I broke up with him

[greta96]

Not because I wanted to, losing him was the last thing I would have ever wanted. I've loved this man for so many years, and I can't believe we are in fact not meant to be. It doesn't make sense, because I have never felt this way with and about anyone in my whole life.

 

But his lies ruined everything. And with the lies came the bully attitude every time I tried asking him the truth. He always, always turned it around and made me look like the drama queen, like the trouble maker, and made it look like it was my fault for doubting him. According to him, I shouldn't even have thought of questioning him, the mere fact that I didn't just blindly trust him was a sign of trouble. But his lies were blatant... at least some of them. I tried hard to dumb myself down and pretend to believe them, I tried to find excuses where there were none that made sense, but I guess at times it would all pile up and I would dare ask for clarification on an action of his...and instead of him calmly talking it out with me, he accused me of starting drama, told me how he was not going to put up with it and by the end of it I was the one apologizing for doubting him.

 

I never found out if there was another woman, although chances are there was. He called me every night with the exception of one night per week, and then his excuses were weak, didn't hold any water (and no I didn't ask for excuses, he was volunteering them). Every other weekend he told me he had the kids (17 year old) in spite of the fact that at the beginning of our relationship he had told me that due to their ages, the kids preferred to do things with their friends and only saw him maybe once a month for a few hours. Yet during our relationship, they came religiously every other week and sometimes stayed the whole weekend. And when this happened, he never called or texted me. So I still think he was in a parallel relationship with the woman he was with when we got together.

 

So anyway, yesterday was the last drop. I am due to leave on vacation on Sunday, and even though we had had plans to see each other Saturday he had cancelled those saying he had a BBQ to go to. Fine, so we arranged for Friday instead. Well yesterday he messaged me that he wasn't going to make it Friday either, and he said so in a very cold manner. It became clear that this man had no feelings for me, and that he had plans with someone else. I was already replaced. So I ended it. I told him about all the lies I had put up with over the course of the relationship, all my suspicions, I told him everything I had built up inside me. I told him that my insecurities stemmed from his lies, and that if he wanted to see how I am in a healthy relationship he should have given me a healthy relationship. He was fuming of course, but didn't try to keep me, didn't ask me to talk, just announced that he was going to block my email and delete my number.

 

Some of his lies were: having the kids when it was obvious he didn't, telling me he came back from his vacation on a day different than the one he actually did (this I could easily verify with the airline), telling me on 2 different occasions that he had fallen asleep from 6 pm to 3 am (this is a man who doesn't sleep more than 5 hours a night, and at the time those naps happened he was out of work so he was doing nothing all day), and others just as hard to believe.

 

It's over for good, and I feel dead inside. Oddly enough I still think he was my other half, because except for the lies and shady behavior on his part here and there, he was great with me and we had an amazing time. I love him with all my heart and I know I will never get over him. But unfortunately he never felt the same way, and life with someone who always lies and refuses to hear you out and reassure you is hell.

[MissCanuck]

You really did the right thing, OP.

 

This man was never relationship material. There are far better, higher-quality candidates out there!

[dias]

Maybe he is your other half but it seems he doesn't feel the same. But you did the right thing. Besides, you will go unhinged if you continue to be with him.

[lostandhurt]

I disagree completely with your conclusions. Easy folks keep reading...

 

You WILL get over him because as time passes your vision will clear from what you wanted the relationship to be to what it really was.

 

Your heart was in love with an imagined person. It was in love with a man that portrayed the things your heart desired but deep down he did not have the substance to back of his façade.

 

I am truly sorry you had to end it and even though you feel dead inside at the moment you will start feeling the things we all feel when a huge loss happens in our lives. The healing will come along with anguish and pain but don't doubt your choice, it was the right thing to do. I think you have known that for some time.

 

Best wishes and keep posting

 

Lost

[HeartGoesOn]

I'm sorry for your pain, Greta. My only advice is to be kind to yourself, and take it one day at a time.

[DancingFool]

Although I see your pain, I'm glad you made this decision. It IS the right decision for you and for your happiness, no matter how much it doesn't feel like it right now.

I think you will realize sooner than you think that he wasn't your other half, that he wasn't worth all this pain and anguish, that you aren't dead inside after all. It may take some time, but it won't be too long.

 

Please do treat yourself well for now. Go out with friends, do stuff, go to a comedy show and laugh even if you don't feel like it. Just do it. You'll see that there is life outside of your ex and that not worrying about being lied to cheated on all the time is a pleasant relief.

[reinventmyself]

Hi Greta,

 

It hurt to read your story.

It's hard to walk away when you have invested so much. You need to give your self some much due credit for recognizing that you deserve better.

Take your time, take care of yourself and come back and vent anytime you feel the need.

Head high!

[hyden]

Greta - I am sorry that things didn't work out, yet I am not sorry it ended. You were not a priority in his life, you were an option. Honestly, at our age, I have struggled with trying to find women who wanted a singular focus as far as a love interest. They tend to say they do, then you just feel like your waiting for them to make time. Sometimes it's honest stuff like kids, work or other responsibilities, but you get a sense for when its other shady stuff.

 

Also, you should never feel like you cant question or discuss what someone does or says. The fact that you question it means it needs to be discussed. Transparency and honesty are important. You were going against your instincts and convictions to try and please him. That's not good. Hang in there.

 

hyden