Should I Break No Contact for her Birthday?

[Tomthumb88]

But he also hasn't reached out to her and that's not where he stands.

[Sharlaixiv]

It's best not to say anything and to keep your distance. You've gone this far don't go backwards because it will only hurt you in the end if you get your hopes up and things don't go as planned

[MissCanuck]

So she dumped you, and you have heard nothing for months?

 

I don't think you're going to get the response you're hoping for.

[Rustysuit]

I did this once and I regretted it.

 

I got a simple "thanks" reply and it really tore me apart.

I wasn't expecting much, but that dismissive "thanks" was awful for me. Then again, I think any sort of reply would be bad.

 

My advice is: don't do it. You owe her nothing.

 

You're probably thinking that she might think "he didn't even wish me happy birthday" and then confirm that the breakup was the right decision.

Well, guess what...if after of 5 months of her not reaching out, this is the tipping point for her, then it WAS the right decision.

 

Don't be hung up on someone.

Trust me. Whatever reply you get, it's not worth it because it won't be what you're expecting.

[nutbrownhare]

After 5 months it shouldn't be a big deal, and I think he has more potentially to lose with his ex by blowing her birthday off than he does any risk of somehow being "set back" in his healing.

 

After 5 months it obviously IS a big deal, which is why he's posting on here. He has nothing to lose with the ex, who has not contacted him for 5 months. If it were a recent breakup, the situation might be slightly different.

 

He does have something to lose in the sense that any kind of response from her is likely to kindle false hope at best, and deep regret at worst. No response would be just as bad. Until he can be genuinely indifferent to her, it's best to keep away.

[Throwaway85]

Wait until the day after her birthday (let her have her day), then say something short and sweet in an email.

 

There's nothing wrong with mentioning that you were thinking of her, wishing her the best, etc.

 

You will likely feel awful after as people have mentioned. There is also power in knowing as well though, and it might be what you need to finally move on.

[Fun Boater 1]

Wait until the day after her birthday (let her have her day), then say something short and sweet in an email.

 

There's nothing wrong with mentioning that you were thinking of her, wishing her the best, etc.

 

You will likely feel awful after as people have mentioned. There is also power in knowing as well though, and it might be what you need to finally move on.

 

That's my point. But I still think sending an actual card would be the best. Emails and texts are bogus ways to communicate!

[abitbroken]

Years ago i was dating a guy and we broke up. My birthday was 7 months after we broke up and he sent me a birthday card. It really bothered me and impacted my day. I was bracing - thinking that he would try to contact me in a bigger way after that and i wanted NO CONTACT. it bothered me that he was thinking about me and hadn't let me go. Don't send it. Who cares if other people talk about her. Just let. her. go.

[nutbrownhare]

You may also find this old, and very brief, thread interesting:

[ColorMeBlue]

This same thing happened to me, only I wanted him to contact me. Still, it's all he's done so far (see my thread, lol). It didn't bother me, but it got my hopes up. Maybe if Jigga just does something like send her a sweet FB message, that's pretty neutral and it's not as if he spent $100 and put his heart out on the line - only to have her reject it. I guess I'd send the message, just make it sweet and short, and expect to maybe hear just "thanks" in return.

[Jigga]

I'm definitely torn about how best to move forward. I should stick with NC since I'm clearly not over the situation and won't approach the situation with indifference. In reality I'm probably using her birthday as an excuse to get back in touch.

[nutbrownhare]

There have been times in the past when I've put a post-it saying "Don't!" on the phone.

[Tomthumb88]

You are using this as an excuse to get back in touch so might as well admit it. I think a card, text, email is too impersonal to restart communication and is just going to be inconclusive. If you can handle possible rejection.. I'd call, chat briefly and ask her to coffee or something

[Sportster2005]

I'll do my best to keep this short. So I broke up with my girlfriend of 8 months earlier this year. The breakup went pretty well considering she broke up with me, there was no begging or groveling and I accepted her decision but left the door open. After a small period of LC so we could exchange our belonging etc. I decided we couldn't be friends and have been in strict no contact. Since then I've been busy trying to move on with my life and generally have been doing really well. In the last couple of months have been dating a bunch of new girls but nothing too serious. Even though we aren't communicating we have multiple mutual friends and from time to time she does come up in conversation. So I'm right at about 5 months no contact and her birthday is coming up. Do I maintain no contact or send her a short message? I'm pretty sure I know the answer already but despite my best efforts she's still on my mind.

 

No. Stop looking for an excuse.

[Fun Boater 1]

I'm definitely torn about how best to move forward. I should stick with NC since I'm clearly not over the situation and won't approach the situation with indifference. In reality I'm probably using her birthday as an excuse to get back in touch.

 

Then there is your answer. If you already think that you are not strong enough or in a good enough place emotionally, to send her a card or message without any expectations, and without worrying about how she might respond, then don't do it. If you are, then do it. Simple choice. Up to you.

[Lightjocj]

I'll keep it short...I reached out to my ex on his bday. Nothing crazy, just a short email that said hope your well,have a great bday..blah blah..that was 8 months after are breakup, yano what I got back? Nadda nothing, not even a thx..BUT..I don't regret doing it..I was the bigger person here. Tried be civil and polit ,,so really who's loss was it ...I lost somebody who didn't love me,bit HE lost somebody who DID love him...

[Lightjocj]

Agree with 👆 wait a day.

[boltnrun]

Well, since you posted this in the "Getting Back Together" forum, my guess is you're hoping a "Happy Birthday" text will prompt her to want to reconcile.

 

What if she just ignores it or says "Thank you", but doesn't ask to see you or to reconcile? Will you feel hurt, rejected (once again), pain, sadness? If so, then why put yourself through that?

 

I never understand why people feel the need to put themselves through the wringer "just one more time".

[RicBoy]

Never initiate contact or chase someone who has left you behind, it's a matter of self respect and dignity.

 

If someone doesn't want to be with you, let them ago. Show them that you value yourself and respect yourself by not contacting them.

Self respect, dignity, and pride is more important than fixing any broken relationship.

[Jigga]

So I decided not to reach out and keep the NC going. Just want to be over it at this point. Frustrating that I still care.

[nutbrownhare]

Frustrating that I still care.

 

This too shall pass...