll also get some guys who read your profile and are genuinely looking for something worthwhile and may be interested.

 

Really, I don't have much to offer a guy outside of what's inside. OLD was a good way to showcase that. Most people I met on the outside, even if I chose not to see them again for other reasons, I had good chemistry with and we were having really good conversations.