This time I'm really considering going through with it

[coolgirl]

Here is my take of this don't I have to show them that mental illness is real ? For example if I were dead now it would go in the back of their mind saying we wished we helped her. No, with my family is like well your fine, you don't need medication, medication is not good for you. How do you expect me to take this lightly when there not the one dealing with this. Do I have to trash their house or go into to an deep end to prove it to them. If that's what they want to see then I have no problem doing it.

 

 

My husband's family doesn't believe in mental inllness either. That really did not help my husband. He has GAD.

 

I have c PTSD and my family had a hard time with it due to their guilt.

[coolgirl]

I know what's exactly going to happen they'll get your address so a police or ambulance over strap you up and go off to some hospital than psych ward. Belive me that's not where I want to be right now. I am not a guniey pig to be tested on. that's what I feel with medication. 7 years I've been changing medication. I'm fed up with it. I've been on and off with medication. When I feel better I get off them. When I go back to my phase again that's when I start it. I'm sorry I'm just having hard time with medecine. I'm having a hard time staying on them.

 

 

 

Please call the Suicide Hotline before you do anything. 800-273-8255. Please as one human being to another, I (we) don't want you doing this. I'm a pharmacist, sometimes it takes time and multiple adjustments to get a persons meds right. Please don't give up.

 

QUOTE=coolgirl;6780257]. I just can't do it anymore. I dont want to go on like this anymore. Screw therapy, screw medecine screw everything I am done. I'm done. I've done my dues in my childhood, in my teen years, in my adulthood I'm checking out. And it's matter of timeing with me when that will be in don't know pretty soon hopefully. Im better off dead rather than spend the rest of my life miserable. I've already left a voice message on my phone for my family when I'm dead they can hear and left instructions as to not to have a funeral for me and just cremate me and scatter

My ashes somewhere.

 

So step 1 is already taken care off. I told myself many times I will do it I will and never gone through with it this time I will. And in time they will be fine.

[coolgirl]

That's so sweet of you thank you I will once I go back to normal again

 

 

I want to be your friend! PM me your email

[Capricorn3]

I've been on and off with medication. When I feel better I get off them.

Maybe that's where you are going wrong? I'm no expert, but I imagine the worst thing you can do is go off something when you "feel better". Do you stop taking your medication without a doctor's consent/supervision?

[coolgirl]

I just wanted to take the time and thank everyone that has replied to my post. I had medication from before I took them and feel a bit calmer. I left a message for the receptionist to the new therapist office. Hopefully she be able to help me as to where to go. Okay, I won't do it. Everyone has convinced me on here. Thank you all for the moral support.

[Seraphim]

CPTSD is complex PTSD.

 

 

I am sorry you feel this way coolgirl. I wish there was someway to make you feel better . Just know that people do care . We care.

[HeartGoesOn]

Take care, and keep us posted Coolgirl. Can you promise we'll see you on here tomorrow?

[Hope9]

I will pray for you

[Hope9]

I will pray for you.

[RainyCoast]

i'm so happy you feel better. everyone needs a lifeline, those of us who tend to isolate ourselves and those with turbulent social ties need places like this badly.

 

with cyclic mood disorders you usually don't want to quit meds when you start to feel better because you get the uppity feeling which is always followed by a horrible depression. the annoying part about extremely high moods is that they're always followed by extreme lows. are the side effects so bad and you quit because of that? i feel for everyone who has to go through years of trial and error to find a good regimen. it actually does take years for many ppl.

 

cptsd is complex post traumatic stress disorder. most ppl are familiar with post traumatic stress in war veterans. cptsd is similar but the trauma is compounded.

 

i wonder who does advocacy for patients in the states. if you require assistance or just someone encouraging as you are getting proper help in europe it's usually social services, ngos and local mental health communities who can provide someone to guide or escort you.

 

keep talking here. you're a lovely,bright, and very interesting person. no one wants to see you gone.

 

big hugs.

[limichelle]

Awe Coolgirl!

 

I'm sorry you are in so much pain. I'm not going to lie to you and say life will be easy or you won't go through pain again. I can promise you the story to your life is far from over, you just have to flip the page, so many wonderful surprises await you. I feel at times with being schizoaffective I have no hope, then I wake up the next day and something new happens.

 

Please stay here on earth!

 

Much hugs!

 

Lisa

[gebaird]

Coolgirl, I'm sorry you are struggling so much. No one here can say that your life is easy or offer you instant solutions to your problems. All we can do is tell you that you matter, that suicide isn't the answer, and that there are ways and places to get help. If you are still considering this, please call the national suicide prevention hotline at 1-800-273-8255.

 

Please know your worth. Every life matters, including yours.

[coolgirl]

I will try to keep everyone posted. I just don't feel like myself sense yesterday. And it takes me time to get back to my normal self again.

 

 

Take care, and keep us posted Coolgirl. Can you promise we'll see you on here tomorrow?

[coolgirl]

Thank You !

 

 

I will pray for you

[Seraphim]

I will keep praying for you coolgirl. I have been thinking about you since yesterday .

[coolgirl]

I don't feel like myself sense yesterday. I had to take the pill yesterday even though i didn't want too because of the side effects it's giving me I had no other choice except to do that. Actually one of my previous therapist told me are you sure you don't have PTSD. And even though she was just a counselor at the time I was going to get does not have the capabilities to actually diagnose me with that. I've been told so many different things from different doctors from Clinical Depression to Bipolar 1 that I don't know which one to believe anymore. If i had the right evaluation and know what I'm dealing with then that would be the time to be put on the right medication. I've been evaluated just once in 2010 and that's about it. nothing I honestly don't have the patience to go through trial and error with medication anymore. I just don't have the energy for this anymore. Really don't. Last week I had 1 to make a phone call and while waiting the rep person came on I had an outburst and couldn't control myself and completely lost it.

 

 

 

i'm so happy you feel better. everyone needs a lifeline, those of us who tend to isolate ourselves and those with turbulent social ties need places like this badly.

 

with cyclic mood disorders you usually don't want to quit meds when you start to feel better because you get the uppity feeling which is always followed by a horrible depression. the annoying part about extremely high moods is that they're always followed by extreme lows. are the side effects so bad and you quit because of that? i feel for everyone who has to go through years of trial and error to find a good regimen. it actually does take years for many ppl.

 

cptsd is complex post traumatic stress disorder. most ppl are familiar with post traumatic stress in war veterans. cptsd is similar but the trauma is compounded.

 

i wonder who does advocacy for patients in the states. if you require assistance or just someone encouraging as you are getting proper help in europe it's usually social services, ngos and local mental health communities who can provide someone to guide or escort you.

 

keep talking here. you're a lovely,bright, and very interesting person. no one wants to see you gone.

 

big hugs.

[coolgirl]

I have already reached my limit. The way you have no hope I have no hope towards anything anymore.

 

 

Awe Coolgirl!

 

I'm sorry you are in so much pain. I'm not going to lie to you and say life will be easy or you won't go through pain again. I can promise you the story to your life is far from over, you just have to flip the page, so many wonderful surprises await you. I feel at times with being schizoaffective I have no hope, then I wake up the next day and something new happens.

 

Please stay here on earth!

 

Much hugs!

 

Lisa

[coolgirl]

I've been down the road before of having to call the crisis line they'll send either a police out or strap you in the ambulance and whisk you away to a hospital and off you go to a psych ward. I'm not doing that again and certainly not dealing with it anymore. As I mentioned even though my meds have horrible side effects to them I had no choice to take them yesterday. And sense yesterday till now I have not felt like myself and god knows how long its going to take to get out of that phase.

 

 

Coolgirl, I'm sorry you are struggling so much. No one here can say that your life is easy or offer you instant solutions to your problems. All we can do is tell you that you matter, that suicide isn't the answer, and that there are ways and places to get help. If you are still considering this, please call the national suicide prevention hotline at 1-800-273-8255.

 

Please know your worth. Every life matters, including yours.

[coolgirl]

Thank you so much dear.

 

 

I will keep praying for you coolgirl. I have been thinking about you since yesterday .

[coolgirl]

Yes, the hard thing I have accepting the fact that having to be on this for lifetime. And I don't want that.

 

 

Maybe that's where you are going wrong? I'm no expert, but I imagine the worst thing you can do is go off something when you "feel better". Do you stop taking your medication without a doctor's consent/supervision?

[johnnydanger]

I just wanted to take the time and thank everyone that has replied to my post. I had medication from before I took them and feel a bit calmer. I left a message for the receptionist to the new therapist office. Hopefully she be able to help me as to where to go. Okay, I won't do it. Everyone has convinced me on here. Thank you all for the moral support.

That's great to hear! Yes life can be very harsh and depressing at times, for many people. Just keep taking your medications, and you will get through it fine. Try to spend some time doing things which you enjoyed from your youth, like visiting your old town and taking a walk there. Buy the complete series of an old TV show you loved, and start watching all the episodes again. Try to do some things now for yourself, go to a nice restaurant by yourself for dinner sometime too. You will remember these experiences in the future, and they will give you more appreciation for yourself and your well being.

[coolgirl]

These medications that was given to me is giving me horrible side effects. All I want to do is sleep. And its hard to do something when I don't have any motivation at the time. I just don't have the energy for anything right now. Really don't !

 

That's great to hear! Yes life can be very harsh and depressing at times, for many people. Just keep taking your medications, and you will get through it fine. Try to spend some time doing things which you enjoyed from your youth, like visiting your old town and taking a walk there. Buy the complete series of an old TV show you loved, and start watching all the episodes again. Try to do some things now for yourself, go to a nice restaurant by yourself for dinner sometime too. You will remember these experiences in the future, and they will give you more appreciation for yourself and your well being.

[Seraphim]

These medications that was given to me is giving me horrible side effects. All I want to do is sleep. And its hard to do something when I don't have any motivation at the time. I just don't have the energy for anything right now. Really don't !

 

I understand. I am on really heavy meds for a severely painful neuralgia. The sides affects are I am super sleepy and my memory is toast. I don't remember things people told me two minutes ago . It is bad. I used to have a hard time understanding what my father meant by side effects of medications but now I actually do . Some of the meds I take are used in bipolar people . I really really get what he means . To me though the alternative is worse ( screaming in agony every day for the rest of my life ) no thanks.

 

So I understand why people would want to go off medication . I do.

[coolgirl]

My mom keeps telling me all these medication have side effects and it's not good for you. I try to keep telling her and reminding her that I need it for my own sanity. If I don't take it then I'll be miserable for the rest of my life. She's like your fine nothing is wrong with you. Which pisses me off even more. And she's like well take with what I'm taking it really helps. She usually does not have depression. She was depressed and having a hard time when her mother was here because her mother was basically give her a hard time and me as well. For some people medication works for them like magic wonder after 2 days' she's fine. but with me it's ongoing and she does not understand that or get that for that matter. And really gets on my nerves when I tell her. stay out my medication taking. I get she wants to help but her help makes it a lot harder for me because I can't put up with it. It just makes matters worse.

 

I understand. I am on really heavy meds for a severely painful neuralgia. The sides affects are I am super sleepy and my memory is toast. I don't remember things people told me two minutes ago . It is bad. I used to have a hard time understanding what my father meant by side effects of medications but now I actually do . Some of the meds I take are used in bipolar people . I really really get what he means . To me though the alternative is worse ( screaming in agony every day for the rest of my life ) no thanks.

 

So I understand why people would want to go off medication . I do.

[coolgirl]

I'm literally trying to keep sane for my own sanity and own sake till tomorrow until the receptionist for my new therapist to call me back. Calling suicide hotline or hospitals is far from my mind right now !