Please Help, I feel like I lost my best friend.

[Trying2Move0n]

Hi, please feel free to offer any advice or just be brutally honest with me.

 

I am 23 and he is 24. He broke up with me 11 days ago over text. I sensed that he was stressed, and he was distancing himself, so I asked if he wanted to try being friends for a while and put no title on our relationship. He said he just wanted to be friends.

 

This guy and I started dating in March. We started talking around the holidays. He was moving away for school, but we continued talking everyday. In March, he came back home and asked me to be his girlfriend. He had a long term relationship before meeting me, and he was hurt badly. I was surprised he even asked to date me honestly. Fast forward to May, I started interviewing for a job close to him. I accepted the job offer because I really like the company and the people, but him being there didn't hurt the decision making process. A month after I move closer to him, he dumped me. He said when I asked him to be friends, he just knew he had to get out of this relationship. He went from telling me he was falling for me to he lost all feelings for me. He said he even surprised himself, because 5 days prior we hung out, everything seemed so normal and he kissed me good bye the next morning.

 

I couldn't understand. I texted him asking why. He said he realized he didn't see a future for us, and that he doesn't love me, and that he never will. We used to joke about getting dogs and having kids. He said he changed, and his feelings changed. He said it was like a switch, and his has no feelings towards me other than what he would feel for friends, in just 5 days.

 

 

I met up with him 10 days after. We talked. I was angry, sad, and I cried for 4 hours prior to meeting him (I DO NOT CRY EVER). I can't remember the last time I felt that devastated. But when I saw him, all the anger and sadness went away. He said he was sorry, and that he thinks he is just really messed up. He said he felt vulnerable, and that he didn't want to experience another heartbreak. I told him I think he is worth is, because I do, and that I hope he will come back. I said I wouldn't hurt him, and I won't I have been nothing but supportive and kind towards him. He told me to move on and not wait around for him. We ended up hanging out in my room, he said he wanted to kiss me, and we ended up having sex. Sex with him is great, and I told him I would keep doing it if he thinks he's up for it. And he said yes. I just don't understand what happened. I don't know if there is still hope. I spent all day today missing him, not just the friend in him. We talked every single day for the past 6 months. It is now 11PM, and I just texted him that I miss him...

 

 

What should I do? I feel so lost and confused. I am so hurt I wake up crying in the middle of the night.

[NightLily]

The brutal truth is that he will probably keep using you for sex and it will continue to hurt. Listen to what he told you (no future, isn't in love) and believe it. Who knows the cause.

 

I know it hurts, but consider that if you keep hanging around him, it might just hurt more. You might have to just rip the bandaid off.

[drpenguin]

I agree with NightLily. Never use sex as a bargaining chip. Speaking from experience my ex and I tumbled into bed together a year ago after about 2 years a part (we had remained friends through out the separation). We both wanted different things, her a commitment, me freedom. We kept sleeping together because it was fun and familiar and passionate. But when push comes to shove, she got more anxious and left. I regretted not committing to her and tried to get her back. As you see when you WALK AWAY there's a reasonable chance for him to turn around and change his mind if he's attached to you. If he's not attached, there's no point in hoping anyway.

[Capricorn3]

He said he realized he didn't see a future for us, and that he doesn't love me, and that he never will.

He said he changed, and his feelings changed. He said it was like a switch, and his has no feelings towards me other than what he would feel for friends,

 

When a man tells you this, believe him.

 

We ended up hanging out in my room, he said he wanted to kiss me, and we ended up having sex. Sex with him is great, and I told him I would keep doing it if he thinks he's up for it. And he said yes..

So, basically this is FWB. WHY on earth would you do that? He tells you he feels nothing for you and never will, and then you tell him you're okay with having sex with him?? Obviously he won't turn down sex, but WHY would you put yourself through this? All it does is hurt you more. What's the point?

 

What to do? Dump him and walk away with some dignity in tact.

[BornOfChaos]

I agree 100% with the others. When someone's heart is not for you, and you have sex with that person -- the sex still creates a biological and emotional attachment that makes it harder to let go. Don't have sex with someone who sees no future in you, if you're seeking a long term relationship. Your unfulfilled expectations are what is causing your pain.

 

Instead, find someone who can fulfill your expectations. Or change your expectations. The choice's yours.

 

You are still quite young. There are plenty of fish out there if you'll open yourself up to other possibilities. Find someone that wants you, for who you are. I'm sure there's someone out there like that, waiting for you.