A guy's expression of respect of female sexuality

[Ajaxajax1]

Hi guys (and ladies)

 

I have had deep thought over the differences in how the world interprets male and female sexuality. I know that many, many people have some form of double standard when a man expresses sexually, compared to a woman expressing sexually. But, I feel that (on my part, at least)...I ought to write a sort of love letter to genuine female sexuality...at least, to get this matter off my chest.

 

A man and a woman are really equals on this Earth. Yes, we have differences that are sometimes fixable and are sometimes what we know can't be changed. Part of my true sexual character is accepting a woman for all of who she is and encouraging her to feel sexually alive as much as I would (or maybe even more than me). There was never a problem with loving female promiscuity towards her man.

 

But, I feel that maybe we had a double standard (including myself in the past) because sex is incredibly powerful, sacred and intimate...as is a woman's deep femininity. For too long throughout human history, a man has always wanted genuine, faithful company from a woman (and vice versa) - that is simply one of the most beautiful gifts you can ever experience in a finite human life. But, on many billions of occasions throughout history, that super pure gift becomes neglected and misused by both genders. A man seeks to control over a woman for him to keep her, instead of relying on trust for her to stay with him. A woman exploits a man's own innate sexuality and defending nature to control other people, instead of respecting the power of loving sexuality. This happened so often, that one consequence was the induction of fear of women in embracing and nurturing their own sexuality, which has thankfully still survived...why are babies still being born after all, huh?

 

As for myself, I come to realise that while I love and respect my own strong heterosexual sexuality, a woman with an equally strong sexuality is always respectable - as long as it is used the RIGHT way. That's what truly differentiates a good s**t (I'll let you figure that for yourselves) from a bad s**t. I, deep down, overwhelmingly LOVE a good s**t, but have overwhelming disgust of a bad s**t. What differentiates between the two?

 

Good means she understands the true power of her genuine sexuality and is not afraid to show it with her man in a wild, yet loving manner...anytime, anywhere. She is not afraid or resentful of being receptive to a man's advances.

 

Bad means that she uses her sexuality to manipulate and control her man into thinking that complete subordination is the only way to feel loved by her.

 

Good means she appreciates a man's sexuality as it is and is accepting of any shortcomings that he may have (like a bodily imperfection). She is also willing to work with him to keep striving to make sex even better for both sides, from helping to be adventurous to helping him overcome premature ejaculation.

 

Bad means that she gives the impression that only guys with certain characteristics (like nationality, class, financial income, sporting abilities etc) are entitled to having her intimacy shared with him.

 

Good means she doesn't use her sexuality for financial gain or (even more scarily) to make kids for an ulterior motive of ANY kind, whether it is keeping a marriage together or using the kids to collect welfare payments.

 

Bad means she does use her sexuality for such gain...and does not care about the consequences for the people affected by the relationship with her. Especially the kids.

 

Good means that she never feels deprieved or contaminated by sharing herself with a man she feels comfortable enough to want to share herself with.

 

Bad means that any sexual expression by a man like myself (no matter how well meaning it is) is a literal crime against humanity.

 

Although I am single at 35, maybe part of the reason why I still am is because I really want a woman who is a true good s**t and never, ever a bad one. But, with how the whole world became conditioned throughout the centuries and how society became more materialistic and sex became superficial and even "cheap", keeping myself away from bad s**ts (or women too scared/indifferent to embrace their true sexual selves) was NEVER going to be an easy task. Especially, when I have been living in the wrong city all that time.

 

Why that matters so much for me? That's because I consider myself to have very strong intimacy and love to share it with a lady who I know will appreciate it and will do her best to share her own intimacy with me. I love to give intimacy and I love to receive it, so much.

 

On behalf of the male side of humanity, I sincerely apologise with all my heart, mind and soul that nearly all of you ladies have had the negative impression of women's potential for loving sexuality expression being ingrained into you for so long. I am really sorry. I know, that myself and so many other men on Earth simply didn't want to get hurt by how a woman's sexuality becomes expressed. No loving soul on this Earth wants to get hurt.

 

I sincerely hope that, for me at least, women I across with will find within themselves to know and accept that the word s**t does NOT always have a crude, negative meaning. I sincerely hope that each one will be ready and willing to give all of herself to me and encourage the both of us to reach for the neverending sexual and romantic peak...the same way I would encourage and give all of myself to her. In all our most furious mutual glory!

 

I wish all men and women to come across the same epiphany. Then, hopefully, man and woman will start healing rifts between each other to make themselves and each other better...to actually make a better world for all.

 

That's it. Would you guys and girls agree?

[Batya33]

I think you make a lot of generalizations about men, women and sexuality with which I don't agree. It also assumes, for example, some sort of "rift" in general between men and women. I don't agree with that assumption either. I don't find your post particularly respectful concerning women or sexuality (or men for that matter).

[Ajaxajax1]

Hi Batya...that's how I feel about it. As for whether there are assumptions, we can talk all day about whether they are or not... Btw, whether you see that as disrespectful or not, I never intended to be disrespectful at all. But, if you agree to disagree, then I will kindly accept that I have to agree to disagree too.

[Batya33]

Hi Batya...that's how I feel about it. As for whether there are assumptions, we can talk all day about whether they are or not... Btw, whether you see that as disrespectful or not, I never intended to be disrespectful at all. But, if you agree to disagree, then I will kindly accept that I have to agree to disagree too.

 

I don't see it as necessarily disrespectful -I was commenting on your title. You're entitled to your opinion and feelings and your post asked whether we agreed with you. So I posted as I did above and am confused why you would respond as if you didn't seek others' opinions.

[j.man]

I do think the article, as a whole, is very over generalized. That said, I do think there are a couple that ring true, such as women as a whole being better off should they decide not to put sexuality on a pedestal as they're unfortunately commonly raised to. And that kinda using sex as a means to an end is a lot more common than it should be, especially considering how much it backfires. But none of these are biological, just dated cultural norms you can see fading out even now.

 

Also like to add I didn't find Batya's post disrespectful at all.

[Ajaxajax1]

Amen to that...that will require lots of deep thinking. And, some people thinking that this is controversial on its own. Maybe I should also teach myself to stop being overly fearful of controversy.

[Batya33]

So on the pedestal front, the biological reality right now is that only a woman can get pregnant. For women (like me) who are pro-choice but would not have an abortion other than in very extreme circumstances, sex has to be put on a pedestal in that respect (not in other respects, I agree). And my choice not to have casual sex had nothing to do with being brainwashed by society but purely because of my own personal values. I suspect that's true of most people who choose not to have casual sex because of values - I don't like to assume that that decision results from "societal norms" but give credit to people for knowing their personal boundaries.

[Wiseman2]

Overthinking can interfere with a natural and relaxed approach to dating and sex. It can become like analysis paralysis.

 

Getting a date and getting sex isn't in the same realm as theoretical physics.

 

Rabbits manage to get mates, right?

 

"Rabbits brains do not respond actively to as large of a range of modulation as human but are still able to encode the information that lets them perform as well as humans at recognition tasks.

 

It is there strong spacial reasoning that allows the rabbit to determine that if they remove the stick that bars its way it can jump through rather than over. But the rabbit was just a likely(perhaps even more likely) to go around as jump over the obstacle if the rabbit was not able to remove the bar."

[Ajaxajax1]

That's understandable, Batya. I'm pro life myself, even though I would approve of abortion in the case of rape or sexual assault. And, of course, when (and which guy) she opens herself up to is up to her as well - depending on what she feels is right. Intimacy always will be regarded as a mutual decision.

[Ajaxajax1]

Wiseman...easier said than done...you should talk with Batya about it !

[Batya33]

That's understandable, Batya. I'm pro life myself, even though I would approve of abortion in the case of rape or sexual assault. And, of course, when (and which guy) she opens herself up to is up to her as well - depending on what she feels is right. Intimacy always will be regarded as a mutual decision.

 

Yes, those are general truisms with which I agree. Nothing that Wiseman wrote had anything to do with what I wrote.

[thornz]

Honestly I think my sexuality (and that of any other person) has nothing to do with you or any other man. You're basically apologising for being judgemental of women's sexual conduct in the past whilst reeling off a list of how women should conduct themselves sexually according to your preferences. I found the whole thing very strange and if I were the type to be readily insulted, I'd likely be insulted.

 

Any person can choose to behave in whichever way they please and you can choose to accept whichever behaviour you like.

 

There's also no war between men and women that needs resolving by men postulating to every vagina going.

 

P.S - transsexuals, gay's, bi's, asexuals etc.

[Batya33]

Honestly I think my sexuality (and that of any other person) has nothing to do with you or any other man. You're basically apologising for being judgemental of women's sexual conduct in the past whilst reeling off a list of how women should conduct themselves sexually according to your preferences. I found the whole thing very strange and if I were the type to be readily insulted, I'd likely be insulted.

 

Any person can choose to behave in whichever way they please and you can choose to accept whichever behaviour you like.

 

There's also no war between men and women that needs resolving by men postulating to every vagina going.

 

P.S - transsexuals, gay's, bi's, asexuals etc.

 

That is one cool analysis!!

[Ajaxajax1]

Honestly I think my sexuality (and that of any other person) has nothing to do with you or any other man. You're basically apologising for being judgemental of women's sexual conduct in the past whilst reeling off a list of how women should conduct themselves sexually according to your preferences. I found the whole thing very strange and if I were the type to be readily insulted, I'd likely be insulted.

 

Any person can choose to behave in whichever way they please and you can choose to accept whichever behaviour you like.

 

There's also no war between men and women that needs resolving by men postulating to every vagina going.

 

P.S - transsexuals, gay's, bi's, asexuals etc.

 

Well, thornz. Would you prefer getting hurt through any sort of sexual manipulation? I witnessed lots of people being screwed up (including members of my own family) just because sex was used as a weapon, although not involving rape or sexual assault.

 

I was only writing down on how expression of healthy female sexuality ought to be made, even though I'm not female. She is ultimately in control of her own tiger from within.

[jenny_mcs]

 

I was only writing down on how expression of healthy female sexuality ought to be made, even though I'm not female.

 

LOL, yes, and that is the problem with your post.

[Ajaxajax1]

What?! lol Can't a woman tell a man her honest opinions on him? Or might that not be allowed because she's not male?

[notalady]

I'm curious what culture you're from, because your post seems specific to some cultures. From where I am, female sexuality is respected and celebrated by their partners, no man I know would judge their partner for wanting sex, in fact they consider themselves lucky if sex is regular and satisfying in a long term relationship or marriage. Where I am, I don't see generalised culture of men controlling women or fear for their "promiscuity" or have trouble trusting their partner or their sexuality (aside for individuals who have trust issues, which is not a gender issue). But I know some very conservative cultures may still have that.

 

As for women who use sex to get what they want, well, there will always be people who do that in a relationship or out of, but it's not the overwhelming majority.

 

So I can't say I agree with your post because I have not had those observations nor personal experience.

[itsallgrand]

S/t just means promiscuous - male or female. There's no need to try and squish all sexuality into that term. I think that's a limited view of human sexuality.

[Ajaxajax1]

I don't believe that culture has too much to do with what I've said. But, if you must know I'm Italian/Australian - although I didn't appear well respected by both sides at all.

 

I'm curious what culture you're from, because your post seems specific to some cultures. From where I am, female sexuality is respected and celebrated by their partners, no man I know would judge their partner for wanting sex, in fact they consider themselves lucky if sex is regular and satisfying in a long term relationship or marriage. Where I am, I don't see generalised culture of men controlling women or fear for their "promiscuity" or have trouble trusting their partner or their sexuality (aside for individuals who have trust issues, which is not a gender issue). But I know some very conservative cultures may still have that.

 

As for women who use sex to get what they want, well, there will always be people who do that in a relationship or out of, but it's not the overwhelming majority.

 

I do consider myself somewhat conservative. And, I feel you are from more of a sexually liberal culture. I'm not saying at all that a woman should be judged for wanting sex. That's where I'm getting at...celebrating and respecting female sexuality, but not for ulterior purposes. I would indeed feel very happy if my partner has sex with me regularly and satisfyingly.

 

But, with the ulterior motives, they happen a lot more often than they deserve.

 

I was also really talking about why sex is one massive factor for some women deciding to not get laid by men of pure heart, mind and soul...and getting laid instead by men who treat women like animals, or have men letting themselves be treated like animals. And, why when (for example) I even say hello to a woman in a pub or nightclub, that gets automatically seen as an unwelcome sexual advance - when I only just said hello.

[Batya33]

It sounds like you've had some negative experiences with individual women and you are choosing to generalize from those individual experiences. Do you have close friendships with women? Sounds like it might serve you well to interact with women in a platonic way or maybe through activities, volunteer work, classes?

[Ajaxajax1]

It sounds like you've had some negative experiences with individual women and you are choosing to generalize from those individual experiences. Do you have close friendships with women? Sounds like it might serve you well to interact with women in a platonic way or maybe through activities, volunteer work, classes?

 

It is not really a generalisation. It is the result of me coming across literally many hundreds of women...the effects on women in society that I mentioned above have made it much harder than for me to get past the platonic stage just because I'm a guy. I personally do not believe in me being close friends with women unless I see no potential in her as a future romantic/sexual partner...that's how the phrase "just friends" came about, right? Besides I already have a mother, two grandmothers (one living), three sisters, one niece...how many close platonic friendships with women should I really need?

 

Meeting through activities, volunteer work, classes etc? I've been doing that as well. But, with me moving to a new city, progress has been SLOW. It is particularly discouraging when 30% of ladies in my age group are single. One in three women are still single. I have made incredible work on myself over the last five years or so...so I felt maybe how society treats female sexuality might be holding them back on their part.

[Batya33]

If you don't value friendships with women that might be a clue as to why you're having difficulty finding a healthy, happy relationship. As far as "hundreds" -sure -I've come across hundreds and hundreds of people -but saying "hi" in a bar- or anywhere -is not even a first impression -it's barely a blip on the radar and gives you no relevant information about that person let alone anything to do with gender.

 

I think you are getting in your own way -look into that angle as opposed to whether generalizing about female sexuality as you have chosen to do is productive.

[Ajaxajax1]

Batya...what I mean by myself is I don't mind making friends with women...I can make friendships with ladies in the nearby deli or bar, for example. Regularly say hi and give a brief chit chat.

 

But, I prefer not to be close friends with women who I consider as potential prospects for something more serious. Why would the term "friendzoned" actually apply? I can say hello and interact with such ladies from time to time, but not become too chummy with them on a platonic level.

 

In terms of me saying hi as not even making a first impression...I'll give you a glorious example of what happened with me today on why I challenge that idea. In a bookstore cafe, I came across a lady wearing headphones who I wasn't sure was waiting in front of me. I tried to ask her if she was waiting. Before I could even finish the question, she put her hand well in front of me, blocking my face and quickly moved back six feet. It was basically telling me, "You're a guy with a penis. You threaten me by your presence. Now, get the f**k away from me!" Jeez, it wasn't like I was even asking her out for a drink. Just because I'm of the opposite gender "appearing" to have an immediate sexual agenda! All I did was just being polite.

 

Again, all over this sexual paranoia that I've been talking about here...

[Capricorn3]

In a bookstore cafe, I came across a lady wearing headphones who I wasn't sure was waiting in front of me. I tried to ask her if she was waiting. Before I could even finish the question, she put her hand well in front of me, blocking my face and quickly moved back six feet. It was basically telling me, "You're a guy with a penis. You threaten me by your presence. Now, get the f**k away from me!"

I come away with a completely different version of your reaction and thoughts as to what she was "saying". My immediate thought was that all she was doing by putting her hand out and stepping back was as if to say .."ooops, sorry, I didn't realise I was in your way". She had headphones on and was distracted.

I really think you completely got the wrong end of the stick here. You read way too much into everything (imo).

[Capricorn3]

Again, all over this sexual paranoia that I've been talking about here...

The only paranoia I see here is yours ... in more ways than one.