Girlfriend is choosing friends over me, her significant other

[beantts]

Ok, a little background information first: My gf and I have been dating for 8 months now. I'm a junior in high school (please don't judge the relationship because of my age) and my girlfriend recently started her freshman year at college. We started dating when I was a sophomore and she was a senior, and we got to see each other every day. We also wanted to see each other every day, unlike now where she doesn't try to see me, or even call me for that matter. Then college began. She didn't have any really good friends besides her twin sister in high school. But in college, she has several friends. Some of them are even guys, which upsets me. She invited one of the guys to drive alone with her while they went to vote, and now that guy insults me over facebook, calling me a , because he says I'm disrespecting my gf by telling her that she shouldn't be hanging out with other guys alone. Because of our schedules, we can only see each other during the weekend. But she insists that she should only see me on Friday nights / Saturday mornings. She chooses to go back to the college which is 40 minutes away to see her friends than just spend more time with me, even though we only get the weekends together, and she gets the weeks with her friends on top of Saturday nights and Sunday. She'd also rather hang out with her friends than Skype me. I've told her that I feel like I don't really matter to her and that I don't feel special to her because she wants to spend time with her friends instead of me. She just says "I'm sorry" all the time but doesn't change anything. I've been rapidly looking through other threads, and I decided it was best to write my own. I really want the opinions of others in this situation.

[Coily]

You both are at different points in your lives. She is experiencing a brand new world full of personal freedom she had not yet known, she is changing and you will experience the same. The best guidance I can give you is to let her go and let her grow, it's going to suck hard, but if you care for her you know that she has to go it alone.

[burlesquebeaut]

She's moving on. I know it's hard, but this happens so often when one person is away in college and the other is still in HS. Your life and experiences change when you move away, and she's obviously enjoying the newfound freedom. It's nothing you did' it's a normal part of life.

 

Just tell her you are unhappy (you clearly are) and end it.

 

 

Sidenote: never tell a girl she 'shouldn't be hanging out with other guys alone'... it's immature... and shows you have no trust in her and her decision making abilities.

[agent1607307371]

You're in different life stages and she's enjoying college. You are way down her list of priorities, and honestly, you can break up with her now, or have her do it soon.

[Doc Blaze]

This describes your gf and what a lot of college students go through

 

Fear of missing out or FoMO is "a pervasive apprehension that others might be having rewarding experiences from which one is absent". This social angst is characterized by "a desire to stay continually connected with what others are doing".

 

 

Its not a bad thing but if your in a relationship especially not on campus with her it could end badly for you. I don't think she is trying to purposely hurt you but its not going to end well for you. Also when you start saying stuff about her having guy friends etc, its only going to go down hill. you wont win that battle. But you don't have to stay with someone who isn't showing you interest either. I know its easier said than done.

 

 

Your gf is experiencing a new life style and taking advance if it. You said she never had any friends so all these new friends are something she hasn't experienced

 

 

I see both sides, but you guys just are meshing right now. 2 different points of life

[Snny]

We started dating when I was a sophomore and she was a senior, and we got to see each other every day. We also wanted to see each other every day, unlike now where she doesn't try to see me, or even call me for that matter.

Welcome to the life of a college student, whern your studies take so much of your personal time compared to high school. After midterms is the most busiest time to finish of the college semester.

 

She didn't have any really good friends besides her twin sister in high school.

How come?

 

But in college, she has several friends. Some of them are even guys, which upsets me.

What's the problem with her being friends with men? And I'm sorry, but you can't pick her friends.

 

She invited one of the guys to drive alone with her while they went to vote, and now that guy insults me over facebook, calling me a , because he says I'm disrespecting my gf by telling her that she shouldn't be hanging out with other guys alone.

What transpired this friend to actively seek you out over social media and have the audacity to tell YOU about your girlfriend's relationship boundaries? Did you start this or did your girlfriend? I feel like you are skipping some important information here.

 

And also, that friend is the one who is being disrespectful to your girlfriend's relationship with you. It's not his place to confront you over a relationship boundary (and honestly I would feel this guy is a threat to your relationship by him telling YOUR GIRLFRIEND what to do). Then again, how did he find out about the boundary? Who told him?

 

Because of our schedules, we can only see each other during the weekend. But she insists that she should only see me on Friday nights / Saturday mornings. She chooses to go back to the college which is 40 minutes away

That's lucky. I was 3 hours away from my husband (bf at the time) when I transferred to another college. But just because she has a weekend doesn't mean she is required to spend it with you. And I strongly doubt she spends every weekend of it with you and her friends or she is on a fast track on academic probabtion/flunking out of school after the semester. She needs time to her studies (or she might be doing work with her classmates).

 

 

Like previous posters said, she's growing apart and this is very typical for people who go off to college. If she can't put in time to the relationship with you then it's time to break it off.

[Snny]

Side Note: never tell a girl she 'shouldn't be hanging out with other guys alone'... it's immature... and shows you have no trust in her and her decision making abilities.

How do you know he told her? The OP only mentioned that he gets upset about it. We don't have that kind of information yet.

[catfeeder]

How active is your social life, and how much time do you spend with your friends?

 

I've told her that I feel like I don't really matter to her and that I don't feel special to her because she wants to spend time with her friends instead of me.

 

I wouldn't keep playing this tune, or it will get you dumped. GF is discovering a whole new social life and either you can support her and encourage her to do this while you cultivate a social life of your own, or you'll be left behind.

 

High school and college are the foundational opportunities we have to form friendships and learn how to socialize. Some people dive in and make the most of it, while others duck out on it and cocoon inside a protective bubble of one friend or two. That cocoon falls apart when one of those friends wants to branch out and be more inclusive of others in their life. That's not a betrayal, it's natural.

 

The best way to handle this is to follow suit and build your own social life. Otherwise, you become needy and demanding, while GF is drawn to more active and healthy pursuits. Most young relationships don't survive because of these differences. So I'd skip making it a difference, and I'd expand the social side of this time in my life while GF expands hers. The more difficult you make that for her, the faster you'll push her away.

 

Head high, and consider playing this out more wisely.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately you are in very different environments and places in life right now and that is causing a fork in the road.

 

It may be best to get your freedom back rather than worry about who her new friends are there and what she's doing etc.

O I'm a junior in high school and my girlfriend recently started her freshman year at college. But in college, she has several friends. Some of them are even guys, which upsets me.

[beantts]

Well, last night she broke up with me. She admitted that she doesn't respect me and she said I was too controlling, which I also admitted. It was kinda mutual, because after she said it I agreed, but I kinda broke down when she changed her status to single on Facebook. This is gonna be a difficult month...

[catfeeder]

Well, last night she broke up with me. She admitted that she doesn't respect me and she said I was too controlling, which I also admitted. It was kinda mutual, because after she said it I agreed, but I kinda broke down when she changed her status to single on Facebook. This is gonna be a difficult month...

 

I'm sorry to hear that. You get to decide exactly how difficult it needs to be.

 

Write more if it helps, and head high.

[beantts]

I'm thinking about trying to get back together with her. This is because I did send some awfully rude text messages to her and she was always far more calm about them, which is why she lost respect for me. After the break up I feel like I'm much more mature than I've ever been and I was being childish before, and I feel I can earn her respect back and stop being so controlling. But I also know that I may only be thinking this because I miss her, and trying to get back with her might be the worst option. I'm leaning towards trying to get back with her though. What do you guys think?

[Coily]

Don't try to get back together, it will just cause more angst and frustration for you both. Apologise for any harsh words on your part, and move on. Take this break up as a way to learn about yourself and your interactions in a relationship, but the worst thing you can do is grasp at the strings of the past and unravel your future.

[Doc Blaze]

there is nothing you can do. sadly she is calm about it because she probably doesn't care that much because she has made her decision.

 

i would recommend going your own way for good but if you were set on trying, i would let her contact you and come back to you.

you need to let her be. you will probably end up pushing her farther away if you keep in contact with her or getting hurt worse.

[awmd]

Trying to get back together is just going to delay your recovery time. Cut contact all together and move on. Life will go on and you'll find someone else. I'd bet it's safe to say everyone on this forum has gone through something very similar I know I did. It sucks for a little while but you'll get over it.

[agent1607307371]

She's not going to take you back OP. The best thing to do is focus on yourself and school and being with your friends. You'll be going to college soon enough, and you'll get it then.

[beantts]

Idk guys, the fact is I know I was overcontrolling which is what caused her to lose affection for me. Also, we had each other on our profile pics on FB, and when I changed mine she liked it and she liked my instagram pic... Idk what's happening

[boltnrun]

Why do young people place so much importance on "likes" on social media???

 

She probably thought they were nice pictures. It doesn't mean "I want to get back together!!"

 

If that was really what it meant, there are an awful lot of people who want to be in a relationship with me on my friends list.

[Snny]

This is gonna be a difficult month...

It will be difficult if you let it.

 

You have nearly a year and a half of high school left. This is the time to really mingle with some classmates because your time with them is going to cut short once you all graduate (and you just learned this the very hard way).

 

Hold your head high.

 

I'm thinking about trying to get back together with her. This is because I did send some awfully rude text messages to her and she was always far more calm about them, which is why she lost respect for me. After the break up I feel like I'm much more mature than I've ever been and I was being childish before, and I feel I can earn her respect back and stop being so controlling.

Sometimes... you can't always fix things that are broken. And you smashed trust... to each of their own.

 

Unfortunately this is a hard lesson you will learn and have to walk away with. Repairing trust is extremely difficult.

[MissCanuck]

OP, she's in a different chapter of her life now. The difference between high school and college is significant, and many relationships just don't survive it. That is especially true when one person is still in high school.

 

Maybe you trying to control her, and of course that didn't help matters. But I also think she was simply losing interest, now that she's in a new place surrounded by new people and new opportunities. The odds of this working out were slim.