Is "meant to be" really a thing?

[AisforBroken]

I have a love/hate relationship with the idea of "meant to be"... I'm not sure if I believe that any two people are "meant to be" together. I think that we just bump into someone in our lives and click with them and you both decide to be together and stay together. I don't think it's because that person was "supposed to" come into your life, but rather a series of coincidences that ended up working in both of your favors.

 

I think if it HAPPENED, it's easy to say it was "meant to be"... of course it was "meant to be"... because it IS. (does that make sense?)

 

Anyway, I'm asking because... of course I would like to think my ex and I are "meant to be" and that someday, if we're "supposed to" be together, it will happen... that such a nice thought, but that just sounds insane to me. I don't understand what people mean when they say, "Let it go, don't talk to him, and if it's meant to be, you guys will find your way back to each other." Of course, if we ever got back together, we can say it's because it was "meant to be"... but I'm having a hard time with the idea of 'letting it go' and not talking to him and just letting things play out how they're 'supposed to.'

 

On one hand, I can see the argument that if he was ever going to come back, he would no matter what I do (or do not do).

 

But on the other hand, what if there's another girl in his life that's not just "letting it be" and actually DOING something, taking ACTION to get what she wants and she sweeps him off his feet while I'm just sitting by doing nothing?

 

I'm stuck in the middle of:

1. 'leave him alone, let it go, if he really loves you, he'll be back' ("meant to be")

and

2. 'someone else is going to get what you want because you're not trying. you need to remind him of why he loved you. you need to go out and get something if you want it' ("don't let life pass you by, work for what you want")

 

 

I'm at the point where I'm pretty much content knowing that he's more than likely not going to come back and I have no expectations anymore, which is fantastic, but I still have a lot of love for him and I'm 'hoping' he will. I'm hoping that this "meant to be" BS is not BS because I do still feel a strong connection to him - I've just tucked it away in a place that I can cherish it, but not let it control me anymore.

[gebaird]

I don't believe in the idea of "meant to be" -- it's caused a hell of a lot of pain in my life. If I'm actively trying to get back together with someone who is uninterested, that creates pain, too. So somehow I just have to find a balance that allows me to stay open to possibilities but doesn't cause emotional pain. That balance can generally be described as "let it be."

 

The key is to find peace in whatever state you find yourself -- together, apart, or in the gray area between. If something isn't working for you, don't be afraid to try a new approach.

 

It sounds like you've reached a healthy emotional place. I'm glad you are no longer being controlled by expectations that may never be realized. If you do something in the future that jeopardizes your peace (like reaching out and being rejected), do your best to get back to a place of peace as quickly as possible.

[mike7788]

Using rational scientific thought "Meant to be" is completely bonkers and BS.

 

 

 

The quotes "Let them go if you love them, if they come back, they'll be yours forever".

Things like these are made by other humans exactly like you and I probably going through hardships and not from some higher psychic power who is all knowing.

When put like that, it's quite easy to disapprove these sayings.

 

 

What about the people that live there lives without even getting kissed? Soulmates? I think not.

 

Sure people can believe what they want, but from a realistic stand point, no, it doesn't happen.

 

Being with someone isn't like the movies, in fact, doing anything from most romantic movies in real-life and you're sure to have a restraining order.

 

Ground yourself, use rational thought, accept that there isn't always more to a situation and that things happening are just things happening and not part of some grand scheme of your life.

 

This will make you more accepting, give you sharper life/survival skills, and rid you of that false hope.

 

Sure people will disagree with me, but believe what your mind is telling you is reality, and what's just hopeful delusion.

[AisforBroken]

Using rational scientific thought "Meant to be" is completely bonkers and BS.

 

Ground yourself, use rational thought, accept that there isn't always more to a situation and that things happening are just things happening and not part of some grand scheme of your life.

 

This is exactly what I mean... everything that happens/ every conversation we have, part of me thinks "this is all leading up to what is 'supposed' to happen... like there is some bigger meaning behind every decision I make and everything that happens to me... like it's meant to "teach me" something, before I can get what I truly need or want... like "the universe" has a plan for me (or God, or whatever you believe in).... but the other part of me thinks that's absolutely crazy. I guess this is getting into belief and faith, and it comes down to the person, and I'm completely on the fence about it, but I just can't believe that there are 2 people who are "meant to be" together, as much as I want to.....

 

I mean... of course it's leading up to what is 'supposed' to happen, because whatever happens IS going to happen, and all the things that lead up to it will have happened. .. hard to put it into words, but basically, anything that happens in your life, you can say it was "meant to be" or was "supposed to" happen, because IT DID happen... (duh??)

 

 

 

It sounds like you've reached a healthy emotional place. I'm glad you are no longer being controlled by expectations that may never be realized. If you do something in the future that jeopardizes your peace (like reaching out and being rejected), do your best to get back to a place of peace as quickly as possible.

 

I agree... it feels peaceful right now, and doing my best to keep that going, but it is hard to not analyze things, and "let it be". We all want to control our lives, but life doesn't want us to control it. lol.

[Wolfshook]

I do believe in "meant to be" idea. Just that we will never know with who we were meant to be untill we die. What I believe is that as far as we know, we are "meant to be" with just about anyone. There will once be somebody we will be meant to be,you just cannot know who it is now. That's the reason we should get out of abusive relationships and find relationships where we will truly be happy.

 

I know I probably complicated things a bit too much, but watch the movie "Mr. Nobody" I believe it offers good enough explanation on this.

[No1]

There are several ways of looking at this "meant to be".. I think the most common is that one believes that there is 1 singular person out there you were meant to be with. I dont believe that the girl I am meant to be with is currently eating a sandwich in Paris while Im in San Diego, or some hottie is working out in some gym in Gut Cramp, Washington. I am thinking there there are people that you are just not meant to be with and the meter goes up to cant live without. Between those two there are many people that you are 'meant to be's"

So to say there is one all worldly person that you are meant to be with to me is probably a falsehood. But is there someone out there for you? YES.

[Wiseman2]

3) Find the right guy. And that won't happen through ruminating, rationalizing, magical thinking, etc.

 

It will happen when you set up a nice profile and pics on some dating apps and start meeting guys for coffee or join groups or take classes or volunteer,etc. Life is not a puppet show where "something" is pulling the strings. You are the architect of your life and responsible for your own actions.

I'm stuck in the middle of:

1. 'leave him alone, let it go, if he really loves you, he'll be back' ("meant to be")

and

2. 'someone else is going to get what you want because you're not trying. you need to remind him of why he loved you. you need to go out and get something if you want it' ("don't let life pass you by, work for what you want")

[Unreasonable]

Well, I don't believe anything is "meant to be", unless free will is an illusion (which it could very well be, in which case, us talking on this forum was "meant to be" because it couldn't have happened any other way). I like the idea of free will though, so I believe there are thousands, if not millions of people who can be suitable partners out there. Maybe not in our immediate periphery, but they are there.

[AisforBroken]

3) Find the right guy. And that won't happen through ruminating, rationalizing, magical thinking, etc.

 

It will happen when you set up a nice profile and pics on some dating apps and start meeting guys for coffee or join groups or take classes or volunteer,etc. Life is not a puppet show where "something" is pulling the strings. You are the architect of your life and responsible for your own actions.

 

Dating is weird to me. Dating apps are especially weird. It's just awkward. Meeting up with perfect strangers one-on-one... has never really appealed to me. I'm more of a "meet people in a group/ friendly/casual setting, and then if you hit it off or like someone, you can take it outside of the group" kinda girl. Meeting up for a formal date before you have ever seen or met that person puts this weird pressure and awkwardness on the situation... at least that's how it is in my head. Idk. The whole world of dating is foreign to me because I've been in a relationship for so long, but before I was in a relationship, "dating" was always with people I already knew, or had met in the real world, or through a friend, and we liked each other enough to want to "hang out" again, not someone I set up a formal "date" with from a dating page or app... seems so forced.

 

But this is getting a bit off topic now anyway.

 

Obviously there is a 3rd option if I want to move on to someone else... I know that. "Find someone else"... yes, that's also another option.

But this question is about if I'm trying to "get him back" - which is why I posted on the "getting back together" forum.

 

I appreciate your input, but it's not the question I was asking.

[AisforBroken]

I am thinking there there are people that you are just not meant to be with and the meter goes up to cant live without.

 

I liked what you said here. Maybe it's not so much that you're "meant to BE" but that you're not "meant to be WITHOUT"... So when ex's return, it's not that they were 'meant to be' together, maybe, but that they didn't want to be without each other/ "couldn't live without" them.

[Thorto]

You don't have to believe in the "meant to be" BS, but the oposite of "meant to be" is NOT go out there and try with all your strenght and criativity to rekindle things. Letting go is the best strategy to get your ex back, weather "meant to be" is a thing or not.

[Jibralta]

I think "meant to be" is a euphemism for "prison." It keeps you trapped in a belief and prevents you from moving forward.

[notalady]

Both options you listed are flawed, because...the other person plays an equal part in the relationship (or lack thereof). They are supposed to put in the effort too. It's not about you letting go and waiting for him to come back or you trying to get what you want, it's about what the other person is doing too. If the other person isn't trying, if they left you, if they were a crappy partner, if you weren't compatible together, then it's not about whether you want this person or whether you want to let go, it's about, this person is not right for you, go find someone who is.

 

Trust me, with the right guy, you won't have to ask these questions at all.

 

I never believe in getting back together, because a relationship ends for a reason (or multiple reasons). Unless that reason is gone, the break up remains valid and for good reason, and the problem will reappear if you are together again. It's not about trying. It's about just...be together and it just works.

 

Of course all relationships take work, as in to maintain and nurture that connection, to dedicate time and attention to each other, even when there are many distractions in life. It's ongoing maintenance work, not that the relationship needs work because it's not going well in the first place.

 

I don't believe in meant to be, in that I don't believe I'm only meant to be with one person. I just happened to meet this person and we happen to be compatible and happy together, it's a beautiful coincidence, but a coincidence nonetheless.

 

The saying "let him go and if he really loves you, he'll come back" bs was passed around by people when I was in high school. Never heard or read it again, once, after school. Because it's fairy tale excuses that immature minds dream up to lessen the pain of losing someone and helping them let go. Once you've actually let go, you won't care whether they come back anymore. It's just to help you get over those tough moments. Of course, it also detracts people from actually moving on, because their purpose of moving on isn't to actually move on, but in the hopes that this person will realise what a big mistake they made and come back (ie if they come back it's meant to be). It's total bs. Reality, ex's come back all the time, for all kinds of reasons that has nothing to do with love or whether you're "meant to be". They might be lonely, afraid they won't find anyone else, miss the comfort of having someone, miss the old times but done nothing to resolve the issues that were present. Plenty of reasons. But people who believe in this meant to be stuff will think it's for some romantic reason the ex has returned.

 

There is only one scenario where there is some validity to that statement. If you dated the right person but at the wrong time or place, for example you're too young and immature, or if one of you is moving. Or just not in the right place in your life. You let go and genuinely move on, maybe even forget about this person. One day, by chance you reconnect and decide to date again, and this time it is the right place, right time and it works out. Seen it happen to people I know and I know one person on ENA experienced something like that. But I wouldn't say it's meant to be like fate made it happen. But it is the only scenario I can think of that "let it go and he'll come back" actually works.

[catfeeder]

Yes, I use the term in my favor. I find it helpful to relax into the idea that if something is 'meant to be,' life will teach me that, and things will fall into place without any pretzels on my part. This allows me to back off and allow others to step up and show me whether things can work out or not.

 

Deciding prematurely that something is 'meant to be' based on intensity is a mistake. It attempts to force a fit where none really works.

[AisforBroken]

There is only one scenario where there is some validity to that statement. If you dated the right person but at the wrong time or place, for example you're too young and immature, or if one of you is moving. Or just not in the right place in your life. You let go and genuinely move on, maybe even forget about this person. One day, by chance you reconnect and decide to date again, and this time it is the right place, right time and it works out. Seen it happen to people I know and I know one person on ENA experienced something like that. But I wouldn't say it's meant to be like fate made it happen. But it is the only scenario I can think of that "let it go and he'll come back" actually works.

 

My ex was afraid of lifelong commitment. There is no question about it. We loved each other, there was nothing fundamentally wrong with out relationship or with me (contrary to what I told myself for MONTHS leading up to and after the breakup)... the simple and firm truth is that he ran away from the commitment because he was legitimately afraid of the idea of being with one person forever. Will that ever go away? I have no idea. But if it does, that would be the "change" you're talking about.

 

One thing needs to change, and that's his 'fear' of commitment. Maybe it will as he matures and grows up (we've been together since we were kids 18-25), maybe it won't ever change and he will grow into his 40s without ever truly committing to someone, but I just know if that fear was ever addressed, and he 'decided' that commitment wasn't such a bad thing after all, he would definitely look back to me... does that mean we're "meant to be?" I'm not sure... but I do know that when we are good, we're great, we work together, and we could be happy if his 'fear' didn't get in the way.

 

The problem with leaving someone alone that has a fear of commitment is that as soon as you back off, the anxiety subsides (there's no commitment anymore) and they come back, chasing you, full force... but then the cycle repeats... as soon as it gets too close for comfort again, his fear kicks in and he's gone again.

[notalady]

His fear of commitment is him, that's part of who he is. That's his issues internally, developed from whatever past he had. Maybe childhood, maybe past relationships. It's not wrong timing, wrong place (external factors, that does not require someone to change who they are) kind of thing. It's the wrong person.

 

It won't go away, until he recognise the issue and put in the serious work to improve. And most people aren't self aware enough or motivated enough to do that. Its too painful to change who they are, so they just live with it. This is not something within your control. You can either sit there and wait for "maybe one day it will happen" and waste away your life on wishful thinking (because even if he did work on his issues, which will take years, he'll likely meet someone else and become committed to them). Or he keep coming back, backing off, hot and cold, again, you're just wasting your life.

 

Another thing to consider is that he's not commitment phobic, he just doesn't want to commit to you.

 

Either way, you need to be in control of what you do with your life, instead of relying on someone else making that decision, whenever that might be, if it even happens.

[p123]

My ex was afraid of lifelong commitment. There is no question about it. We loved each other, there was nothing fundamentally wrong with out relationship or with me (contrary to what I told myself for MONTHS leading up to and after the breakup)... the simple and firm truth is that he ran away from the commitment because he was legitimately afraid of the idea of being with one person forever. Will that ever go away? I have no idea. But if it does, that would be the "change" you're talking about.

 

One thing needs to change, and that's his 'fear' of commitment. Maybe it will as he matures and grows up (we've been together since we were kids 18-25), maybe it won't ever change and he will grow into his 40s without ever truly committing to someone, but I just know if that fear was ever addressed, and he 'decided' that commitment wasn't such a bad thing after all, he would definitely look back to me... does that mean we're "meant to be?" I'm not sure... but I do know that when we are good, we're great, we work together, and we could be happy if his 'fear' didn't get in the way.

 

The problem with leaving someone alone that has a fear of commitment is that as soon as you back off, the anxiety subsides (there's no commitment anymore) and they come back, chasing you, full force... but then the cycle repeats... as soon as it gets too close for comfort again, his fear kicks in and he's gone again.

 

As notalady says it's part of who he is. I've followed your posts on other threads, and can see clearly the intensity of your feeling is very strong. I feel you must stop searching for answers so much on here, and stop looking for the solution or right idea. It somehow is this thing thinging and you have to come through it and live with that uncertainty as there is no other choice - that is the reality. Whether it is for good or not no one can really say but you need to slowly accept that the best thing you can do is see it that he isn't coming back.

 

I would try not to contact too much as this is keeping you clinging on, stay away from facebook or looking at photos. Your mind won't stop thinking about him, but slowly you get used to the change as the relationship becomes more of a distant past.

 

Hold on to your dignity and love yourself for you were part of that relationship, you must untrain that conditional part of yourself and remember you were something before the relationship and grow with it.

[AisforBroken]

As notalady says it's part of who he is. I've followed your posts on other threads, and can see clearly the intensity of your feeling is very strong. I feel you must stop searching for answers so much on here, and stop looking for the solution or right idea. It somehow is this thing thinging and you have to come through it and live with that uncertainty as there is no other choice - that is the reality. Whether it is for good or not no one can really say but you need to slowly accept that the best thing you can do is see it that he isn't coming back.

 

I would try not to contact too much as this is keeping you clinging on, stay away from facebook or looking at photos. Your mind won't stop thinking about him, but slowly you get used to the change as the relationship becomes more of a distant past.

 

Hold on to your dignity and love yourself for you were part of that relationship, you must untrain that conditional part of yourself and remember you were something before the relationship and grow with it.

 

 

I totally agree. And it's taken me a long time to realize that accepting that it's over for good is the best course of action, no matter what. If you've been following my posts, you know it's been a very tough road for me... to say the LEAST. But I'm getting to a good place. I understand I need to leave it in the past and move on and I'm finally at a place where I think that's possible now. I think it's only human to want answers though - we all want to KNOW, but nobody really knows.

 

I guess the point of this post wasn't to ask if he was going to come back, or if my situation is "meant to be", but what people on here mean when they say "let it go, if it's meant to be, it will be"... because that doesn't really make sense to me. Of course, if he comes back it will be "meant to be"... but wouldn't I be able to say the same thing if I "fought" to get him back and he did too? I understand that letting it go is the best thing to do, but when people say that it'll come back if it's "meant to be", that seems like it's just something people say to say it, and not because it has any actual meaning behind it.... of course if he comes back it was "meant to be" but if it was really "meant to be" then that means no matter what course of action I take, he would be back no matter what. I guess that's what I'm getting at.

 

"Meant to be" to me, sounds like the universe is conspiring to make sure the two of you end up together, and whether you leave it alone, or fight for it, or completely hate him and walk away, that somehow "LIFE" will bring you together, so it doesn't really matter what you do... and that to me just sounds crazy, but it's also a nice thought... because then it doesn't matter what I do... if it was "meant to be" it will be and if it wasn't then it won't.

[IAmFCA]

Short answer to the title of this thread: No, it isn't. Not in the sense that we know what is meant to be. Meant to be implies that we can look off into the future and make that happen. We don't it was meant to be until we look backwards. Said another way: Marriage is a choice, not fate.

 

Longer answer, to your point about fighting for it, isn't that the same thing, etc.:

 

Consider the concept of letting go. Sometimes, we become committed to an outcome in the future. In fact, we become attached to it. We steer towards it without regard to what we are learning along the way.

 

A better choice: Be committed to that outcome. Steer towards it. But do not attach. Let go of it. Completely. It is a thing, far away, on the horizon. You are not holding on to it, you can't, even if you try. You are steering towards something - yes. You are holding on to it - no. This is an important distinction.

 

Because you are not holding on to it, you can change course, and steer towards a different goal. This is essential! Changing course is necessary. We learn as we go, and sometimes what we learn tells us that we are headed in the wrong direction. If we are holding on to a relationship even when it is over, then we are steering towards it regardless of what we learn. That isn't "meant to be". That is "forced to be".

 

Meant to be can only happen if you let go, find your own path, and look up one day to discover that you had drifted into a harbor. that harbor will seem to have been meant to be. OK fine. For how long though? Where we stay, for how long, and how we get there: all of that is a choice.

 

Commit to your path, to learning along the way, and changing your path accordingly. That is the best you can do for yourself. In fact, that simple act is the most faith in yourself you can express, and will make you extraordinary because there is only one of you. YOU were meant to be. Will you let yourself happen?

[AisforBroken]

Because you are not holding on to it, you can change course, and steer towards a different goal. This is essential! Changing course is necessary. We learn as we go, and sometimes what we learn tells us that we are headed in the wrong direction. If we are holding on to a relationship even when it is over, then we are steering towards it regardless of what we learn. That isn't "meant to be". That is "forced to be".

 

Meant to be can only happen if you let go, find your own path, and look up one day to discover that you had drifted into a harbor. that harbor will seem to have been meant to be. OK fine. For how long though? Where we stay, for how long, and how we get there: all of that is a choice.

 

For the sake of argument, and not necessarily because I don't agree with what you're saying: Can you not hold onto something and still learn from it? Can you not still end up in the harbor you were 'meant' to end up in, even if you are driving yourself towards it instead of drifting?

 

I'm on board with the whole "let life happen/ enjoy the ride" lifestyle, but I'm also on board with the whole "grab life by the horns/ go for what you want" lifestyle. If something is "meant to be", I feel like that means you'll get there no matter what, whether you try or whether you let it go. By that reasoning, I guess it would make more sense to just let it happen, rather than trying to control it... but it wouldn't matter either way by this reasoning, right?

 

lol. This is getting kinda philosophical and not so much relationship-ey, but I guess I'm just trying to say that the advice I'm getting to "let it be, if it's meant to be, it will be" is basically the same thing as saying "go ahead and try to win him back, if it's meant to be, it will be"... because if it was "meant to be" it would happen either way, right??

[p123]

For the sake of argument, and not necessarily because I don't agree with what you're saying: Can you not hold onto something and still learn from it? Can you not still end up in the harbor you were 'meant' to end up in, even if you are driving yourself towards it instead of drifting?

 

I'm on board with the whole "let life happen/ enjoy the ride" lifestyle, but I'm also on board with the whole "grab life by the horns/ go for what you want" lifestyle. If something is "meant to be", I feel like that means you'll get there no matter what, whether you try or whether you let it go. By that reasoning, I guess it would make more sense to just let it happen, rather than trying to control it... but it wouldn't matter either way by this reasoning, right?

 

lol. This is getting kinda philosophical and not so much relationship-ey, but I guess I'm just trying to say that the advice I'm getting to "let it be, if it's meant to be, it will be" is basically the same thing as saying "go ahead and try to win him back, if it's meant to be, it will be"... because if it was "meant to be" it would happen either way, right??

 

Cutting out the abstract as it's not helpful. You keep putting your energy into winning someone back who appears unwilling is a waste of time and hurting yourself along the way.

 

I understand looking for answers, but these things aren't close to mathematical laws. I understand your feeling somewhat as I am going through something similar, and it is horrible. However as time goes by, I am feeling like the relationship is shedding it's skin naturally even though I think about it a lot.

 

Try try and try again to imagine being in a relationship where you felt that this person wasn't right, so you let go of it. Then imagine this person you let go of messaging you constantly and explaining to you how it was perfect. You won't be changed by it as it's just a feeling that you have - and you will grow resistant to that person trying to tell you that you are objectively meant to be, it wouldn't work as those are not the terms that are dictating the field of play; the subjective perception of the other is being mistaken for an objective truth.

 

These terms will help the reality sink in, as that is how it is right now. This is why letting go is important, as for it to actually work - they have to want you organically, and not through force. If they were with you for 7 years, they get who you are and you must let go.

 

See it as being for the best, although the best feels worse than the past, as in the present you don't want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't want to be with you at all. It doesn't need to all be so bleak, this allows for new opportunities and growth outside of what was happening in your relationship!

 

Most importantly, as I said having followed your posts, and this is coming from the perspective of someone who relates very closely to your feelings as I miss my ex a great deal and think of her all the time, this holding on to someone who has let go - unfortunately shows that you have become incredibly dependent, and this is something which shall never lead to contentment. Despite it being the biggest mountain you feel you've ever had to climb, understand that genuinely you will get to a better place for understanding that it is something you need to do. For if you want them back, a future relationship can never exist upon a one-sided dependency, they certainly won't want you back in that circumstance.

 

This is the start of the road to confidence and being who you need to be to live a fulfilled life!

[Wiseman2]

Agree.

I think "meant to be" is a euphemism for "prison." It keeps you trapped in a belief and prevents you from moving forward.

 

"Magical thinking is a term used in anthropology and psychology, denoting the fallacious attribution of causal relationships between actions and events. In psychology, the entities between which a causal relation has to be posited are more strictly delineated; here it denotes the belief that one's thoughts by themselves can bring about effects in the world or that thinking something corresponds with doing it. In both cases, the belief can cause a person to experience fear, seemingly not rationally justifiable to an observer outside the belief system, of performing certain acts or having certain thoughts because of an assumed correlation between doing so and threatening calamities"

[p123]

Agree.

 

"Magical thinking is a term used in anthropology and psychology, denoting the fallacious attribution of causal relationships between actions and events. In psychology, the entities between which a causal relation has to be posited are more strictly delineated; here it denotes the belief that one's thoughts by themselves can bring about effects in the world or that thinking something corresponds with doing it. In both cases, the belief can cause a person to experience fear, seemingly not rationally justifiable to an observer outside the belief system, of performing certain acts or having certain thoughts because of an assumed correlation between doing so and threatening calamities"

 

Further to this:

 

syllogism

ˈsɪlədʒɪz(ə m/

noun

noun: syllogism; plural noun: syllogisms

 

an instance of a form of reasoning in which a conclusion is drawn from two given or assumed propositions (premises); a common or middle term is present in the two premises but not in the conclusion, which may be invalid (e.g. all dogs are animals; all animals have four legs; therefore all dogs have four legs ).

[AisforBroken]

See it as being for the best, although the best feels worse than the past, as in the present you don't want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't want to be with you at all. It doesn't need to all be so bleak, this allows for new opportunities and growth outside of what was happening in your relationship!

 

Most importantly, as I said having followed your posts, and this is coming from the perspective of someone who relates very closely to your feelings as I miss my ex a great deal and think of her all the time, this holding on to someone who has let go - unfortunately shows that you have become incredibly dependent, and this is something which shall never lead to contentment. Despite it being the biggest mountain you feel you've ever had to climb, understand that genuinely you will get to a better place for understanding that it is something you need to do. For if you want them back, a future relationship can never exist upon a one-sided dependency, they certainly won't want you back in that circumstance.

 

This is the start of the road to confidence and being who you need to be to live a fulfilled life!

 

Thank you, I appreciate your response. Truly, I do see it as an opportunity for growth, and I absolutely realize that I had dependency issues. I didn't even know what that was until after the breakup, when I was doing research though... so I understand I need to detach myself from him. I'm in a good place - definitely not fully over the idea of getting back together, clearly, but I'm starting to see possibilities elsewhere, which I never thought I would. I appreciate that you understand what I'm gong through as well - that's why I come here after all.

 

I wasn't trying to imply that I think my ex and I are "meant to be" together (although there was a long time post-break that I did think that) - I was just wondering what in the world people mean when they say, "Let him go, move on, if it's meant to be, he will be back." I think that would be the most authentic way to know for sure that we were 'supposed' to be together - if I "let him go" and "let him" come back on his own, at least I would know it was real... but I also think it could just be sure coincidence that maybe he just didn't meet anyone else he connected with in that time and he got lonely. You can never really know for sure.

[AisforBroken]

... here it denotes the belief that one's thoughts by themselves can bring about effects in the world or that thinking something corresponds with doing it.

 

The "Law of Attraction" defined. haha