She became distant when her ex-husband got married. Now I'm friend zoned.

[cousin]

Can't believe I ignored so many red flags. I believe it was because I was not thinking with my brain.

[IAmFCA]

Thank you. It hurt, but it made me realize that she isn't as sweet as I thought she was. She had told me that she wasn't interested in dating anyone at all. What a liar.

 

She is going through another layer of letting go of her marriage. She doesn't want to date but she wants attention. She wants to review who's out there, convince herself she won't be alone and lonely forever. Or she wants to date. Or she doesn't but says yes to a date anyway because she is unstable, lonely.

 

Point is, regardless of who she is, you don't have what you want. Next.

[cousin]

She is going through another layer of letting go of her marriage. She doesn't want to date but she wants attention. She wants to review who's out there, convince herself she won't be alone and lonely forever. Or she wants to date. Or she doesn't but says yes to a date anyway because she is unstable, lonely.

 

Point is, regardless of who she is, you don't have what you want. Next.

 

I believe you are 100% correct. I believe she is unstable. I remember she told me before we met, that she didn't want to have sex again until marriage. I wish I had researched rebound relationships before I got involved with her. We ended up sleeping together on the second date. I just wished she would let me help her with the loneliness. I ignored so many red flags. I have a date lined up next week with a girl I've had my eye on for a few months. I'm pretty excited. I have a few other prospects in my contacts too.

[cousin]

I told one of my friends early on that this girl almost scared me because she was so infatuated. She blew my phone up with texts and liking all of my old social media posts. Told me she didn't like it when females liked my posts. Ugh. Hindsight is 20/20. What really sucks is I have her laptop. I work in IT, and was gonna fix it.

[Sportster2005]

I keep thinking she will get over him now that he is married. We haven't spoken over the phone or in person about this. I feel like she will change her mind if we discuss it in person.

 

No she won't. You're on a fool's errand. Stop it.

[IAmFCA]

I believe you are 100% correct. I believe she is unstable. I remember she told me before we met, that she didn't want to have sex again until marriage. I wish I had researched rebound relationships before I got involved with her. We ended up sleeping together on the second date. I just wished she would let me help her with the loneliness. I ignored so many red flags. I have a date lined up next week with a girl I've had my eye on for a few months. I'm pretty excited. I have a few other prospects in my contacts too.

 

Why on ezrth would you wish she would let you help her with her loneliness? Why hook yourself to a car without a driver? ... and then wonder why it hurts when it crashes? No. You are an asset, and you are an investment manager. Don't accept high risk low return deals.

[IAmFCA]

No she won't. You're on a fool's errand. Stop it.

 

I dreamt about an ex 10 years into my marriage. People carry all manner of baggage, known and unknown. Getting over him never was about him being available, or even anout him. Its about her fear of letting go. That is a journey that must learned, if it is to be learned, on her own.

 

Your journey is the same as hers. Do you see? You also are holding on to soneone who is not available. Focus on your own fixer upper parts, not hers. Get your own house in order.

[cousin]

I dreamt about an ex 10 years into my marriage. People carry all manner of baggage, known and unknown. Getting over him never was about him being available, or even anout him. Its about her fear of letting go. That is a journey that must learned, if it is to be learned, on her own.

 

Your journey is the same as hers. Do you see? You also are holding on to soneone who is not available. Focus on your own fixer upper parts, not hers. Get your own house in order.

 

I'm working on it. I deleted her number and blocked her on all social media. I still wake up in the middle of the night thinking about her, but it's getting better. It was usually multiple times. Now it's just one usually. My appetite is slowing coming back too. I made plans to meet some friends this weekend. I haven't done anything but work and go home the last two weeks.

[cousin]

No she won't. You're on a fool's errand. Stop it.

 

I know. I was willing to give her some time, but now that I saw her online dating profile, I deleted all of her contact info. I still have a laptop of hers. I may mail it to her.

[ManyDates]

The dating profiles and social media antics can also be her wishing that her ex see's them - its not all necessarily a jab against you. Now never get involved with a rebounder ever again!! I went through this last year, it happens.

 

Have fun on your future dates bud

[cousin]

The dating profiles and social media antics can also be her wishing that her ex see's them - its not all necessarily a jab against you. Now never get involved with a rebounder ever again!! I went through this last year, it happens.

 

Have fun on your future dates bud

 

Thank you! It definitely was a learning experience. Just because someone has been out of their last relationship a long time does not mean they are over it. I shouldn't be mad at anyone but myself. I have about a half dozen conversations going right now, and a couple of dates lined up now. It doesn't help that I recently had to move out of my home of eight years two weeks ago. I do feel pretty good today though.

[cousin]

I just found out that she unfriended me on social media as well. Guess she noticed I blocked her. Thought she wanted to remain friends. She hadn't "liked" any of my posts in weeks. I didn't think she would notice, honestly.

[annie24]

Oh well. Good riddance.

[abitbroken]

I just found out that she unfriended me on social media as well. Guess she noticed I blocked her. Thought she wanted to remain friends. She hadn't "liked" any of my posts in weeks. I didn't think she would notice, honestly.

 

If you block someone, you can't see them to know they unfriended you. if you block someone, they CANNOT like your photos, nor see anything they post.

 

Actually, when you block them, you automatically unfriend eachother.

[cousin]

Oh. I didn't know that. Thank you.

[cousin]

I just realized that when we went shopping together last week, she was buying those clothes to wear for her online dating profile. She had said that she was buying them to "attract single guys." Then she said she was "just joking". I guess when wasn't kidding.

[ManyDates]

Who cares, move on

[cousin]

Who cares, move on

 

I have. I'm in the anger stage. I've got dates lined up. I just can't believe there were so many warning signs that I ignored.

[IAmFCA]

I have. I'm in the anger stage. I've got dates lined up. I just can't believe there were so many warning signs that I ignored.

 

Forgive yourself and learn something from the experiemce - perhaps - what was it that you needed enough to ignore the red flags? Is that a need you can address some other way or reduce or even eliminate altogether?

[cousin]

Forgive yourself and learn something from the experiemce - perhaps - what was it that you needed enough to ignore the red flags? Is that a need you can address some other way or reduce or even eliminate altogether?

 

I just think time will help ease me back to normalcy. I actually hung out with someone other than her last night for the first time in weeks. Some friends and I went out for drinks. It helped me take my mind off of her. I did wake up in the middle of the night again thinking about her. This time I felt anger instead of sadness. I'm angry at her for giving me breadcrumbs. I made a list of things she did that affected me negatively. It's helping me remind myself that just because she goes loves Jesus and is talks like someone who is extremely caring, in the end she did me wrong.

[ManyDates]

Dont treat these new dates like she treated you

[cousin]

Dont treat these new dates like she treated you

 

Thank you. I won't. On a positive note, I've already weeded one prospective date out. She mentioned her ex-husband pretty quickly. She then told me she's recently separated. She was already acting just like my last girl. I told her no thanks. See, I'm already learning from this experience. lol

[ManyDates]

Thank you. I won't. On a positive note, I've already weeded one prospective date out. She mentioned her ex-husband pretty quickly. She then told me she's recently separated. She was already acting just like my last girl. I told her no thanks. See, I'm already learning from this experience. lol

 

Good - I've done the same a dozen times. If they even mention their ex, they are rebounding. Some argue with this, but do you have any reason at all, to bring up your old high school girlfriend on a first date? No, so why bring up any ex???

[cousin]

Good - I've done the same a dozen times. If they even mention their ex, they are rebounding. Some argue with this, but do you have any reason at all, to bring up your old high school girlfriend on a first date? No, so why bring up any ex???

 

Thank you! I've done a ton of research on top of reading all of the replies on here. Until this, I thought rebound relationships were ones that began right after another had ended. Just because hers ended two years ago, doesn't mean she is over it. She probably has been doing the same thing to the other guys she's dated since.

 

I spoke with a woman on another forum who told me that every time her ex-husband did something such as getting married or having a kid, she broke things off with whoever she was with at the time. It took her four years to get over him.

[IAmFCA]

I just think time will help ease me back to normalcy. I actually hung out with someone other than her last night for the first time in weeks. Some friends and I went out for drinks. It helped me take my mind off of her. I did wake up in the middle of the night again thinking about her. This time I felt anger instead of sadness. I'm angry at her for giving me breadcrumbs. I made a list of things she did that affected me negatively. It's helping me remind myself that just because she goes loves Jesus and is talks like someone who is extremely caring, in the end she did me wrong.

 

Being angry is a stage, of course As you continue to process this experience I am hopeful you will see yourself as someone who is in control, who puts themselves in position for things to happen.

 

Yes, she was not a good choice for you. Phrases like "she did me wrong" position her as a wrong-doer and you as a victim.

 

Maybe she did what was right for her, and left it to you to look after yourself.