is it time to say goodbye?

[Knight2001]

Hi.

i've been with my g/f for 8 yrs now. we've always argued quite a bit but lately the arguments seem to be getting more frequent. there are all sorts of topics. for example one argument is she says "you arent interested in having a future with me"....now, we have a plan, she is married and has only just started divorce proceedings (she has been seperated 10 yrs) then we are getting a home together and eventually getting married - this is agreed, but it seems, to her, fair game for an argument. i have no idea why.

another source of arguments is my kids. my youngest (18yrs) stays at my house on a saturday. my g/f doesnt like this and says she (daughter) should be out with her mates. i say she has stayed at my house for 18 rs, im not going to stop her now.

i see my mother on a saturday afternoon and always ask my g/f to come with me, which she refuses. she then says i should want to spend my time with her and not other people.

my g/f is suffering from graves disease. even before this we didnt have s3x very often. now it is about once every 2 months maybe. apart from that there is no affection from her (there hasnt been for ages)

on a weekend (we live apart through the week because of work) i do all the shopping, cooking, washing, and many other tasks.

i recently found out she had been slagging me off to her sister. her sister went to town about me, calling me all sorts and telling her to dump me. my g/f did not disagree nor defend me. i think this is the most hurtful thing she has done, I feel really betrayed. i feel I’m really good to her, but everything just gets thrown back at me.

we haven’t spoken for over a week now. is it time to call it a day or is there something there worth saving ?

i do still love her deeply, but i don’t feel its reciprocated.

thanks,

Bob

[nutbrownhare]

It's difficult to see what you're getting out of this relationship, from your post. The only person who can really answer the question "is there something there worth saving?" is you. To help you decide, you may find this link useful:

 

 

[j.man]

Why did it take her 10 years of separation to finally cash in on a divorce? Was this a legal separation?

[Andrina]

If you think this is who your ultimate lifetime partner should be, you have some work to do on your self worth. You see your daughter and mother once a week and she thinks this is out of the ordinary negative behavior? If you don't walk away from this now, you can go take a step outside to the front door and stay there, because basically your job as a human being, as per her view, is as a doormat.

 

Read some articles or get some books from the library on how to choose a good partner. It will show you red flags to avoid, and point out traits to look for to ensure a good risk for your heart. Get some books on how to bolster your self esteem so you won't accept anyone in your life who is toxic.

[Knight2001]

thanks for your reply. i take onboard what you are saying

[Knight2001]

thanks for our comments. i've heard more or less the same from my sister.

[Knight2001]

i dunno to be honest, but in that whole time i've been told im using it as an excuse for us not to move forward.

[nutbrownhare]

thanks for our comments. i've heard more or less the same from my sister.

 

You're likely to get more or less the same from anyone who cares about you!

[Wiseman2]

Wow sounds like she's dragging out her divorce but pushing for marriage?

 

So many red flags. Still married. Is a witch to your daughter. Chronic arguments. Controlling/possessive. No sex/affection. Crazy family drama.

 

Each red flag in itself is enough reason to end this and go no further.

she is married and has only just started divorce proceedings.

another source of arguments is my kids. my g/f doesnt like this

she then says i should want to spend my time with her and not other people.

now it is about once every 2 months maybe.no affection from her (there hasnt been for ages)

her sister went to town about me

[j.man]

i dunno to be honest, but in that whole time i've been told im using it as an excuse for us not to move forward.

You've been using it as a great excuse not to. I have no idea how you carry on dating a separated woman with any intention without so much as knowing why she claims she isn't actually divorced. Was she just racking up years for alimony? Has she been staying with her husband or separately?

 

i do still love her deeply, but i don’t feel its reciprocated.

I think this much is obvious, on both sides.

 

Do better for yourself.

[RainyCoast]

sorry bob but the nerve to nag you about your mum and daughter would be enough. the separation thing too. everything else taken into account...it's horrible. single is way better than this, or get a nice lady. and please none who are jealous of your mum and kids and dragging out their separation.

[Knight2001]

Has she been staying with her husband or separately?

 

.

 

the've been seperate. through the week we work in different locations, then on a weekend we are together, unless an argument has taken place (which is the norm now)

come to think of it what you are saying is right, i should and can do better for myself. if people on here know she is using me as a doormat then my kids also do. im not giving them a good example by letting this go on. the people on this site are so helpful. thank you.

[Knight2001]

thanks, they live seperately. we work in different cities but are together on a weekend, unless we've been arguing. which is the norm now.

[DancingFool]

Any woman who tells you that you shouldn't send time with your aging mother or that your very own child shouldn't be welcome in your very own home......needs to be removed from your life with extreme prejudice. There is no excuse and no justification for that kind of behavior and attitude toward your family and your own flesh and blood.

 

I think truly once you get this witch out of your life, you will feel a sense of freedom, relief and joy like you haven't felt in years. Maybe have even forgotten what it feels like......

[Wiseman2]

This isn't healthy for you nor your daughter. I would never live like that.

unless we've been arguing. which is the norm now.

[randomer2000]

Seems like a weird relationship to me to be honest. She seems like she doesn't really care about you all that much from as you state the lack of affection. I think before marriage you need to see where things stand and how things are going to work out. She doesn't seem interested in spending time with your mother and asking you to kick your own daughter out of the house is pure madness.

[KantSleep]

As soon as I hear a poster state there is little-to-no sex, I think - game over. If you don't desire your partner, what is the point? While there are certainly other critical factors that make for a healthy relationship, to me, sex is a big one. Why? Because the only time I no longer wanted my partner sexually was when I was checking out of the relationship. Why should you enter a marriage contract with a track record of hardly any affection? What will you be to her, a paycheck and a roof and three square a day? Value yourself and what you have offer to a lady. Don't let this shrew wreck the rest of your life. Good luck.