Ex hates me and I really want her back

[robin13]

My ex and I were in an abusive relationship we said and did some pretty horrible things to each other. We argued a lot and things became really bad near the end. She said she initially wanted a break but I didn't give it to her. I am so heartbroken because I really do love her. I have cried to her and begged her for the past 5 weeks and she said she just doesn't love me anymore and doesn't want me, yet she said she would marry me if I wasn't such so "crazy." Last week I was at a club she was at and she was with a guy, I went back to her house and seen her coming home with him, I punched him in the face and had a total break down, the police were called and It was the lowest point in my life so far. She insisted she didn't do anything with him and wasn't planning to but I duno. I messaged her and she said maybe in a few months if I change she will give it another go. She just is totally ignoring me and refuses to respond. I blocked her last night on facebook and I said that's the last time I will contact her. I duno what to do, I'm so hurt and just really want her to give me another chance. What should I do? She didn't block me on anything it was as if she liked the fact I was so heartbroken and devastated and she let me message her constantly and then would reply with one word like, "I'm in class." She's told everyone she will never take me back, do you think she is just giving me false hope? or is it the fact that I haven't stopped contacting her that she hasn't had a chance to miss me? we were together for 4 years, shes 20 and I am 19.

[Wiseman2]

Wow, ok you need to get a handle on your self control and temper. This is not going to work with her or anyone. Were you arrested?

My ex and I were in an abusive relationship. Last week I was at a club she was at and she was with a guy, I went back to her house and seen her coming home with him, I punched him in the face and had a total break down, the police were called and It was the lowest point in my life so far.

[gebaird]

I messaged her and she said maybe in a few months if I change she will give it another go.

 

^^^This is your only hope: change. She may or may not come back, but you will be better off in every way if you can start working through the things that are keeping you stuck in pain and dysfunction.

 

I'd strongly consider therapy, if it's an option for you. Change is never easy, but if you're not happy with your life it's the only sane choice. Otherwise you'll keep getting what you've been getting.

[robin13]

No I wasn't arrested. I got off with it. I never have punched anyone in my life.

[Betterwithout]

TBH, I just wanted to see this post for the irony of that title. Why do this to yourself?

 

In the brief post, I see that this has all the makings of toxic relationship...involving violence too.

 

You are lucky that dude you punched didn't press assault charges. It's now time to hang up the boxing gloves and seek therapy for anger management.

[robin13]

It's only now she is gone that I appreciate how amazing she was. Do you think no contact will make her miss me regardless of the past?

[Seraphim]

She needs to run the hell away and stay away . I am sorry but you are dangerous and you need to get yourself sorted out .

[Wiseman2]

So this is good evidence that this is most definitely not the girl for you and not the relationship for you. Some people are like fire and gasoline together.

I never have punched anyone in my life.

[robin13]

I'm not dangerous... I have never done anything to hurt anyone else before. my father died a year ago and since then things have been terrible. I have changed I know I how I behaved was so wrong, but I have lost two huge people in my life in a year and it has taken its toll. She doesn't understand or appreciate that.

[Seraphim]

I am so very sorry for your losses. Have you tried grief counselling ? I can't say that I understand what it's like to lose a parent and especially when so young . That is completely devastating I'm sorry . And sometimes people need help with that .

[Seraphim]

I want you to understand though that almost absolutely no one ends up with the person that they first loved as teenagers . It's very natural to break up grow away from each other because you change so much from teenager to adult . That these are not forever relationships . I know it doesn't make you feel any better .

[reinventmyself]

I'm not dangerous... I have never done anything to hurt anyone else before. my father died a year ago and since then things have been terrible. I have changed I know I how I behaved was so wrong, but I have lost two huge people in my life in a year and it has taken its toll. She doesn't understand or appreciate that.

 

But your opening line was that you two were in an abusive relationship.

That may have been the first physical act but if you two were indeed abusive, it's the emotional and verbal acts that do just as much or more damage.

 

This is your opportunity to heal and reflect on your part in this.

 

If you two bring out the worst in each other, it's best that it's over.

[agent1607307371]

It's only now she is gone that I appreciate how amazing she was. Do you think no contact will make her miss me regardless of the past?

 

 

No contact isn't about making the other person miss you, it's about getting enough space to move on and heal. And you need a lot of space.

 

OP, you assaulted someone. You could have been arrested. You could have had your head kicked in. You could have got a lucky hit and killed him (and yes, that is possible.)

 

You to get into therapy or councelling. You need to work on yourself because you need it, not because you want a reward for it.

[Fun Boater 1]

My ex and I were in an abusive relationship we said and did some pretty horrible things to each other. We argued a lot and things became really bad near the end.

 

Why would you want to return to a relationship you describe as "abusive". From your description you and her had a toxic relationship to begin with and you are probably both better off without each other. You following her home and punching out her date is simply INEXCUSABLE behavior on your part. You showed her the worst side of her that you ever could have and were lucky you weren't arrested! Can you blame her for not wanting anything more to do with you? Your only course of action here is to leave her completely alone and write the relationship with her off and move on. Her saying "maybe in a few months if I change" means nothing as well. But if you really do entertain thoughts of getting her back at some point, then take that statement at face value and leave her completely alone for several months. But again, if you and her relationship was "abusive", then what's the point of going back to that?

[Hollyj]

Good grief! Get some help for your anger and abuse issues! You should focus on yourself, as you sound dangerous!

[Hollyj]

I'm not dangerous... I have never done anything to hurt anyone else before. my father died a year ago and since then things have been terrible. I have changed I know I how I behaved was so wrong, but I have lost two huge people in my life in a year and it has taken its toll. She doesn't understand or appreciate that.

 

You're making excuses for being abusive! I lost my brother and father within a short period of time, yet I didn't become abusive, and most people don't.

 

Take some responsibility for yourself!

[MissCanuck]

It's only now she is gone that I appreciate how amazing she was. Do you think no contact will make her miss me regardless of the past?

 

Not necessarily, no.

 

I broke things off with a verbally and emotionally abusive ex. I never regretted it and was glad to be finished with it. I am guessing that is where your ex-girlfriend is too.

 

Your behaviour has gotten out of control, OP. You are damn lucky you weren't charged with assault. It doesn't matter if you'd never punched anyone in your life - you showed your ex right there that you are not stable and not safe to be around. That one violent incident is more than enough for her to forever change your opinion of you, and I speak from experience. Get help for your anger problems and grief. Your ex is not part of the solution to your underlying problems, and you two clearly are not good for each other at all.

 

Regardless of the abuse, your relationship very likely wouldn't have lasted anyway. You were both too young when you got together. Stop contacting her, stop following her home from clubs, stay far, far away or you could very well wind up in legal hot water the next time.

[surfdiva]

No I wasn't arrested. I got off with it. I never have punched anyone in my life.

 

WTH? Why weren't you arrested? You assaulted someone!

[robin13]

I know It was a terrible thing to have done

[robin13]

Honestly, do you guys think I have no chance and should just move on?

[Hollyj]

Did you read a thing that was said?

 

Work on your anger issues!

[boltnrun]

You keep going around punching people and you WILL end up with a jail record.

 

And no, I don't think you "have a chance". Not until you do something about your impulsive and obsessive anger.

 

Is your mother living? Can she help you get some counseling to deal with your losses?

[robin13]

I am dealing with it. I have turned back to God. I Know how terrible I was. I am going to counselling every week for the next 8 weeks. I love this girl and am committed to letting her know I have changed, not only for her, but for myself.

[Wiseman2]

Wait it out. You can't run to her with this epiphany and expect her to believe it. Give her space and continue your self improvement plans. Wait for her to reach out, don't reach out to her.

I am dealing with it. I have turned back to God. I Know how terrible I was. I am going to counselling every week for the next 8 weeks. I love this girl and am committed to letting her know I have changed, not only for her, but for myself.

[radiance]

Sorry but this relationship sounds awful and unhealthy. You should probably look at moving on rather than trying to get her back.