bbogdanov Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 My ex just sent me a viber message to congratulate me for a nice holiday which we have in my country (it starts today and celebrates spring coming) and wish me health and prosperity for me and my family. I just DON'T know what to do?? Should I open the message so she gets the "seen" status or to leave it as it is ("delivered")? Should I respond to her wishing her similar things?? Honestly I don't want to communicate with her at all as I try to heal but I think it won't be polite if I don't reply or worse - just see the message and don't respond I don't think this is one of these things you call "breadcrumbs", she is really a nice and polite person and has always been honest with me. She didn't cheat on me, she told me honestly she doesn't love me anymore so we had to break up etc. So I don't think she has some "bad" intentions with that message, I see it as completely "innocent". What to do??? Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 Then don't reply. You are broken up so you are under no obligation to "chat" or respond to such breadcrumbs. Honestly I don't want to communicate with her at all as I try to heal Link to comment
Dahl Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 I agree with Wiseman. And it's terrific that you're being fair minded and sensitive, but at the same time, you're doing nothing wrong to be protective of yourself and your post break up progress. I don't think that you would be remotely rude or unkind to simply ignore this. Good luck to you whatever you decide. Link to comment
bbogdanov Posted March 1, 2017 Author Share Posted March 1, 2017 The stupid thing is that this message made my day completely s****y I was "OK" for the last week, didn't think about her for most of the time and even felt happy in some moments. And now this message reminds me of the old days and I feel sad again... I was even getting back home from a session with my therapist where I felt relieved to talk for an hour about all kinds of stuff and then - BANG! she sends me a message Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 Do nothing. Why haven't you blocked? Link to comment
bbogdanov Posted March 1, 2017 Author Share Posted March 1, 2017 Because I didn't feel a need to block her. The only two times she initiated a contact with a message was 1) congratulate me for the New Year and 2) today for the aforementioned holiday. So she is a rock solid as she has no feelings towards me and I didn't block her as I knew she would not message me at all. So after all - should I at least open the message to show her "seen" or leave it just "delivered"? Link to comment
RainyCoast Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 no. don't. as you've seen, any contact will send you back. sounds like you've been doing really well. don't step into the booby trap, B. stay strong. Link to comment
RainyCoast Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 and it's not rude to ignore at all. she knows it's standard for exs to not be in touch. she is owed nothing, no politeness, no greetings. she is history. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 Don't play games. Just block her, in case she reaches out on another holiday Link to comment
Fun Boater 1 Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 What is your ultimate intention with her? That's the key question here, as well as some others - Do you wish for reconciliation at some point? Do you wish to be involved with her as friends? How long ago did you break up? Was there any lies, cheating, stealing, abuse...you know, terribly negative things that happened between you? Without knowing the answers to any of these questions I think the safest thing you can do is just open her message, and reply with a simple one line statement such as "thanks, good to hear from you. Hope you are well"....and leave it at that. Don't ask her any questions. Just send her the 1 line pleasant response. Who knows what her motives are? They could really vary from being sincerely interested in you and wanting to reopen the lines of communication...she could just sincerely be interested in how you are....she could just be reaching out to see if you are still available to her....etc.... You really have NO IDEA what her motivation was for sending that message. That's why I think your best option is to just answer it simply with the 1 line. No inquiries about her, no revelations about what you are doing or are up to...just "thanks, hope you are well". Nothing more. If she texts you back, great, if not, then you are not putting yourself out there really much at all or setting yourself up for a let down. Just reply and see what she says back...IF anything. You'll quickly be able to tell what she's after, if anything. Might just be a "hello" text which is meaningless. Link to comment
bbogdanov Posted March 1, 2017 Author Share Posted March 1, 2017 Thank you all for the opinions! I am really trying to heal and as I said the last week I felt really good, something that has not happened for two months now (since the breakup). My intention at the moment is... really nothing! I still miss her from time to time but at the moment I really don't want anything from her. Still there is a little part in me that doesn't exclude reconciliation in the future (just as some sort of "dream") but at the moment I concentrate on moving on and getting myself out of that hell I was in for two months. There were not any types of "bad" things between us. As I said - I was just a sh***y boyfriend and she lost her love for me. We had been always honest with each other and didn't lose trust for each other - no bad feelings. Link to comment
Fun Boater 1 Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 Thank you all for the opinions! I am really trying to heal and as I said the last week I felt really good, something that has not happened for two months now (since the breakup). My intention at the moment is... really nothing! I still miss her from time to time but at the moment I really don't want anything from her. Still there is a little part in me that doesn't exclude reconciliation in the future (just as some sort of "dream") but at the moment I concentrate on moving on and getting myself out of that hell I was in for two months. There were not any types of "bad" things between us. As I said - I was just a sh***y boyfriend and she lost her love for me. We had been always honest with each other and didn't lose trust for each other - no bad feelings. Then drop her a 1 line response back - "thanks, hope you are well" - and leave it at that. Link to comment
bbogdanov Posted March 2, 2017 Author Share Posted March 2, 2017 Well, I decided to do nothing. I didn't even open the message as I really don't want/need to. I continue with my healing and doing stuff I like and living my life as I like. Hope that doesn't make me rude or something like that to her... Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted March 3, 2017 Share Posted March 3, 2017 Good decision. It served your current needs, not hers and that's what breakups are about, right?Well, I decided to do nothing. I didn't even open the message as I really don't want/need to. I continue with my healing and doing stuff I like and living my life as I like. Hope that doesn't make me rude or something like that to her... Link to comment
bbogdanov Posted March 3, 2017 Author Share Posted March 3, 2017 Yeah, that's right! I chased her for too long and I got exhausted and frustrated. Now I think the most important person is me so I do what serves my needs best. Link to comment
No1 Posted March 3, 2017 Share Posted March 3, 2017 Wow, that is a lot of thinking and over analyzing. But at the same time, I have been right where you are so I feel your pain so here is what I have learned and you will soon too. Just accept your X texted you and let it go. You read it once and delete it and think nothing of it. Don't decode, decipher, wonder what her message meant. It wasn't a marriage proposal, it was a text wishing you a happy holiday. Nothing wrong with not responding, but if you were, you keep things simple and don't leave it open to being a conversation with. "Thank you very much, glad you are doing well" You don't type questions or say things that could be read as a question... example "Thank you very much, HOPE you are doing well" That leaves a window for your X to respond. Get it? Don't over think the situation because a Text is just a text. let it go. Link to comment
bbogdanov Posted March 3, 2017 Author Share Posted March 3, 2017 I am not thinking and analyzing what the message means. I was just confused if I should respond somehow, but as I said - I don't want to so I didn't. I am almost sure this message was nothing more than sincere congratulation on the holiday. It is not a question of reconciliation, testing the waters, seeing if I am still "there" etc. But the fact is that the message itself made my day bad somehow as I didn't want to be reminded of her... Link to comment
vesper Posted March 3, 2017 Share Posted March 3, 2017 No, I would question her motives for contacting you out of the blue. Link to comment
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