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Everything posted by coolgirl

  1. Actually I knew everything about him. His health conditions, his living situation, his pasts relationships, his family's life. His life His everything. He told me everything. You know what. I dont need this. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. All I know what's in my heart and If no one I mean no one can tell me otherwise. How to feel and what to feel. I dont need to be defending myself as to what my relationship was to him. So please if there is any Administrator on this site please shut down this post. I cant deal with this either. QUOTE=abitbroken;7206830]If you dated him for three months no way he was the love of your life. You didn't know him long enough to know it that would eventually be true. Since you dated him for 3 months, you were not in the loop about his health care or other situations. If you dated for years, and broke up recently, I get it -- but i think you are not really completely mourning him - you are mourning the fact of a potential chance or feeling cheated out of not ending on your terms. I am sorry that this happened, but you will find someone else. If you date thinking he was the love of your life, no man ever stands a chance.
  2. We both had hectic schedules so we managed to see each other on regular basis. I cant say how many times but when ever we had the chance we would get together often. QUOTE=ThatwasThen;7206824]How many times were you actually in his company in those three months you say you were together? Words without actions are just words. Please do yourself a favor and don't put so much stock in just words. Again... how much actually time in each others company were you together?
  3. Yea, I know. The thing is I'm already struggling financially at the moment. And the insurance I have is limited to the therapy there is. Right now I cant afford expensive therapy sessions. If you know of any websites where they have affordable therapist I'll be open to that option. QUOTE=ThatwasThen;7206817]Coolgirl... please look into getting yourself into therapy. You have a lot of past stuff you haven't come to terms with and packed away. Once you have dealt with your past trauma(s) I think you will be in a much better place. There are even online therapist that you can talk to virtually that will help you.
  4. Yea, I thought about that too actually. I'm gonna give myself 2 weeks and see how I feel. If I see that I'm still gonna have a hard time than that's when I'll consider going to group therapy. For some people I dont know about you. When you think you meet the one when you know you know. The moment we met and saw each other I knew he was the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. He was falling for me too. He told me himself. He was my soulmate and the love of my life. Talking about having kids together and making future plans together and having that taken away from you. Have you ever been in love ? And that love being taken away from you how would it make you feel when someone you love is making plans to have a future with you ?
  5. No, this wasnt the man I was talking about. If you go to my previous posts I talked about someone else that was a workaholic. You got it mixed up I was involved with someone else. Before I even started talking to someone again. Just for the record when I found out about my boyfriends passing I cut contact off with this person. I just couldn't deal.
  6. He passed away a week ago. So 3 weeks ago. I thought he had broken up with me. Our relationship had its ups and downs and we had a falling out a week after that. Yes, we didnt talk for a week I thought our relationship was over with. He came back and apologized to me for the way he was acting and wanting to try again and I gave him a chance. After that I didnt hear from him for a week. He did this alot even while we were together. So i was assuming he was busy with work and just got caught in the moment because he was living a busy lifestyle. After that, that's when I found out something was off. He stopped posting on Facebook. Because he usually does that's how I knew he was doing okay. By his posts. After not being able to talk to him for a week and not knowing what was going on at that time that's how I found out he passed away. I didnt know what was going on why he suddenly stopped talking to me. Till I learned he was dead for a week. I didnt know anything. I did try calling him for a week and he wasnt even answering. Little did I know he was dead for a week . So I knew in the back of my mind something was wrong. Till I learned that he passed on. I knew nothing as I was left to find out on my own. Our relationship wasnt perfect we always managed to work things out. QUOTE=bluecastle;7206796]When was the last time you saw him or spoke to him? Just curious to understand the context a bit better, given some recent threads which gave the impression that you weren't in a relationship but exploring dating someone new. I'm so very sorry for what you've experienced, and what you are feeling right now. Are you alone, during this global health crisis? Or is there anyone you can talk to? We're here of course, to listen as best we can, but there are limitations to the kind of support we can offer in facing the very real monster that is grief. For whatever it's worth? Whenever I die, I hope that anyone and everyone I've ever loved, and who has ever loved me, will ultimately honor my passing by continuing to live, and to love.
  7. I am never ever going to move on. Not without him. No one can ever replace him.
  8. Wiseman, I'm sorry for my angry outburst. Yes, we were broken up for a while. But we got back together shortly after. And we were on good terms after that. We talked things through and working on fixing our issues. Not every relationship is perfect. He made have had his flaws but that never ever stopped me from loving him.
  9. No, he was not long distance. Like I said I dont know anything. Which makes it tough. Yea, I thought so too. But that wasnt the case. We got back together shortly after. After that things were normal again after we reconciled. This was a month ago. So we were together.
  10. Our relationship was fairly new by the time we were dating. We made plans to meet each others families down the road. We wanted to wait and enjoy our time as a couple before we met each others families. So his mom did know about me. Because he did tell her. That I existed. I never had her contact information and neither did she. His coworker knew about me as well. I can understand why she couldn't due to her son passing. But his friend he could had gone through his phone and find my number and ring me up. That is so unfair the way I had to find out. No, he wasnt long distance. He was local. So you can only imagine the state of shock I was in when I found out about his passing. And I just hope and pray to god he's seeing all this.
  11. I dont want a new journey. No one I mean no one can ever replace him. I'm not moving on without him.
  12. We were never broken up. Why, would you say something like this. We were,planning for a,future together. I don't want to hear your cruel comments Wiseman I dont need this. All I know is that as much as I loved him he loved me too. I know he did. .
  13. Yes this is the guy who was a workaholic. But we did still manage to date. We were together for 3 months. We never broke up. We may have had our differences but we managed to work through things. I didnt just like him I was in love with him.Yes, even after 3 months I've known from the beginning that he was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with when you know you know. I think he was in love with me too because he did tell me he was falling for me as well. We were very much compatible. That it scared us both to it's very core. We both agreed that our connection was so intense and strong between the both us so you could imagine how scary it was for both of us. I think he was scared to get to close because he was burnt from a previous relationship. And he didnt know how to handle what it feels like to be in love or have someone care about him as much as I did. Because I showed him what real love feels like. I told him once that when you love someone you go out of your way for that person and do anything for them and I did in more than 1 occasion. So I did my part. And he told me he never had that with anyone else. I showed him how it feels like to be cared for. Yes, he had a busy life but we managed to work around things. He talked about having a future with me, I caught him once while we were having a conversation that he sees children in our future and how we would meet each others families. I know for a fact that he loved me as much as I loved him. We were both scared by this level of intensity we had we both didnt know how to handle it. When we made love for the first time we connected even more. It was that amazing. And now I learn the man I was set to have a future with, make memories with, have a life with, grow old with is gone not knowing what happened. Was not informed one bit as to what he was going through. At least tell him goodbye. This is the way he leaves me. I honestly was not expecting this one bit. So I printed out his picture meditating and really let him have it by screaming and yelling at him. Saying that I hope he sees the anger, hurt, pain that he's putting me through not knowing what the hell went wrong not even a goodbye. So yes he was my boyfriend we were together. We were planning on having a future. So you could imagine the amount of anger and pain I have. I told him not to overdo it, I told him take it easy, I told him to stop worrying about everyone and take care of himself. He was so stubborn I'm sure his body shut down. And now look where he is now. Was it all worth it to put his family and me through this.
  14. I have no idea. That's what hurts me the most not knowing what happened to him. If I had known that from before that he was sick or being in the hospital if he cared enough about me he would had rung me up saying something to me. Other than that this wasnt the way I wanted to find out. I had the right to know not reading it on some stupid social media. That is so not fair. I was in his life for a reason and both of us were falling hard for one another. He even told me he was falling for me. How can I get over something serious as this ?
  15. Hearing about his passing came as a shock to me. As I found out a couple of days ago through facebook was a huge blow. It feels like being hit by a ton of brick and my world came crashing down. We've may have had our differences but that never stopped me from loving him. We were making plans for our future. He may have been in denial of the way he felt about me we did talk about having kids together. He was the one. My everything. My soulmate the love of my life and he's not here. I wanted to build memories with him, have a future with him, build a life together. And all that came crashing down a couple of day's ago. I have never ever felt this angry. I'm furious. I had the right to know what he was going through. He left me in the dark not being able to say good bye to him. No one I mean no one can ever replace him. I'm not moving on without him in my life. I just want him to take me with him. I just want to be with him. I can't, I can't do this without him. I cant' talk to him, I can't text him, I can't see him, hold him, touch him, kiss him and tell him how much I love him. He was my everything. I can't even bring it to myself to even go to his grave site and not loose it. I don't want to see him like that. I had the right to know. Not read about it on social media. This wasn't the way I wanted to find out. I want my boyfriend back. I need him. I can't live without him. I want the love of my life back. I printed out a picture of him and started meditating and talking to him and releasing my anger on him. Screaming at him. Yelling at him on why he left me in the dark and that was cruel of him to do. I can't do this without him.
  16. I'm so sorry for your loss. I bet it wasnt easy for you either. It came as a total shock to me because I didnt want to find out about his passing through his obituary. I just cant believe he's still gone. He was the love of my life, my soulmate, my best friend. We had so many plans. A part of me wants to find out what happened to him and a part of me doesn't. If this continues after a week of not being able to cope I might as well go to a group.
  17. It was a shock. Big time. I know his family is grieving and must not be easy on them either. But I need to know what happened to him. QUOTE=shellyf62;7206093]I'm so sorry. It must have been a huge shock learning about his passing this way!
  18. Thank you. God knows how long it's going to take me to cope with this. QUOTE=~Seraphim ~;7206090]I am so sorry for your loss. ❤️
  19. Please, all I ask is dont be hard on me I just learned that the guy I previously dated and loved very much that I had an instant connection with passed away last week. I didn't even know until I saw his obituary on his father Facebook page. He was so young 42 full of life and now he's gone. It came a shock to me because I didn't even know of his passing until today. Let's call him C. C did mention me to his mom when we first met. So I reached out to her on Facebook messenger that how much I loved and cared for her son And gave her my condolences to her and their family. And how much he was a big part of my life. He's gone and I didnt get to tell him I love him so much. Even during our fall outside I still loved him. I told him not to overdo it. I told him not to stress himself out working 7 days a week and not being able to take care of himself. And now he's gone. He's dead and never coming back. I didnt know about his passing up until today when I found the obituary. So it came as a shock to me. They said his death was sudden. How do you cope a death of a person whom you loved so much ? He was a big part of my life. And now he's gone. He was a beautiful person inside and out. He didnt deserve to die. It wasnt his time to go.
  20. As a almost soon to be a 40 year old women I've had many many horrific experiences in my past. Because of my previous dating life has not been easy on me 1 bit. Because of going through turmoil from before I let my gaurds way up and dont tend to let people in my life easily anymore so I do get cautious as the people I've let in my life. It's harder on me to even consider seeing the good in people as to how I was treated before. It's just not about this guy in general this has always been my issue and I'm sorry if I tend to freak out. Yes, it's scary. I know there are no guarantees in life as far as how things go I'm well aware of that. I cant help or control how I feel. That's how my coping mechanism works. I gaurd myself. I tend to protect myself. By not being able to see the good in people. I cant. That's why I told him I'm not looking for a relationship until I get to know him better and see how things progress and we were are on the same page. I know it's not a good thing. But yet I still have not found a good therapist to work on my coping mechanism with. The reason I'm not telling this guy about my emotional issues is because I dont know if it's going to work our or not. Why, bother. I dont want to scare him off by telling him this. QUOTE=DancingFool;7205979]No I wouldn't suggest video chat because you cannot judge chemistry except for in person, face to face. It's literally chemistry not just "oh you look how you look". There is absolutely no substitute for face to face meetings. You either click or you do not. Waiting for months is absurd, especially if you live only 3-4 hours away (driving I assume). I mean that's what 1.5-2 hrs drive if you meet half way? However, all the above logistics aside, I think you need to step way back and ask yourself if this would even work for you in general? LDR's can be very lonely in that you have to be a very confident, independent person for them to work. What you are showing in this thread is that you are already fearful, nervous, and suspicious, worried about what if's. Why even bother if this is causing you so much stress already? At this point, you don't even know him from Adam, so why not focus on matches that don't rile you up like that?
  21. I understand with what your saying and makes perfect sense. I'm just confused at the moment. I mean we've had great conversations up until now. I guess it's just going to take time. I guess. QUOTE=bluecastle;7205969]You're kind of talking out of both sides of your mouth right now. Five days ago you did not know this man existed. Today you are talking about not wanting in invest time, in case it ends up not working and you end up getting hurt, feeling rejected, which is kind of the opposite of not being in a rush to get in a relationship. I can't help but feel that you are reacting to two different things inside of you that existed before you knew this man did. One: a very real desire, bordering on thirst, to be in some kind of relationship. Two: an almost paralyzing fear of being hurt by the experiment of romance, which probably makes a pixilated man who lives 4 hours away feel "safe." Until those two things are reconciled, and tempered, you are going to find yourself in a bind like this, where you're inflicting small amounts of pain onto yourself out of fear of another inflicting pain on you. To date you can't be overly scared of being hurt, since it is inevitable. People hurt people, and the journey of finding the right person is not one in which hurt can be preemptively eradicated. Being in an actual relationship? That hurts too, here and there, and there is always the prospect that it might end—after a month, after 20 years. But if you think connection is a worthwhile thing to invest in, it is never a waste of "time and energy." October is a lifetime away. If that is the first chance you each have to see each other, I would say it would be emotionally unhealthy for either of you to be closing off options at this point.
  22. That's what I'm trying to find out if he's not my type by having this video chat. Than I made a friend out of it. I wouldn't be upset by that. QUOTE=boltnrun;7205972]What if he's not YOUR type?
  23. Would you suggest doing video chat before he even comes out here to even see if I'm his type at all? Or would you suggest just the face to face meeting first. I just dont want to waist his time coming up here for nothing ?
  24. Like I said it could be sooner I dont know yet. QUOTE=boltnrun;7205962]Seven months from now? No way would it make sense to shackle yourself to someone you won't even see in person for over half a year. I suggest meeting local men.
  25. I totally get with what your saying. And I even suggested that let's video chat and see if I'm even his type before he makes a trip out here. I told him I'm in no rush to have a relationship and just want to get to know him better. He knows that. Like I said I dont want to invest my time and energy if things dont end up working out and do myself a favor from being rejected and hurt. So far I dont know what he thinks of me yet. QUOTE=DancingFool;7205953]If you don't know how distance will work for you ....and it reads like you can't handle distance....then do yourself a huge favor and don't even bother with guys who are that far away from you. On all these apps, you can limit your dating radius to what you find reasonable and can manage. Your anxieties and questions at this point only highlight the fact that you are not in a place emotionally where you should be attempting a long distance relationship. It's not on him to reassure you and soothe your fears. At this point in time, it would be inappropriate for you to even ask him these kinds of questions. You aren't dating, you aren't exclusive, you don't even know if you'll click should you manage to meet face to face. You are putting the cart ten miles ahead of the horse here, which means....long distance isn't for you at this point in time.
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