Reddcxiii Posted March 9, 2017 Share Posted March 9, 2017 Here's my crazy story. I dated this girl for two and a half years. She's 24 years old and I'm 31. We had a lot of arguments, anger issues, but our bond of love was really strong. I was in love with her and she told me that she felt the same way. We were talking about marriage on New Years Eve. We lived together in a house that we rented and had two amazing dogs together (she has both of them now and she won't let me see them). The next day I had a concussion and she took care of me. The day after that we got into an argument over a stupid misunderstanding and it blew way out of proportion. We both got verbally abusive, she got physically abusive because I wouldn't give her space (she had self harm issues and I always felt the need to protect her from herself). This all led to her having a panic attack and yelling that she couldn't breathe and started trying to break stuff. I ran to get her inhaler and she threw it. She kicked a hole in the wall. I was yelling calm down you have to breathe and trying to hold her to calm her down. Apparently we were very loud, because one of the neighbors called the cops. The cops said one of us had to leave, so I volunteered, to give her space. After that, she wouldn't let me come home, and forced me to come get all of my stuff. For the first month and a quarter I went through a vicious cycle, I begged and pleaded, we talked on the phone a couple of times and she would be extremely cold to me, so I lashed out and said some horrible things that I wish I never said. From there, she completely blocked me on everything. I have no way to contact her other than email or mail. I felt really bad for the things I said and did, so I wrote her a letter apologizing for everything and the things that I love about her. It ended up being very very long because I had a lot to say. I dropped it off, along with some dog toys on her front porch when I went on lunch one day. She calls my friend that night balling her eyes out, threatening to get a restraining order on me and saying it freaked her out. I meant no harm. I tried to talk to her friend about it and that blew up in my face. Her friend said that she doesn't want to talk. I waited two weeks after that and had a weak moment and tried to call her. I was blocked, but she saw it on the call log and unblocked me on text to tell me that she never wants to talk to me and to move on. I tried to apologize again and told her that I treated her like and that I really missed her. She said she doesn't care. As far as I know she is not dating anyone else, nor intends to. I know she's hurt and I plan on not trying to contact her for a long time. She's a very stubborn person and I feel like she's doing all of this because she is hurt. I still love her so much and I am willing to change everything for her. I've been going to therapy and everything. I've been really trying to make myself into a better man. How do I show her this? She told me once that I'm the first boyfriend that she ever truly loved and made her feel loved. She was my best friend. Is there any way to show her that I'm changing for real and that she can trust me? I really really want her back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted March 9, 2017 Share Posted March 9, 2017 Wow sorry to hear all this happened. Good idea to stay away and stay no contact. Just keep working on your self improvement plan but for yourself not to get her back. This was too abusive and volatile and toxic to go back to. Besides you don't want to get arrested or get slapped with a restraining order. one of the neighbors called the cops. The cops said one of us had to leave, so I volunteered I wrote her a letter apologizing for everything and the things that I love about her. I dropped it off, along with some dog toys on her front porch when I went on lunch one day. She calls my friend that night balling her eyes out, threatening to get a restraining order on me and saying it freaked her out. I've been going to therapy and everything. I've been really trying to make myself into a better man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BritterSweet Posted March 9, 2017 Share Posted March 9, 2017 You're better off apart. Don't try to contact her again, or else you may actually get that restraining order. This is way too toxic on both ends to be worth it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reddcxiii Posted March 9, 2017 Author Share Posted March 9, 2017 Thank you for your reply, but I really think that if I change for the better, then we could be so much better. Because my anger started a lot of our arguments and caused her issues to come out more. I've been doing amazing with therapy and controlling my anger. She is worth fighting for and I genuinely love her almost on an unconditional level. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaggerJim Posted March 9, 2017 Share Posted March 9, 2017 I don't think it's you, she's got mental issues and probably bi-polar. She needs a bit of help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reddcxiii Posted March 9, 2017 Author Share Posted March 9, 2017 I heard she's getting help as well. We both had a lot to do with it I yelled a lot and I can see that as being abusive. I never wanted any of this though. I wish there was a way to get her to miss me and talk to me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaggerJim Posted March 9, 2017 Share Posted March 9, 2017 She's taken things to the extreme. Just let some time pass before attempting to talk to her. Try and let her make the first move. She is sounding unstable at this point. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BritterSweet Posted March 9, 2017 Share Posted March 9, 2017 The answer is still no. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reddcxiii Posted March 9, 2017 Author Share Posted March 9, 2017 Thank you JaggerJim, I will do that. I have a feeling that one day she'll regret leaving me. I opened doors for her everywhere, I got her flowers all the time and the sex was absolutely amazing and passionate. Not to mention we had everything in common, from music to movies and games, our beliefs (religiously and politically). And underneath all of that, I really felt a strong emotional connection with her. Some days it was like a fairy tale, others were like a war. But to me, the good highly outweighed the bad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted March 9, 2017 Share Posted March 9, 2017 Your relationship is sick and unhealthy. Please get counseling and look into co dependence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
youngwoman Posted March 9, 2017 Share Posted March 9, 2017 I'd never get back together with someone that threatens the cops. That's when there's no turning back when people can't reason like civilized adults. The cops have bigger issues than people's domestic arguments that can be resolved if everyone was mature. I'd cut her off if I were you if it had you to the point what you were doing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reddcxiii Posted March 9, 2017 Author Share Posted March 9, 2017 Seems like a lot of people on here are all about giving up on love when obstacles are thrown in. I believe in true love, and I believe we had true love. Our demons didn't play nice at the time, but I think I can control mine if I work hard enough. I believe she can do the same Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reddcxiii Posted March 9, 2017 Author Share Posted March 9, 2017 I just love her too much to do that. Outside of her issues, she's incredibly caring and sweet. And besides it seems like she's already trying to cut me out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted March 9, 2017 Share Posted March 9, 2017 True love does not involve physical and mental abuse, or calling the police. . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reddcxiii Posted March 9, 2017 Author Share Posted March 9, 2017 That doesn't mean that it can't ever be fixed or that in this time apart, we can't learn and grow from it. I know one thing, if she contacts me and we decide to try again, I will never make the same mistakes again Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BritterSweet Posted March 9, 2017 Share Posted March 9, 2017 Seems like a lot of people on here are all about giving up on love when obstacles are thrown in. I believe in true love, and I believe we had true love. Our demons didn't play nice at the time, but I think I can control mine if I work hard enough. I believe she can do the same What you're going through is more like addiction than love. You and she are genuinely bad for each other, and you're clinging desperately onto the idea that you can keep the same thing going and it will be better if you just change this one thing. She already threatened to get a restraining order if you don't leave her alone. That's serious. Don't become a stalker. Maybe you can change. But you have to change on your own, separate from her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted March 9, 2017 Share Posted March 9, 2017 Has she given you ANY indication that she wants to get back together? And I don't mean anything she said a year ago. I mean, since she told you to move out and blocked you, has she said she wants you back? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted March 9, 2017 Share Posted March 9, 2017 This relationship was toxic and immature. It seems you're confusing love with co-dependency. She doesn't feel the love the same way you claim you do. Not anymore, at least. Learn from this and move on so you can make better choices. She's too young to be settling down anyway, and has a host of mental health problems on her own. It's not about "giving up" when "obstacles" come along. It's about having enough awareness and wisdom to remove yourself from a situation that is emotionally damaging and beyond your control. Enabling bad behaviour will get you nowhere, as you're now seeing, and playing the White Knight means squat when the other party doesn't want it. Take this time instead to ask yourself why you are attracted to chaos. It's not a good sign. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clio Posted March 9, 2017 Share Posted March 9, 2017 ...unblocked me on text to tell me that she never wants to talk to me and to move on. I tried to apologize again and told her that I treated her like and that I really missed her. She said she doesn't care. She has made it crystal clear to you that she never wants to talk to you and that you should move on. If you really love her, you need to respect her wishes. Anything else is violating her boundaries. Not healthy and not real love. You are at the "bargaining" stage of the grieving process. However, you need to see that trying to override her wishes and boundaries is selfish on your part. She is very young and still has a lot of figuring out to do when it comes to her life. She asked to be left alone. Given what she asked you, disrespecting her wishes to impose your own is plain wrong. Don't contact her ever again unless she contacts you. Anything else is trying to violate her boundaries to suit your needs. She is clearly not on board in terms of communication, which is why you need to let go. Getting back together can never be a unilateral process. It always takes two to tango. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reddcxiii Posted March 9, 2017 Author Share Posted March 9, 2017 Not really, but I don't think I've given her enough time to miss me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted March 9, 2017 Share Posted March 9, 2017 See, when I tell someone to leave me alone, I don't mean "text me a zillion times begging and pleading", I don't mean "contact me to tell me you've 'changed'", and I don't mean "contact me when you think you've given me enough time to 'miss' you". I mean leave me alone. Why do you believe you know what she wants better than she does? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
radiance Posted March 9, 2017 Share Posted March 9, 2017 Sorry but this relationship sounds really unhealthy. You need to go no contact, give her space, take time to work on yourself, and try to move on. You'll be better off without this relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
youngwoman Posted March 9, 2017 Share Posted March 9, 2017 Not really, but I don't think I've given her enough time to miss me When my ex-fling moved he acted exactly like ur ex-gf with the blocking, that's when I said to myself he's not worth it to try to convince and I found something much better. And it's not giving up. It's telling yourself you don't need that toxic environment. Like I said, once the cops are threatened, they lose my respect and I won't give them another chance. The audacity of them to say they're gonna file a restraining order then expect me to want to talk to them if they ever come back around is a no. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted March 9, 2017 Share Posted March 9, 2017 Agree, but what if the demons come out to play again? Our demons didn't play nice at the time, but I think I can control mine if I work hard enough. I believe she can do the same ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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