Opinions: Would you kick out my housemate?

[faraday]

Maybe. I was living alone before getting her in. The thing is, I don't understand why she would agree to things and then let the responsibility fall on me? It's not an issue of the individual problems being huge, it's the consistent lack of respect which is bothering me

 

How would you go about compromising with someone when you try and communicate with them, they either ignore/talk over you, or they agree and then do the opposite? I'd be open to compromise if she was

 

If you want to dictate rules like a parent, expect that you'll have to enforce them like one too.

 

Compromising doesn't mean listing off a bunch of rules and demanding compliance. It means trying to figure out a way so that it works for both of you...maybe by asking questions instead of telling. Like, "hey, I need to do laundry tomorrow, but I noticed the drying rack is full of wet clothes...is it possible for me to use the rack tomorrow?" Or if you want to be proactive, maybe try, "hey, I've noticed that you don't seem to do laundry on your days. Would different days work better for you?" And if that doesn't work, buy her a drying rack of her own and give her the bill. Also, try talking about things in person...leaving notes is...idk, it would leave a sour taste in my mouth to get a note asking me not to do something. If she starts talking over you, immediately stop talking. When she's finished talking, finish what you were going to say. If she starts talking over you again, stop talking. Eventually she'll clue in.

 

But honestly, it really doesn't sound like you're cut out for a roommate. And that's okay. The only person I can live with is my husband, and he even annoys me sometimes. Some of us just need space...that's okay. Just don't try to force something...because no matter who you live with, they'll annoy the crap out of you.

[glitterfingers]

I think you sound like a lot to handle as a roommate. If you are all about controlling details on the house, it leaves the impression that you don't have enough to handle outside of the house OR you are distracting yourself from issues by controlling the house. What you will have to realize, is that even though you are the primary on the lease, if she is paying her way, she has a lot of legal protections and should have equal say on how things are run. Not when, but how. Maybe she doesn't want every detail micromanaged?

 

I would somewhat echo other people's sentiment that you may not be built for roommates or you should try to find somebody with a very similar disposition--but then you may find they are unsatisfied with what you do. I have had a lot of roommates and I am the type of person who doesn't have many issues with it. You generally have to be pretty live and let live or in your case maybe choosy about who you room with.

 

If you are dependent on her financial input for the payments, you should probably pick which things are truly priorities and then change what you can where you can. Yes, move your laundry rack into your room. If something is genuinely unsanitary it is an issue. You should probably keep more space from her for awhile and see if that alleviates the stress.

 

Maybe I am a bit more to handle than usual? I basically stay in my room/out of her way 90% of the time she's home. I most certainly don't micromanage, she has lots of space/freedom (more than I've ever basically had in my many sharehouse experiences) but asked her to negotiate a few agreements with me so that we wouldn't have any disputes. She had plenty of input but doesn't follow through on her part

 

I wish I could be a bit more "live and let live" but the problem I have is that since I accommodate her, things have become rather uneven. We barely see each other, so that's not the issue. I don't know what else I can do since I don't want to keep addressing issues every few weeks

[BeenThereB4]

Oh, I should note that I used to live in a house with eight other people. We never had a laundry schedule and I never noticed a problem. Also, the only shared items we had were toilet paper and cleaning products. We rotated those purchases and no one had a problem.

[glitterfingers]

Exactly! WHY are you doing these things? You need to ask yourself this question.

 

It seems a bit passive-aggressive to me. You say you are doing all of these things for her comfort, but there are strings attached.

 

If she doesn't do her laundry on one of her nights, go ahead and do yours. I can't imagine that she would be bothered.

 

If you want her to take turns doing inventory and ordering items, let her know. Personally, in my home, I have that role. It is so much easier for one person to be in charge of the inventory. It can get confusing if too many cooks stir that broth. I just had the supplies delivered today. My husband helped pay for them, of course. You said that she does pay for her share. So, what's the problem? I would only be aggravated if my housemate didn't pay for her share of the supplies. You say you have a more open schedule than she, so it makes sense for you to do this and simply bill her.

 

Regarding the garbage/recycling, do NOT remind her. That is incredibly condescending. Can't you make a laminated dry erase trash schedule and hang it up in your kitchen? You can both initial off on the days you take the trash out. Also, the list will clearly show the days of the week that the trash goes out. This way, she can see the pickup times without being reminded like a child.

 

The few times I did have roommates (in college) we always used dry erase checklists to keep everyone on top of the chores. It worked really well.

 

I didn't even ask her to take out the trash until she'd not been doing it for the first 6 weeks, at all. At this point, because I didn't want it to overflow, I asked her to make recycling her responsibility. She didn't take it out for two weeks. Next, I drew up our cleaning schedule and stuck it on the fridge which said Me: Trash, Her: Recycling. She eventually started doing it, but still lets it overflow. Do you think my actions were unreasonable? The only other option I can see would have been for me to live with filth... Recycling still overflows, aggravates me, but I don't talk about it.

 

Of course there are strings attached. I'll give her space/freedom to use the parts of the house she needs, when she needs it, and I'll stay well clear of her. But I do expect her to be responsible/fair to me in return.

[glitterfingers]

Compromising doesn't mean listing off a bunch of rules and demanding compliance. It means trying to figure out a way so that it works for both of you...maybe by asking questions instead of telling. Like, "hey, I need to do laundry tomorrow, but I noticed the drying rack is full of wet clothes...is it possible for me to use the rack tomorrow?" Or if you want to be proactive, maybe try, "hey, I've noticed that you don't seem to do laundry on your days. Would different days work better for you?" .

 

Forgive me for being confused, but where have I given the impression that this isn't exactly what I did? Because it is... She kept agreeing to things based on this type of conversation, and then doing the opposite.

[NightLily]

Maybe I am a bit more to handle than usual? I basically stay in my room/out of her way 90% of the time she's home. I most certainly don't micromanage, she has lots of space/freedom (more than I've ever basically had in my many sharehouse experiences) but asked her to negotiate a few agreements with me so that we wouldn't have any disputes. She had plenty of input but doesn't follow through on her part

 

I wish I could be a bit more "live and let live" but the problem I have is that since I accommodate her, things have become rather uneven. We barely see each other, so that's not the issue. I don't know what else I can do since I don't want to keep addressing issues every few weeks

 

Ok, but you stay out of her way, accommodate her but then you have expectations and leave notes--all of this behavior is passive aggressive. If you are unhappy about how things are working, then change them. Don't stay hidden up in your room or bow to her every whim, especially if it makes you resentful. Do you have a job that takes you out of the house?

 

Also, you say that you don't micromanage but you are very concerned about small details. Small issues tend to have easy solutions. For example, one of my housemates tended to park me in on the driveway. So, I tend towards street parking, and we have plenty of it, or I do not pull forward on the driveway. It is the bigger issues you should spend time worrying about like this (theft, dangerous situations, moldy food, loud parties beyond rare occasions with warning, you get the idea). If you choose to ask her to leave, alright. But don't sweat the small details.

[boltnrun]

Look, she is not going to change.

 

The biggest exercise in futility is trying to get someone to do something you want them to do. I get it, she agreed, but that was most likely to either get you to let her move in or to get you to stop bringing it up.

 

My husband and I had an agreement... I would do all the cooking and he would wash the dishes. He broke so many dishes! He would even look directly at me as he let the plates and glasses fall into the sink. His plan was to break enough dishes so I would take over the dish washing myself. That tactic worked with his mom so he figured it would work with me. So, instead of yelling or taking over dish washing myself, I simply told him I would be going shopping that weekend to buy dishes to replace the ones he broke. He hated spending money more than he hated washing dishes, so he eventually gave up. But he never stopped trying to get out of whatever chores we'd decided he'd cover.

 

She will not change. You have two options; try to stop letting it bother you or give her notice to move out (don't "kick her out").

[glitterfingers]

Alright. Seems all up like people think that it's unreasonable for me to ask anything of my housemate: whether that be sticking to the cleaning schedule we agreed to, doing her laundry on the days she asked me to leave for her, or notifying me when she's having people home in the same way that I do for her. She told me she was happy with these as she sees the benefits for her, but doesn't seem to want to follow through when it's her turn to do so.

 

Since I have gone out of my way to ensure she is comfortable, give plenty of space and uninterrupted use of amenities when she needs it etc, and ensure that I clean the house/pay the rent/make repairs/restock shared items on time, I think it would be unreasonable for me to continue doing these things for her if she's going to expect them but not reciprocate a similar level of consideration. Does that sound objectively fair?

[glitterfingers]

Ok, but you stay out of her way, accommodate her but then you have expectations and leave notes--all of this behavior is passive aggressive. If you are unhappy about how things are working, then change them. Don't stay hidden up in your room or bow to her every whim, especially if it makes you resentful. Do you have a job that takes you out of the house?

 

Also, you say that you don't micromanage but you are very concerned about small details. Small issues tend to have easy solutions. For example, one of my housemates tended to park me in on the driveway. So, I tend towards street parking, and we have plenty of it, or I do not pull forward on the driveway. It is the bigger issues you should spend time worrying about like this (theft, dangerous situations, moldy food, loud parties beyond rare occasions with warning, you get the idea). If you choose to ask her to leave, alright. But don't sweat the small details.

 

I typically just feel drained around people and I am sensitive to conflict, so staying out of her way is really a non-issue for me. It's the disrespect which I am questioning - is disrespect a big issue? All the 'small things' are really just a few of the signs to me that she doesn't respect me, compounded by the fact that when I try to talk to her she agrees to do things in a way that suits both of us, but then does things that suit just herself. The notes became necessary because we don't see each other that often anyhow, plus a few times I texted her and she ignored my texts. I have uni during the day and often go out at night to the gym or library, if I'm not Skyping my boyfriend. I am somewhat busy but I still manage to meet my commitments even when I've got assignments and exams looming that give me no time in between sleeping/eating/showering for much else

[NightLily]

Alright. Seems all up like people think that it's unreasonable for me to ask anything of my housemate: whether that be sticking to the cleaning schedule we agreed to, doing her laundry on the days she asked me to leave for her, or notifying me when she's having people home in the same way that I do for her. She told me she was happy with these as she sees the benefits for her, but doesn't seem to want to follow through when it's her turn to do so.

 

Since I have gone out of my way to ensure she is comfortable, give plenty of space and uninterrupted use of amenities when she needs it etc, and ensure that I clean the house/pay the rent/make repairs/restock shared items on time, I think it would be unreasonable for me to continue doing these things for her if she's going to expect them but not reciprocate a similar level of consideration. Does that sound objectively fair?

 

I never said it was unreasonable to have expectations, in fact I listed multiple areas where you SHOULD have expectations. I really can't say to what extent the disrespect you sense is real. Disrespect from a roommate to me would be: verbal and emotional abuse, theft, hot boxing the house 24/7, crossing major boundaries.

[glitterfingers]

Look, she is not going to change.

 

The biggest exercise in futility is trying to get someone to do something you want them to do. I get it, she agreed, but that was most likely to either get you to let her move in or to get you to stop bringing it up.

 

My husband and I had an agreement... I would do all the cooking and he would wash the dishes. He broke so many dishes! He would even look directly at me as he let the plates and glasses fall into the sink. His plan was to break enough dishes so I would take over the dish washing myself. That tactic worked with his mom so he figured it would work with me. So, instead of yelling or taking over dish washing myself, I simply told him I would be going shopping that weekend to buy dishes to replace the ones he broke. He hated spending money more than he hated washing dishes, so he eventually gave up. But he never stopped trying to get out of whatever chores we'd decided he'd cover.

 

She will not change. You have two options; try to stop letting it bother you or give her notice to move out (don't "kick her out").

 

Mhmm. I did consider she was just trying to shut me up, I tried many different approaches to let her have input (I know in general people will appease you the first time but if you ask a second they'll be more honest)

 

The little things individually I can live with tbh. I know everyone's getting all like "stop micromanaging!" but I don't really do that, I just ignore/suppress most of the time. It's the general air of disrespect which is getting to me

[NightLily]

Mhmm. I did consider she was just trying to shut me up, I tried many different approaches to let her have input (I know in general people will appease you the first time but if you ask a second they'll be more honest)

 

The little things individually I can live with tbh. I know everyone's getting all like "stop micromanaging!" but I don't really do that, I just ignore/suppress most of the time. It's the general air of disrespect which is getting to me

 

I am assuming you are a young female from your prior posts? I think passive aggression is a major part of the way you are operating here. As a woman working on her phd in a very male dominate field, I have had it suggested to me by professors to make sure my ability to be assertive is on point. For a lot of young women in general it can be a problem. You don't want to rock the boat, you want to be collaborative. But, resentments build and it makes for an unhealthy situation.

 

Even if you decide to part ways with this roommate, consider reading up on how to be assertive (vs passive aggressive or aggressive). Those skills will carry you through many difficult situations in the future.

[glitterfingers]

I never said it was unreasonable to have expectations, in fact I listed multiple areas where you SHOULD have expectations. I really can't say to what extent the disrespect you sense is real. Disrespect from a roommate to me would be: verbal and emotional abuse, theft, hot boxing the house 24/7, crossing major boundaries.

 

Yeah, it is hard. Thanks for your input and sorry for generalising. I think people have gotten the impression that I'm controlling my housemate's every move and I just meant to list the different points which have been adding up to feel like a consistent level of disrespect

[BeenThereB4]

Alright. Seems all up like people think that it's unreasonable for me to ask anything of my housemate: whether that be sticking to the cleaning schedule we agreed to, doing her laundry on the days she asked me to leave for her, or notifying me when she's having people home in the same way that I do for her. She told me she was happy with these as she sees the benefits for her, but doesn't seem to want to follow through when it's her turn to do so.

 

This type of talk is passive-aggressive. You are a passive-aggressive person. You came to this forum wanting to know if you had an undesirable roommate. Guess what? You do. However, you are an undesirable roommate as well. You should live alone. Ask her to move out. You will be so much happier. And, so will she.

 

By the way, I am a shy, conflict avoider and I find the easiest way to be happy is to not live with anyone other than my immediate family.

[glitterfingers]

This type of talk is passive-aggressive. You are a passive-aggressive person. You came to this forum wanting to know if you had an undesirable roommate. Guess what? You do. However, you are an undesirable roommate as well. You should live alone. Ask her to move out. You will be so much happier. And, so will she.

 

By the way, I am a shy, conflict avoider and I find the easiest way to be happy is to not live with anyone other than my immediate family.

 

I can see how objectively it looks passive-aggressive, but that certainly wasn't the way that it felt typing that. It was more like, I'm not sure if everyone here actually sees the situation for what it is, but I'm going to try and appreciate/accept this advice within those limitations. I do tend to emphasise the wrong things (e.g. not putting enough emphasis on the work that I put into the household and the many ways I've tried to negotiate with her fairly over the past few months, how she's agreed and said she's happy with the way things are, but then failed to follow through on her part of the bargain). I've only ever been told that I'm a helpful, responsible, peaceful and quiet roommate, and there's not much different between this situation and my past ones. Unfortunately, living alone now is not a viable option, so I have to make do with roommates, ideally ones who have similar values (which ironically this housemate appears to, just doesn't want to act on it because she's 23 and only just moved out of her parent's house).

[glitterfingers]

I am assuming you are a young female from your prior posts? I think passive aggression is a major part of the way you are operating here. As a woman working on her phd in a very male dominate field, I have had it suggested to me by professors to make sure my ability to be assertive is on point. For a lot of young women in general it can be a problem. You don't want to rock the boat, you want to be collaborative. But, resentments build and it makes for an unhealthy situation.

 

Even if you decide to part ways with this roommate, consider reading up on how to be assertive (vs passive aggressive or aggressive). Those skills will carry you through many difficult situations in the future.

 

I'm a bit of a mix.. Probably 30% submissive, 40% assertive and 30% passive-aggressive when the first two don't work. (e.g.) I did at first just accept things how they were and didn't get upset... Then I tried to tackle some of the things which were becoming unmanageable by having healthy/constructive conversations. Lastly, when those two things didn't work, I resorted to leaving a few notes. But wouldn't go so far as to force her into any situation that we haven't agreed on previously - I just have to be strategic about when/how I broach those conversations as I'd hate to live with a nag/control freak so I don't do that to her (despite everyone's interpretations here, I really don't)

 

I have in the past been extremely assertive but, in actual fact, I've experienced a lot of sexist discrimination for this in the workplace which has in many ways beaten it out of my character. It's tough to know what to do and when. I've read articles about how, due to the unfortunate systemic (but extremely subtle) sexism in many workplaces, it is necessary for women to play to different strengths/strategies at different times.

[boltnrun]

Since she just moved out of her parents home, I guarantee she sees you as a "mommy/authority" figure.

 

I bet she tells her friends "I moved out to get away from being nagged about chores and now my roommate is doing the same things my mom did".

 

I repeat, she will not start doing things the way you want her to. Forget about "but she AGREED!!!". She's not going to.

 

So, again, either you let it go or find a new roomie. Preferably one whose household standards align more with yours. There are certain questions you can ask a potential roomie to find out.

 

Just out of curiosity, why can't afford your home on your own? Maybe you are trying to live above your means.

[goaskalice]

I'm sorry but the way you talk about her sounds as if you seem to feel she's inferior to you. Since your asking advice I will give my honest feedback , you sound way too uptight and controlling about pretty minor stuff. Perhaps try to see her as an equal, and show respect also to her and using a more equal respectful understanding approach will do wonders

[glitterfingers]

Since she just moved out of her parents home, I guarantee she sees you as a "mommy/authority" figure.

 

I bet she tells her friends "I moved out to get away from being nagged about chores and now my roommate is doing the same things my mom did".

 

I repeat, she will not start doing things the way you want her to. Forget about "but she AGREED!!!". She's not going to.

 

So, again, either you let it go or find a new roomie. Preferably one whose household standards align more with yours. There are certain questions you can ask a potential roomie to find out.

 

Just out of curiosity, why can't afford your home on your own? Maybe you are trying to live above your means.

 

I'm a university student for one, and my city is very expensive for the other. I think you're right about her in that sense, not that she sees me as an authority figure per se, but rather that I feel at times she intentionally does things against what was agreed because she's trying to assert her independence and make it known that she doesn't have to live with rules because she's an adult now. That is the general air that she has, and she's spoken down to me on many occasions about how great it is that she's finally got a full time job and how I won't know what that feels like until I finish uni (actually, worked for many years before going to uni, but anyway). I honestly feel she is a bit defiant because she's not at the stage of independence where she can be interdependent - that is, work cooperatively with others for mutual peace while maintaining your own identities. She probably sees me as a threat and inconvenience, as she's mentioned before she'd live on her own if she could afford it

[glitterfingers]

I'm sorry but the way you talk about her sounds as if you seem to feel she's inferior to you. Since your asking advice I will give my honest feedback , you sound way too uptight and controlling about pretty minor stuff. Perhaps try to see her as an equal, and show respect also to her and using a more equal respectful understanding approach will do wonders

 

Yeah, I know it definitely seems that way, and it's not a credit to my character. But it has only gotten to that point after the string of things she's done and the way she's talked down to me or over the top of me. She's made several comments implying I am in an inferior place in life to her because I'm at uni while she's at work. I definitely treated her like an equal at first, was extremely friendly and and respectful (still am, but not because I still like her the same) - my respect for her broke down over time because of things she did interpersonally and also avoiding responsibilities and somewhat taking advantage of me

[itsallgrand]

The more you tell, the more it just doesn't seem like a good fit. You'd be better off with someone more settled who is looking for a peaceful quiet place. And she'd probably be better off with other 20 somethings who are just starting out and enjoying some new found freedoms of being on their own.

 

Renting to a mature uni student might be perfect for you.

[RainyCoast]

i don't necessarily think you shouldn't have roommates. i also think you just need a better fit.

 

you would love my bestie. we used to work together and she drove people nuts because she wanted to simplify things by having a schedule and system for everything, and a sequence in which things are done. others ended up doing the same work on time but did it as they went, without a special system. her "systems" seemed needless and irrational to them. it was tense. me, i found it very easy to adapt to her. i often need to impose similar "rules" and "systems" on myself because the structure helps me perform, with my tendency to be all over the place, so i embraced Sheldon's Agreement.

 

i'm also very sensitive to cleaning other ppl's messes or doing their chores repeatedly, so a roommate who likes order, even if they insist laundry is done on certain days wouldn't seem such a difficult person to me. it does sound excessive, since we usually end up doing things when our other responsibilities allow for it, but i'm familiar with damp climate and endless drying times- i realize the importance of planning ahead. one thing i would do is also develop a plan B ahead, or, to avoid more rules, just practice more flexibility- sometimes you really don't get around to ironing that huge pile for five days straight. should you keep it in your room until you're ready to do it, a utility closet etc to get it out of the way? if you both end up having to do the laundry on the same day, the extra drying rack would help, or perhaps a visit to a cheap laundromat would be in place- those machines are huge, both piles would fit, and same with the dryers. or whatever, you get my drift, things won't always work out, but you need to make them survivable, they're annoyances, not disasters.

 

lots of people like order and structure and knowing everything is always taken care of with a little systematic effort. if you can't resolve things with this one, it would make sense to specify which type of person you're looking for as the next roommate.

[glitterfingers]

i don't necessarily think you shouldn't have roommates. i also think you just need a better fit.

 

you would love my bestie. we used to work together and she drove people nuts because she wanted to simplify things by having a schedule and system for everything, and a sequence in which things are done. others ended up doing the same work on time but did it as they went, without a special system. her "systems" seemed needless and irrational to them. it was tense. me, i found it very easy to adapt to her. i often need to impose similar "rules" and "systems" on myself because the structure helps me perform, with my tendency to be all over the place, so i embraced Sheldon's Agreement.

 

i'm also very sensitive to cleaning other ppl's messes or doing their chores repeatedly, so a roommate who likes order, even if they insist laundry is done on certain days wouldn't seem such a difficult person to me. it does sound excessive, since we usually end up doing things when our other responsibilities allow for it, but i'm familiar with damp climate and endless drying times- i realize the importance of planning ahead. one thing i would do is also develop a plan B ahead, or, to avoid more rules, just practice more flexibility- sometimes you really don't get around to ironing that huge pile for five days straight. should you keep it in your room until you're ready to do it, a utility closet etc to get it out of the way? if you both end up having to do the laundry on the same day, the extra drying rack would help, or perhaps a visit to a cheap laundromat would be in place- those machines are huge, both piles would fit, and same with the dryers. or whatever, you get my drift, things won't always work out, but you need to make them survivable, they're annoyances, not disasters.

 

lots of people like order and structure and knowing everything is always taken care of with a little systematic effort. if you can't resolve things with this one, it would make sense to specify which type of person you're looking for as the next roommate.

 

Thanks Rainy. I did specify this with her before she moved in, and she was enthusiastic and in agreement. She is a bit of a kiddult and not used to the running of a household I think - I do all the little unimportant things like refilling soap dispensers, replacing things that were moved during cleaning, figuring out what products are missing and ordering them, getting work done around the house. I never complain about those things, but it does create a bit of extra work for me. The laundry thing was really for her benefit anyway - her schedule is more hectic than mine so I tried to work around her. I didn't insist, I simply asked if that would work for her. She agreed and let me leave her days free for her and then used my laundry days so I'd miss out on doing laundry. I did eventually drop it, just felt a bit disrespected.

 

I can be systematic but when it comes to others I only apply it to the things that matter. It was absolutely necessary for cleaning because she was only cleaning the bathroom on her turns for a while, whereas she knew I was cleaning the whole house. Otherwise, she has more or less total freedom. We agreed to notify each other if guests are coming over incase the other person is caught off guard (she often walks around in a t shirt and underwear) - again, she lets me do that but doesn't return the favour

 

I'm sure many people would be fine with "every man for himself", but she wanted the benefits that came with mutual agreement and open negotiation

 

Come to think of it, maybe I should suggest Sheldon's Agreement, then take it back a few days later... At least then all the routine stuff will pale in comparison

[Wolfshook]

If I were you, I'd ask her to move out because you are really incompatible.

 

If I were her, I'd move out because some of these schedules are funny.

[RainyCoast]

i think whoever said she may have agreed on the surface for any number of reasons was right. if i was interviewing to determine a compatible roommate, i would deem them convincing if they were proactive about the conditions. so, when i explain the schedules/rules to them, i don't want them to just be saying "great" and "aha, sure". i know what a person genuinely interested in keeping order thinks like. i want them to say things like

 

i would love to simplify chores by following a routine, however i have XYZ responsibilities that may prevent me from doing certain things at certain times. the laundry schedule i may not be able to follow to a t, but what i can suggest is to keep my laundry bag in my room before i do it, buy my own drying rack for my room (and if you are concerned the humidity will bring mold, i can get a silent portable dehumidifier for my room). alternatively, if i have missed my time-slot for washing it at home, i can take it to SpeedQueen; there's always extra room in the machine so i could take yours as well.

 

I'm away with family during the weekends and sometimes i leave immediately after work on friday, so i will always have my laundry/trash/dishes taken care of by thursday night at the latest, so that you're not left tidying my stuff on the weekend. i may not immediately replace a used up bottle of window cleaner, but i will replenish detergents and trash bags on mondays when i do my big grocery haul.

 

I'm out of the house from 4 am until late in the evening often, so you may walk in to find the trash still here, or a messy kitchen, but what i never do is turn in for the night without doing the dishes, wiping the counter and taking the trash out, so that you don't have to go through a pile of crap in the morning to make coffee.

 

people can seem agreeable and even submissive by saying yes to everything, but those who genuinely share the same interest (such as order and cleanliness) are already thinking up ways to make it work.