Broke NC after 3 weeks, I had to but now feel miserable

[bbogdanov]

I managed to set a new record of being in NC, 24 days, but yesterday my ex-girlfriend called me twice (I didn't answer). Then she sent me a message telling me she has to speak with me about my health. We broke up 5 months ago and she never initiated any contact so I wondered why she was calling and messaging me but I broke NC and asked her what it was. It turned out to be a serious issue so I guess I broke NC for good, as the information she provided me with was valuable and necessary. Well, this again shows me how great person she is and what a "jewel" I have lost Never mind, I had been doing well for a couple of weeks but this breaking of NC set me way back. It reminded me of her, of our memories, of how much I love her etc. So I have taken a step back in my progress and wonder what to do. I guess I go back to NC from day 0? I couldn't avoid breaking NC, I HAD to but the question is - how to cope with the pain that returned again?

[rich46]

I managed to set a new record of being in NC, 24 days, but yesterday my ex-girlfriend called me twice (I didn't answer). Then she sent me a message telling me she has to speak with me about my health. We broke up 5 months ago and she never initiated any contact so I wondered why she was calling and messaging me but I broke NC and asked her what it was. It turned out to be a serious issue so I guess I broke NC for good, as the information she provided me with was valuable and necessary. Well, this again shows me how great person she is and what a "jewel" I have lost Never mind, I had been doing well for a couple of weeks but this breaking of NC set me way back. It reminded me of her, of our memories, of how much I love her etc. So I have taken a step back in my progress and wonder what to do. I guess I go back to NC from day 0? I couldn't avoid breaking NC, I HAD to but the question is - how to cope with the pain that returned again?

First of all, stop counting the days of NC - pointless.

 

You haven't gone back to square one, and my guess is that in 2-3 days you will be over this bump in the road, and will be ready to focus on your healing again.

 

Keep looking forward.

[Keyman]

It is fine to fall of the wagon that is NC, just get back on and keep riding.

 

It's like touching an electric fence. Ouch. Then 6 months down the track... surely it wasn't as bad as I thought. Youch. definitely not doing that again. A lerning experience. Some people just need to touch the wire again a few times to get it into their head.

[Annia]

It's ok, don't feel bad about it. You just answered something that seemed important. It's not like you reached her begging to come back. And even if you had done so, it happens, don't beat yourself up.

[Dominique]

It's ok, don't feel bad about it. You just answered something that seemed important. It's not like you reached her begging to come back. And even if you had done so, it happens, don't beat yourself up.

I agree. NC is for you to keep out healing process going and maintain self respect and esteem.

If someone died or there was an emergency, I would answer my ex.

That to me is an exception.

 

NC to me means no reconnection. No begging for answers. No reaching out by me or answering idle chit chat or answering insincere reconciliation efforts or late night requests.

 

 

Emergencies are an exception. I wouldn't call it starting over either .... Unless I did any of the above.

[Zippy2000]

Then she sent me a message telling me she has to speak with me about my health.?

 

You might want to reply to her. When someone says they want to talk to you about your health. It may mean she went to the clinic and found out she has a STD (Sexual transmitted disease).

 

Forget about the no contact for now and find out what she means by health.

[Wiseman2]

What was this "serious issue" health question/info? Does she have an std that you may have also and was just informing you?

 

There's no other reason to contact you about "your health" if you have a doctor, no? You need to block and delete her if you you don't want drama and breadcrumbs like this.

she has to speak with me about my health. the information she provided me with was valuable and necessary.

[bbogdanov]

Thank for all the opinions! I did answer her through messaging as I mentioned (she had called twice before that but I didn't want to answer) because she said it is about my health and is important. It turned out she'd been in a hospital for some time with Hepatitis B, acquired at a visit to the dentist, and is still taking meds (will be for the next 6 months or so). She had just wanted to warn me about that (it can be transmitted by intercourse) and advice me to have a blood test. Thank god, the test is negative, but now I feel sad about the situation. One thing is that I broke NC and took a step back as I was doing good before that. The more important thing is that I feel really sorry for her as it is a tough disease to cure, and I can imagine how she suffers

[Wiseman2]

Ok that's a valid reason for contact. Glad your tests were negative. So now starts the no contact and delete journey again.

she'd been in a hospital for some time with Hepatitis B. She had just wanted to warn me about that (it can be transmitted by intercourse) and advice me to have a blood test. Thank god, the test is negative

[Annia]

Thank for all the opinions! I did answer her through messaging as I mentioned (she had called twice before that but I didn't want to answer) because she said it is about my health and is important. It turned out she'd been in a hospital for some time with Hepatitis B, acquired at a visit to the dentist, and is still taking meds (will be for the next 6 months or so). She had just wanted to warn me about that (it can be transmitted by intercourse) and advice me to have a blood test. Thank god, the test is negative, but now I feel sad about the situation. One thing is that I broke NC and took a step back as I was doing good before that. The more important thing is that I feel really sorry for her as it is a tough disease to cure, and I can imagine how she suffers

 

That also seems a valid reason to contact for me and thanks god everything is ok.

 

Don't worry too much about her and do your part of the NC. She has her own support network and there's not anything you can do at the moment for her.

 

Now in returning to NC in time you'll feel much better.

[Dominique]

Thank for all the opinions! I did answer her through messaging as I mentioned (she had called twice before that but I didn't want to answer) because she said it is about my health and is important. It turned out she'd been in a hospital for some time with Hepatitis B, acquired at a visit to the dentist, and is still taking meds (will be for the next 6 months or so). She had just wanted to warn me about that (it can be transmitted by intercourse) and advice me to have a blood test. Thank god, the test is negative, but now I feel sad about the situation. One thing is that I broke NC and took a step back as I was doing good before that. The more important thing is that I feel really sorry for her as it is a tough disease to cure, and I can imagine how she suffers

 

send her positive thoughts and pray for her if you pray. Let the universe work on her health. You work on yours.

 

i am glad that you are negative. i will pray she is well.

 

please don't get so caught up on details about NC that you OBSESS that you broke it. this was important....this contact doesn't count!

[Heart of gold]

You haven't broken NC at all. Just continue as u r. I know a setback doesn't feel great but as other posters said, you didn't go back begging so it's fine.

[bbogdanov]

Thanks! This news really made me sad about her. When it comes to health I am really sensitive and empathize with her. Hope she gets well soon. For myself - I hope this bump in the road is not a big one.

[bbogdanov]

Well, today she messaged me again! She wanted to know her iCloud username and password from an iPhone she had lost an year ago, as I had set it up for her (she is not good at technology). I am extremely angry! The moment I saw her name on the message stamp, something inside me turned upside down. I felt bad, sick, and a bit angry at the same time. Anyway, I gave them to her and asked politely to not contact me, as I feel bad when she does. I don't know if that last addition was the right thing to write - does that makes me weak in her eyes? Now I have to face this new bump in the road but hopefully things will get better fast...

[Dominique]

Well, today she messaged me again! She wanted to know her iCloud username and password from an iPhone she had lost an year ago, as I had set it up for her (she is not good at technology). I am extremely angry! The moment I saw her name on the message stamp, something inside me turned upside down. I felt bad, sick, and a bit angry at the same time. Anyway, I gave them to her and asked politely to not contact me, as I feel bad when she does. I don't know if that last addition was the right thing to write - does that makes me weak in her eyes? Now I have to face this new bump in the road but hopefully things will get better fast...

 

It doesn't make you weak. But I would just ignore her next time. No matter what it is. Her having her iCloud password etc is not more important than your emotional health.

[bbogdanov]

I guess you are right but I feel like I would be "bad" and arrogant if I don't reply her. She has always been good to me and I can't ignore her.

[JoeyD2000]

Yes that must suck.

 

Just x your fingers she doesn't do it again. You politely told her to stay NC. That's not weak. You have to put yourself first & get in with your life 😊

[bbogdanov]

I literally told her "Please, don't message me, as I feel badly/unwell/in a bad way/poorly/ill (can't exactly translate the word from my language to English but the point is that her contact hurts me)". That confession of mine is what I wondered about. Does this make me weak? The fact that although she broke up with me more than 5 months ago, I still can't get over her?

[Dominique]

I literally told her "Please, don't message me, as I feel badly/unwell/in a bad way/poorly/ill (can't exactly translate the word from my language to English but the point is that her contact hurts me)". That confession of mine is what I wondered about. Does this make me weak? The fact that although she broke up with me more than 5 months ago, I still can't get over her?

You're not weak. You're honest.

 

She broke up with you to put HER needs first. Don't answer anything else from her. Put YOUR needs first.

 

It doesn't matter what she needs or says or has to report...you aren't together anymore. She's gonna have to figure out life without you. The same way YOU are figuring out life without her. If she needs something, she's going to have to just FIGURE IT OUT... The same way you are.

 

You miss her and need her and want her to be there for you. She isn't handling those needs for you. Is she?

 

In the end you have to do what you feel is best. I hope you do what is best for you. Her needs are irrelevant at this point. (In my opinion)

 

I think she got an answer from you in an emergency and now she's using that to get back into your space but without any love for you. It's all love for her. She's getting what she needs and you are getting your wounds reopened. Doesn't seem fair to me ....

 

Sending you love and light.

[boltnrun]

 

She broke up with you to put HER needs first.

 

It actually was for a different reason (check out the OP's history).

 

BUT, OP, you are well within your rights to ask her to stop contacting you. No, it doesn't make you look weak in her eyes. It makes you look like you value yourself and your emotional well-being.

 

Now, how about blocking her so she can no longer contact you?

[Dominique]

It actually was for a different reason (check out the OP's history).

 

BUT, OP, you are well within your rights to ask her to stop contacting you. No, it doesn't make you look weak in her eyes. It makes you look like you value yourself and your emotional well-being.

 

Now, how about blocking her so she can no longer contact you?

 

Ok. Got it now. .... Thanks.

[bbogdanov]

It actually was for a different reason (check out the OP's history).

 

BUT, OP, you are well within your rights to ask her to stop contacting you. No, it doesn't make you look weak in her eyes. It makes you look like you value yourself and your emotional well-being.

 

Now, how about blocking her so she can no longer contact you?

 

I can't block her, I think it would be not fair. She is a good person and hasn't done anything bad to me, if I block her I will feel like insulting her

[IAmFCA]

I can't block her, I think it would be not fair. She is a good person and hasn't done anything bad to me, if I block her I will feel like insulting her

 

Block her. She wont be contacting you anyway. If she does, do you want to know? Do you want to go through this all over again? No. So block. She won't know. She'll think you didn't return contact, which is appropriate.

[bbogdanov]

She has messaged me only through FB messenger or Viber, so she will know if I block her.

[boltnrun]

She has messaged me only through FB messenger or Viber, so she will know if I block her.

 

So what?

 

So she will find out that you have healthy boundaries and that you value your own well-being.

 

Where is the negative in that?

 

I assume the ONLY reason you are refusing to block her is you're hoping she'll contact you wanting to reconcile. Do I have that correct?