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Everything posted by drpenguin

  1. Exactly, when you've done the work you become more compassionate than annoyed when things goes down. Cause usually when people snap it's not just about the "throwing out the garbage." Usually it's: Are they feeling heard? Do you care? Did you notice they were trying to do something special? Etc. You start addressing root issues, not just the throwing out the garbage. My girl loves me for it. Ultimately did you do the work? Had I not did my transformation I'd probably still be pining over my ex as opposed to simply being happy with how things are. To clarify "Now I didn't feel any d
  2. Um, did you read the post? We're both happily with different people right now. The entire post was about letting go and moving on. Granted mine was rather extreme, I think they're some lessons here for people to learn
  3. She reached out, she didn't want to get back together, she married the other guy pretty soon after. So how the heck is this a happy ending??? Just thought you guys want to know what's it like on the other end of the tunnel, since not many who have moved on really come back to tell their stories. Now this is my experience, mind you, take what is useful, discard what's not. Soon after the faithful "reach out" that we all wait for, I was crushed. I thought I had done everything right from the No-Contact rule book. I didn't call her, text her, contact her, cyberstalk her whatsoever
  4. Ok folks this will probably be the last time I'll be posting on here because I thought it'd help anyone thinking about trying to get your ex back using No-Contact. The short of it: No-Contact is the way to go so you can Move on, NOT to get them back. Cause honestly what's done is done and there's nothing else you really can do to save the relationship short of inventing a time machine (Let me know if you do invent one though.) To quote one of my buddies, "grandma's dead" I know this is brutal, but the truth is. Had I taken this advice as opposed to keep my hopes up that my ex was goi
  5. Did they tell you to write a letter too? I booked a session and that's what they said. They Even proofread the letter and told me its good to go. I didn't send it because when I reread it, it sounded rather needy.
  6. I like Coach Craig, almost grudgingly makes sense and verbally smacks you if he senses you're going to do something stupid. I've done a few skypes with him, and his rates are fair considering what's available on the market. I also like listening to Corey Wayne as well. They both give similar advice, but i definitely won't pay a grand for coaching from him
  7. Wow 18, ok so you're really young here. This is going to be a listen to your elders moment... In short yes No Contact is what you're going to need to do. It's clear you have an anxious personality from the "fear of abandonment" statement and that you're going to have to learn how to soothe that anxiety, or it'll be the reason you won't be able to have a relationship with ANYONE. Right now any news of his dating life is going to drive you more and more mad, and although it feels terrible to have him cut out of your life, it'll be worse to hear all the nitty gritty details You guys are no
  8. Not necessarily a full fledge psychiatrist, but like a therapist or a counselor. Psychiatrist prescribes you drugs, the others helps you analyze your problems into something productive (more important). I see two currently (I got good insurance) and well I've made huge headways after 2 months of NC. Without counseling I would've broken NC so many times. Give you someone who will listen to you without any bias, especially if you're overly concerned of bugging your friend and family. Also they might help you dig into deeper personal issues that you may be self-sabotaging your relationships.
  9. If you honestly want to be with someone, you don't settle for friendship. Ever heard of the friendzone dude, c'mon. Anytime a girl proposes friendship when you just want to jump in to her sheets, is a sign to simply back away and move on to someone who appreciates you more. Hell sometimes the chick will realize that you're not some chump she can just string around at her beck and call and run after you. (Case in point my 2nd gf when I finally just gave up and backed away I get a call in a week that she wanted me) Move on, work out, go out, and get counseling as needed (seriously it helps
  10. I've been this guy recently. Didn't want to commit to having an exclusive relationship with my gf (who was my best friend for a decade before we dated), since I wasn't ready to settle down. At some point my ex-gf just had to leave in search of a man who can commit. I'm the one on this forum trying to win her back. It's been 2 months and no contact. You do the math, you know what to do. Good luck
  11. You KNOW what you need to do, you DON'T want to do it. Make up your mind, do you want her or do you not want her. And if you just want sex there are plenty of other girls. You can't get affection unless you're in a relationship so figure your stuff out.
  12. My ex is currently in a "rebound." This post from the former archive helps me keep strong after 2 months NC Either way, whether reconcillation or moving on, work out, go out, and get counselling as needed (seriously, it helps). It's better to move on and have your ex return then, than it is to keep waiting hopefully and have them never return.
  13. So I've decided to write a letter. I don't know if I'll ever send it, but based off some advice I've gotten here and through some dating coaches, it seems like something that at least I should consider working on. I am getting out there and having fun, and my life has changed drastically since the break, so a part of me definitely questions whether reaching out is good for me right now. I still miss her like crazy, but considering she's not even single, and haven't bothered reaching out is rather telling about my situation. Nonetheless she was (is?) my best friend and I know deep down I
  14. Honestly, sounds like you're in denial. This is someone you met on the internet, who has shown to be disloyal to you, known her for under 6 months, AND it was a long-distance relationship so I doubt you've really seriously gotten to know each other very well. How exactly does this add up to someone who's going to be a best friends? Add the former emotions that are always going to be lingering PERIOD and she has felt the need to BLOCK you and You're just setting yourself up for catastrophe. Honestly, be the bigger person and WALK AWAY while the pain is relatively minor. If she really values
  15. It sounds terrible, but I've been told by my councilor to call my local crisis hotline if I have melancholy issues about my ex. I was like "doc, I'm not suicidal or anything, this is a very high schoolish problem." and he was like "no no, they'd rather you call BEFORE you were suicidal." It worked rather well for the first month of NC.
  16. I have considered writing a letter. She's sorta an old school romantic and may give me brownie points for using old school letters. Though I have gotten conflicting ideas that perhaps now's not the best time for contact in general since her mind is totally pre-occupied with her new fling (I'm being presumptious of course since I've muted her out of my life). Analysis paralysis as they say. I was wondering if you can articulate on this, I got confused... I think you meant that I need to tell her that I would be open to have a committed relationship with her, which I thought I told her o
  17. I agree with NightLily. Never use sex as a bargaining chip. Speaking from experience my ex and I tumbled into bed together a year ago after about 2 years a part (we had remained friends through out the separation). We both wanted different things, her a commitment, me freedom. We kept sleeping together because it was fun and familiar and passionate. But when push comes to shove, she got more anxious and left. I regretted not committing to her and tried to get her back. As you see when you WALK AWAY there's a reasonable chance for him to turn around and change his mind if he's attached to you.
  18. I thank you for your input, eidetic. I've seen your name when I've casually browsed the forums and it appears you've helped quite a bit of people with their issues, So I thoroughly thank you for your input in my situation. I'll be honest I started goin all playerish about 5 years ago when I was hurt by my second gf. I did the classic "nice guy" things, got boring and complacent and ultimately we broke up. About this time was when I started going out with my buddies and decided to be a player as well to heal the trauma. I've realized this was a double-edged sword in the process because it di
  19. Hi all, not really sure where to post this, there's so many forums that relate to my situation that I'm not sure where to post this. But in short... I want to reconcile with my ex girlfriend. The long? Well she's with someone else now The ugly...? This all could've been prevented if I could've learned to get my head out of my ass. How's that for an opener? Anywho, long story long... My ex was my best friend for 14 years. We never started dating until about 4 years ago. We approached the relationship with some caution since I was at the time really playing the field, and she was think
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