She became distant when her ex-husband got married. Now I'm friend zoned.

[Lostinlove31]

That's what I believe. The emotions hit her. Who is to say she won't change her mind soon? It's only been about two weeks since he got remarried. We had crazy chemistry before the wedding. Who is to say she won't come around in a week or two? I can be a friend for her until then. I'm not planning to wait for her forever. She clearly wants to keep seeing each other in person. She's the one who brought up hanging out as friends. I prepared to make her pay for her half if we go out and do anything. I'm prepared to sit across the room if we watch a movie. I don't have to sleep with when I come over. I told her a few times that I don't expect sex. She acted like she didn't believe me. I want to show her that we can hang out normally and see what happens.

If i were you let her go. There are ao many issues that she has to deal with and you can't friend her without having a romantic interest in her.

1. You're going to get blamed for her corrupting her moral standards for having sex when she says it's wrong before marriage.

 

2. You are obviously afraid you will lose her. You say you can be her friend but how long can you remain there. You do that you put yourself at risk of being her friend only and not her lover.

 

3. You are hoping she changes her mind soon. It doesn't work that way. She was heavily in love with her husband. She is the dumpee of that relationship that lasted years. You are hovering waiting for the right moment.

 

Best advice someone has stated: Tell her that you enjoyed her company romantically and only wish to have a relationship with her. Call me if you changed your mind.

 

You should look into why you are putting so much effort into trying to get someone in a short amount of time instead of moving on.

[cousin]

If i were you let her go. There are ao many issues that she has to deal with and you can't friend her without having a romantic interest in her.

1. You're going to get blamed for her corrupting her moral standards for having sex when she says it's wrong before marriage.

 

2. You are obviously afraid you will lose her. You say you can be her friend but how long can you remain there. You do that you put yourself at risk of being her friend only and not her lover.

 

3. You are hoping she changes her mind soon. It doesn't work that way. She was heavily in love with her husband. She is the dumpee of that relationship that lasted years. You are hovering waiting for the right moment.

 

Best advice someone has stated: Tell her that you enjoyed her company romantically and only wish to have a relationship with her. Call me if you changed your mind.

 

You should look into why you are putting so much effort into trying to get someone in a short amount of time instead of moving on.

 

I have no clue why I'm putting in so much effort. I guess it's just difficult for me to go from seeing someone at least twice a week and texting/calling all day for a month and a half to nothing. It'll be an adjustment. I've done well so far. I was tempted to text her before bed last night, but I didn't. I'm going to try to keep my self busy at work too. I have been home sick for four days, and talking on this forum and another one has been helping me.

[cousin]

She's just using you. Can't expect much more with modern women

 

I do believe she used me. I'd love to know why she stopped dating the last guy. She probably did the same thing to him.

[ShatteredMan]

Walk away from her and don't look back. You are "playing for 2nd place" in her mind and heart. You deserve better and its not your job to "fix her" or be her therapist.

[cousin]

Walk away from her and don't look back. You are "playing for 2nd place" in her mind and heart. You deserve better and its not your job to "fix her" or be her therapist.

 

Thank you for the advice. I'm trying my best to walk away. I haven't contacted her. It's really hard though.

[ManyDates]

She's just using you. Can't expect much more with modern women

 

The using and abusing that re-bounders do to willing and able people looking for a partner is sickening. Seems everyones first reaction after a break up is to sign up for online dating and use people.

[cousin]

The using and abusing that re-bounders do to willing and able people looking for a partner is sickening. Seems everyones first reaction after a break up is to sign up for online dating and use people.

 

I know right? I don't think the re-bounders always know that they aren't ready yet. I really feel that her ex-husband getting remarried messed her up. I don't know though. I'm starting to wonder what happened with the other guys she "hung out" with since the divorce. Maybe a similar setback occurred and she let them go too.

[ManyDates]

I know right? I don't think the re-bounders always know that they aren't ready yet. I really feel that her ex-husband getting remarried messed her up. I don't know though. I'm starting to wonder what happened with the other guys she "hung out" with since the divorce. Maybe a similar setback occurred and she let them go too.

 

Same thing or they bailed because of her drinking and medication issues.

[cousin]

Same thing or they bailed because of her drinking and medication issues.

 

You may be on to something. I hate talking about exes, so I never asked her what happened. Still no contact. I'm staying strong.

[cousin]

So. I know I should not have. After five days of no contact, I couldn't take it anymore. I texted her. She knows I'm looking for a new place to live and had sent me a link last week to an apartment. I texted just now, that the link didn't work. She sent it again like 20 seconds later. I ended up asking her to meet up as friends this week. She said "this week is crazy and she have some stuff going on this weekend, but we can probably do something." I know she does not have a date and she is going out with girlfriends from church this weekend to see a movie. That has been in the works for a while now. I told her I'd call her tonight to make plans. She knows I don't like planning things over text.

[Doofus]

So. I know I should not have. After five days of no contact, I couldn't take it anymore. I texted her. She knows I'm looking for a new place to live and had sent me a link last week to an apartment. I texted just now, that the link didn't work. She sent it again like 20 seconds later. I ended up asking her to meet up as friends this week. She said "this week is crazy and she have some stuff going on this weekend, but we can probably do something." I know she does not have a date and she is going out with girlfriends from church this weekend to see a movie. That has been in the works for a while now. I told her I'd call her tonight to make plans. She knows I don't like planning things over text.

 

Yes, she does. And? She doesn't care. This is over. Do not call her tonight. Do not call her tomorrow, or ever again. If she texts, don't text back. Block her on social media. Block her on your phone. If you have anything of hers, ask friends to take and hide it from you. If she ever wants it back (hint: she won't) have your friends make the arrangements to return them to her.

 

I'm so sorry you were unlucky, but you were used by a not very good person. I know it's hard, but view this turn of events not as a rejection, but as a time-saving favor. She's not available. Not to you. Not to anyone. Maybe, truth be told, not to her husband. Why did he leave her??

 

You can do better. I know it doesn't feel like you can, but? You can. And you will. Just as soon as you remove her from your life - completely, wholly, finally.

 

We're here to help you detox your way out of this. It will suck - really suck - for a while. But, soon, and, for the rest of your life, you'll be clean.

 

Commit!

[Mari]

So. I know I should not have. After five days of no contact, I couldn't take it anymore. I texted her. She knows I'm looking for a new place to live and had sent me a link last week to an apartment. I texted just now, that the link didn't work. She sent it again like 20 seconds later. I ended up asking her to meet up as friends this week. She said "this week is crazy and she have some stuff going on this weekend, but we can probably do something." I know she does not have a date and she is going out with girlfriends from church this weekend to see a movie. That has been in the works for a while now. I told her I'd call her tonight to make plans. She knows I don't like planning things over text.

 

I think contacting her is fine. Please try to be positive and grateful that you got this time with her instead of talking with her with an attitude that she screwed you over and used you. The more positive and appreciative you are the better your chances. Also, if she says no or this week doesn't work out, please see if there's another week that would work for her. It takes time to build trust, if that time is too much for you then at that time talk to her and tell her you need to move on with your life. But before that time, give it a shot. It may be that even if things do not work out with her now then perhaps when she's better she may remember this and consider you then.

 

I don't think blocking her and being cold to her is the right answer when she hasn't been doing this to you. If you ever feel like you've exhausted your chance with her then you should politely let her know you're moving on with lines of communication open.

[cousin]

I think contacting her is fine. Please try to be positive and grateful that you got this time with her instead of talking with her with an attitude that she screwed you over and used you. The more positive and appreciative you are the better your chances. Also, if she says no or this week doesn't work out, please see if there's another week that would work for her. It takes time to build trust, if that time is too much for you then at that time talk to her and tell her you need to move on with your life. But before that time, give it a shot. It may be that even if things do not work out with her now then perhaps when she's better she may remember this and consider you then.

 

I don't think blocking her and being cold to her is the right answer when she hasn't been doing this to you. If you ever feel like you've exhausted your chance with her then you should politely let her know you're moving on with lines of communication open.

 

Thank you. I called her last night right. We only spoke for a few minutes. I need to buy some new clothes, and she agreed to go with me this Saturday to get some. The weather is supposed to be good this week, so I texted her just now and asked if she would like a tennis lesson. She said sure. I'm just going to take it slow and go from there. I'm going to keep contact pretty low until our meeting. I don't want to feel like I'm being pushy.

[Ms Darcy]

I cannot help but feel it's odd that you are so strung out over someone after less than two months of dating. It's almost as if you think you cannot find anyone else.

[cousin]

Yes, she does. And? She doesn't care. This is over. Do not call her tonight. Do not call her tomorrow, or ever again. If she texts, don't text back. Block her on social media. Block her on your phone. If you have anything of hers, ask friends to take and hide it from you. If she ever wants it back (hint: she won't) have your friends make the arrangements to return them to her.

 

I'm so sorry you were unlucky, but you were used by a not very good person. I know it's hard, but view this turn of events not as a rejection, but as a time-saving favor. She's not available. Not to you. Not to anyone. Maybe, truth be told, not to her husband. Why did he leave her??

 

You can do better. I know it doesn't feel like you can, but? You can. And you will. Just as soon as you remove her from your life - completely, wholly, finally.

 

We're here to help you detox your way out of this. It will suck - really suck - for a while. But, soon, and, for the rest of your life, you'll be clean.

 

Commit!

 

Thank you for your input. I appreciate your help. The people in this forum have been awesome. I'm going to meet her this Saturday. I'm going to take things slow. No alcohol, no sleeping together. Just want to hang out as friends and see what happens. She is actually a very, very sweet girl. I am keeping contact with her to a minimum until this weekend.

[cousin]

I cannot help but feel it's odd that you are so strung out over someone after less than two months of dating. It's almost as if you think you cannot find anyone else.

 

I've been on many dates in the past few years. I've enjoyed her company more than any of the others. She's very sweet and caring. She has always been direct with me. I believe everything was going well until this setback. I could be wrong. I just want to give it another couple of weeks to see if she can snap out of it. I'm not going to wait forever.

[cousin]

We hung out for like 9 hours today. Went shopping and watched a movie at her place. She was pretty flirty. I even helped her in the dressing room. She wouldn't let me kiss her goodnight. I left without saying anything. I ended up calling her on the way home and told I wasn't angry even though I kinda was. Not sure when I'll see her again. She isn't available this week.

[Krankor]

We hung out for like 9 hours today. Went shopping and watched a movie at her place. She was pretty flirty. I even helped her in the dressing room. She wouldn't let me kiss her goodnight. I left without saying anything. I ended up calling her on the way home and told I wasn't angry even though I kinda was. Not sure when I'll see her again. She isn't available this week.

Dude...no. Just no. She wants to put you in the friendzone and you are happily locking yourself in there and throwing away the key. It isn't what you want, so stop settling for her consolation prize; don't be her buddy or her shoulder, hanging around in the vain hope that she'll somehow come back around and want to take things to a romantic level again. That NEVER works. It's just going to keep you stuck on this woman when there are dozens of others in your area in your age range who'd love to meet you. You aren't respecting yourself when you allow yourself to be friedzoned like this.

 

I would send her one last text saying something like "Hey it was great to see you the other day. But I have to say that I'm not interested in just being friends. I wish you luck and if you change your mind about us let me know." Leave it at that. Don't call or text for any reason. Just live your life. Work out, eat healthy, get some new clothes, try out new hobbies, etc. Get on a dating app and start meeting other women. Wait to hear from her. If and when you do attempt to arrange a date. If she doesn't want to see you politely blow her off.

 

That's the only way you're going to get over her, and your only real chance at getting her back if that's what you want.

[cousin]

I'll do my best. It's just hard.

[Krankor]

I'll do my best. It's just hard.

It is really hard, and it's easy for people to talk tough when they aren't experiencing your feelings. But you have to respect yourself. It's hard, but you can do it.

[ManyDates]

It is really hard, and it's easy for people to talk tough when they aren't experiencing your feelings. But you have to respect yourself. It's hard, but you can do it.

 

No, we knew what was happening from our own experiences - now he is in the friend zone forever when he could be silent / distant and having her thinking of him. He has likely already been replaced, when he goes "out" with her again, i am sure she will tell him all about her new guy.

[Tanzi]

We hung out for like 9 hours today. Went shopping and watched a movie at her place. She was pretty flirty. I even helped her in the dressing room. She wouldn't let me kiss her goodnight. I left without saying anything. I ended up calling her on the way home and told I wasn't angry even though I kinda was. Not sure when I'll see her again. She isn't available this week.

 

So why were you angry? Because she didn't kiss you? You said above that you were going to take it slow. You have to remember that she has told you that she doesn't see you as "a long term romantic partner". Your title of the threads shows that you know you've been friend zoned. That is never a good situation to accept but you are putting yourself right there in the friend zone. In that case you can't really get angry when it doesn't go down the romantic path. She has made it clear a relationship isn't what she wants. If you choose to put yourself in the friend zone then accept that you are only just friends. Hard to do, of course, which is why it was suggested that you don't go there. But you will anyway so just be aware that the longer you allow this to go on far the harder it will to break away and the anger or frustration that you felt this time will be a constant negative emotion in your life. Honestly, for someone you've only known a short while it just isn't worth it. Your call though. Just be aware of where you really are. You are her "lean to" guy. The chances are she will continue to lean on you until you are replaced with someone she does feel a romantic connection with.

[MissCanuck]

You're your own worst enemy, OP.

 

She broke up with you, and now you're angry - why? You knew she didn't want a relationship, so you can't be surprised that she didn't want to kiss you goodnight. Friends don't generally do that, and that's what you are to her now: a friend.

 

You said you knew she would have a change of heart after seeing you in person. Well, that didn't happen, did it? Please, don't keep doing this to yourself.

 

Stop clinging to hope. Stop bargaining with yourself. Stop trying to convince yourself that if you see her or slow down she'll change her mind. She's in love with her ex, and you cannot change that. Especially given that this was such a short relationship. Learn to walk away when someone tells you very clearly that they don't want to continue.

[cousin]

It is really hard, and it's easy for people to talk tough when they aren't experiencing your feelings. But you have to respect yourself. It's hard, but you can do it.

 

Thank you. I know most people on here have experienced the same thing. I'll try to use this experience to help others as well. I ended up texting her late last night and telling her that I felt bad for trying to kiss her. I also told her that everyone I have talked to and everything that I have read has told me to let her go. I'm waiting for a reply.

[cousin]

No, we knew what was happening from our own experiences - now he is in the friend zone forever when he could be silent / distant and having her thinking of him. He has likely already been replaced, when he goes "out" with her again, i am sure she will tell him all about her new guy.

 

I don't know if we will ever go out again. She only has one day without kids this week, and she already has plans with a female friend. She lives about 35 minutes away, so it is difficult to see her during the week. She only lets me come over once the kids are asleep which is understandable.