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About Lightjocj

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  1. Your last line says it all...The process of healing is really painful...just know the pain your going threw is healing pain. And thats a good pain, it won't last. But will take some time to get threw it...some days your on top and others may feel so dragged out and lonely. It's a process, and sadly the best medicine is also the hardest to take, and that's the medicine of time..
  2. To answer your original question it took me over a year to get over my last relationship, if it means anything I did sorta get validation..or as close to it as I would have hoped to..so it takes as long as it takes. Looking back it pushed my life in a new direction and I have met some really cool people and made new friends, none of that would have happened if we didn't break up...so even though it was extremely painful to go threw, the outcome was good...just try and take it day by day. Some days you will be fine and other days you will be a mess. Just know any pain you have now is healing pa
  3. I wouldn't say it's an obsession. There's a few exs from my past that I do keep in very light contact with. We may say hi or even have coffee..some have out of the blue reached out, other times I have ..if there's pain and hate, or hurt feelings there would be no question as to not do it. But after a year I assumed all should be settled. Now if I said hey, and got no response so be it..that in itself is an answer..the question isn't being asked in hopes to reconnect, that ship has passed. I'm asking myself how I felt when I was seeked out from an ex in the past..and I excepted the nice gestur
  4. Thanks for all the responses, you all make some good points. I believe he is in a relationship already and has been. It's not any news I didn't know already. There's noway a relationship could ever work..we tried twice. I guess I asked for advice due to the circumstances of it being 2 incompatible people rather then the typical lieing or cheating reasons for a breakup...i assumed enough time has passed for a short HB..I don't believe there's any hate.. anyways thanks again for all the sound advice..I'm still on the fence about sending a well wish..
  5. So I'll make this brief, dated a guy for a year..he was 28 I was 39. Broke up a little over a year ago..no cheating, or lieing. He broke up with me due to incompatibilities, age difference did play a part in where I was in my life and him in his life..haven't talked in over a year, I do see him out and about once in a great while. My question is do I wish him a happy birthday today..it was going to be a very short email...Happy Birthday hope your doing well, and take care..I'm sure he moved on awhile ago..and I also did some dating and going out myself since the break up..he did not wish me a
  6. I agree with the above posters. I to was very defensive after my breakup. (For me) I wanted it suger coated. And if somebody told me to forget about my ex I just stopped asking them for advice. Others just listened and let me vent. But I always tried to hear what they had to say. Good and bad. Ofcorse I didn't want to hear the bad, but it was essentiall that I did hear it. It is the same old cookie cutter advice , but it's not all wrong. It's a win win in most cases actually . If you move forward in your life( not forgetting him) and he doesn't come back you will have become a new improved yo
  7. Didn't take it as rude, but keep in mind just picking and choosing what you want to hear, from those of us who are taking the time to help and have been threw this does come across as discouraging to certain people, as I'm sure is does you also, I do hope things work out for you, just was trying to help... hope is never a bad thing...please don't discount everything everybody has to say or show. You certainly don't have to read it or watch it, but it's still something we/I took the time to respond to.. PS.. thank you for clarifying in Edit.
  8. I will respond to this later today. But maybe this will help also..
  9. I'm curious Valavoo, I don't want to go off your current topic. But can you discribe your current day to day actions. Example- you wake up and the first thing you do is check social media? Do you search for what your ex is up to ? How many times a day do you check your phone in hopes of hearing from him? How much time do you spend either sleeping or just laying around . Do you go out? So pretty much how much of your day is spend thinking, reading , watching videos ect that have to do with your ex or relationships in general. At the moment I'm just gathering information. I'm not going to say mo
  10. I can't speak for everyone, but for me, YES knowing helped..me and my bf broke up over a year ago. It was actually pretty civil as far as breakups go, none the less it happened, he broke up with me btw. Of course I begged a little and tried to stay friends but he wasn't having it , for the first 6 months after we broke up i wondered if he had found somebody new, a lot of people here will say why does it matter, well looking at the big picture it doesn't , but sometimes you just need to learn, see, and experience it to accept it. So even though we were no longer FB friends I still snooped. I h
  11. True, but would you feel uncomfy seeing them with someone new. And would you be concerned if you said hi and they just ignored you completely ? Even being somewhat healed, I think being ignored may sting, on the other hand it may reinforce your healing even farther. I'd agree on the body language, I wouldn't want either side to be uncomfortable..if there making it a point not to even look in your direction then I'd probably pass by.
  12. So, you just get out of a 2 yr or so relationship, your the dumpee. Some time goes by, a year or so and you see your ex out in public with a new bf or gf. The relationship ended not because of cheating or lieing, but more because you were incompatible. Stayed somewhat friends at fist after the breakup, then they stop talking to you..the question is assuming your somewhat healed, and have had a significant amount of time to heal, would you say hi to your ex if you saw them in public ..also let's assume both ways, would you say hi still if it was just them alone in public, and would it make a di
  13. Ugg...I remember just over a yr ago the same pain. It's horrible, not eating, sleeping all the time, looking at my phone hoping I'd hear from him. So it's been just over a yr . I still think about my ex. Although there's no more tears. In the past year I've grown a bit myself. Making new friends, doing things out of my comfort zone. It takes time to build up your self-esteem after it's been takin away . I'm still working on mine. I haven't been in contact in a long time..the last time I reached out was last yr on his bday..I got no response back. The pain will slowly go away, at some point you
  14. Well honestly I (think) in the end I feel better for being able to stay civil and not petty about it. I can give a small example- a few months ago I ran into him at a local bar. I saw him as soon as I walked in, yes it's been a long time since the breakup, my anxiety went threw the roof. Not because he was there but because I wasn't sure what to do. After a moment a regained myself , walked over ✊ fist bumped him said hi, nice to see you hope your well, that was it. He left prob 20 or so minutes later. But yano, later that night I felt like the bigger person . I didn't pretend not to see him.
  15. Was together with ex for 2 yrs. Broke up and at the 6 month mark wished him a HBday, just a simple short email, Yano what I got back? Nothing, not even a thx. I was so pissed. But yano I don't hate him. I never did. So this Feb once again I'll swallow what little pride I regained during NC and again wish him a HBday. I never got a HBday for my Bday in October from him last year, I don't expect to this year either.
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